Abuse During Pregnancy

Carla (00:00.706)

Hello everybody and welcome to 50 Shades of Motherhood, raw, uncensored mum chats, where we talk about all the different things around motherhood. And today I’ve got my lovely friend, Claudia, on this podcast. So hello, Claudia. How are you?

Claudia Woodford (00:18.269)

Hi. Oh, I’m excited. This afternoon, I was on my way back home. I was listening to previous episodes of the podcast. And so I’m really excited to be here and to have a chat with everybody.

Carla (00:32.942)

I’m so excited to have you on here. Now your story, I mean, we will go into this in later detail, but I just want to add a trigger warning at the beginning of this episode, because we might touch on some very sensitive subjects around how you’ve struggled with your mental health and, you know, a possible suicide talk at some points, okay? So, Claudia, we have been friends now.

Really, I feel like I’ve known Claudia forever, but we actually met at an event recently, didn’t we? And we loved it, and we’ve just stayed in touch ever since, haven’t we?

Claudia Woodford (01:10.377)

Literally every day. I don’t think there’s been a day go past since then that we haven’t been in touch.

Carla (01:16.318)

I know, I know it’s lovely. It’s lovely. Honestly, I love it. So, so Claudia, tell us a little bit about what you do at the moment and how you can help people on your business journey.

Claudia Woodford (01:30.041)

Yeah, so I am a self-love and empowerment coach and I predominantly support mums because that resonates with me in this time of life, but I will support anyone to be honest. And regardless of how you identify, what your sexuality is, what your background, because I think that everyone deserves access to support and I think it can be so lonely being a mum, but just life is lonely these days.

isn’t it? And it can be really hard to find.

Carla (01:59.018)

Yeah, it really is. It is. And I think since COVID…

Carla (02:07.394)

Sorry, I think I missed you talking then for a second and then I started talking, so sorry. Yeah, so yeah, I’ll start this bit again. So, in fact, you know what Claudia, I might leave the after bit to after so then you can talk about why you are where you are. Is that all right? I might just start again. I’m gonna start again, is that all right? Right.

Claudia Woodford (02:11.741)

Okay, don’t worry. Let’s start again.

Claudia Woodford (02:28.825)

Yes, perfect. There it is.

Yeah, go for it.

Carla (02:35.518)

I just don’t want to go back and edit little bits. So, hello everybody. I’m welcome to 50 Shades of Motherhood podcast where we have uncensored, raw, unfiltered chats around motherhood. And today I have my lovely friend, Claudia, on today’s episode. So hello, Claudia, how are you?

Claudia Woodford (02:37.944)

No, exactly.

Claudia Woodford (02:57.457)

Good, thank you. It’s been a bit of a hectic morning, but I’m really excited to just relax and have a chat with you and your listeners.

Carla (03:05.99)

Oh, I’m so excited to have you here. So Claudia, we met not that long ago, but we’ve remained in touch every day since we met, haven’t we? And you know, it’s just lovely. We just get on so well. And there’s a little group of us, isn’t there, where we’re all like business pals, and it’s lovely. But what struck me was your story. And I think it’s something that I personally, you know, really wanna raise awareness on around my bump to baby. And I know you’re keen to as well. And-

Claudia Woodford (03:21.105)

Yeah.

Claudia Woodford (03:35.549)

official.

Carla (03:35.646)

I just want to share that this topic may, well, it needs to carry trigger warnings because we will be discussing very sensitive topics around. It might touch on suicide and you’re not wanting to be here anymore in some parts. So I just wanted to put that at the beginning of this. But Claudia, it’s been lovely to have you on so far for this short, brief moment even. So I’m really excited to talk to you about this, but also quite nervous to talk to you about this because

Claudia Woodford (03:56.765)

It’s okay.

Carla (04:04.99)

It’s a subject that is really, really important to raise awareness around. So we’re going to go dive right back to the beginning and we’re going to go to when you met your ex partner because this is about relationships and we do touch on domestic abuse and abuse in general. So Claudia, when did you meet your ex?

Claudia Woodford (04:29.765)

you know what, we met when I was a teenager. He was also a teenager. I wasn’t groomed. I realized as I said it then, I was like, oh, mate. Yeah, so we were teenagers. We were pen pals for a bit. I am showing my age here. Pre-internet. Oh, no, that was after. So basically, you know, like when emails first came out and all you did was like send those

Carla (04:35.758)

Hahaha! Just to put it out there! Hahaha! Yeah!

Carla (04:48.262)

pals not on MSN is this pre-internet?

Ha ha!

Claudia Woodford (04:59.921)

videos to each other. This is like a chain, like chain messages. We did actually write some letters to each other and then kind of lost touch as it were until 2009. So I had just been on a yoga retreat in Morocco. A friend of mine did like an angel card reading and I was like, do you know what? I am not having…

Carla (05:02.639)

Yeah, yeah.

Claudia Woodford (05:28.461)

any more relationships until it’s the first I’m going to marry.

Carla (05:32.162)

had you been in quite a few relationships before?

Claudia Woodford (05:34.757)

Yeah, like, you know, when you have a couple dates and then suddenly they ghost you. You know, just nothing was really like working. And it’d been, I was kind of on and off single for quite a lot of my twenties. And so it’s just like, ugh, I just, I’m bored of this. I wanna be with someone who actually is a reasonable person. Oh, the irony. But yeah, anyway. So, and basically I got back and I got a message request.

Carla (05:57.144)

Yeah.

Claudia Woodford (06:03.869)

off my ex and basically he’d apparently been trying to find me for a while but couldn’t remember my surname and then I’d said happy birthday to somebody or somebody had commented on my post for my birthday and that’s how he figured out what my surname was and sent me an event request. So we started talking on MSN and yeah it kind of like gradually built up. He came to visit me.

Carla (06:25.704)

Oh yeah.

Carla (06:32.066)

How old were you then, Claudia? Not that we want to give away your age, but how old were you? 2009. Well, my maths isn’t that good, but you were in your 20s?

Claudia Woodford (06:38.451)

How old was I? I don’t…

Claudia Woodford (06:44.633)

Yeah, I was like probably 24, 25 maybe. I don’t know, something like that.

Carla (06:47.078)

Yeah, okay. So you’re kind of getting to the point where you’re ready to settle down, would you say?

Claudia Woodford (06:52.141)

Yeah, so my sister loves to remind me of this, but when I was a kid and you know, you’re playing games, I’d always be like, I’m 25 and I’m married with three children. Seriously, looking back on that now, I’m like, what? But, but yeah, so I was, I know.

Carla (07:09.491)

It looks so much easier. It looks so much easier in the movies and things, doesn’t it? Everyone’s got their shit together, but real life, I mean, I can barely handle myself, let alone children as well. So yeah.

Claudia Woodford (07:19.161)

Yeah, exactly. So yeah, so I had some, yeah, I’ve always been like for me, I’ve always known I wanted to be a mother. I wanted to have children, I wanted to nurture them. And it was the done thing to get married. So kind of was like, okay, we’ll get married, have children, get married, have children. That was like my mantra. And basically, I’ve completely lost what I was actually talking about. Oh, my brain.

Carla (07:45.986)

Don’t worry. Where were we? We were up to that… Sorry, I interrupted you, that’s why. We were up to you meeting… Oh, sorry, that’s why. Yeah.

Claudia Woodford (07:56.125)

because you asked how old I was. Yeah, so yeah, so basically, I was looking for the one as most people but you know, you go, like everyone’s like, Oh, you seen anyone? Like that was the common questions, isn’t it? And I was like, I really want to be. So we started, it was long distance because we lived, it was probably about a four hour drive in between each of our houses and I didn’t, I could drive but didn’t have a car. So basically,

of saw each other maybe a weekend a month because I was working in intensive care at the time so I was doing lots of weekends and night shifts and stuff and my friend invited us to her wedding which was actually in Italy in a castle it’s beautiful and as we were about to go home after the wedding he then was like I think we should split up because I’d basically been talking to some of the other people there, other couples.

and just being friendly because that’s me. I will talk to anyone. And he got insecure and he’s like, well, I’m obviously not the person for you. We should split up. And I was like, no, don’t be ridiculous. Like, we’ve only been together a couple of months. Like, so kind of, he was like, okay, fine. And then we carried on seeing each other like once a month, chatting like most days. And then we, trying to get this straight in my head.

So yeah, so I was really struggling with work. I’ve got a chronic pain condition. I just got diagnosed with fibromyalgia and I was like struggling a bit with that. And my sister was a supply teacher and I was like, and we both basically were like, we’d love to travel. So we decided that I was gonna take a career break from work and my sister was gonna take some time off because she was supply teaching that time and we went traveling. And yeah, it was so good. So it’s just me and my sister. We went traveling for four and a half months and it was amazing. And it was like,

Carla (09:45.599)

Oh wow!

Claudia Woodford (09:51.993)

It was the break I needed. But obviously I came back and I was like, right, I’m back. So now what we’re doing with this relationship.

Carla (09:57.175)

Yeah.

How did he take that when you said? How did he take it when you said you were off traveling? Did he not mind? Even though he showed that possessive side? Oh, right, okay, cool. I would have thought, it was a bit strange that, isn’t it?

Claudia Woodford (10:03.526)

He was quite happy.

Claudia Woodford (10:07.961)

He didn’t mind. Yeah. It’s so like, yeah. Like it’s like, as if he wasn’t bothered as such, do you know what I mean? And like, we would go for probably about three or four days between getting in touch, like me and my sister, we just enjoying ourselves, do you know what I mean? Like we didn’t have, you didn’t have the internet on your phone. You had to go to a cyber cafe and stuff. So like we would, we were just immersed in the moment and

Carla (10:17.9)

Yeah.

Claudia Woodford (10:36.001)

And he was like, I’m really bored, but I’m saving money and I’m just, yeah, like he didn’t, he wasn’t that fussed about it. And then, yeah, it came back and we decided to go on holiday together to Center Parks. Seriously, I love Center Parks, but it’s not really like a couple’s holiday, is it? So anyway, so we were.

Carla (10:56.809)

Yeah.

Carla (11:01.098)

No.

Claudia Woodford (11:05.309)

two days in and he breaks up with me. He’s like, oh, it’s getting a bit serious. And…

Carla (11:12.718)

How many days were you supposed to be there?

Claudia Woodford (11:15.033)

like, it was like Monday to Friday, and I think it was like the Tuesday. I know. I was like, anyway, so I was like, yeah, like what? So.

Carla (11:22.486)

At least wait till we’re home, you know. What the hell? So what did you do? Were you really upset? Like…

Claudia Woodford (11:29.669)

Yeah, and I was like, well, can you take me home then? Because like, a driven is there. I was like, well, I’m obviously not gonna stay here together, same shall I? So we left and then like the day after he rang me, he’s like, oh, I’ve made a mistake, take me back. And I was like, no, like, you don’t say stuff like that on a whim, like.

Carla (11:55.662)

What was his reason like for finishing with you then? It just was getting too serious.

Claudia Woodford (11:58.429)

because he said it was getting too serious, as in like because we were spending a bit more time together than like we just spend in a bit. It’s very odd.

Carla (12:07.35)

Weird. Especially with the price of Centrepox, I’d have been like, you go then and leave me here. You know, after I paid all that money, thanks.

Claudia Woodford (12:08.409)

Anyway, so I was like, exactly. I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know

Carla (12:26.304)

Mm-hmm.

Claudia Woodford (12:37.821)

come to me in the new year, I said, if you decided that it’s like, I want to get married, I want to have children, this is my path. If you’re not, if you’re not in, then don’t bother. Like if you come back, that is what I’m asking. That’s what I’m looking for. And so he came back like, and he was just like, Oh, yeah, I made a mistake. I’m definitely in it. And so I started looking for jobs to move closer, but I was like, I’m not moving in with him because that’s stupid to go from long distance.

to living together. So I got a flatmate and yeah, I got a job in Nottingham and then at the weekends I’d go and see him in Lincoln. And yeah, so kind of done a bit like that for a couple of months. And then I basically got pregnant. I wasn’t anticipating getting pregnant. I’d taken the morning after pill. But once I got over the shock, I was actually quite excited. It was all I’ve ever wanted.

And I was like, okay, this is, this is good. It’s fine. I was talking away to my baby. And, and then I got this. So I went for a blood test because I’d had a bit of bleeding and they were like, your blood results aren’t doing what we want. They’re not going, they’re going up, but not enough. So we’re worried that this is an extra uterine pregnancy and an ectopic pregnancy.

And so basically I had to have, I had to wait another four days for another blood test. I had my bloods taken and then I just went to work. I thought I need to take my mind off it. And then I had this horrific pain and I was like, something is wrong. So I basically went up to the department where they’re taking my bloods and I was like, you need to get a doctor to see me. Something is really wrong. And I sat there and I called him and I was like,

Carla (14:18.158)

Oh.

Claudia Woodford (14:31.853)

Oh no, I think I messaged him and said, look, I think something is wrong. My work colleague actually rang him as like, you need to leave work and get your ass down here now, like, cause he didn’t want to come. And, um, basically, uh, eventually they came and saw me and they looked at me and went, you need to have emergency surgery right now, you’re, you’re fallopian tubes rupturing and you’re bleeding internally.

Carla (14:55.474)

Oh goodness, how did he react to the pregnancy? Was he, initially, was he kind of happy or?

Claudia Woodford (15:04.473)

When I told him, he basically walked out and went to go and buy some alcohol and cigarettes and was super stressed and he said, well, you’re not going to get a wedding now because we won’t have any money because we’ll have a baby. So that was lovely. And then I think, yeah, I think he wasn’t happy about the order that it happened. I was like, but it’s happened. You know what I mean? Like…

you have sex, the risk is you’re going to get pregnant. Like, even if you use protection, it doesn’t always work. Like, it’s not, anyway. So, and then after, so I had the surgery, I was under anesthetic for quite a while, bleeding inside, I had lots of pains and stuff, and then obviously the psychological thing of losing a baby. And I remember the nurses going, oh, well, were you trying? And I said, well, no, but we were quite happy about, well.

Carla (15:35.886)

Yeah, yeah.

Claudia Woodford (16:02.397)

I was quite happy about it. And, um, it was as if like, because I wasn’t trying, it wasn’t as bad. And I was like, well, that’s not quite how it works. Like I get, like, if you’ve been through IVF and you’ve been trying for a long time, then it is really bad, but it doesn’t minimize, it felt like it was a bit of a, well, you know, you weren’t trying, so it doesn’t really matter. That wasn’t the case. So, um,

Carla (16:03.946)

Yeah, cool.

Carla (16:26.254)

Yeah, no, because you, when you get pregnant, you do like kind of, once you’ve got used to the idea, which happens very, very quickly as a mother and you’ve got that motherly instinct, you think, oh, they’ll be due then and they’ll be starting school then and they’re pregnant at the same time and you know, I know and you know everything and you’ve bonded with that baby the same way anyone would so it is heartbreaking, it really is and

Claudia Woodford (16:34.049)

Yes. Yeah.

Yeah.

Claudia Woodford (16:43.514)

September.

Claudia Woodford (16:48.837)

You do? Yeah.

Claudia Woodford (16:53.446)

Yeah.

Carla (16:55.19)

People underestimate it, you know. Sad.

Claudia Woodford (16:58.549)

Yeah. And then he wouldn’t let me tell anyone. He’s like, well, there’s nothing to tell you. You’re not pregnant anymore. I was like, but my whole life is just like, what? I wasn’t allowed to grieve. I should have, I just said, be grateful that you’re alive. There’s obviously something wrong with the baby. That’s why it didn’t survive. And I was like, and then, so I’d

of distract myself during the day and then at night I’d get upset because that’s when everything went quiet, the TV was off, you know, like and he’d just be like stop crying, why are you crying? Like and just really like I wasn’t allowed to mourn and grieve for my baby and I don’t know, I think

Claudia Woodford (17:49.837)

I just kept saying, oh, will other people have it worse? Da-da-da. And I just kind of started believing that. I was like, oh, at least I can get pregnant. At least I know I can get pregnant. And now it’s clearly not the time. About six months later, I moved in with him. I thought, well, he’s got to progress. He can’t live in a flat share forever. So I was then doing an hour.

Carla (18:06.176)

Yeah.

Claudia Woodford (18:19.741)

and a half commute every day, each end of the day to get to work.

Carla (18:26.762)

Were you happy? Were you happy at this stage?

Because at the time, sometimes you don’t know looking, you know more later on, but when you’re in it, sometimes you don’t realise how unhappy you are, do you?

Claudia Woodford (18:31.467)

No.

Claudia Woodford (18:38.674)

Yes.

Yeah. So I went to counseling. Um, and I was like, yeah, just feel me down. I fully had my head in the sand and kind of was like, Oh, well, it’s because I’ve got this chronic pain and it’s because of this, but why didn’t quite put together was the fact that whenever I needed any emotional support, it was.

either turned against me or minimized. And I wasn’t allowed to express my feelings. Whenever I tried to go on my phone to message my friends, to keep in touch with them, because I’m a very sociable person, he’d be like, stop, you’re so rude, why are you on your phone? Get off your phone. So I just, and then I didn’t know anyone there. It was like every time I tried to go out, it was just such a nightmare. He’d like, he’d just constantly ring me, be like, are you coming home? I’m hungry. I need you to feed me.

If you’re not going to feed me any didgeridoo, a takeaway for me, because I can’t talk to them on the phone. But he was perfectly capable of speaking on the phone. Like, I know some people have reasons they can’t, but he’s perfectly able to. It was just that. And actually, it became easier to stay in. Because it was just too hard to fight it. And so I did everything that he wanted. Was the perfect housewife.

as it were. And then we were living in a small flat to which she was constantly going on about how much stuff I got. I mean, I do need to declutter to be fair, but it’s not, but yeah, it was constantly just little digs, little digs. And I just didn’t, I just thought that that’s what a relationship was. And part of that is that’s the relationship that my mom and dad have, you know, there’s little snipes at each other and

Carla (20:17.326)

Hehehe

Claudia Woodford (20:32.653)

So I just kind of was like, oh, he’s just teasing me. But actually it was really hurting me. And yeah, so we bought a house together, but we didn’t. I bought a house and we moved. We kind of did it up and then moved in. And one of his friends had gone through like a breakup. So he just said he could live with us for a bit. And I was like, actually, like we’re in, so there was three of us in this two bedroom flat whilst we were doing up the house.

plus a cat and it was a small flat. And I was just like, I need my days off work to just be silent basically, because I’m so in nursing, you give so much. Like you need sometimes actually, because I’m an introvert, you just need a bit of like restoration. And I just had this guy there all the time. And I was like, I just want to sit and watch TV and peace and quiet, or I just want to putter around. And it was really hard. And when I…

Carla (21:31.074)

You can’t relax, can you? You can’t relax when someone’s there. I mean, it’s, no, I’m exactly the same. I just like, you need a bit of space, don’t you, sometimes? Especially when you’re a lady and you like, you’ve got your own little habits that you like doing. You don’t want to have to put clothes on to walk around the front of the house sometimes.

Claudia Woodford (21:35.127)

No.

Claudia Woodford (21:40.091)

Mm. And I think it.

Claudia Woodford (21:49.849)

Well, exactly. You know, I was like, I didn’t feel comfortable sat there in my pajamas when we bra off and stuff. I was like, no. So, but when I said anything and I was like, well, you know, when is he gonna move out? Like, I was the horrible person. He was like, well, I’d rather live with him than you at this moment. Can’t believe you’re saying that. He needs us. And it’s very much because he was so concerned about what other people thought. So, oh, isn’t he doing a great thing? He’s taking us for a friend and he’s doing this, that, the other.

And it was all about how are you a beard on the outside. You know, like they’d all go on Valentine’s day, they’d all go to Asda and then compete. If you’ve got the largest thing of flowers for the girlfriend, it’s like, no, just do it. Do it with intention, don’t. They just do it because everyone else is doing it. And obviously we talked about marriage and stuff and he just said, no, I’m not. It was always, well, you need to lose some weight first.

Carla (22:22.142)

Mmm.

Carla (22:38.68)

Yeah.

Claudia Woodford (22:48.369)

It was always like, you need to do this, you need to do that. It was like constant that I wasn’t good enough.

Carla (22:55.298)

putting obstacles in the way all the time and there are always things that are negatives that you have to, who does you have to get over to get what you want?

Claudia Woodford (23:00.441)

Yes, yeah, obviously.

Yeah. And things like he chose my hair colour and stuff. Like it was like, so I had like red hair because that’s what he wanted. And like, he was like, oh, I don’t know why I’m with you. I was like skinny gingers and you’re not a skinny ginger. And like, you know, you’re just, just constant. And I didn’t like looking back, you’re like, why, why did I put up with this? But I was so like, well, this is the only person for me.

I can’t go out to anyone else, like, no one else is gonna have me because, you know, he, like, my self-confidence was so battered. Like, I was just like, yeah, just all these little things, like, constantly picking up on, oh, you’ve done this, or you haven’t done that, and yada, yada. And yeah, so I didn’t, I was miserable, but.

Carla (23:46.434)

Was that down to him? Was that down to him you think?

Claudia Woodford (24:00.881)

couldn’t figure out why he didn’t like the fact that I was taking antidepressants. He was like, I can’t, I can’t have a girlfriend on antidepressants. So I kept coming off them, but obviously that, I know now, yeah.

Carla (24:11.758)

But then that makes you feel like a failure. That makes you feel like bad. Do you know like, and you shouldn’t.

Claudia Woodford (24:16.501)

Yeah, there is nothing, absolutely nothing wrong with antidepressants. But obviously I just wasn’t seeing the bigger picture. And the reason that I was so miserable was because I was in this environment and I’m experiencing all this. So he did actually finally propose. It completely took me by surprise because he kept saying that he wasn’t going to marry me. Then suddenly we’re on a walk.

in the Peachtripped and he’s down on one, oh, so that was it. We were walking over like a really muddy bit of thing and I went out to hold his hand to get my balance and he refused to hold my hand. And I was like, for God’s sake, so I was in a right Mardy anyway. And then he like turned around and then like got down on one knee and had like the ring box in his hand. That’s why he didn’t want to hold my hand. All right, fine. And I just didn’t even take a minute to go.

I was so like grateful that somebody wanted to pick me, you know, like donkey and Shrek that pick me, pick me, pick me. It was like, Oh, someone actually wants me. I didn’t take a second to go, do I want to be in this relationship? Is this the relationship for me? Is this the person that treats me in a way that I deserve to be treated? Do they respect me? Do we have a good relationship?

Carla (25:24.133)

Yeah, yeah.

Claudia Woodford (25:45.541)

should we get married? But I didn’t think about any of that. Cause I was like, time’s ticking, you know, we’re in this relationship. I didn’t even question whether I should be in that relationship.

Carla (25:56.846)

Did your family notice that he was like this or did you keep it under wraps?

Claudia Woodford (25:56.982)

Um

Claudia Woodford (26:01.413)

So my family didn’t say anything. So I’ll come to that when we get to it, I think it made more sense. So yeah, so basically I, yeah, I was like, well, we best get this wedding done before you might change your mind. Because this was…

Carla (26:11.2)

Okay.

Carla (26:22.414)

It’s so silly what we go through in our minds though but I know what you mean because I was engaged before and I genuinely I was like oh my god someone wants to marry me thank you thanks so much how much what did you want you know oh it’s ridiculous isn’t it but it is it’s crazy

Claudia Woodford (26:32.293)

Yeah.

Claudia Woodford (26:38.845)

Thanks.

Claudia Woodford (26:43.069)

Yeah. So I planned a huge wedding on a tiny budget because he wanted to invite all of his family, but not pay. So basically kind of did a lot of work myself, just to try and reduce costs. But yeah, he did nothing for the wedding and we got married the following summer. And I remember.

Carla (26:53.393)

Nah, wow.

Claudia Woodford (27:12.165)

the night before, just not being able to sleep, thinking, is he actually gonna turn up? Like, am I just gonna get to the registry office and he won’t be there? And then I got there and I was walking down the aisle with my dad and I was just like, I was quite emotional and I was like, looking back, I think it was definitely my gut going, don’t do it, don’t do it. So I’m just thinking.

This is really weird. Why do we get dressed up like this in front of our friends? Like what? And we say these things. Like, why are we doing this? But obviously I was committed. So I kind of plodded down the aisle, you know, did the did the ceremony and kind of had the reception.

Carla (27:54.198)

Yeah, yeah.

Claudia Woodford (28:05.297)

barely saw him during the reception. He was chatting to his friends. I was with my friends. I had a great time with my friends to be fair. But I didn’t have very many friends. If there was like 125 people, probably less than 25 were from my side, as it were. And yeah, then kind of had honeymoon again, still like a site, well, are we gonna…

Carla (28:12.147)

Yeah.

Claudia Woodford (28:35.337)

have babies then and he was like well you haven’t made your target weight yet so you need to lose more weight. I was the lightest that I’ve been in my adult life for the wedding but it still wasn’t enough.

Claudia Woodford (28:51.201)

again, making you feel like you’re a failure and that if I was overweight and taking antidepressants, then that would harm the baby and it wouldn’t be as good a baby and maybe I’d have another big topic and all of these things and I was just like

Carla (28:51.566)

It’s so awful.

Claudia Woodford (29:13.049)

I don’t know, I don’t know what, I don’t know what changed, but he then kind of said, okay, yeah, let’s, let’s get pregnant. But I had to stop eating chocolate. That’s what he said. So I wasn’t allowed to eat chocolate. And why? Because that was what was putting me up, putting on weight clearly. Yeah. But if you want a baby.

Carla (29:28.066)

Ha! What happened?

Oh my god, wow. What, why? What, yay. That’s the rules. Oh right, wow. What a prick. Here’s a rule book. I’ll sleep with you if you tick these things off. Oh my god, what a little, oh, sorry.

Claudia Woodford (29:41.925)

better stop eating chocolate.

Claudia Woodford (29:48.101)

Mm-hmm. Yes. So, um, yeah, so I was pregnant. Um, not allowed to tell any… Yeah, I, I seem to be quite fertile. So, um, yeah, so basically the first month was, yeah, I mean, I always track my cycle anyway, so I knew exactly when to do it. But obviously that’s not necessarily the case for everybody. Yeah.

Carla (29:55.222)

Did you get pregnant quite quickly?

Carla (30:03.908)

Yeah.

Carla (30:14.126)

And you made sure you had no chocolate that night or else, you know, it was off the cards.

Claudia Woodford (30:17.601)

Yeah. Oh no, I had to have like two months off chocolate before I’d even consider it. Nine. Oh god. Anyway, so yeah, I wasn’t there to tell you one. I told the lady, so I used to have, I still do, but I have massages every two weeks to help keep my back moving.

Carla (30:24.082)

Oh, you’re joking? What the f- Wow.

Carla (30:30.814)

He sounds like a joy! Not! Oh God!

Claudia Woodford (30:46.693)

Otherwise it just seizes up. Um, obviously you’re not allowed to have a massage until you’re 12 weeks. And so I basically messaged her and said, Oh, I can’t come for my next appointments. I’ll be in touch when I can. And she, she was like, yay, that’s exciting. And he was livid. He was like, how dare you tell anyone what if something happens? I was like, well, I couldn’t just cancel my appointment and then not rebook.

without some explanation and actually she knows that we were thinking about it. So, and she’s happy for us, I don’t understand. I had really bad morning sickness, just constantly nauseous, I was having to drive to Nottingham with a, basically a bin on my lap to be sick in. And it was just miserable.

Carla (31:35.135)

Oh yeah, it’s awful to listen to.

Claudia Woodford (31:38.321)

So I went to the doctors and they gave me some anti-sickness tablets and he banned me from taking them because they might hurt the baby. I was like, the doctor prescribed them knowing I was pregnant. Like, I don’t understand. A friend of mine was like, why don’t you like secretly take them? And I was like, well, no, he’ll find out.

Carla (32:03.682)

And you’re almost scared, I bet, to disobey him. Because it’s repercussions that you have to live with. God, it’s awful.

Claudia Woodford (32:05.926)

Yeah, yeah.

Claudia Woodford (32:10.801)

Hmm, yeah. So I was pretty miserable. I was really stressed until we knew that the baby was in the right place and it wasn’t another topic.

Claudia Woodford (32:30.821)

I just found…

Like it wasn’t, I’d waited my whole life for this. And this wasn’t the, it wasn’t the Hollywood kind of pregnancy, like, oh, this is what’s happening. And I’m so excited and I’m blooming. No, I just felt, I was really conscious. He kept going on about not putting on like extra weight. So I had to weigh myself all the time to make sure I wasn’t putting on weight. I lost weight. I lost weight during pregnancy because I was so worried.

about what I was gonna eat, plus being sick. And I got to, I think I was about 17 weeks pregnant and I think it might’ve been a day off and I just remember being at the top of the stairs and sitting there and thinking, might just throw myself down them because I can’t see a way out of this. I feel…

Carla (33:28.467)

That’s so sad.

Claudia Woodford (33:31.717)

just, I didn’t know what to do and so I was like no.

Carla (33:34.658)

Did you know you weren’t happy with him? Did you want to leave him or did that not even come to your mind?

Claudia Woodford (33:38.217)

Yeah, I’ve missed something that was actually quite important actually. So yeah, a few days before, we’d been going through our budgeting, he was very strict. I had to account for all the money that I spent. I wasn’t allowed to buy stuff unless I got rid of something else. Even if I got a present for my birthday, he’d be like, well, what you throwing away then? It was very controlling of that. Yeah.

Carla (33:41.915)

Oh yeah, let’s go back.

Carla (34:04.202)

You! That would be nice!

Claudia Woodford (34:06.593)

If only, if only. So yeah, so. But basically, we’ve been going through finances and he wanted to like overpay the mortgage every month by a ridiculous amount. And I said, well, actually, can we just like start saving something for the baby? Because I want to get I need to get a car and like, you know, just little things. And he was like, babies don’t need anything. Babies can live in drawers like they don’t need a ot Like, it’s fine. It doesn’t need stuff. And I’m like.

No, it really does. And he then, when I kind of stood my ground and actually didn’t accept what he was saying, I only wanted to save a hundred pounds. Like that wasn’t, it wasn’t like a huge amount. He lunged at me and went to hit me. And the reason he didn’t was because his sister then got, his sister was living with us because she’s been with her boyfriend. And we’d taken in another wave and stray.

Carla (35:04.066)

No.

Claudia Woodford (35:06.593)

And basically she came downstairs. Um, I was just terrified. And I think that’s, so that was just before this. And that was like, I kind of got over the shock of it and was like, Oh my God. Like I have waited my entire life for this. And it’s crap.

Carla (35:31.022)

So, you’re vulnerable as well when you’re pregnant because you’re scared. You’ve got a birth, you’ve got all that to do and it’s a frightening time. Oh, that’s so sad.

Claudia Woodford (35:33.81)

Mm-hmm.

Claudia Woodford (35:40.03)

I only kept going on about how I needed to give birth vaginally without any pain relief because that’s the best way for the baby to be born and all of this and I was just like just stop controlling me. So I didn’t throw myself down the stairs I’m sure you’ll be pleased to know but I did reach out to my midwife and said I need to see you I am not well.

and I spoke to her, she was really lovely and they referred me to the counsellors who were amazing, he saved my life absolutely. I was a bit like oh I don’t know if I want to talk to a man but actually it was really good and he gently kind of…

built me up a little bit. So I had that strength. Like, so I wasn’t, um, I wasn’t doing anything for me. I was just giving, and I was empty. Plus being pregnant and all of those other stresses. I was still going to work four days a week, doing 10 hour days, then three hours commuting, coming home, having to cook dinner.

and then getting up the next day and doing it again. And I was, I was exhausted. I didn’t take any time off. And yeah, it’s really hard going over it again, but yeah, it’s, yeah.

Carla (37:09.922)

My goodness.

Carla (37:19.328)

I bet it’s traumatizing, isn’t it? Like, I mean, it just sounds like hell. It sounds like awful. Really does.

Claudia Woodford (37:26.617)

It is, and you can’t see your way out. And I, so when I was talking to the counselor, he, he gave me an exercise every week, he’d give me exercises. So one was like, now having done self-development work, I know what he was like, so there was one about writing to like my inner child and like, what would I tell her? And I was in tears. I was like, I can’t even imagine it. Like, because I’m too sad, too sad for her. Like,

Carla (37:51.634)

Oh.

Claudia Woodford (37:54.169)

because I didn’t want her to end up in the situation I was in. So it was like really hard, but anyway, one week he gave me a challenge of literally writing down what I’d done on an hourly basis for the whole week. And then had to bring it back the next week. And then I had to like circle anything that gave me joy. So there were a lot of hours in the week, off the top of my head, I can’t remember. But how many hours do you think I circled?

Claudia Woodford (38:22.481)

Not a single.

Claudia Woodford (38:27.408)

and

Carla (38:27.81)

I’m so sad. I’m so sad. Oh, it’s awful. Oh, it does mix. Oh no! The thing is, it’s awful. It’s awful because at the time, I bet you just feel like, what on earth am I gonna do? Like…oh!

Claudia Woodford (38:32.445)

So I’ve got cold.

Claudia Woodford (38:44.035)

Yeah, I didn’t have a clue. So…

Carla (38:48.034)

Did he know you were in an abusive relationship? Had he given you, had he told you that or did he not want to kind of risk that?

Claudia Woodford (38:56.013)

So he basically, he gave me a challenge of, a self-care challenge basically. So he was like, I want you to do one thing each day for you, even if it’s a minute. And he gave me so many different tools. So every week he taught me three new ones. He broached the possibility that the relationship might be abusive. He asked me if I wanted support. And I was like, I can’t possibly be pregnant to someone who’s abusive, don’t be ridiculous. And…

But it sat there lodged in my mind. And you know that pregnancy insomnia where you’re awake at like three in the morning and you’re like, ugh. So I’d go downstairs and make myself a hot chocolate and like sit there and just be like, oh shit, is this it? And that’s when I started making plans. I was like, I’ll get through the pregnancy and then I’m ending it. I can’t, I can’t do this. So I’ll have the baby. I’ll know the baby’s safe.

Carla (39:30.632)

Oh yeah.

Claudia Woodford (39:53.581)

And then that’s it. I can’t live like this. I continued seeing the counselor and he tried to encourage me to seek support and I just couldn’t face it. Had the baby and…

Carla (40:00.11)

Huh.

Claudia Woodford (40:20.445)

are there was just so much um I feel like I’m possibly um now just having a counseling session which might not be the purpose of this podcast but

Carla (40:31.507)

No, to be honest, this is a lot of people do get a bit emotional actually, like Rachel on the last one she did, I suppose it’s taking you back to those hard times, isn’t it? And just remembering all of that shit you’ve been through and also celebrating where you are now. You know, you’ve got to remember that as well.

Claudia Woodford (40:41.332)

Mmm.

Claudia Woodford (40:44.537)

Mm. Yeah.

Claudia Woodford (40:55.605)

So we were in recovery, I had a C-section, and I noticed that Harry was making some weird sounds as he was breathing. And so I mentioned to the midwives and they came to review him and he had to go to intensive care just because they were a bit worried that he might have some fluid on his lungs. But because I’d had a C-section…

and had a spinal, I wasn’t able to go and see him because I had to be in a wheelchair and I couldn’t feel my legs. And they were like, you have to wait for 12 hours. So I wasn’t allowed to see him for 12 hours. And we’d agreed prior to going in hospital that we weren’t gonna have family visitors in hospital. It was just gonna be time for us. I didn’t wanna be entertaining. I wanted just to…

um get used to being a mum and not have other people to worry about and he invited his sister to go to neonatal and she basically saw Harry before I did.

Claudia Woodford (42:08.129)

Um, it just, I said to him and he said, well, I thought it didn’t matter because you know, we didn’t plan this and we need family at times like this. Um, I, yeah, it just really got to me and it, it got worse as we got home. Um, Harry wouldn’t latch and he was very pro breastfeeding and so, um,

Carla (42:10.478)

Did you tell him? Did you see? Did you? Did he?

Claudia Woodford (42:33.665)

I had health professionals every single day for hours on end trying to squeeze my boobs and make Harry feed, but he wouldn’t feed. He couldn’t feed. Like he was really jaundiced. And anyway, so the midwife actually, and you know how pro breastfeeding they are. She said to me, she’s like, get yourself a Tommy Tippie perfect prep. She’s like, you are destroying yourself. Like you just need sleep and you need to just use a bottle. And I was like, yeah.

with you because I said this during pregnancy that I wasn’t gonna like torture myself if it wasn’t gonna work it wasn’t gonna work and so he when I told him he locked himself in the bedroom for three hours to mourn the fact that his child wasn’t gonna be breastfed

Carla (43:25.383)

Wow. Yeah, that is awful. I mean, as well when you’ve had a C-section as well, because I’ve had two C-sections, you can’t really move and you’re relying on them, aren’t you really, a little bit, because even to pass you the baby and things, you know, you’re in agony really. For them first.

Claudia Woodford (43:26.456)

Mmm.

Claudia Woodford (43:29.639)

Hmm.

Claudia Woodford (43:45.609)

Oh, Carla, no, I had to do that all myself. Yeah, I caused myself so many issues with my C-section scar because I was lifting the baby, doing all of that. Then I was having to cook those meals. Um, I’d do all the nappies. Like it was immense. And, um, I, yeah, like I went to this baby massage class with Harry and they were all going on about, oh.

Carla (43:48.371)

Oh, did you?

Carla (43:57.234)

Oh my god, don’t, that really ain’t…

Claudia Woodford (44:11.869)

We didn’t get to do like the first few weeks of nappies because we had c-sections. I was like, what, is this a thing? Like, I was just like stuff like that. I was like, Oh, okay. People actually got you food and like looked after you. And I, do you know what the only thing I lost all of my baby weight, the, you know, more half a stone of it within the first few days because

Carla (44:28.348)

That’s so sad that…

Claudia Woodford (44:39.057)

I didn’t have any food, they had a box of biscuits in the bedroom and I’d just eat them because like, he would just wouldn’t get stuff. I was just like…

Carla (44:49.614)

Would he not go to the shop?

So, you can’t drive or anything. You can’t like… You can’t even push your prime, you know.

Claudia Woodford (44:54.511)

No. And it, no. You know, he was just like, well, I’ve made, I know, he’d made his own food, but not worried about me. And anyway, so it was shit. Health is.

Carla (45:04.686)

God, it’s almost like he, I’m sorry to say this, but it’s almost like he just hated you, the way he treat you. Sorry, that makes you feel worse, but I just mean like, you don’t treat anybody like that. No.

Claudia Woodford (45:12.569)

Yeah. No, no, it doesn’t. You don’t treat someone you love like that and you don’t definitely treat. But on the outside he was very much, oh I’m so excited with my baby and then so the health has picked up on things and she’s like do you need to chat? And I was like yes please. Yeah and she arranged like, it’s called like a listening visit. She’s like we’re not counsellors but we can listen.

Carla (45:29.11)

Did she? Did she realise?

Claudia Woodford (45:37.825)

I spoke to her about things and she said, look, I’m really not happy about this. I’d really love it if you went to speak to the domestic abuse team, because this does not sound right. And I was like, do you know what? I’m going to do it. And so I went and had a chat to them and they were amazing. And they reassured me it wasn’t just me. I wasn’t overreacting. Um, and things were pretty bad for a few months because

I kept saying I wanted to leave. Whenever I spoke to anyone at my family, they’d be like, no, you’re just not sleeping. It’s just the hormones. Like it’s just having a new baby. And I was like, no, this has been going on for so long. I haven’t spoke about it, yeah.

Carla (46:21.238)

Yeah, but because you hadn’t really told them much. Well, yeah, gosh. So then they just think, oh, it’s just a phase. It’s just a phase, but actually.

Claudia Woodford (46:29.997)

Yeah and it is it’s so hard because you pluck up the courage to say something and then they’re like what? And very religious so they were like we can’t get divorced you’re married now. And it’s just like but I can’t live like this like I just can’t I need to escape this is not and for me the driving factor was that you know I do not want to raise my son.

seeing me treated like this because once I had him there was no reason that I was not going to leave him, I was not going to kill myself, I was going to be here for him to protect him and he gave me the strength to leave and so I was a single mum with a three month old. He

Carla (47:23.752)

How did he take it? Like what did you say?

Claudia Woodford (47:27.133)

So it was multiple conversations and touring and throwing. And then he was like, oh, well, let’s go to Relate, you know, like a couple of counsellors. And they get you to fill in a form before. And I wrote in the form, because we each had an individual form. I said, look, I am trying to leave. I’m being, I’m with the domestic abuse team. Please, please help me.

And so she kind of talked him around and was saying like, if somebody wants to leave the relationship, there’s not really much point coming to counseling. Like it’s probably better to have a trial separation. She really helped me with that. We got home and he was like, well, what do you think? And I was like, well, I do. I don’t think it’s working. And I don’t think we should.

Um, anytime I mentioned about like how he’s treating me, he was always having some excuse and always turn it around and it was me that was imagining it, that was sensitive, or you’re just being sensitive. Um, you just can’t take a joke. I was joking.

Carla (48:30.754)

You were joking when you didn’t feed me for days after I’d just had a baby. Cheeky.

Claudia Woodford (48:32.677)

Oh yeah. Yeah. Or when he called me that I was, he said I looked like a cow when I was pregnant. Like, I mean, seriously, like you have so many self-confidence issues when you’re pregnant as it is, you don’t need to be told that you look like crap. I didn’t, I looked hot. I know that now, at the time, at the time. But yeah, it was, it was really hard, but that.

Carla (48:52.694)

Yeah, yeah, I can watch it. Yeah. Yeah, so.

Claudia Woodford (49:01.649)

conversation, he basically, he tried to call my bluff and it backfired. So he went to stay at his sister’s thinking that I would immediately like go, Oh no, come back. And I didn’t, I went to Solicitor’s and I got divorce papers served. Well, obviously it’s about faster bits. It takes a bit longer than that, but I started the proceedings. Um, they obviously didn’t have any queries because of all the stuff that had happened. They had plenty of evidence.

Um, and basically moved house, moved closer to work and tried to begin rebuilding my, my life. Um, I, thankfully the domestic abuse team gave us like, it was like a 10 week or 12 week course. It was like one day a week. Um, that was all about recognizing.

triggers for domestic violence. And that’s where I learned that, you know, a third of domestic violence cases either start or worsen during pregnancy, which is obviously what had happened with me because the attention is off them. You know, before that, I did anything he asked at the drop of a hat. Everything was about him. And the minute that I started standing up for the baby, saying, I need this for the baby, or I’m going to do this,

Carla (50:19.214)

Yeah.

Claudia Woodford (50:30.109)

Um, on new years, I started writing a blog post about this, but I haven’t finished it. So you need to kick me up with a bomber at that. And, but my new year’s resolution, um, for January, 2019 was to prioritize my mental wellbeing so that I could be there for my child. Um, and he was outraged because it wasn’t about him. He actually was like, you can’t put that as your new year’s resolution because it’s not about me.

Carla (50:36.562)

I will, I will.

Claudia Woodford (51:00.669)

I was like, and I didn’t, I was like, oh yeah, that’s a normal thing to say. Well, yeah, why aren’t I putting everybody else first? So yeah, so then that sparked a huge journey self-development, like learning to love myself again. And basically I ended, I met a coach and she also did fitness. So we started doing fitness sessions together and then she kind of started talking to me about the other aspects, about loving yourself.

Carla (51:00.947)

Oh my goodness.

Claudia Woodford (51:30.757)

the who you are internally as well. And we did a lot of healing together and I was actually like, yeah, this is really good. COVID happened. I found it very isolating having.

Carla (51:43.783)

Yeah.

Carla (51:49.153)

Yeah, as a single mum then just on your own, yeah.

Claudia Woodford (51:51.545)

Yep. Single mom, my family nowhere near, so it couldn’t be a support bubble cause they were two and a half hours drive away and you weren’t allowed to drive were you? Um, you were like…

Carla (52:00.962)

Well, some politicians were. They did. Not supposed to.

Claudia Woodford (52:03.245)

Yeah, no, so yeah, it was really, really intense. But I continued like trying to do the self care, I got into cross stitching, you know, because I couldn’t leave the house, single parent. So once Harry was asleep, I’d be like, what can I do? I don’t just sit here and watch TV. So I do like little craft projects. And, you know, bit by bit, I was putting that joy back in my life.

Yeah. And then I, we’ve got.

Carla (52:38.018)

How was he during this time out of interest? You know, like what was the situation with him seeing Harry and all of the divorce going through and stuff?

Claudia Woodford (52:44.409)

Yeah. Mm-hmm.

So there is this cycle and I’m going to get it wrong, but basically things are all good. But you’re kind of walking on eggshells because you’re like, when’s the next thing going to happen? And it kind of heightens it gets more and more intense where you’re like, oh God, that something’s gonna kick off and then they’ll kick off something will happen and then they’re like, oh, I’m really, really sorry. I love you’ll never happen again. So this cycle. Yeah.

Carla (53:15.062)

Yes, I’ve seen that cycle, yeah, I’ve seen it. And it gets closer together, doesn’t it? That’s what they say, yeah, and that’s how abuse works.

Claudia Woodford (53:18.053)

And yeah. Yeah. So that kind of continues, um, in that everything would be fine then like stilted, but okay. And then it would get more and more, well, you’re stopping me from seeing him, blah, blah. And then it would kind of escalate. He’d then scream at me about something. And then it’d be like,

Oh, we’re just gonna pretend it didn’t happen. And I’m gonna be nice now. And it does continue like that, although the cycles are longer now. So we have longer between dramas. We went to mediation to arrange agreements for seeing Harry. We did something called shuttle mediation. And I’m mentioning this because it’s really important if you’re in this situation. And what it means is that you’re not in the same room. So you don’t have to make eye contact with them.

So they can’t psych you out. What happens is the mediator goes between the two rooms. They have a staged entry time as well. So I got there half an hour or 15 minutes before he did. So we wouldn’t meet in the entrance way. And they do, they’re very, very good because they’re used to these situations, unfortunately. So he was in one room, I was in another room, and the mediator would go between the two of us as we’d debate what we were happy with.

And basically she writes the document up after we’ve agreed it and then sends it to you to sign. So I signed it, no problem. He rang her and argued with her down the phone about this document because it said, which we’d agreed on the day, that he wasn’t going to drink when he had Harry. And he was like, well, I don’t have a problem with alcohol, so I’m not signing this. And I was like, well, if you don’t have a problem, it’s not a problem to sign it, is it?

But he, and I was like, I can’t believe you’ve argued with a person whose job is to mediate. Like they are by definition not an argumentative person. So he wouldn’t sign it. He still hasn’t signed it to this day. And yeah, it’s not the easiest. I can’t say anything parenting wise without him kicking off. So I foolishly…

Carla (55:47.054)

Do you still liaise? Do you liaise between each other then? Do you? Like, right. That sounds, that sounds odd.

Claudia Woodford (55:51.113)

Yeah.

Um

It is, it is. It’s a lot easier now. We’re using school as the drop off. Like I’ll drop Harry in the morning and he picks him up, that kind of thing. And that has really eased things. I don’t have to see him as often. But it is tricky and I have to be very conscious of what I say and how I say it. But I am not taking any crap.

Carla (56:04.791)

Yeah.

Claudia Woodford (56:26.661)

Um, done a lot of work on my confidence and my ability to not let him intimidate me. And yes, there are still things that I will kind of agree to just to keep the peace, but when I need to stand my ground, I do, and it’s uncomfortable and he gets nasty, but that is, I just, and I’m very grateful that I’m not in that relationship and we’re not married and you know, that is.

Carla (56:56.526)

Did he meet anyone else? Has he met anyone else or…?

Claudia Woodford (57:00.626)

No. And part of me doesn’t really want to wish that on anyone.

Carla (57:02.102)

Nah, I won’t. I’m out.

Carla (57:07.534)

No, I know. Unless they like him. And then that would be alright. Oh, what a nightmare. Right, yeah. So, now Claudia, you’re with someone, aren’t you? And how did he react about that? Because I imagine for him, he’d have been like, he almost owned you, didn’t he? Like, you were his possession. So, how did he act? Was it surprising?

Claudia Woodford (57:14.594)

Yes.

Claudia Woodford (57:19.886)

I am yes.

Claudia Woodford (57:28.022)

Mmm.

Claudia Woodford (57:33.969)

He was, so I’d been, we were divorced, but I did say, I said, look, I have met someone. And it was funny actually, cause he said to me, before I told him I’d met someone, and he was like, oh, I do worry about Harry not having like very much male impact in his life, cause the people at his nursery are all female and obviously spends a lot of time with you. And I was like.

And then like a couple weeks later, I was like, well, actually, I have met someone. And he was like, well, I guess I expected it, that it would happen, but I don’t want him to call for Harry to call him daddy or anything like that. And he took it a lot better than we were expecting, to be fair. But then we know when we had that.

Carla (58:23.278)

That’s good. That’s good. Yeah.

Claudia Woodford (58:30.253)

period of time after he moved out, he was reading this book that was called, like, How to Stop Your Wife from Divorcing You or whatever. I don’t know what it sounds like an excellent book. And basically, apparently in the book, it said to, if they want to go, let them go, but let them know they can always come back to you.

Carla (58:32.781)

Yeah.

Carla (58:47.292)

Oh, gosh.

Claudia Woodford (59:00.333)

Um, and so I think in his head, he was still subscribed to that. Oh, well, it’s fine. And he said, oh, well, you know, if you, um, if you go out with someone else, I’ll always have you back. Blah, blah, blah. And I’m like, no, I’ve woken up now. I don’t need to be doing that. Don’t need to be going back there.

Carla (59:19.022)

No, absolutely not. No, thank you. No, oh goodness. It is. So tell everyone where you are now because I suppose without this awful journey that you’ve been through, you wouldn’t have had Harry, lovely little Harry, and you wouldn’t be doing what you do now as well. So tell people a little bit about where you are.

Claudia Woodford (59:22.213)

stuff of nightmares.

Claudia Woodford (59:30.799)

Mmm.

Claudia Woodford (59:40.741)

Yeah. So one of the joys of going through that healing journey was meeting some wonderful people that massively impact my life. I tried a lot of different things. And like I said, I met a coach and that really, really made a huge difference for me. Building on the stuff that the counselor had started with building up my self-love, doing a gratitude practice, those kind of little things.

And I really worked on who I was as a person, as me, because when you become a mum, or when I became a mum, I was like, well, who am I? Like, how am I defining myself? I’ve sort of seen maternity leave, and I was like, well, I don’t wanna just be a mum because you know, you go to baby groups and they’re like, oh, Harry’s mum. And I’m like, I have a name.

Carla (01:00:41.028)

Yeah.

Claudia Woodford (01:00:41.605)

And like, you kind of then think, well, what do I like? What hobbies do I like? And there are not that many hobbies you can do with, as a single mum with a young baby. And it was kind of this real thing of actually, well, no, well, let’s focus on my values and what I value and what makes me feel authentic. And so actually I wrote a list of how I wanted to feel in a relationship.

Carla (01:00:49.484)

No.

Carla (01:00:52.639)

Bye.

Claudia Woodford (01:01:09.777)

So it wasn’t about looks or anything like that, it was how are they gonna treat me? And I said to myself, I’m not ready to meet someone just yet, but when I am, I will look at this list. I’m not gonna just take whoever’s available on whatever online dating thing there is, I’m gonna stick to this because rushing in and having my head clouded by they, obviously nice, has not served me.

and now I need to prioritize this for me and my son. And so it was interesting being in a new relationship, particularly having a child. The only benefit, oh, so we actually knew each other. So we were friends, yeah, not pen pals. And what was happening was that,

Carla (01:01:48.438)

your hair. How did you meet? How did you meet you two? Oh, not pen pals!

Claudia Woodford (01:02:04.929)

On the weekends, my ex was coming around and banging on the door and just demanding to see Harry Extra, the morbid agreed. And so my friend basically said, oh, well, why don’t you come and hang out with me? Cause you know, we’ll just get your mind off things. Went for walks, went for picnics and it kind of just gradually developed. And yeah, it was really, really lovely.

Carla (01:02:30.862)

Aww.

Claudia Woodford (01:02:34.845)

And because of how I was feeling, things went very slowly because I was just like, no, I’m not going to rush in. I need to protect me and Harry. And this has got to be the right thing for us. And then we were blessed by a little cross on a pregnancy stick. And we were like, we should probably move in together before she arrives.

Carla (01:02:39.758)

Mm.

Carla (01:02:56.316)

Oh, lovely.

Carla (01:03:04.374)

Yeah, yeah.

Claudia Woodford (01:03:05.21)

And we have the wonderful feisty little Evie who takes no nonsense, who knows exactly what she wants in life and is not afraid to tell you about it.

Carla (01:03:17.118)

Yes, I’ve got one of those. Yeah, oh goodness, oh it’s so beautiful. I mean, how was the pregnancy this time compared to, well, with Evie, compared to the pregnancy with Harry then? Completely different, worlds apart.

Claudia Woodford (01:03:22.555)

Yeah.

Claudia Woodford (01:03:33.29)

Yes, but it was horrific. I had loads of health issues, so I was like on bed rest because I had an issue with my heart, but I was waited on hand and foot and basically it was just so lovely and I felt so supported and it was such a positive experience in that sense. So physically I went through the mill with it, but…

Carla (01:03:35.843)

Oh no!

Carla (01:03:40.631)

Oh no.

Claudia Woodford (01:03:58.825)

Um, it was a lot, a lot better. And, um, yeah, it just, yeah, it was, I’m just smiling. It was, you know, my lovely little family is complete and now I obviously work with women to support them to, to love themselves for who they are, to ignore people who make them feel less than because they should not be in your life and set those healthy boundaries that you don’t end up.

in those situations that I’ve ended up in, feeling so alone, so lost, so helpless, and just not being able to see anything good about myself because I’m listening to their comments that then suddenly became the voice inside my head. It’s like, you’re not good enough. You’re not good enough. You’re not good enough. Actually, that is complete BS. And there’s so many of us, we give everything and we’re burnt out.

and we are the last on our own priority list.

Carla (01:05:00.246)

Yeah, I hear you. I think, yeah, a lot of mums, a lot of mums, I’m not a stereotype, but a lot of mums say the same things really. You know, the burnout and you can’t pour from an empty cup and that’s what they say. And it’s true, it’s true, you’ve got to take the time to rest. So who can you help then, Claudia, just so we, is it all mums? Could you help all mums start kind of with the self-care journey and…

Claudia Woodford (01:05:00.595)

and.

Claudia Woodford (01:05:07.206)

Yeah.

Claudia Woodford (01:05:11.441)

You can’t.

Claudia Woodford (01:05:15.953)

Yeah.

Claudia Woodford (01:05:23.105)

Yeah, oh absolutely. So I know everybody’s got different kind of budgets and things. So I have some free resources. I’ve got a workshop called, it’s like a recorded workshop, it’s called permission granted and it’s basically about how to set those healthy boundaries and take some self-care without having that mum guilt.

Um, so that’s available free on my website. I’ve also got some, um, something called affirmations. So there are positive statements that I’ve recorded with like music in the background to help you improve yourself, love and your, and your self confidence. Um, so it’s, there’s 111 of them. Um, and it’s seven minutes long and you can just play it. Um, and it just gives you a little boost. Um, and then I have like an online course that’s self paced. It’s called the leading lady self love Academy, and you can kind of work through the modules.

And it basically teaches you all the things that I learned through my journey. Um, and you can choose to upgrade to have one-to-one sessions with me, just like, if that’s what you want, or you can work through it by yourself. And there’s one-to-one coaching as well. So there’s like a whole way. And I have my podcast empowered by Claudia as well, where I want to share other people’s journeys and just to encourage people that even if you feel like everything is hopeless, that there might be just that chink of light. And.

Um, I think it is, it’s so hard because I remember that these early days with the young baby, you feel clueless. You’re like, nothing has prepared me. They haven’t given me a manual and you’ve got all these hormones rushing around and you’re like, I’m not good enough. Like who am I to have a child? Why did they let me leave the hospital with a baby? Really? Do I not have to do a test? Um,

Carla (01:07:10.879)

No, no. Yeah.

Claudia Woodford (01:07:13.173)

And it’s just, I didn’t want anyone else to feel alone. And so for me, I wanna build this community where we’ve got women and men and people who are non-binary supporting each other and raising each other up. And that’s my aim is basically to basically have that space. If you come and have catching with me.

Carla (01:07:18.221)

Yeah.

Carla (01:07:32.302)

I love that.

Claudia Woodford (01:07:40.745)

It is, you are seen, you are supported, you are heard. And just nurture, nurture you really. And then give you a loving kick up the bum to make some changes.

Carla (01:07:53.814)

Yes, I love that Claudia. I absolutely love that. And I think as well, when you are going through these tough times, listening to your story, which is really moving, you know, you realize that actually, sometimes we do go through these terrible things. And actually, we can, there is, there is light at the end of the tunnel. And actually, sometimes it puts you on the path that you’re destined to go. Like you now, you know, what you do, you wouldn’t be doing that probably if…

Claudia Woodford (01:08:12.925)

Please.

Claudia Woodford (01:08:17.862)

Yeah.

No. Yeah.

Carla (01:08:22.39)

you hadn’t been through this terrible thing. It’s almost like, you know, it’s not worth it at all. It’s awful what you’ve been through, but you now can help other people. And I love that you share that, Claudia, and that you’ve shared your story with us because it must be really difficult to go back there.

Claudia Woodford (01:08:28.385)

No. Yeah.

Claudia Woodford (01:08:34.877)

Yeah.

Claudia Woodford (01:08:39.861)

So, when I started, when I got trained to be a coach, the lady who did the coaching certification, she has this phrase and it’s about, you don’t have to be perfect, you don’t have to be finished. We’re turning our wounds into wisdom.

Carla (01:08:59.335)

Ooh, I love that.

Claudia Woodford (01:09:00.409)

And I love that because, do you know what, we have so many things that happen in our life and then we think, well, I can’t do this because, you know, this isn’t right, or I don’t know this, or I don’t do this. But all of that knowledge is there and we have something to share. Everybody has something to share. And no matter what you’re feeling, if you’re feeling like, well, no, I don’t, you will be making someone else’s daylight up.

There’ll be some reason that someone’s keeping carrying on because you exist. So please don’t give up. Please reach out. There are lots of avenues of support. And the last little thing is think of a golf ball going random here, but it’s got lots of little dents on it. And we’ve got lots of dents and scars and wounds. But

The reason the golf ball has dents is because that helps it be more aerodynamic so it flies better. So we can use our scars and wounds and turn them into something beautiful.

Carla (01:10:13.07)

I love that. Oh, that’s beautiful. Thank you. And if you want to work with Claudia, you can click the links underneath this podcast. We’ll put all of those on. So however you want to work with her, they’ll all be on there. And I will add some support links if you think you’re in an abusive relationship where you can get expert advice. And as you know, my Bumpti Baby works with family law solicitors throughout the UK as well. So if you need any help.

Claudia Woodford (01:10:16.942)

Okay.

Carla (01:10:41.646)

please, please click the link below this podcast and we can offer you support. So thank you, Claudia, for being our lovely guest today and sharing your story. It was really moving and really brave of you to share that, so thank you.

Claudia Woodford (01:10:50.973)

Okay.

Claudia Woodford (01:10:56.989)

Thank you. See you soon.

Carla (01:10:59.21)

There we go. Oh, there we go. I’ve stopped that cloud. Oh, look at the time it stopped.