- Firsts after having a baby
“Put something up my bum are you joking?”
Welcome to season 4 episode 3 of Fifty Shades of Motherhood.
In this episode, I welcome my lovely friend Katie Mason (aka Koach Katie) on to my podcast to chat about our motherhood journeys.
In this particular episode, both Katie and I share some funny first stories after having a baby. We also share some funny stories from the public about firsts after having a baby.
We discuss everything from the first walk after a c-section, driving home after having a baby, that dreaded first poop and everything in between.
This episode is funny, real, raw, uncensored, and unfiltered, and no matter where you are on your parenting journey, we are sure you will enjoy it.
If you have any questions or suggestions for future episodes, I would love to hear from you.
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[00:00:00] Carla: Sponsoring this episode of 50 Shades of Motherhood today is me and myself. So, aside from doing this podcast, I also have a business called My Bump 2 Baby, and My Bump 2 Baby is one of the UK’s leading parenting platforms. I launched My Bump 2 Baby as a blog back in 2016, and I did this on a shoestring budget.
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[00:02:08] Carla: Hello everybody and welcome to this week’s episode of 50 Shades of Motherhood. This week I am talking again to my lovely friend Katie Mason, a k a Koach, Katie, on Instagram, and we are gonna be talking all about firsts after having a baby. I hope you enjoy this episode.
[00:02:31] Carla: Hello everybody and welcome to 50 Shades of Motherhood. Today we are talking all about first after having a baby, however that baby came out. So Katie, there’s a lot of to talk about when we come to first, isn’t there?
[00:02:47] Katie: There is, yeah. There’s, well, it’s, it’s just. It’s, it’s a bizarre scenario, isn’t it? After you’ve had a baby because you’re like, you, you, you don’t know exactly how things are gonna go, how the recovery’s gonna go, and, um, everything that you do for the first time is a bit of a trial and error, isn’t it?
[00:03:07] Carla: Oh, it is. It is. And it’s like, I mean, you’re so nervous in the lead up to kind of having a baby. I mean, I actually, we both spoke about the C-section last time in our own experiences, and we were both nervous about the operation type part. And you are only ever really seeing to then, aren’t you?
[00:03:25] Katie: Exactly. That’s the finish line, isn’t it?
[00:03:27] Carla: Yeah. And then it’s like you get home. I mean, even the drive home, I mean that is, is a challenge after a C-section anyway. I’m not sure what it’s like after a vaginal birth really properly. What, what was that like? You know, when you injured down there, is that awful Getting in the car?
[00:03:43] Katie: Yeah. Sitting, sitting down. I think if you’ve had an episiotomy, I mean, I’m sure everybody is a bit battered and bruised afterwards, aren’t they? But especially if you’ve got stitches or you’ve had an episiotomy sitting down is just not, it’s not doable. So you end up kind of perched on at the edge of one bum cheek leaning inwards, you know, just to take the pressure off. I really think I should have invested in one of those inflatable rings. You know that.
[00:04:06] Carla: That’s what I’ve heard about those.
[00:04:08] Katie: Yeah. I didn’t do it, but it’s probably a very good idea, to be honest.
[00:04:11] Carla: Yeah. So definitely just, just to cover your own backs in case you end up with an episiotomy. Yeah. I’m glad I said that word I was actually thinking, as I was thinking about the word, I was thinking, is that gonna come out right? And it did. Anyway, I didn’t need to tell you that. So, but yeah, so there is loads of firsts. I mean, I mean, if we go back to just straight after having a baby, Even through the c-section side of things, the first for me that were, um, you know, quite tricky was that that walk, you know, that walk to, you have to do a wee, don’t you, before you’re allowed home.
[00:04:43] Katie: Well, this is why I ended up in hospital for three days.
[00:04:46] Carla: Oh God. Yeah.
[00:04:47] Katie: Did I tell you? I’ll tell you what happened. So, because, um, because my c-section was first, early in the morning I was all done and upon the ward by 9:45 AM And you have a catheter in, don’t you, after you’ve had a C-section?
[00:05:01] Carla: Yeah.
[00:05:02] Katie: So the catheter’s there to obviously drain your urine whilst your epidural and everything else wears off to make sure you know your bladder doesn’t overfill cause you can’t really feel things. Can you?
[00:05:13] Carla: Just let everybody know Katie’s probably rocking, uh, Clay.
[00:05:19] Katie: I’m like on a boat or something. Oh, well I have my baby. I have my baby at the side of me and I’m just trying to make sure he doesn’t wake up. Yeah, it’s just 14 weeks old, so the routine’s a little bit hit and miss.
[00:05:30] Carla: Yeah. Yeah.
[00:05:31] Katie: Um, so yeah, I’ll stop rocking now.
[00:05:34] Carla: Sorry. I mean some people, they might have wondered what if you were doing something else? That’s what I was worried about.
[00:05:40] Katie: Yeah, let’s clear that up. No. Do you not find that you end up swaying even when you’re not holding the baby? You’re like the baby down and I’m still swaying like some insane person.
[00:05:50] Carla: No, I know what mean, so yeah.
[00:05:54] Katie: The catheter, I think, is it after, um, after something like, God, I’m just flicking a number out of thin air, but it’s something like 15 hours. 12 hours. Yeah. 12 hours. After 12 hours, they remove it, and then you’ve got I think nine hours.To do your first wee, after the catheter’s been removed. So after nine hours, if you haven’t done your first wee, and you know your bladder is working properly.
[00:06:20] Katie: Then they put the catheter back in and you have to keep it in for three days. So when I, um, had my c-section early, I was like, you, you’re kind of like on adrenaline, aren’t you? I think some of the pain relief, everything else. You’ve got your new baby. You don’t think about sleeping straight after it takes like several hours for you to come down, doesn’t it?
[00:06:40] Katie: So it got to like 11:00 PM and there was one other lady on the ward. There was me and her. It’d been so calm and peaceful all day. I’d had my visitors, my son had come, et cetera, and I was like, oh, they, they, they dim the lights and I was like, perfect. Baby’s settled. I’m ready to sleep off. You know, I’ve been up early and within 20 minutes, my eyes were just closing. This new lady came onto the ward and she’d obviously just had a vaginal birth. She was hyped up to the nines and, um, all the lights went back on in the cubicle next to me. She was FaceTiming all her family. She was telling a birth story to the midwife. She was you know, she, this, this lady was like, you know, it was morning to her.
[00:07:27] Katie: And I was like, oh Jesus. So I basically thought, give her, her moment. You know, she’s just given birth so let me just like, you know, I’m just gonna have to lie here and wait for things to calm down. So I’ll lay there. And um, basically this went on and on and on and eventually it got to 5:00 AM.
[00:07:45] Carla: Oh my God.
[00:07:46] Katie: And I was still lying there trying to be polite and trying to give this lady her space cause you’re on like a ward at the end of the day. Everybody’s entitled to, you know, um, It got to 5:00 AM and I was literally crying. I was lying there crying. I was so tired, and I didn’t wanna be rude, but I, I pressed my buzzer.
[00:08:04] Katie: And like you said in the earlier episode, you don’t wanna press that buzzer because it, it honks down the whole corridor. It wakes up everyone in every room. It’s like, oh no.
[00:08:11] Carla: Yeah it is.
[00:08:12] Katie: It’s like you don’t wanna press this thing just for a glass of water. So you try and cope the best you can. Don’t you?
[00:08:17] Carla: Some people do, some people. Just press it all the time. It’s going off all night. Yeah. Well, and similar situation to you, just while you touched on that. I had people across from me and they were ringing everybody on FaceTime. Now, this was throughout the night. Okay. And you get it to a certain extent, but then the ringing he’s just done just on a second, poo. Just done the second poo granddad.
[00:08:37] Katie: Oh yeah.
[00:08:38] Carla: Just on the second poo. And I thought, really? Yeah. Oh, it’s grand. That was actually one. He’s just pooed.
[00:08:44] Katie: I got that one.
[00:08:45] Carla: Oh my God. Couldn’t believe it. Honestly, I’m sorry if this is you, but when you have just been through the height of that, it is so hard to kind of get to sleep anyway, cause your body is a bit in shock really, from what you’ve been through and then yeah. And, and, and those, they, they were lovely. But it was just a bit, and then it was, oh, I feel dizzy. Oh my, my scar’s hurting. I thought, well, you know, we’ve had, we’ve all had C-sections, so we’ve gone through it in the last, yeah. Oh my God. But then the buzzer was going constantly, constantly, is this normal? Is this normal? I was like gahhh.
[00:09:16] Katie: Yeah, and I was there. I’d had my C-section and I was leaning forward and picking my baby up myself. I didn’t even wanna ask anyone to pass him to me. But then it got to 5:00 AM and I was in tears and I thought, I am exhausted. Um, so basically, um, it was. Uh, yeah, no. Oh, I’m trying to think of timings.
[00:09:37] Katie: Right. Let, anyway, it doesn’t matter the timing exactly. But I called the nursing and I said, please, I’ve not slept. I’ve not slept a wink. Is there any way you could ask the lady next door, could she kindly turn a light off because. I was the person separated just by one sheet of fabric between me and her.
[00:09:53] Katie: And then there was like, the people on the other side weren’t as close. There was like a corridor in between a pathway. So I literally was, it was like the light was on me. It was like being under a spotlight. So I said, please, would you ask if she would mind turning it off so I can just get a couple of hours before, you know, the day starts.
[00:10:09] Katie: Um, She said, well, you know, I can’t really, if she wants the light on, she can have it on. And I was like, oh, fair enough. But you know, maybe if you ask her, she’ll understand. Anyway, she went in and said, would you mind, uh, she chatted to her first for 10 minutes, by the way. Didn’t ask straight away. And then she said, would you like me to turn your light off for you?
[00:10:27] Katie: Uh, didn’t say, you know, you’re bothering somebody else. And, uh, the lady went, no, no, you’re fine. I’ll leave it on now. And I was literally like, Jesus Christ. So anyway, about 30 minutes after that had happened, I was due for my time up on having a wee. So I hadn’t relaxed, I hadn’t switched off, I hadn’t slept.
[00:10:46] Katie: I’d been up for 24 hours nearly. And um, the lady got me out of bed and said, you need to go and do your wee, you know, your time’s up. And I was like, Jesus Christ. So I didn’t even think I could stand up at this point. Shuffled, shuffled so slowly to the bathroom. And you’ve got this catheter, haven’t you, there dangling in between your legs.
[00:11:06] Katie: Everything feels really awkward and, and sore. And then I got to the toilet, um, oh no, sorry, this was when she took the catheter out. Yes. I wasn’t shuffle, this wasn’t shuffling yet.
[00:11:17] Carla: It feels like a blur sometimes, doesn’t it? The after bit.
[00:11:20] Katie: Trying to recall it all. Yeah, yeah. Um, so anyway, I couldn’t, wee, I sat on the toilet and I remember thinking, Come on, wee, and you know, I was there another 30 seconds and I knew there must be something in my bladder cuz this catheter had been out for 12 hours.
[00:11:37] Katie: Uh, and I’d been drinking loads of water and, um, I just couldn’t let them muscles go. I just couldn’t let them go. They were frozen. So I tried for ages. I knew what it meant if I didn’t do a, wee, the catheter was going back in, didn’t want it back in cause that means obviously you can’t go home or, I didn’t know what it meant at that point.
[00:11:56] Katie: So. Uh, I had to go back and they, they, they pulled out this machine and they scanned my bladder and they said, no, there’s loads of wee in there? Catheter’s going back in. So I was really upset because I felt like if I’d had a good night’s sleep and, you know, relaxed properly, then I would’ve done that wee. But because I didn’t, the catheter went back in, um, I had to stay in all that day. They did give me the option in the evening to take, to go home with the catheter attached to me and I had to change it myself. But it got that late in the day, um, like my medication, my pain relief, all that wasn’t ready.
[00:12:34] Katie: And my partner said, I don’t feel comfortable us going home rushed with this catheter and everything, and you’ve not, you’ve not slept. So kindly a new nurse had come on by this point and she said, I feel your pain. I’m gonna put you in a side room, go and get some sleep. So I said, great. I’ll stay in overnight again, then that’s fine.
[00:12:51] Katie: So I stayed in overnight. The second night, I did go home very late in the day with the catheter bag, which was interesting. Um, and had to change that myself.
[00:13:01] Carla: Oh, and where did you rest it, like when you were in the car and stuff? What, what, what, how does that work?
[00:13:07] Katie: Um, uh, It’s strapped to your leg.
[00:13:11] Carla: Oh, right. Okay.
[00:13:12] Katie: They strap it to your leg. Right. Obviously you’ve got a big bag of piss. Excuse the language. On your leg.
[00:13:19] Carla: Oh, God.
[00:13:19] Katie: So, um, yeah, so you can’t really, I, I don’t think I could, I couldn’t put trousers on, I had to go home in like, like a, a maxi dress type thing? With this strapped to my leg. Um, and then you’ve got, like, you know, when you sit down, if it pulls the wire that’s in your bladder. Do you know what I mean? So you’re really, really scared about knocking this, this catheter bag. So I literally went home, got a good, a good night’s sleep at home on the second night, and then I had to go back on the third. , um, to do the wee test again. So this, this overlaps with another story that we’ve had a little bit of a laugh about because, um, as I got there, they took the catheter out. I had to wait for this, wee to come, but I didn’t feel like I needed a wee. I needed my first number two.
[00:14:07] Carla: Ah, oh yeah. Oh God. God. Oh god.
[00:14:09] Katie: I’ve heard the horror stories about the number two and I just thought it can’t be that bad. If you eat a good fibre, you know, you eat your fiber, et cetera, et cetera, it surely it can’t be that painful.
[00:14:20] Katie: So, um, and I felt like in every other way, my stomach muscles were working. I could sit up and I know you’re not supposed to be able to, but I could. So I thought maybe I’ll be all right that way as well. So I went to go and collect this wee, cause you’ve got to have something like 250 mils in a, you’ve gotta collect it to prove you’ve got to take it and go and prove it.
[00:14:38] Carla: Oh yeah, in that cardboard thing.
[00:14:40] Carla: Yeah, yeah. Yeah.
[00:14:42] Katie: So I’m sitting there and I’m thinking, oh no. Oh no, I need a number two, but if I do the number two, I’m not gonna be able to catch the wee.
[00:14:50] Carla: Oh yeah.
[00:14:51] Katie: Which one do I go for?
[00:14:54] Carla: Do I catch both?
[00:14:54] Katie: I can’t catch. I can’t catch that and then prove that I’ve done a we.e That’s just gonna be a mess.
[00:14:59] Carla: Oh gosh, yes.
[00:15:01] Katie: So I’m trying to hold the wee. And think, hold the wee and do the number two. And then I thought, oh my God, I can’t do the number two. But I, I really needed to, like, I knew the pressure was there, it was hurting and I needed to go. So in the end, can you believe it? I had to, I had to do the wee and lose it. I didn’t catch the, wee. Trying to get the number two.
[00:15:23] Carla: Oh no. Oh my God, yes. At least it came .
[00:15:27] Katie: Three days in the making this 250 mils of wee went straight in the toilet. I was like, noooo.
[00:15:33] Carla: Oh my goodness. Oh yeah.
[00:15:36] Katie: They might think I’m lying.
[00:15:37] Carla: What did you, how did you find your first, your first number two? Was that actually okay?
[00:15:43] Katie: No. So what happened from there? Um, I was like on the toilet for 40 minutes. 40 minutes trying, you know,
[00:15:52] Carla: Oh my goodness.
[00:15:53] Katie: Using my stomach, muscles, everything else.
[00:15:54] Carla: Is this in the hospital? In the hospital?
[00:15:56] Katie: In the Hospital.
[00:15:57] Carla: Them toilets as well. Sometimes they look like there’s been a murder in there sometimes. I dunno what it’s like when you don’t know what you’re gonna be greeted, when you go in there, when it’s, do you sometimes not the most comfortable place to sit.
[00:16:09] Katie: Yeah, it was quite clean and tidy, but I remember the door.
[00:16:12] Carla: Oh, that’s good.
[00:16:12] Katie: The door handle being rattled a few times.
[00:16:14] Carla: Oh yeah.
[00:16:15] Katie: And I was in there that long. At one point my partner came up and had to speak in the door and go, Kate, are are you alright? And I like, no, I’m not.
[00:16:22] Carla: And we don’t talk about poo, do we with our partners?
[00:16:25] Katie: No. I, I’m like you,.
[00:16:27] Carla: Yeah, I don’t.
[00:16:27] Katie: I don’t have that kind of relationship. I’ve never, ever, with any partner, been comfortable to like you trump or talk about that? It’s not me.
[00:16:36] Carla: No, it’s not me either. No.
[00:16:38] Katie: So, um, I was there and here I am telling everybody now this, but
[00:16:43] Carla: I know, hopefully they won’t listen to this.
[00:16:45] Katie: Well, you never know , I was there for 40 minutes. And I was in pain. I was. I mean it, I needed the toilet so bad, you know when you need to go and you want it out your body. And I just couldn’t get it out. So I had to leave the bathroom. I found this really nice midwife who’d been, um, quite informative earlier that morning and I said, look, I’ve lost the wee. I promise I did one, but I’ve lost it down the toilet and I’m in agony. I really need to this number two. And actually I turned out to be in the right place at the right time because had that happened to me at home, I think it would’ve gone on for days. Days. Like, and the pushing and the pressure is not good, is it?
[00:17:26] Carla: No.
[00:17:26] Katie: It’s, it’s, you know, you get piles and after effects from being, you know, being severely under strain down below. So this lady gave me, and I, I, I came home and I bought some straight away, because you can buy it off Amazon. And it’s called, um, Medi Lax. And basically it’s like a pessary, a little tiny, it’s not a pessary, it’s like a little tiny tube of gel. And you just put it, pop it up your bottom, squeeze it up. It doesn’t hurt.
[00:17:54] Carla: How far up, do you have to like push it right up. Or ?
[00:17:57] Katie: Not too far. There’s like a thin, there’s a very thin nozzle on the end. And you just insert that, it’s non-invasive. But I was like, oh my God, am I gonna have to do that? You know, like you, I was like, put something up my bum? Are you joking?
[00:18:10] Carla: Oh no. Yeah.
[00:18:11] Katie: No, I wasn’t up for it. But anything to relieve that pain at the time. And then in my head, if you have like a laxative, you’re gonna be like, literally shitting everywhere.
[00:18:21] Carla: Oh yeah. That’s the worst. Yeah.
[00:18:23] Katie: Uncontrollably for hours. That’s what I pictured. I was like, this is gonna be a mess. Like, but she said, no, it will just release it. And obviously I was breastfeeding, so you can’t take. Um, oral medications, there’s a lot of them aren’t suitable, isn’t there? But what this does, I’m, I’m going into detail now, but it works within your bottom so it never enters your bloodstream. So it, this gel draws the water out of your poo and then within five minutes, no longer. You poo it just, you just do one normally.
[00:18:55] Carla: Just falls out.
[00:18:56] Katie: Yeah. It’s just like going to the toilet on an easy day.
[00:18:59] Carla: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[00:19:00] Katie: So, yeah. So it’s not like, does it, it doesn’t last for hours after, it doesn’t make it like runny or anything gross. No, you just go, you just go to the toilet and I was like, I actually got in the bathroom, so I was that scared to do this.
[00:19:13] Katie: I was like, oh my God, I’m gonna have to distract myself. She said I’d go within five minutes, so I’m gonna put a timer on. So I got my phone and I put the timer on. So I did this gel. I was like, okay, that wasn’t too bad, right? Put the timer on. And I was like, I thought I’m not , I thought, should I leave the bathroom and go back to my room? And then I thought, five minutes isn’t that long. No, you better stay here.
[00:19:33] Carla: Especially after a C-section. Because it takes you five minutes, longer than that to get to the bathroom, doesn’t it?
[00:19:39] Katie: Exactly. Shuffling along. So yeah, I stayed in the bathroom and I think to this day I can remember it. Three minutes, 52 seconds, and I was like, oh, I need the toilet, and, and it resolved it instantly. I’ve actually recommended that since to some of my friends who just generally have severe hardship going to the loo generally, because it’s a one time thing. It just works for that one trip to the bathroom. It doesn’t enter the bloodstream and it’s done and dusted. So it’s just like.
[00:20:09] Carla: Done and dusted. I like that.
[00:20:12] Katie: It’s just like a loo aid. It’s so it, you know, like some people have to take laxatives and they’ve taken ’em the night before and it takes 12 hours.
[00:20:20] Carla: And you dunno how bad it’s gonna be, do you? That’s it. It’s like.
[00:20:24] Katie: Or if they’re gonna go on the way to work, you know?
[00:20:26] Carla: Oh my God. I just picture shit everywhere. That’s when someone says to me, laxative, I think to myself, oh, I could just imagine like, just being covered shit just all over the place and it puts me off. Like I just would be terrified. So that wasn’t like that. That was a good experience.
[00:20:43] Katie: It was good. So when I got home, I straight away ordered some on Amazon ,box of four tubes, and I think I needed to use one the following day and the day after that. And by the time I got, so you don’t go to the loo do you? For a number two for about four days after a c-section.
[00:20:57] Carla: I know. Yeah. Why is that?
[00:21:00] Katie: Well, your intestines have been moved, haven’t they?
[00:21:02] Carla: Oh God. Don’t.
[00:21:04] Katie: They like move. I could be wrong. I’m not a doctor am I? But just based on what I think, uh, I heard at the time when I, you know, I did a little bit of research before they move everything, they separate it all to get to the baby in your uterus.
[00:21:16] Katie: And part of that is you were organs all getting shoved to either side or wherever they’re gonna get shoved to. So they’ve been disturbed. So the normal passage of stools going through nice and easy is obviously a bit messed up for a while. Um, and then I, I suppose maybe, I dunno, like the day that you having the operation, you don’t really eat that much, you don’t have breakfast, maybe those things affect it.
[00:21:40] Carla: Well, the shock, your body body’s probably still in a bit of shock as well.
[00:21:44] Katie: Epidural coming out your system.
[00:21:47] Carla: God. Yeah. It’s, it’s, I mean that for me, I remember when I had to go and, um, at home. I was at home and I knew it, and it was coming and you know, when you just feel that pressure and you think, oh, and so I made it to the bathroom and I just sat there on the toilet and we’ve got like a radiator, you know, one of railed things that you hang the towels on and just held it. And I remember thinking, that won’t work. So I got a towel. And honestly I recommend this to anybody cause you feel a bit disconnected from your bottom half, don’t you? When you’ve had a C-section a little bit. Like I felt like it wasn’t, I wasn’t really attached properly anywhere. I could feel it coming. I felt like I needed to push, but you can’t really push. So I got,
[00:22:30] Katie: You’re so scared of that scar, aren’t you? Like bursting that, scar open.
[00:22:33] Carla: That’s it. So I’ve got a towel and I just pushed it against my, C-section scar and it almost like helped me push, if you know what I mean. And it came. And it was actually okay. It wasn’t that bad.
[00:22:47] Katie: No, you weren’t as bad as me then.
[00:22:48] Carla: No, I wasn’t. Um, that I remember. I don’t remember it being that bad. But I have got an actual couple of stories actually, which while we’re on the subject of Poo, uh, I think I’ll read now. I think for these ones, This? Yeah, they’re anonymous people. I’m just checking. They didn’t want the name mentioned.
[00:23:08] Katie: Yeah.
[00:23:09] Carla: Um, but, uh, let me just find it. I’ve got, um, just a couple. So this particular person sent in saying my first poo after having my third daughter by C in section was horrendous. It had been about three to four days and I hadn’t had a poo. Oh, it’d been three to four days.
[00:23:33] Carla: Um, and for those that have had sections, know the pain of the recovery and my muscles were not yet working as they should have, and I could, I, there was no way I could easily push a poo out. I thought I had been savvy and got myself on laxatives pretty quickly. I was waiting for the point when your poo starts to turtle out of your bum, you know, when it starts to come out.
[00:23:55] Carla: So she was waiting till the last minute. Um, so that happened and I was actually sat on the toilet for 45 minutes hoping and praying that it would just free itself from my bum hole. And I had lost all hope. I was dripping with sweat. And I’d been in every possible position that a post section your body would allow.
[00:24:17] Carla: So you can imagine this girl like.
[00:24:20] Katie: Sounds the same as me.
[00:24:23] Carla: Um, she says, um, But you know, the pain of a section and nothing was easy. I tried squatting on the seat, standing up, letting gravity do its job, had one leg up. I even resorted to the horrifying prospect of trying to pry it out with my fingers.
[00:24:40] Katie: oh God.
[00:24:43] Carla: Uh, it wouldn’t come out. The sweat had gotten so bad. I was completely naked by this point. Bearing in mind it was summer too. So I’m in my bathroom naked, swollen, fucking fingers up my arse, , and I hear the door. The doorbell goes, and it’s the midwife.
[00:25:04] Katie: Oh God.
[00:25:04] Carla: My husband lets her in and she asked for me. He said, yeah, she’s upstairs. Just go up. He didn’t know the carnage that was actually happening. I screamed like a banshee. No, you can’t come up. She said, she said it was fine and went into the living room. I think then out of sheer fear that she would have to come up and see me like this and offer her assistance, that something took over me and I was like making labor noises like a woman possessed by a demon, and I managed to get the fucker out. God, the noise of relief I made, I gave my myself a few moments to compose myself, and then I went downstairs dripping with sweat. To be honest, um, there was no way of hiding it. She definitely heard the noises and the sigh of relief.
[00:25:54] Carla: I just said, I’ve been up there trying to fucking poo for an hour. She laughed, sympathetically and said, don’t worry, it happens . Thank god she didn’t actually see what happened because I’m pretty sure that’s not what happens. Anyway, that’s my poo story. I hope you like it. The thing is, It made me laugh so much, and then we add another short one in and this lady said that basically she just could not poo it was just.
[00:26:24] Carla: Frozen in her arse. And she could not get it out. And we also had another lady that actually was similar to the lady that just shared that story, but she actually had to get a partner to come in and have a look if it was turtling. So that, that is.
[00:26:39] Katie: That’s a couple that are comfortable with poo stories, isn’t it?
[00:26:42] Carla: And sometimes you wish you were. Sometimes it would be so good because you could just say, look, is it coming out? But I, I just could not do that. Anyway, so that, that’s the poo poo side of things.
[00:26:54] Katie: It, sounds like it’s quite similar for everyone then, doesn’t it?
[00:26:57] Carla: It does really. It does. And it’s, it is, and I think getting things in advance, like that useful stuff that you’ve mentioned, if people actually get that in advance, then hopefully the poo can slide out nicely, you know?
[00:27:09] Katie: Yeah. Maybe I’ve, maybe I’ve stumbled across a little gem there by accident. Just if I, like I said, I’d never known about it if I hadn’t been back at hospital when it, when it hit, when that moment that that lady got stuck in her bathroom naked, that was me in a hospital bathroom. So I not had that midwife right outside the door to help me. I, I would’ve been in there probably all day.
[00:27:29] Carla: Oh, it’s awful. No, it’s awful. I mean, I do think they are naturally harder, the poos after that time. That’s why it takes so long.
[00:27:40] Katie: Four days worth of food, isn’t it?
[00:27:42] Carla: I know.
[00:27:42] Katie: So yeah, it can’t be good.
[00:27:44] Carla: No. And have you got any, obviously in your area of expertise, fitness, health, any recommendations food-wise, what people should be having after?
[00:27:54] Katie: Well, like I said earlier, like, uh, I think this type of constipation is, isn’t always avoidable, it’s down to the operation. But in general, if you were trying to avoid it, you’d, you’d have a high fiber diet. So, um, you know, you’d, you’d go for whole grains, brown bread, um, you’d eat lots of green leafy vegetables like spinach, broccoli, that type of thing.
[00:28:17] Katie: Fruits, um, apples, et cetera. Prunes, fresh orange juice, pineapple juice, all those things are gonna help, uh, you know, keep your system moving. And also making sure you’re not dehydrated. Because if you’ve got a lack of water in your body, there’s gonna be a lack of water in your stools, which is gonna make it harder to pass.
[00:28:37] Katie: So, um, also .
[00:28:39] Carla: What’s the recommendation for the amount of water for a woman that they should be drinking anyway? Cause I know I don’t drink enough. Look at me. This is my second day of this.
[00:28:47] Katie: Yeah, good. That’s what you need something to put it in front of you so you don’t forget to drink.
[00:28:51] Carla: It’s actually got the times down the bottom as well. So like I, you know, I’m quite competitive so like I have to win. So if I look and it’s a certain time, I have to drink to that time because otherwise yeah.
[00:29:03] Katie: If you really aren’t thirsty, just get down. I always say just have a bottle of water visible in your eye line, cause you don’t always realize you’re thirsty.
[00:29:12] Katie: And if you just glimpse it, you think, Hmm, yeah, I fancy a sip of that. And you, you do drink a hell of a lot more. Um, when you can recovering from any surgery, you need to stay, well hydrated. Cause obviously that helps with all your bodily, um, functions and, um, recovery itself. Um, so you’re recovering from surgery.
[00:29:31] Katie: You are also potentially, some ladies might be breastfeeding. Now, when you’re breastfeeding you, you’ll know, especially in the early days, the baby goes to your boob and starts sucking and instantly your mouth goes dry. It’s like all the water from your body’s gone to your boob.
[00:29:47] Carla: Oh gosh. Of course.
[00:29:49] Katie: Gasping with thirst. Now that’s at the start. You can’t, you can’t help but drink. As soon as you’re feeding, you’re like, can someone pass me a glass of water? And, and that’s one tip I’d give to anybody who visits somebody who’s just had a baby, or the partner of someone who’s just had a baby just constantly say, would you like some water?
[00:30:07] Katie: Especially if they’re stuck with a baby on the boob. Pass them the glass cause it could be two meters away and you’re looking at it, but you can’t reach for it. And that’s an nightmare. So,
[00:30:16] Carla: um, wow. Yeah, I didn’t even think about that. I’ve not breastfed, so like I wouldn’t even know that that was a Yeah. Oh, wow. Right. Okay. Yeah.
[00:30:25] Katie: So parched. Um, so yeah, I mean, normally I would aim for two litres of water a day and then an extra 500 mils if I do a workout. So two and a half litres. Um, but I mean, you can drink, I would say two, two litres is a, is a minimum up to say three to four litres for a woman. If you wanna stay well hydrated, obviously four litres is a lot and you need to make sure that you’re not drinking too close to bedtime, cause you’ll just be up peeing in the night.
[00:30:53] Katie: So I would say try and get that, that water in up until your evening meal. And then maybe after your evening meal, just little sips and, you know, maybe a, a herbal tea or something like.
[00:31:06] Carla: Are you looking for local pregnancy to preschool groups, classes, and lessons to go to with your children? If that’s the case, head over to www.mybump2baby.com where you can find the latest groups and classes in your local area.
[00:31:25] Carla: As well as that if you are looking for financial advice, family law, advice, or a local estate agent, you can also access our family protection and legal directory www.mybump2baby.com/familyprotectionlegal.
[00:31:43] Carla: That’s good. Um, yeah, yeah.
[00:31:44] Katie: You can include, you can include herbal teas. Um, I like to have hot water with lemon and ginger in the morning to freshen, wake me up, freshen my tummy up, um, and flush everything through, and all of that sort of stuff you can include in your, in your water intake.
[00:31:59] Katie: What you can’t include is tea and coffee, because the caffeine dehydrates you. So for actually every cup of tea or coffee that you have, you need to have an extra glass of water to balance it out.
[00:32:09] Carla: So, so ages ago I’d have needed then 18 cups of water plus the two liters.
[00:32:14] Katie: Yeah. Yeah. It wasn’t achievable was it?
[00:32:17] Carla: I’d have drowned. Yeah. No, that, that’s great. That’s really good advice. So, so going back to first then, uh, also, I mean, something that I thought was quite a, an experience is when do you actually do it for the first time? You know a lot of people kind of, you don’t know when the right time is to do it. No, because you never feel fully ready to do it.
[00:32:43] Carla: I had to go nine whole months almost, in fact. No, it’s from, that’s an exaggeration. It was from when I found out my cervix were short. And I love sex and, um, I went from
[00:32:54] Katie: You make, make no, uh, mystery of it. Do you?
[00:32:56] Carla: No
[00:32:57] Katie: It’s no secret .
[00:32:58] Carla: It isn’t, I mean, it’s it, to be honest with children, you know, it’s obviously not a lot less than what it used to be, but, um, I do love it. And, but from week 20, I couldn’t have sex because I had that short cervix. I couldn’t have anything going in there. Oh my God. It was, it was awful.
[00:33:15] Katie: I bet, that made it worse, didn’t it?
[00:33:16] Carla: It did.
[00:33:16] Katie: Knowing that you weren’t allowed.
[00:33:18] Carla: And also during pregnancy, I was so much more, I think it’s the blood flowing. That’s what they say. The blood flows and I was so horny.
[00:33:27] Katie: Yeah. Yeah. The hormones. And also I think the pressure. The pressure of maybe the baby pushing down. You know, it does, you do, you do feel like, you know, you Oh yeah. Carry on right until the end. Yeah. And
[00:33:41] Carla: I, I mean, that was one of the things when I saw my consultant and she was like, I can’t believe you’ve actually made it to like, I think at that point I was about 35 weeks pregnant, which was a shocking fact seen as though I hadn’t had the stitch.
[00:33:55] Carla: So they were really shocked and she said, right. In two weeks you can come off the progesterone. And then I think I had to take the aspirin up to a few days before the C-section, but she said, you can come off that. And I said, great. And I said, does that mean I can start having sex? And she was like, no. I thought, fuck sake.
[00:34:13] Carla: I was so annoyed. But I don’t think, I mean for Danny, bless him, I mean because I was heavily pregnant. It’s really hard to kind. Put yourself in the right position anyway. Cause I had the same similar thing with George really when I was pregnant with him. You know, I couldn’t do it then either. And it’s so frustrating.
[00:34:29] Carla: I mean, we got married when I was six months pregnant and we couldn’t even do it. You know, like.
[00:34:36] Katie: Oh God, you get, by the end of the pregnancy, you’re down to one position. There’s one position that’s like, that’s like the spoon, the spoon position where you’re belly’s safely out the way resting on a pillow.
[00:34:47] Carla: And you can almost pretend like the baby’s over there. It’s okay. Cause it is a bit. You have to really get your mind away from the fact that there’s a baby in there. Don’t you really?
[00:34:57] Katie: Yeah. I think that’s harder for men than, than women. Like, cause, cause you, it’s your body and you know, kind of what your limits are. Whereas men, I think like, oh no, am I, am I poking you know the baby in the side of its head.
[00:35:12] Carla: That’s it.
[00:35:14] Katie: But it’s allowed and it’s safe. Obviously in the majority, yours, yours is an extreme circumstance, wasn’t it? But the majority of circumstances. As long as you feel comfortable, you can carry on to the end, can’t you?
[00:35:25] Carla: Yeah. And even people say, you know, if you wanna kind of labor, you do it.
[00:35:30] Katie: Bring it on.
[00:35:31] Carla: Bring it on, literally. Yeah. So, um, with George, I, me and Danny, cause we’d not been together that long, I suppose. When I got pregnant with George, maybe, uh, just short of a, was it just short of a year or maybe a bit longer? I can’t remember. Um.
[00:35:47] Katie: It was a whirlwind lovely romance.
[00:35:49] Carla: It was, we’re engaged after six months and I was pregnant by nine months I think. I think that was it. Is that right? Yeah, that’s about right. Anyway,.
[00:35:57] Katie: You’d already decided you were gonna marry him, so that was a, you know, yeah, it went in the right order didn’t it.
[00:36:02] Carla: It, it worked out well. We’re still married, so that’s good. It worked well. So basically, um, with George, when I’d had him, cause we’d gone that long after the C-section, I was like, right, let’s do it, a week after.
[00:36:15] Carla: Oh my God. Uh, I got an, I ended up getting an infection in my C-section scar because of doing it. Um, I think what had happened is, the position we chose just didn’t really, it was rubbing on there. And then, anyway, so I got an infection, had to go to the doctors. It feels dead hot inside, doesn’t it? Had to go to the doctors, got antibiotics and then I did it again. Got another infection. I thought, this just isn’t working. So this time I waited. I waited a long time, not too long. Um, but until everything felt, felt ready really. Yeah. And that was much better. They say after a vaginal birth? I mean, imagine after your first situation.
[00:36:56] Katie: Oh yeah. That couldn’t have happened.
[00:36:58] Carla: How long?
[00:37:00] Katie: But, you are kinda, you know, like you are kind of thinking, oh, right. Could I do it? Could it, could it be yet? Could it be yet? For me, I wanted to like get back to normal as soon as possible. I think for the vaginal one, I had to wait the six weeks for everything to heal.
[00:37:15] Carla: Did you feel okay down? Doing that. I mean, not that we wanna talk about it too much, cause obviously there’s a different kind of,
[00:37:22] Katie: You know what, you’ve, you’ve just got to go easy, haven’t you? And just, you know, if, if you feel like you want to, then you’ve got to just explore it and, and go very easy and just see. Do I feel ..
[00:37:32] Carla: Lube up. I say lube up as well because I, I was really dry afterwards and I don’t know why. I don’t know why. It might be the trauma. I don’t know. Yeah, but you know,.
[00:37:42] Katie: It might be just the contrast because it’s the opposite while you’re pregnant, isn’t it? Maybe it was just such a contrast for you, like this is different
[00:37:50] Carla: Yeah. Maybe actually you’re right.
[00:37:51] Katie: Hormonal changes have an impact
[00:37:53] Carla: It definitely is. Yeah, so I was nervous about that. I think nerves as well. When you’re doing it for the first time, it’s been so long. Yeah. You get a bit nervous, don’t you? So it’s like, oh God, right? Yeah. What’s gonna happen? You know what do I expect?
[00:38:08] Katie: I was fine after, after three weeks with the C-section. I was fine, but I didn’t think to ask anyone. No one really said to me when it’s okay. I had in the back of my mind, everything’s sort of alright after six weeks, but three weeks. I was like, yeah, it’ll be all right. Yeah, it’ll be. And then I remember afterwards kind of being like, eh, should we have done that?
[00:38:25] Katie: I’m just gonna Google it. And he Googled it and he was like, no, you must not until six weeks.
[00:38:29] Carla: I think it’s cause you’re inside the healing still. That’s what they say, don’t they? So yeah, obviously speak to your doctor and, and make sure you know. Yeah, don’t, can’t do it. Excuse me, doctor. I’m allowed to shag my husband now?
[00:38:41] Carla: You know? But that’s the thing. You just don’t know when the right time is do you?
[00:38:47] Katie: No, I think it’s down to each person as well. We all heal at different rates and everybody’s like, you know, comfortable at a different point in time after the surgery or the, the, the birth, aren’t they? Yeah. But I do think one thing is, is not to overthink it, especially if you pass the six week point, not to be like, oh, you know, I think just, you know, try and if you’re happy to try, try.
[00:39:12] Katie: If it doesn’t feel right and you know, the doctor said you’re okay to try and you’ve tried and it’s not right for you, then wait a little bit longer. Maybe give it a fortnight and then try again. But I think if you leave it ages because you think, like, say if you leave it months and months and months, then like, I dunno whether the moment might be lost in the sleepless nights, the stress of having a newborn, the stress of, you know, there is stress upon your relationship when you both are tired.
[00:39:39] Katie: So the longer that that goes on for, if you haven’t done it yet, I think it will be tempting for some people. Just be like, oh, I’m off, I’m off sex can’t be arsed.
[00:39:47] Carla: Yeah. And that’s the thing, when you are really tired, a lot of the time it is the last thing on your mind, you know? You know like, and you’re busy and you’ve got your family to sort out and your healing, it can get to that point where it’s been a while, you know?
[00:40:02] Carla: And that that can happen. And I remember when we first had George actually. Um, it, it kind of, it can, unless you kind of, I had to schedule it in basically. Because I know it sounds really bizarre, but I had to say Right. Wednesdays and Sundays and that’s it. You know, like that’s the, that’s the times.
[00:40:22] Katie: That’s you who normally can’t go without.
[00:40:24] Carla: Yeah. And honestly, as, as I think as time’s gone on, um, you know, when you’ve got a family, you can’t just be at it, you know, all the time. And, and to be honest, there’s a lot of other things on your mind, isn’t there? You’re not.
[00:40:36] Katie: Sleep.
[00:40:37] Carla: Sleep, exactly. And all, all of those things.
[00:40:40] Katie: You’re so tired when you get to bed, aren’t you? You’re so tired when you go to bed that you’re like right. There’s a window I need to sleep, I need to be asleep within two minutes. Yeah. To like maximise this window. And then you get woken up by your children. So when do you do the, you know, the Sunday morning lie in that you get before children? You don’t.
[00:40:57] Carla: You don’t, you don’t. No, you don’t. And it’s, it’s not putting too much pressure on yourself, really comparing yourself to other people because everybody’s different. So your friend might be saying, oh, I, we do it, you know, this many times a week. And sometimes you can think, oh my God, why don’t we, um, but you. It, it’s just sometimes you’ll do it more, sometimes you’ll do it less. And that’s just.
[00:41:17] Katie: And I think if you find it really hard to fit it in, like there’s no time, then it is worth thinking about, you know, maybe asking the in-laws or you know, your parents, any, anyone or a friend to, to babysit.
[00:41:30] Carla: Excuse me dad. Will, you babysit so we, we can get at it. Just, just just need five minutes.
[00:41:36] Katie: A date night, I’m sure not knowing the gory details, oh God. Even if, even if that has to be a Saturday afternoon, you know, if you can’t get babysitters in the evening, if it has to be a Saturday afternoon and like, you know, go for lunch or.
[00:41:50] Carla: Date, actually date.
[00:41:52] Katie: Have a date, or make a nice dinner and have a glass of wine or whatever you, you know? Because sometimes you need to reconnect with each other first. Otherwise you don’t feel like it do you?
[00:42:04] Carla: No. You’re right.
[00:42:05] Katie: Where that’s your partner, you’re attracted to each other and it feels right. Whereas, you know, if you’ve not washed your hair for five days and you’ve got four minutes spare.
[00:42:15] Carla: You’ve got food in your hair a bit sick in your on your shoulder
[00:42:18] Katie: Yeah. You’re probably thinking about loading the dishwasher. Not in the right frame of mind, are you?
[00:42:23] Carla: No. You’re so right, you know, because sometimes it can seem like the perfect time just to kind of get it in, but then at the same time, you do have to date, don’t you? And we actually had a conversation a little while ago because I said, cause it, I don’t know whether it’s since lockdown, but everyone seems to be in a bit more, don’t they?
[00:42:40] Carla: In the houses a bit more. And I enjoy being home, but I said to Danny, we need to kind of cook a nice meal for each other now and again. And and he said, yeah, but I make salmon like on a Monday. You know, like kind of, and I was thinking
[00:42:54] Katie: You see it as a chore? The cooking. Yeah Connor hates cooking.
[00:42:57] Carla: No, but he was like almost saying, well I do cook cause he does help out a lot around the house here. I’m quite, quite. Lucky in that respect. So he does do it in that way. But what I didn’t know, I meant as in like a real thought, like a starter, a main you know, dessert, an extra dessert, you know, but, but, and we started doing that actually. Um, and it was, it is been really nice, you know, just actually spending that time together, just doing those little bits because it’s so easy just to get caught up or just be scrolling on your phone and stuff.
[00:43:26] Katie: Yeah. Date nights definitely work. Me and Connor have always done a date night on a Friday night. Um, and we, before we had Clay, sometimes we’d go for a meal or sometimes I’d make, like you say, a three course meal. Occasionally Connor did it, you know, and he doesn’t like cooking, but that was for my sake.
[00:43:43] Katie: Which I appreciate, um, and we’d get a nice bottle of something to share, like, you know, a nice fizz or something. And, and then you’ve got the evening to yourselves. But when you’ve got a newborn baby in the mix, the date night isn’t quite the same. You try still. Um, but we get a takeaway now, and I, you know, I try and I try and get like a takeaway that I enjoy that’s quite healthy, that doesn’t make me feel sluggish and everything afterwards.
[00:44:06] Carla: What do you go for?
[00:44:08] Katie: Thai is my current go to.
[00:44:09] Carla: Yeah. I, I love, yeah, I love Thai.
[00:44:12] Katie: Um, there’s a new one near us and it’s really, if you can find one where it’s really fresh and light, then you feel like I’d have cooked that myself if I could be bothered if I had the time.
[00:44:23] Carla: And you can have sex after it, because sometimes I fill myself up so much on takeaways that afterwards I actually feel like.
[00:44:30] Katie: There’s no chance.
[00:44:31] Carla: No I ain’t moving. I can’t, I can’t be this, you know, this, you know, porn star if you like, I can’t do it because I.
[00:44:40] Katie: Stockings aren’t coming out after a pizza and a side of wedges.
[00:44:43] Carla: No definitely not, honestly, that’s it. Exactly. So I’ve been, I’ve been liking Thai, not for that reason, but I do actually have started to liking it more because last time I went for a Chinese, sorry to go off the tangent here off on a tangent, but last time I had Chinese, I found it really kind of sugary. Really.
[00:45:01] Katie: Well. It’s got a lot of different additives Chinese. If I have Chinese and alcohol together, so even if I just have one glass of wine with a Chinese, I go to bed, I wake up at three to 4:00 AM and I’m up all night wide awake. It, I just get no sleep after it. So it’s, it’s the msg I think that they put into Chinese.
[00:45:21] Katie: You can ask for it without some, some Chinese restaurants will leave it out. But m g just messes with you, doesn’t it? It makes you.
[00:45:28] Carla: What is that?
[00:45:29] Katie: It’s just like, it’s, it’s, it’s something that they adds to the food to enhance the flavour, but it’s like, it’s, it’s same as like an E number or preservative.
[00:45:38] Katie: It’s just not good for you. And I think the next day you face swells up, you retain a load of water. Obviously there’s a lot of salt in the food. So I just, the next day after I’ve had a Chinese, I look like a puffer fish like my face is doubled inside. It’s not worth it for me to look in the mirror and see that for the taste.
[00:45:56] Carla: I was actually thinking, I was looking in the mirror these last few days thinking, God, I look like my face is dead puffy. And do you know what? I’ve been having takeaways.
[00:46:05] Katie: Have you?
[00:46:05] Carla: You know what? I didn’t know that, so I’m gonna Yeah, I’m gonna have a look at that. But
[00:46:09] Katie: it’s the extra carbs and the salt. Because you, the, the portions of carbs in a takeaway’s a lot higher than what you’d feed yourself normally, isn’t it? Yeah. Like a full portion of noodles or a full pizza. It’s a lot of carbs and carbs draw muscle, uh, sorry. Muscle carbs draw water into the muscle, so it makes you, if there’s, if there’s too many carbs, you, you over spill and there’s too much water in your body and you look like a puffer fish, which is a, a gross way to feel.
[00:46:37] Carla: Yeah. Yeah. When you feel like that. Yeah. You don’t wanna feel like that. So other first, Katie, then. You know, while, while we’re on the subject, so we’ve talked about the first poo, first sex and, and stuff like that, but what about the first kind of time you’re returning to normal after your partner goes back to work? You know, like Yeah. Your, your first time alone with the baby.
[00:47:00] Katie: Yes. It’s challenging, isn’t it? Yeah, because you’ve got two, you’ve got four hands available for this one baby for, well, my partner took two weeks paternity. Yeah. If you’re in that situation where your partner can have paternity whilst you’re off, I mean after a C-section, you need it, don’t you?
[00:47:17] Katie: For someone to be there to help. Um, I think in that two weeks he left the house and left me on my own maybe for a couple of hours. Like go to the supermarket or something. Maybe, maybe twice. And that was kind of like a little trial run. I remember. Not it, it was probably the first time. It was probably after a week and we thinking right. Okay. Yeah, I can do, I can do this on my own. And he was great. He did all the tidying up. You know, he put all the washing in, he emptied all the nappy bins. He, I didn’t do anything really for that first two weeks apart from recover and look after the baby. And I think towards the end of the two weeks.
[00:47:54] Katie: We maybe went for a little short walk and I didn’t push the pram or anything, you know, I just, you know, we, we, we just walked somewhere and it was nice to have that company. And then when he was gone, I was like, oh my God, baby. Yeah. Feeding, washing, like. You’ve got to think to yourself, right? What’s the priority?
[00:48:14] Katie: My baby being looked after. Nappy changed. Me being fed, dressed, if I can get a shower in. Brilliant. If the house falls apart a little bit for a few weeks, it’s not the end of the world, is it?
[00:48:27] Carla: No, I was, I was thinking then when you were talking a few weeks and Olivia’s nearly a year old. But it’s, it’s, when you are looking around, you just feel guilty, don’t you?
[00:48:38] Katie: Yeah.
[00:48:38] Carla: I mean, I do, I feel guilty sometimes if I’m off and like I’ve got Olivia and things aren’t done. Yeah. Because in my head, I’m. I know they need doing and I should be doing them. I think, I don’t know why. But now I’ve started outsourcing a lot, to be honest with you. And, and that actually makes me feel a lot better.
[00:48:57] Carla: So, uh, you know, everyone chooses where they’re.
[00:48:59] Katie: You’re organising it and it’s getting done.
[00:49:01] Carla: Yeah, because I, my mind doesn’t work very well in a sense of, it’s not very logical in like, I’ll load the washing machine, but I’ll forget to turn it on and i’ll open the dishwasher, start emptying it, not finish it. I do half things.
[00:49:14] Carla: Yeah. I’m not very good at all these, obviously, these are things that I do each day, but where I can, uh, and what I’ve done is I’ve actually started kind of getting help and you know, like a cleaner, someone to do the ironing, you know? All the, all those little bits that a gardener, you know, all the things that you don’t really want to do.
[00:49:33] Katie: Yeah and if you can and if you can afford to do it, and if so, I used to rationalise it. Okay. What, what do I charge an hour when I’m PTing? Okay. Yeah. So. Could I afford then to work for an extra two hours and have somebody coming in clean my house once a week? Yes. You know? You can just push yourself that little bit harder with your own work if that’s covering things that you don’t enjoy doing.
[00:49:58] Carla: Yeah. And if even if. Say, say you are on maternity leave and, and things are a little bit tight, but you could really do with the help. What you can do is you can look at your bank statement and just see like, what do I actually pay out? Sometimes if looking at your actual bank statement, seeing what you pay for, sometimes you think, oh, I didn’t know I even still was paying for that or that gym membership and I’m not gonna go there for a good you know, few months, I may as well cancel that for now and things like that. And you can narrow things down that way sometimes as well, can’t you? But you’ve got fam, family members, sometimes parents are desperate to help in any way. So instead of giving them the baby, you know, give them a A dust pan and brush.
[00:50:38] Katie: Yeah, but I’m saying that though, for me, if someone came round and watched the baby whilst I got some jobs done, that was really, really, useful. And people don’t realize do they to offer. You know? Cause you are, like you said, I can totally sympathize. You’re looking at the mess. You know that you need to do it or the little jobs that need doing, but you’re holding a baby.
[00:51:01] Katie: You can’t do things with one hand. Your baby doesn’t wanna go down. It cry. You know what? Whatever’s going on. Um, you said something really poignant to me actually the other week and you said, um, maternity leave. I didn’t go on maternity leave to be a cleaner and a housewife. I’ve got a job. I’m on maternity leave to look after my baby. You know, cause I’ve had a baby. And I think the, the line becomes really blurred, doesn’t it? That when someone’s on maternity leave, they should suddenly become super housewife and you know, like, um, the house is immaculate, everything’s done. And you’ve got this massive sense of guilt when your partner gets home from work if you haven’t done everything.
[00:51:41] Katie: Yeah. And I’m thinking, oh God, he’s gonna think he’s been at work all day and I’ve just sat with a cup of tea watching soaps, you know?
[00:51:48] Carla: And, and that’s it. And I think sometimes that can cause an atmosphere because I feel guilty. That I, and he’s not said anything. He’s not implied anything. He, he’s quite happy, but I feel guilty. So then I’m almost like a bit more, yeah what’s the problem? You know, like a bit almost like, you know.
[00:52:06] Katie: Yeah. It’s so easy to become a little bit like. Not resentful, but you can be, you know, to feel like, well, you could help me with that. Now you’re home from work.
[00:52:14] Carla: Yeah, I know.
[00:52:15] Katie: And they’re thinking, well, I’ve been at work all day, why should I have to do that? And it really, it’s, you know, you’ve got to pull together, haven’t you?
[00:52:22] Carla: Yeah. Yeah. And it’s talking about things because with George, after George, I had postnatal depression, which I’ve told you about. Well, obviously I’ve told you about, but I’ve told you all about it and that time I just felt like I was having a bad day every day.
[00:52:37] Carla: It’s like a grey cloud over me every day. And what I was doing was actually not communicating. And I think that’s a big, a big thing because I’d be like, dressing George or something. It’s okay, George, don’t worry. I’ll do this. Yes. Oh, you, you’ve had naughty, you’ve got bad nappy. I’ll sort that. Oh, I’ll make tea as well while I’m at it. You know, like, well, you know. Speaking dead loudly.
[00:53:01] Katie: And you get the monologue in your head as well, don’t you? In your head you’re thinking, great, I’ll do this even though I’ve not slept all night.
[00:53:09] Carla: Because you don’t wanna say it. And actually sometimes just having a conversation with your partner and saying, I’m struggling. This is why. A lot of the time. Well, most of the time they’re more than happy to help. And I think last time I wasn’t really communicating that I needed help sometimes when I was in that frame of mind. I think when you become a mum for the first time, it’s so shocking. You know, like it really is like this second time I found it a lot smoother because I knew what to expect and yeah, you know, you are already in a bit of a routine with having a child before, aren’t you?
[00:53:42] Carla: You’re already, yeah. A bit tied, if you like. Anyway. Um, whereas before having your first, you’re so free, aren’t you? You’re free.
[00:53:50] Katie: You don’t realize, you think if you’ve got a job in a regular bedtime, then you know, you don’t realize how much freedom you’ve got within that because, you know, if you’re a bit tired or run down. You have a lie in at the weekend. Um, or you go to bed early. Well, you can’t go to bed early. If your child still still needs bathing and there’s jobs to do around the house, you end up going to bed later than you normally would and getting up earlier. Even though you’re having disrupted sleep, you don’t, you just don’t have that freedom to please yourself and look after yourself quite as well as you can when you, you’ve got no ties.
[00:54:23] Carla: No, I know. That’s it. Exactly. That really it’s just, it’s really hard to kind of balance everything. And also it is important for you to have like a bit of a self care now or do something for yourself as well because, um, what I used to do, and I dunno why I don’t do it now, I think it was when I was releasing these podcasts every Wednesday, that was my night, you know, that was my bath night candles. I had like a little tray with my iPad on and I just chill out. Yeah, yeah. And I wouldn’t take my phone in there and I loved it. And for some reason that stopped. Now. In fact, it’s reminded me I need to get back to that again. It’s so easy to just kind of keep going, isn’t it? And just.
[00:55:01] Katie: Yeah. But when you do that for yourself, I bet after that you’re in a, you’re in a nice mood. You know, you’re more smiley and loving towards your husband. You’re more prepared to like, oh, I’ll do that. Can I help you with that? You know, it does just reset you, doesn’t it? It gives you a little bit of a spring backing your step.
[00:55:21] Katie: Mine at the moment is I’ve started running because I can’t find the , I find the time isn’t right. I haven’t got anyone to help me really. So I can go and do a full gym session like I normally would. So before Connor goes to work in the morning, whilst he’s getting ready, he has the baby in the bouncer chair. Takes him in the shower room, you know, he is, y talking to him whilst he’s having a shave and I go for a run, and that clears my head so much, and I’m such a better person that day after I’ve done that, because I always function better if I do a bit of exercise, I find mentally that clears my head and I’m ready for whatever else I’ve got to do.
[00:55:57] Katie: So yeah, just finding that little bit of what it is, what, what, what it means to you to feel like you mm-hmm. , and for me, that’s doing a bit of exercise. I would love to have a bath every night as well, but that’s, you know, I can’t both.
[00:56:10] Carla: Yeah. . I know, I know. Well, that’s it. And exercise. It’s funny you say that, actually. I’m just looking out. Oh, Amazon’s outside, so I might get disturbed in a second. But, um, yeah, a lot of that, a lot of the, um, the things for me, oh, what was I even talking about? ]
[00:56:25] Katie: You said exercise.
[00:56:27] Carla: Oh, exercise. Sorry. Since I’ve started doing a lot more exercise now, I’ve actually feel a lot better. Um, yeah. For it mentally, like you said, it’s just, it releases those positive endorphins, doesn’t it?
[00:56:39] Katie: It’s a mood booster. A hundred percent.
[00:56:41] Carla: Yeah. It really is.
[00:56:42] Katie: Even for somebody who doesn’t enjoy it, starting simple and, um, just, just going for a walk or something. It doesn’t,
[00:56:50] Carla: one moment. I’m sorry.
[00:56:51] Katie: It’s alright. . Yes, I’ve got children surfacing, surfacing now as well.
[00:56:58] Carla: What’s that? Sorry?
[00:56:59] Katie: I said I’ve got children surfacing now.
[00:57:01] Carla: I know, right? So I
[00:57:02] Katie: We do well to squeeze a chat in, don’t we?
[00:57:05] Carla: We did. So I think we’ll leave it there. And I think the exercise thing would be a really, um, good topic to talk about next time. Um, just a and a bit of health boosting. You know, ideas, and
[00:57:17] Katie: I’ve definitely got some good tips for getting back to it. Obviously when you’ve had a baby, it is on your mind that you want to get fit and healthy again. Um, and for some people, like the whole body image side of things does weigh heavily on them. Obviously it’s not something you need to worry about, but if it is something you, you are worrying about, you want to be able to do it safely, don’t you? So, yeah, I, I, I’d love to share some tips with you and also c-section scars, helping them heal along the way and things like that as well.
[00:57:46] Carla: I think that would be great. Yeah, I think an episode on that next time would be Fab, but um, I better George’s saying he’s thirsty now, so I bet.
[00:57:55] Katie: Yeah. You’ve gotta put, put motherhood first.
[00:57:57] Carla: I know. I know. Thats it. He needs one of these, doesn’t he need to get him on this?
[00:58:01] Katie: Yeah, definitely. Yeah. Get him on the challenge. Drinking every hour. He’ll never be thirsty again.
[00:58:05] Carla: I know. That’s it. Oh, well thank you so much for today and um, thank you everybody for listening.
[00:58:11] Katie: Yes. Take care.
[00:58:18] Carla: Thank you so much for listening to this week’s episode of 50 Shades of Motherhood. If you enjoyed this episode, please share it with your friends and don’t forget to hit that subscribe button so that you are notified every single time our new episode goes live. If you have any funny stories that you wanna share, any serious topics you want us to talk about, please send them in.
[00:58:43] Carla: You can contact us via Instagram. I’m @mybump2baby on Instagram, and Katie is @Koach_Katie with two Ks on Instagram. I look forward to speaking to you next time on 50 Shades of Motherhood.