Hyperemesis Gravidarum Story – Michele Akester-Marsh

Today, we have a real life story from Michele Akester-Marsh about struggling with Hyperemesis Gravidarum (HG).

Here is a little information about Hyperemesis Gravidarum, before we move on to her story.

About Hyperemesis Gravidarum

Hyperemesis Gravidarum (HG) is a condition at the extreme end of the pregnancy sickness spectrum. It affects 1% of women with pregnancy sickness and is very debilitating for sufferers. It is important that you seek medical advice if you are unable to keep any food or fluids down as you can become dehydrated very quickly when suffering with HG (pregnancysicknesssupport.org.uk, 2014).

You can also access the pregnancy sickness support website for more information and support.

 

Hyperemesis Gravidarum Pregnancy & Birth Story: “Defeated to empowered – it’s a choice” By Michele Akester-Marsh

 [Trigger warning: Hyperemesis Gravidarum]

 Before reading this, please remember that this is MY story… not yours. You have or will have your own, unique pregnancy & birth story. We all do. The reason for sharing my story is not to instil fear… it’s quite the opposite. My desire for you is to learn from my experiences & to feel empowered through my choices.

 

Let’s begin!

 My first pregnancy was horrendous due to 30 weeks of undiagnosed Hyperemesis Gravidarum (HG), which is severe pregnancy sickness. My birth was far from an empowered experience because I was emotionally & physically exhausted after being so ill. Consequently, my pregnancy & birth caused a negative impact on my post-natal journey, which wasn’t all bad but in hindsight there was huge opportunity for improvement.

 That said, I’m so excited to share my story with you! You see, I made a life-changing decision during my second pregnancy to not be defeated by HG again. This decision changed my second pregnancy, birth & life ever since. The best bit is that my choice has also changed the lives of my 2 boys too!

 It’s important to say that my first pregnancy was so traumatic that I was adamant we’d never have another baby! My husband & I agreed that we’d adopt or become foster carers as there was no way I could face going through it all again.

The First Pregnancy

When we had our first positive pregnancy test, my husband & I were over the moon! However, shortly afterwards, our world turned upside down. I honestly don’t know how I got through the days & nights of HG. It was absolutely debilitating, it affected everything in my daily life, it made me feel inhuman, miserable & a whole array of other depressing emotions & feelings of unworthiness.

Severe Nausea and Vomiting

Each morning I dragged myself out of bed, I couldn’t function at work (I had a full-time office job), I dashed out of many work meetings, I spent my evenings on the bathroom floor & had to close my part-time holistic therapy business. I couldn’t eat, the thought & smell of food made me sick. I also had excruciating heart burn & digestive issues.

 The emotional challenges were intense. I remember sobbing one evening, worrying about whether I’d even love our baby because I felt so ill. I was exhausted, & yet I continued to push myself, considering myself unlucky to still have “morning sickness”, & telling myself “I’m only pregnant – women are pregnant all the time”. The more I pushed myself, the worse I became.

 I now know that persistent sickness, malnutrition & dehydration is a serious pregnancy complication. But at the time my midwife didn’t seem concerned about the sickness or the limited diet I was eating (although my husband was & queried it with her), & the doctor wasn’t bothered about the cause of my digestive issues & gave me medication.

The Beginning of the Birth

 Fast forward to my birth & our incredible son decided to make an appearance on his “due date” (only 5% of babies are born on their due date)! I had in my head a beautiful, relaxed homebirth & everything started off wonderfully. The midwife sprinkled lavender essential oil around my home, made me crumpets that I was craving & was extremely caring. My husband was an amazingly supportive birth partner & he’d been incredibly understanding throughout my pregnancy. I was having a lovely time…

 Until the midwife examined me hours later & I hadn’t progressed.

The Progression Stopped

Our baby was spinning around & not making his way down the birth canal. Another few hours & there was still no change.

 I was anxious & confused as to why nothing was happening & upset that I couldn’t give birth. The midwife was concerned about our baby’s heart rate & my energy levels so I was carted to hospital in an ambulance, which was the worst journey of my life because being strapped to a trolley during contractions is insanely painful.

An Unpleasant Hospital Experience..

 At hospital I was pumped full of hormones, strapped to a monitor & told I had to stay on the bed because the monitor lead didn’t stretch far enough for me to walk around or bounce on a ball, even though my instincts were screaming at me to keep moving.

 I had multiple medics taking my blood at various intervals & I had a room full of people. I don’t even know who they were or what they were doing but I know some were students. On numerous occasions I was examined & told things still hadn’t progressed enough & to give it another couple of hours before my next examination. Each time I was told that, sheer panic raced through my body.

I was overheating as the heating was on full blast & couldn’t be turned off, I was violently sick again. For several hours, I felt like a prisoner in a boiling hot, sterile & inhospitable room with no way out.

Our Baby Boy Arrived!

Eventually our baby boy arrived, I was stitched up & discharged only a couple of hours later.

 Talk about a conveyor belt! I was utterly shellshocked, exhausted & dazed, although I have to admit that it was wonderful to be back in my own bed! The best thing about my birth was the delicious hot toast & sugary tea I was served when our baby had safely arrived! Everything else about my birthing experience was totally different from how I’d imagined it would be, & it all felt way beyond my control.

 I was stressed, exhausted & riding a rollercoaster of emotions when I became a mother for the first time. However, I loved being a mummy to our gorgeous baby boy & remember describing it as “the best & the hardest job in the world!” I loved him so much from the moment I saw him.

5 Months Post Birth – Diagnosed with Post Natal Depression

 I was doing great until reality hit when our baby was 5 months old. I was still exhausted, struggled with my new identity & loss of independence. My Health Visitor recognised that I was suffering with post-natal depression. This made me feel like I was failing our son, made me feel guilty about everything & as a result I booked my diary solid to mask my emotions. We rushed here & there, never giving myself chance to recuperate or make home my safe haven.

However, thankfully I had a very supportive husband & a caring Health Visitor. She taught me how to use positive affirmations. I also booked myself onto a yoga day. Slowly but surely, day by day, I found myself again, settled into my new role & home became a place where I love to be with my family!

3 Years On: Pregnant with Baby Number 2!

We decided to try for a second baby- 3 years later after moving into a new home with potential for modernisation. We’ve since turned a 2-bed into a 4-bed after some major renovations!

 I fell pregnant quickly. I instinctively knew I was pregnant because I was suffering with severe headaches & was suddenly exhausted. A couple of days after the initial excitement of another positive pregnancy test, the HG kicked in again. This time was different… I had our 3-year-old to look after.

Severe Sickness…Telling My Boss the Pregnancy News

 I was severely sick. I couldn’t eat again & I couldn’t even brush my teeth or have a shower without being sick. Again, I spent my evenings in the bathroom & hardly saw my husband.

 I was working part-time 3 days a week & I decided to tell my boss when I was 6-weeks pregnant, before we’d told any of our family, simply because I sat next to him & there was no way I could have kept it hidden. After all, I was disappearing to the bathroom multiple times a day & it made it so much easier when I needed to run out of meetings!

Telling my boss felt empowering & it took immense pressure off me having to try to hide it, which would have made me feel anxious & consequently more ill.

I loved my job & took so much pride in my work. With the office knowing, it meant I could continue working to the best of my current ability without feeling I was letting anyone down or feeling guilty because I kept disappearing. They knew why & trusted I’d get things done, which I did!

Plus, I was eating random things at random times to stave off the nausea. I was eating things very out of character, as I’m normally a healthy grazer, & so I didn’t have to explain this either!

My colleagues were really good at keeping me distracted from feeling inhuman & keeping my spirits high. It was my days off work that were actually the hardest because I was looking after our 3-year old & I had holistic therapy clients booked in the evenings for my part-time business.

Exhaustion and Sickness (HG)

I spent many days curled up in a heap on the bathroom floor, due to sheer exhaustion & fear of moving away from the toilet. I was even scared to leave the house for too long.

However, our eldest son became my beacon of light. He used to rub my back or sit & cuddle me, or he’d sit & watch television. He watched an insane amount of television during my pregnancy but he was quiet & calm, probably learning something, & most importantly I knew he was safe.

Our afternoons comprised of sleeping so I knew I’d be able to get through an hour’s therapy treatment… somehow! It was pure faith & yes, I was ill after every client!

 Our son used to nap with me or I’d put a film on for him. I explained to him how I was feeling & he got it. He was absolutely incredible. Although I wasn’t being a super fun mum, I knew I was doing the best I could considering the circumstances because our son was getting so many cuddles in bed or on the sofa. He knew he was deeply loved. We needed each other mutually & my pregnancy experience brought us closer.

16 Weeks of Severe Hyperemesis Gravidarum

 In this pregnancy, my HG lasted 16 weeks. This is still an incredibly long time to have relentless sickness… 4-months of non-stop nausea, vomiting, exhaustion & malnutrition. Most people struggle through just a few days of a sickness bug.

This time I knew about anti-emetic (anti-sickness) medication which may help in treating Hyperemesis Gravidarum and its severe symptoms. However, when I begged my midwife at 8-weeks pregnant to prescribe them, she told me it would pass. This is sadly a common response and many pregnant women go without pregnancy sickness support.

If only I’d have been prescribed them, it would have enabled me to eat & drink more normally. With better nourishment, it would have helped break the cycle of nausea & sickness because my body wasn’t depleted & living in survival mode.

Instead, I had to figure out the best way to survive by myself. I had to be my biggest cheerleader & empower myself through. I had no idea how long HG would ruin me for this time but the thought of another 30-week stint was terrifying.

My first pregnancy & birth experience was not something I wanted to repeat. I desired to look back at my second pregnancy with pride & happy memories & positive emotions. I desired to birth my baby feeling calm & fully present, to trust my body to do what it was made to do, to trust my baby to do what he needed to do (my teammate on this journey!)

I didn’t want to start motherhood with our second baby feeling defeated & traumatised. I desired to feel like I knew myself, to feel bonded with our baby, to feel like a wonderful mum to our 2 boys.

 

So what did I do to make this reality during my Second Pregnancy?

The short answer is that I was kind to myself during my second pregnancy.

I rested when I needed to in the daytime, I didn’t beat myself up if I missed a deadline at work because I knew it would get done asap, I didn’t feel guilty because the housework wasn’t tiptop, I didn’t feel guilty because our eldest watched loads of television & didn’t go out much because I knew he was happy.

I went to bed as early as possible & every night my husband rubbed cream into my tummy to help the stretch marks & to help him feel involved & bond with our baby. It was such a relaxing ritual for me too! Once in bed, I’d listen to meditations & drift off into a deep sleep. As a result, I slept much better during this pregnancy.

During the daytime I tried to do some gentle yoga when I could… nothing strenuous & even 5-minutes made me feel uplifted. If my son & I went out, I’d take him out scooting & the fresh air & being in nature helped me. On my working days, I’d go for a walk during my lunch breaks to reset myself.

 I decided that I would not be defeated by HG a second time. The way I did this was to try to make myself feel as good as possible. Yes, my pregnancy was horrendous at times but by accepting & surrendering to what was happening, it felt easier somehow. By acknowledging that it was happening to me (again) because my body was growing a miracle, I was able to stay focussed on the outcome & what this meant for me & my family.

Overcoming Hyperemesis Gravidarum Through Self Care

 I am a Holistic Therapist with almost 20 years of experience of relaxing & empowering people, including pregnant women & new mums, & it was my time to truly connect with this wealth of wisdom for the benefit of myself & my family.

Self-care & self-love… these are things that we have been conditioned to push aside throughout the generations. Things that we’re taught from a young age are selfish & self-absorbed & that we should feel guilty about.

I know that the kinder I was to myself, the stronger I felt within my body & mind. I wholeheartedly believe that this propelled me through & actually improved my HG symptoms. I believe that I broke the cycle of sickness.

This meant that I was in an amazing place to cherish the rest of my pregnancy. I went to my sister’s hen party & wedding & I felt like a Pregnant Goddess. I felt beautiful… which was something totally alien in my first pregnancy & birth! I would never have been able to attend social events during my first pregnancy.

I chose to work an extra day a week because I had the energy & no longer felt so ill. My son & I enjoyed longer walks together, & I generally felt like I was winning.

Going Into Labour With Our Second..

When it came to my second birth, I enjoyed the experience because I was in such a calm & serene state of mind after practising my mindfulness, meditation & holistic self-care.

It started at 2am the night I’d gone to bed saying to my husband, “I don’t think this baby’s ever going to come!”. I was 6 days over my due date (which I know now is only a rough estimate). I decided to leave my husband asleep in bed & I got up. I spent my time in between contractions emptying the dishwasher as quietly as I could & deep breathing to keep myself calm.

When my husband’s alarm went off at 6am I told him to phone work to say he was starting his paternity leave. I phoned my Mum to say that we finally needed her to collect our eldest & take him to nursery. I told her not to rush as I’d promised him pancakes for breakfast & then I got busy making them in between contractions!

My homebirth midwife arrived at 7am & connected me to my TENS machine. Up until then I squatted down & practised deep breathing, while holding a kitchen chair for support during my contractions. This included during my pancake making with our son. It didn’t feel strange he was there, it felt perfectly natural & he could see how calm I felt.

At 8am the midwife handed over to another one & I could hear her saying how I was much further along than I was letting on & that I was coping wonderfully! When my waters finally broke it took me completely by surprise & I was mid-contraction enjoying my mindful Golden Thread breath.

A Door Delivery and the Arrival of Our Second Baby

A really funny story is that I took a phone call in between contractions at 9.50am from a delivery man saying he’d be delivering our new doors, for our house renovations. I remember feeling perfectly in control during the call. He arrived & my husband went to help him, although the midwife had to get him to tell him that the baby’s really close & he should come back. The delivery man was shocked I was having a baby when he’d only spoken to me a short time earlier!

During the door delivery was the only time I felt panicked as I couldn’t get off the toilet due to a powerful contraction & I was worried our baby would be born on the toilet! At this point I switched to gas & air, managed to get to my birthing ball & our gorgeous son was born only 5 minutes after the delivery man left. The midwife laughed that I’d been holding on for him to leave!

From start to finish my experience was only 8 hours, a third less time than my first birth. It was absolutely wonderful being at home in our own environment, with my Clary Sage burning, even though I’d given birth in a nest in our lounge, amongst floor to ceiling boxes from our loft due to the renovations!

Enjoying Motherhood

Motherhood felt like a breeze, even when our new baby boy sounded like a squeaky dog toy during his first night & couldn’t breathe. I instinctively knew to practice baby massage on him to clear his sinuses & this probably saved us a call to 999. A couple of days after my birth I remember feeling an intense rush of contentment, like my life was complete.

I look back at my second pregnancy & birth with so much pride & fondness about how much I empowered myself for a positive experience. I wouldn’t change anything about my journey (although less sickness would have been nice, but this was out of my control as HG is genetic).

I look back at my first pregnancy with what used to feel like regret. I’ve worked through the guilt & remorse & now I look back in hindsight, full of knowing about what I’d do differently if I had to do it again.

How My Self Care Journey Helped to Benefit Me, and Those Around Me

I’ve continued on my journey of self-love & self-care ever since & I honestly feel that it’s made me a better mother. By showing up for myself, first & foremost, I believe it creates a more harmonious household, improves relationships all around me, & my confidence has grown from strength to strength. Plus, with this mindset, my husband & I are role modelling love & kindness to our boys so they can integrate this into their daily lives. They are incredible, intelligent & kind-hearted boys.

I believe there is so much you can do during pregnancy to prepare physically, emotionally & spiritually for birth & motherhood. There are many self-care techniques you could practice such as mindfulness & meditation, journaling, dancing, singing, yoga, exercise, regular massage or treatments, or whatever feels good to you.

There’s lots of talk about 4th trimester & coming to terms with motherhood after your baby’s born. However, in my mind prevention is far better than having to find a cure. It makes more sense to learn how to feel calm, confident & connected to yourself & baby during pregnancy. Doing so means you have a range of self-care tools embedded within you that you can use when things feel overwhelming during pregnancy, birth & motherhood, & to help you accept all the things that are out of your control.

And above all else, wherever you are in your motherhood journey, remember you’re always doing the very best you know how. Oh, & remember that it’s ok to ask for help!

Sending you so much love & light for your journey.  

 

DISCLAIMER: This article is NOT intended as a substitute for the medical care that pregnant women with HG may require. Always seek medical attention when necessary.

 

Michele Akester-Marsh, Intuitive Pregnancy Coach

FB/IG: @michele.akestermarsh

hello@micheleakester-marsh.com

Michele Akester-Marsh is an Intuitive Pregnancy Coach with a vision to create a ripple effect of more love & kindness in the world. This starts with unconditional self-love & holistic self-care rituals during pregnancy so you trust your instincts, bond deeply with your unborn baby & are emotionally prepared for motherhood (even if this isn’t your first baby). Michele believes that motherhood starts during pregnancy & that your pregnancy choices today define your baby’s tomorrow. You’re invited to download her free gift to you, “The Pregnant Goddess Playbook: 7 secrets for blossoming into the mother you dream of being” at www.micheleakester-marsh.com/pregnantgoddess.

 

Sources

PregnancySicknessSupport.org.uk (2014) What is Hyperemesis Gravidarum? [Online] Available at <https://www.pregnancysicknesssupport.org.uk/what-is-hyperemesis-gravidarum/>