I Will Not Be Silenced

Carla (00:00.844)

Hello everybody and welcome to 50 Shades of Motherhood podcast. Today I am joined by the lovely Charlotte Chilton. You may have seen Charlotte on The Traitors actually and Charlotte is actually going through pregnancy at the moment as a solo parent. So we’re going to be talking all about your story Charlotte. Hello, how are

Charlotte (00:25.757)

I’m good, really good. It’s a good day today. It’s not a day where I’m like hair on top of the heads and throwing up in a bucket. So it’s good.

Carla (00:34.102)

I well I have those days all the time, know, honestly today I’ve actually started twisting my hair a bit more so when it does go in a bun, at least when it comes down it looks like it’s meant to look like this. But Charlotte, you’re looking amazing, so tell us how far pregnant you are right now.

Charlotte (00:50.446)

So I’m 25 weeks on Saturday, so six months, I’m in the six month category.

Carla (00:59.253)

That is when you’re feeling alright, isn’t it? You’ve kind of got sailed past that first bit and it’s yeah, it’s not so bad. I mean, I remember at six months I was like, this is great. This is quite easy this part and then like no. did you not? Yeah. Well, it was turning over in bed for me. I honestly got to the point where I thought I don’t even know how I’m gonna get up in the morning.

Charlotte (01:02.572)

point.

Charlotte (01:09.869)

well.

Charlotte (01:20.897)

Well, it is quite funny because these big pillows that you get into, it’s like a cocoon and then to get out of them, you like, have to roll across the bed and then roll down the beds and then I kind of look ridiculous like rolling.

Carla (01:34.252)

I know I know the feeling honestly and so with your your story obviously with Fifty Shades of Motherhood we’re gonna go right back to the beginning because I think it’s really important to for people to know you and know who you are and how you can help mums that are going through a similar situation so we’re gonna go back to before Traitors Charlotte and tell us about how life looked for you

Charlotte (01:58.144)

Yeah. Oh, so before then I was working in recruitment, I have for the last 10 years and it’s very fast paced because it’s education.

You’re kind of doing your daily covers for schools, your long term placements, your permanent placements, and you’re doing everything from a teacher to a head teacher to a caretaker. So it’s a really mixed bag, fast paced, 24, seven calls, 10 o ‘clock calls, head teacher, need this. Sunday, I used to say you can’t call me before 3 p .m. Sunday. I used to have a meeting every Saturday morning at nine o ‘clock. So I was work, work, work, work all the

But I really enjoy it and you do become really close to your clients and you know I volunteer a lot of the schools So, you know you get to go and watch school productions when you haven’t got children. It’s quite nice around Christmas to watch all the Christmas plays I’ve got to admit that was one thing I loved I was I get to watch plays I just worked, I was married to my wife Laura and we had a house we’d bought and we’ve done a lot of it up already at that point We’ve got two cockspan, yours very demanding

Carla (02:42.622)

No,

Charlotte (02:59.05)

And so yeah, we just really was focusing on holidaying and stuff because we tried the family route and it just wasn’t happening. So at that point, it was all about seizing the day and sort of focusing on the good things in your life rather than all the things that you’re not going to be able to do.

Carla (03:15.958)

Did you go through IVF or? Yeah, yeah, that’s tough.

Charlotte (03:19.047)

Yes, horrible, isn’t it? It’s and the thing is, because it was not long after like round COVID times, after that sort of time, I had to go to every appointment on my own, I had to go to a collection on my own, all of it. So Laura and me naturally started to drift because it was like I was doing one thing and she was doing another. And the costs just kept mounting up and up. Like they say it’s this much and then it’s like, you need to pay for this and you need to pay for that. And I’m like, so

price that you’ve given me and said it’s going to be, we’re now at 11 grand for one go. it was like, I mean, I had a good job. you know, I’m fortunate there’s people out there that, you know, saving for that one opportunity. And for me, unfortunately, because they sort of gave me the injections and they scan in you and they said, you’re just responding so strong, we need to lower it, lower it, lower it. So they went right down to the lowest. And even then it sort of like was overstimulated all my eggs. So I just

Carla (03:51.631)

Charlotte (04:15.694)

eggs jumping out of me. I don’t know so it went really really well I passed out I was having like it was messing with my heart so we I because I had at that point on scans and everything they were like we don’t know why you’re not getting pregnant for insemination maybe it’s just the way it is you should be fine for IVF so I’d signed up to give half my eggs away because I’ve got loads of them literally loads of them they were like

Carla (04:20.981)

Yeah.

Carla (04:43.338)

Yeah.

Charlotte (04:44.808)

got loads of banks, was like, so I’ve got periods for a long time, great. I’ve got like 20 left and you’re like, great, get to 20 and then we’ll just have menopause, great. Yeah, so yeah, so then I, sorry, if you see me bouncing, I’m on the ball because my hips really bad. So I thought if I got to get to it, I’d be like, I don’t know.

Carla (04:54.282)

Yeah, yeah, please.

Carla (05:03.734)

thought you might be, I didn’t want to say because you just don’t know do you sometimes?

Charlotte (05:08.935)

I’ve got my laptop here and when I’m working, I’m just sat on the ball all day. It’s the only thing that doesn’t hurt my back and hips. So, yeah, so I did the IVF and unfortunately none of my eggs really worked out very well, but I know the other recipient, I can’t say that word, she was successful. So she was able to get a, I believe she got a live birth out of it. I kind of stopped at, because they tell you as much on, yeah, I

Carla (05:14.867)

bless you!

Carla (05:36.214)

Is that your eggs? Is that out of your eggs? Wow! God, what amazing thing to do!

Charlotte (05:38.81)

Yeah. I know, I’m really pleased that she has because even though it didn’t work for us, it was like a silver lining. You could look at it two ways really, couldn’t you? You could go, why didn’t I get the good eggs and she did? Or you can look at it another way and go, but you know what? All of that was awful and I hated it, but that’s happened. So I kind of went on the more positive side because at this point I’ve been trying to conceive for years. So I’m thinking this woman hasn’t even got eggs to play with. So I felt really good about

So then I said, don’t give me anymore, it’s her baby, I don’t want to know, I’m just really glad someone benefited. So that’s that. So then when I go in for consultation afterwards, they’re sort of saying to me, this is look, we’re not too sure what the issue is, but with how your body is responding to this, we’re not really confident that IVF is a good idea for you because of how ill it made you. So I had to keep injecting for months after IVF because they just could not get it to slow down.

And it kept putting me off, it fainting and all sorts. at that point I was like, I can’t go through this again. I had so much time off work. Like during the whole process, I didn’t. But then afterwards, because I was so ill, was like, well, I can’t have this again. And when it starts talking about your heart, and I’ve had two brain surgeries already, I was just thinking this is too risky. So they’d said, look, I don’t really recommend it, but we could try a different brand.

of drugs and see if it’s different but they just said we don’t think that would be the case. So that was that. That was my one go and it’s like, okay, 11 grand for nothing. Well, not for me, for another lady.

Carla (07:06.102)

No!

Carla (07:11.402)

Yeah, well yeah she’s got it. no, that’s really lovely that you did that, you know, you must be, I, that just, it’s so nice, it really, so I imagine then at that point, did you just reside to the fact I’m not having children or what did you

Charlotte (07:25.204)

Well, we tried a bit longer on the insemination. We tried different donors to see if it was like donor matches because they said people just naturally are good with others and not and just wasn’t happening. I got to a point where I could expertly get myself pregnant. I just couldn’t carry it. I never got past like 10 weeks. It was just always pregnant miscarriage, pregnant miscarriage and then there was one pregnancy I had which I thought I’d gone quite far but it turned out the baby

Carla (07:32.961)

Yeah

Carla (07:45.428)

Charlotte (07:53.377)

already passed away, was just a delayed miscarriage. And I never forget it because it was really, it was the worst one by far. And it was on my birthday, I woke up in the morning and I was in agony. And then of course, I hadn’t said anything to anyone at that point, because we’d had so many losses. So then I’ll go round for dinner and I’ve got all my family there and I’m like, I’ve got to go lie down. I feel like I’m going to pass out because I’m like, profuse blood loss at the moment. So I think that was the final one where I went,

cannot do this anymore because all I do is I hate myself. I just keep thinking you shouldn’t have had this or you should have done more exercise. You’re working too much. You’re too strong. Our relationship was hanging on by thread. So I started to get to this point where I’m like, do I want to have a baby with this person or are we just doing it because we’re in it now? So in the hope of saving the marriage, we kind of stopped it and just said, right, let’s focus on us. We booked a lot of amazing holidays.

Obviously we already had two cox spaniels so we did lot of UK stuff. Just like, know, I found myself mothering them a lot.

Carla (08:56.724)

Yeah, it’s so tough miscarriages. I don’t think people, I mean, I’ve had a few myself and it’s that feeling where, mean, it doesn’t make it any easier when they’re early either, but when you do, as soon as you get that pregnant, kind of two lines or whatever, you’re like, when will the birthday be? at Christmas there’ll be this.

Charlotte (09:16.213)

Yeah, you do it.

Carla (09:18.348)

And it’s almost, well it is like, it’s a loss isn’t it? It’s grief you deal with afterwards. So can imagine that adds a lot of strain onto a relationship. I totally get that.

Charlotte (09:21.793)

Yeah.

Charlotte (09:27.409)

I mean like I I the thing that I kept getting confused with was when I was in my first long -term relationship I was only about 19 with a guy called I won’t say his name, but he’s not very nice guy and I don’t know why I was telling you like you know him This guy and we’ve been together for about four years and I was at this point never thinking about babes it always said my 20s are for me and

Carla (09:39.968)

No.

Charlotte (09:53.192)

And yeah, so I was on the injection that you have every three months, because my mum and my auntie had always had no problem. So I was like, I’m doing that. And I conceived naturally off that. So that kept playing on my head. I mean, I did miscarry that baby. I didn’t know I was pregnant until I was having a miscarriage. And I was like, what the hell’s going on with me? I don’t understand. And we used to run a bar together, always family did, but we lived above it. So I was like, I’m standing around the bar and I’m thinking the room’s just going funny. And then I’ve gone off to try and some privacy. And then I was

That’s why so then I spoke to my mom about it. We went and saw the doctor and doctor says yeah, everything’s gone And I was like for me, you know, I know some people might not agree with this. I was like few on 19 I’m not ready to

So yeah, so I had that situation. So, but in my head, you can imagine when you’re trying to conceive, thinking, well, I was on contraception and I got pregnant before. So why, why is this not working? So you keep going, I can do one more try, I can do one more insemination, I can do one more of this. And then eventually you just get to a point where you’re broken and it did break me, it put me in therapy. I really think it was the biggest catalyst of the breakdown of our marriage because we really showed ugly sides of ourselves to each other.

And although there was obviously probably issues that would have occurred either way, I can see that now, but at the same time, this definitely brought the worst out in us. And then it’s almost like too much water’s gone under the bridge there and you just cannot get back on track after that. So that was all happening just before I applied to go on Tracers. Cause I applied to go on Tracers when I was really drunk on Christmas day around my family. And I was like, just watched the show, it’s really good. And I’m telling them about it. My mom’s watched

My wife’s watched it, Laura, and they went, you should apply you to get on that. And I went, no way. And they were like, yeah, you will. You will. got a big personality. You’ll get on it. And I got on it. I know. Well, I never thought I would cause the whole process is like 12 months. Like for me, it was cause I applied then some people applied later. Um, and all the way through it, you’re like, you get the next stage and you think I’m not going to hear back and then you get the next stage. You’re not going to hear back. So it just kept going. And then next thing you know, it was like, I tried to drop out because

Carla (11:49.35)

wow! What an amazing feeling that must have been!

Charlotte (12:10.363)

my wife didn’t want me to do it. She started to have all this worry about, this is going to happen and that’s going to happen. I was like, what? You pushed me to go on it. Now you don’t. So my employers were like, sure, you can do whatever you want. We don’t mind. So I rang them and know, my wife doesn’t want me to do it. think I best pull out. And then I got a call from the execs and they were like, no, no, no, you’ve got it. You’re on. And I was like, so I am on

So I found out quite early, I found out a couple of months before I went on, whereas all the rest of the cast didn’t find out until two weeks before we filmed. it’s crazy, it’s absolutely crazy, but it’s a great experience, I really do recommend it, you definitely don’t think about conceiving while you’re there.

Carla (12:50.058)

No, definitely not! mean, that leads us… I mean, if that didn’t happen, you know, we wouldn’t be sat here now. It’s crazy how these things happen. So, fill me in on… I mean, I don’t need to know the sex moves or anything like that, but how did this all happen? What… Obviously, I know the birds and the bees, but what happened?

Charlotte (12:54.46)

Bye.

Charlotte (13:10.414)

Yeah, it’s madness. So me and Laura are on the rocks. We broke up before we were running Traitors, tried again over December, separated, living in the same house and how awkward it is when you’re at that stage. So yeah, so obviously Traitors comes out. By the end of the month, we go to the wrap party, me and Laura are no good. And so we go on to, we go to the wrap party, which is in London. We see the final.

Harry and all them get interviewed on the stage where I’d gamble and we’re all observing. It was really good actually, I loved how they did it because obviously all of us on the build up, we just were waiting to see what happens. So we have this big thing and then after the whole thing’s been filmed, we waiting for the public to find out. So they sent us upstairs and then they had all these amazing bottles of pink fizz everywhere.

Carla (13:58.176)

Wow, it sounds like heaven.

Charlotte (14:00.443)

And yeah, and then they have the big screen and we was waiting for it to finally I’m gonna write that’s a wrap and then they had all the first wall but it was all the crew and all the cast and Claude and the execs so it was really nice for us all just to get together one more time, you know the runners that were on the show like you guys don’t get to see all that side but these people are taking care of you all day, you know when you go I need a vape break or I need a Red Bull or you want to walk out because you’re so stressed like you know they’re the ones going come with me I’ll look after you. So yeah

We all got very drunk and then everyone went to the pub after us and I took Charlie and Meg back to the hotel because they had to come straight from the train to this venue, the BBC venue and they wanted to get changed to go out and obviously Harry had been putting this pressure on like, you know Connor, you know Connor and everyone’s like yeah he’s got us a table at Raffles.

So why don’t we have the after after party there? So some people were like, no, some were like, yeah. And then obviously some were like, I’ve seen that made in Chelsea. I want to go there. So I took the girls back to get changed. And then we nearly, very nearly did not go because we were like, can we be asked to go all the way over to that side of London? Because we were quite central. So and then we went to the other side because Harry was wanting us to go. So we went and when we got there, it was taken straight into their VIP bit.

and handed drinks and it was like, here you go, I’ve got you a drink. I don’t even know what it was. At this point I’m half -cold, I’m already… Yeah, I’ll drink it, that’s great. It was half decent. I mean, it was full of 18 year olds in there. I’ve got to admit, I’d never go back. so you’re five. I was like, I feel old in here. But yeah, we were in this VIP and they literally just placed me next to Connor. And he was like, you okay? And he was really chatty. And I don’t want to sound nasty here,

Carla (15:25.804)

You don’t care by that point!

Carla (15:35.316)

Yeah

Charlotte (15:48.18)

I didn’t know who he was and like I knew I’d heard of him through Harry but he hadn’t said who he was I didn’t know who he was his music yeah yeah

Carla (15:56.684)

think that’s our age though Charlotte, because you’re a similar age to me aren’t you? I’m 37. So I think it’s maybe a bit of a younger kind of people. How many? Oh one year!

Charlotte (16:03.667)

Yeah, okay, so we’re

Charlotte (16:09.239)

He’s only year younger than me, which is mad because he’s a year younger than me. It’s like 10 months or something. Because yeah, I know people are like, oh, Kugo. And I’m like, have you seen him in life? He looks older than me.

Charlotte (16:26.263)

feel like I’ve weathered better than But yeah, so I was really rude to him at first because he’d made it very apparent that he’d done all of this because he wanted to meet me and he wanted this and Harry had been messaging me going he’s really into you and blah blah and then his sister Anna when she was at the rap party with us because like the top finalists were allowed to bring their partners so everyone else’s partners kind of just waited till we’d done that bit and then meet us afterwards. Obviously I’m riding solo.

I was like yeah my brother’s really into you so I was thinking oh my god I don’t know this guy but he thinks he knows me from a show so when I got there I was a bit standoffish I was quite rude to them because I just thought about you think I’m just gonna go oh my god and I’m just not one because I’m 33 and things like that just don’t get you that way anymore but also more importantly I felt there was a bit of an ego at first and I wasn’t feeling that at all I’m pansexual so

I don’t look and desire someone, I can appreciate a good body, but at the same time, I’m attracted to the person. So for all the love normally, if he doesn’t get on with me, nothing would have happened. Because it’s just that’s my sexual attraction work. So yeah, so we carried on the night and he calmed down and he kind of went into just being real then. And then that’s when I started to get on with him and he started to have laughs and jokes.

And we started to talk about just normal stuff. Like to a point it was like, should we just get out the VIP and just sit at the bar and have a few drinks? And then that’s when I started to like him. Once he stopped trying to impress me and we actually really got on well. We had really good banter. So at this point we’re like two in the morning. I started drinking at, I it was 10 AM. Cause I was on this morning with Alison Hammond and Jermia O ‘Leary. And they had the pink fizz thing. Everyone’s obsessed with it. And Miles was on there.

So he had to like pretend to serve as it. And I said, is there any chance we can actually get some Pinkfizz in this since we have to keep doing it? And Dermot went, yes, yes, runs off, comes back with these bottles and starts pouring us all like champagne. So we were drinking at 10 a .m. and now it’s 2 a .m. So I’m quite drunk and I’m not gonna blame him. I’m not. mean, my birthday weekend, was my birthday on the Monday. Molly’s was on the Sunday. So we were really going for it. We were very excited that the show had wrapped and everyone

Carla (18:32.566)

wow.

Carla (18:46.764)

Well it’s exciting, isn’t it? What you’ve achieved and like been on a show. It’s life changing for a lot of people and you know.

Charlotte (18:48.211)

Yeah!

Charlotte (18:53.508)

I think we were all a hyped up and he was like do you want to come back to mine? thought so do ya and if I’m honest This is a really crude thing to say but it is the truth I’ve always been told to get over someone get under someone

Carla (19:08.518)

Yeah! Yeah!

Charlotte (19:11.732)

on let’s see if I can do it off we go but he did make me feel very comfortable and when someone’s making me laugh and you actually find in when you get underneath all this bravado that he had he was really really cool guy so I was hanging out with him and I was thinking yeah went back to his I we stayed up so late and eventually led to things multiple times and the next day as well and then I was having such good weekend because I all my stuff was at the hotel

Carla (19:14.059)

Yeah

Carla (19:34.006)

How?

Charlotte (19:40.989)

So I had to ring Ash and go Ash, any chance you can go and get all my stuff out of the room and I’ll meet you in Walthamstow because like she’s from there and I’ve got loads of friends around there. So she was like, yeah, no problem. So it meant I could stay a bit longer, which was cool. And then, then I went off and then I went and I spent the rest of the weekend with Ash, which was really good and friends that we’ve got in Walthamstow. And so, yes, that was that. So then I come back

Carla (20:03.092)

Did you plan to meet again or was it just kind of like

Charlotte (20:06.93)

Yeah, he was like messaging me when I was leaving going Yeah, messaged back and forth. Take me wrong. We weren’t like messaging all day every day. We’re like, my god, this is start of something magical because both of us had very delicate hearts at the time of what was what had been going on in our personal lives before meeting. I mean, I’ve read somewhere that apparently he had a girlfriend but not to my knowledge or what he said. To me and him were newly separated and I think this is where people get confused and go, was there a big affair or cheat?

Carla (20:09.452)

Because you got on. Yeah.

Carla (20:29.228)

yeah.

Charlotte (20:36.101)

There really wasn’t, we just literally, it was just new. And you know what it’s like, you just go out and try and go wild a bit. yeah, so I went back to messaging, and he messaged going, I’m really sad you’re leaving, I can’t believe you’re going, when are you back in London? So we talked on and off, and we obviously, we video chatted and just bits and bobs. And it was, I think, a mutual understanding. Neither one of us are in a position to be going into a relationship now. You know, I

I was in the start of thinking, right, I want to start my own agency and things like that. So that was taking a lot of my time. And obviously if I start that in the Midlands, yes, I can work from wherever I want at the beginning, but at some point I’m going to have a few different offices that are going to be Midlands based unless they opened a London one, which God no. So I was like, right, I’m a bit like, I’m a bit busy, he’s a bit busy. And we just stayed friendly. Like, you know, there’d be times where I wouldn’t speak to him for a week and then there might be four days where we talk every day. Like it just wasn’t.

Carla (21:21.248)

Yeah.

Charlotte (21:33.486)

that deep and I get the impression from him, if I take away the negative shit that I think of him now, I get the impression from him, he’s quite like, you know, just see how the day goes. And I’m very like that. And that’s where I think the match kind of got like neither one of us expected anything from each other. So as much as that happened, a lot of people were very concerned that I told him, I can’t get pregnant, so don’t worry about wearing protection.

That’s not true. We didn’t do it by fertility at all that night. That’s definitely not on the agenda. You know, to be crude about it, like, pull out methods, that’s all I’ll say.

Carla (22:06.932)

Yeah.

Carla (22:15.382)

that happened to me the first time and I’ve got an eight -year -old, you know, I honestly it was just like my friend I should have listened because she had three kids under three and she was like it works it works I was like great anyway

Charlotte (22:28.402)

I think I did know about the pull out method. He was very like, I don’t want to work on Dom. I thought, fuck it. And I think he knew what I would say. He’s just been married for seven years. So I was just like, so I go on. And yeah, pull out method, but on the one time, he didn’t.

But I was about it or anything because at that point I thought well even if we get pregnant It’s not gonna get anywhere. So like but I didn’t say that at the time I just thought well in my head obviously thought this so when I

Carla (22:58.73)

You’d kind of got to the point hadn’t you really that it wasn’t it wasn’t on the agenda for you at this time really because you’d had so many failed

Charlotte (23:02.582)

Okay. Yeah.

Yeah, seven miscarriages. So they were like, just think you’re is the way it is sort of thing. so I was like, well, you know, it is, I’ll be fine. And I really didn’t think anything of it at all. And then you go back to normal life, the show’s finished, you’ve got lots of different things in events that you have to attend. And then I’ve got a job as well. And my house

Carla (23:09.408)

Miss pregnancy,

Charlotte (23:27.487)

in the middle of being sold because obviously I’ve separated from Laura. So it’s all been a bit insane. It was chaos. And I went to go see Charlie for the weekend. And then when I come back, I eventually did a pregnancy test because I was so, so late and I thought it stress because I’ve got policies to cover it. So it’s quite common for me to have these gaps, you see. where I put eight weeks with no periods and it’s nothing. So I was like, I’m not doing tests. I’m so sick of looking at pregnancy tests, honestly. So it’s like a trigger. So I was putting it

until eventually I was like, I best do one just in case, like because my mom… I did have symptoms, but I was also very stressed. And a lot of the symptoms are similar to a period at the beginning. Tampy, emotional, tired, and I felt sick, but I wasn’t being sick at this point. I think I’d had a day where I was really, really sick. And, but then I fell into the weather and I had a temperature. So I was like, that’s just that. But I

Carla (24:00.556)

Did you have symptoms?

Carla (24:08.042)

Yeah.

Charlotte (24:24.26)

just here and there and I thought that keeps coming up so I’ll just do it and my god was it a positive it was I was like my god I couldn’t believe it to a point I was like no it’s wrong so I waited a week and then I was like the lime is almost black I was like my god this is really negative and it felt different for the pregnancy I’d had so and but I was still like well I’m not getting touched because I’m probably gonna miscarry it in the next week or two

So then I left it and then I my booking in appointment and she was like, why have you booked in so late? And I was like, probably just going to miscarry. And she was like, well, you’re definitely pregnant. I was like, yeah, I know, but I said it won’t stick. And I was shaking through the whole appointment because I was like, since I just don’t want to be here, I said, don’t see the point. I got really upset. And then I sort of thought, is it easier? I mean, this is what I feel awful thinking this now, but at time I was like, should

Should I just go and have an abortion? So I’m taking back my control of it instead of just being controlled by this infertility. But then I just thought, well, no, like I can’t do that. can’t, I’m no judgment. I’m so pro -choice, honestly, but I just know I’d never be able to go and do that. For me, that’s just me. So I thought even though this might pass, I need to let this baby do it when it’s ready. She’s still here. I know, while I’m back away.

Carla (25:43.136)

you’re bouncing on that ball as well. gosh, wow. bet that was, I mean how did you tell your parents? I mean not only do have to tell your parents like, yeah I’m pregnant but you know, I had a shag, you know, and I did it.

Charlotte (25:57.579)

Anyway, she’d already known because I

Carla (26:01.068)

right, did she? right. Because my dad still thinks I rolled in it, you see. And I’ve got two kids. I’m like, yeah, I don’t know what happened,

Charlotte (26:09.674)

I don’t know. My mom I’m really close to anyway. So she already knew what had happened. Cause I’d obviously gone, my God, I did this in London sort of thing. And she was like, good, you you need to like get yourself out of that and onto the next chapter of your life and stuff. And I was living with my mom at the time when I found out was pregnant and she’d actually said like, no, just in case. Cause I’d been open and honest with her. So when I literally, as it was turning positive, I was really shouting my mom upstairs.

and she was putting shopping away and she was all done. went, no, I can’t, you can’t. said, get here now. And then she just went, my God. And she went, is it? And I went, well, who else would it be? Of course it’s his. And then she was like, my God. And I went, I know this is a right mess. I was just like, I got this.

Carla (27:00.182)

So what did you do? did you kind of speak to him or like, happened? it’s a tricky one, isn’t

Charlotte (27:07.429)

Yeah, because I was like, well, I’m just going to Miscary So I didn’t tell him for two, three weeks and went to a medieval night. I got asked to review one at Kumabing. So I took my friend because we’d had no girl time. So I was like, do you want to come? I can drive. And she knew I was pregnant at this point. So I went along to that and there was a black pepper, the drag queen there.

Carla (27:15.254)

Yeah.

Carla (27:20.394)

Yeah

Charlotte (27:36.068)

I love Rupel and I go to lots of drag shows. So I was like, my god, you’re Black Pepper. So I’m getting there, telling Black Pepper my life story and what’s going on. What do I do while they’re getting hammered at this moment for this unlimited wine that’s just being handed to them? And in the end, it was with the advice of Black Pepper and my friend that I called him that. So, yeah, so I messaged him and I said, I need to speak to you tomorrow thinking I won’t do it tonight.

And he was like, is everything okay? And I says, yeah, I’ve got to talk to you about something. quite big though. And then he was like, how big? What’s the issue? Can I call you now? And I just thought, I don’t really want to talk to you. I don’t want to hear the reaction on the phone. So I just put back on pregnant. And then he says, I’ll call you in five minutes. So I was like, okay. And then he comes on the phone, really drove you all and he’s like, my God, what have we done? I was like, no, I know. And I says, look, if it’s any consolation, I said,

I don’t think this pregnancy will see it through. I’ve never had a successful one. said, so whether you’re happy or not, just keep that in mind for now because, you know, we’ve got to get to a 12 week scanner and I think it’s very unlikely. And he was like, okay, then. says, wow, this is crazy because I’ve had so many near misses and I’ve never got anyone pregnant. He says, I was going to get my sperm tested. And I was like, really? And I says, well, I won’t bother.

Charlotte (28:58.726)

He was really jovial and everything at first. And then I went to my first 12 week scan and they were like sort of messing with the dates and they went, this is the date. I was like, said, that makes more sense. Cause they kept trying to say it’s 12 weeks and I was like, that means I was pregnant before I saw him. I says, then this is baby Jesus then. No, that’s not right. So they got the dates correct and it all ended up perfect. And so then I messaged him a picture.

Carla (29:18.548)

Yeah! Yeah!

Charlotte (29:27.973)

And I says, yeah, the dates match up to our weekend now. says, because I was dead confused why they’re saying I’m 12 weeks when I’m not. So it looks like it’s, says it was our magical weekend. And at the Scanned photo, I says it, she just looks, well, we didn’t even know she was a she then. Just looks like a blob. Well, I think it’s quite a handsome blob. Lol. And he read it and then he just didn’t respond. And I thought, okay, I’ll give him a bit of time. He could be in the middle of something.

So then it was like 40 minutes later and he’s still online on WhatsApp and I’m like, are you not in the middle of something then are you? So I messaged, feel free to respond. And then he just went, this is a really stressful time for me. And I was just completely different tone. And he was like, you know, this is hard for me, blah, blah, blah. And I was like, right. So I just ignored him. And then he just put back, you okay. Ignored again. Cause I thought that’s all you keep saying. We’ve spoke multiple times. I checked in the week before the scan.

you doing okay? I just want to make sure you’re all right. And he was like, yeah, just going through a heartbreak at the minute blah, blah, and just started talking about this girl. And I was like, no, about the baby. You know, how about you love life if I’m honest. But we have a baby. But he was like, and he said, he says, wow, says, I said, why don’t you just try get back with her trying to be nice. And then he was like, well, I can’t now because of this because of your situation. So I was

Carla (30:34.124)

do it!

Charlotte (30:51.167)

Okay, my situation, right, got it. So it just started to this tone change. So then I got really upset because when I spoke to him on the phone, we’d had this argument and I just said to him, says, why won’t you just say you want to be involved or not? I says, because you’re given the impression you do. But then when I talk about it, you act like it’s negative, like it’s the worst thing that’s ever happened to you and me and it’s going to destroy us. I’m like, it’s a baby for God’s sake. So he’s not going to do anything.

So if you don’t want to be involved, just need you to bloody say, do you know what I mean? Like just tell me, I don’t want to be involved. I don’t want to do this, whatever. But no, he just, wouldn’t, he wouldn’t say anything. And I just, you seem to just want to be the good guy. You want to seem like you’re doing the right thing, but actually you’re not doing the right thing. I said, if you don’t want to be involved, I’ll do it on my own. I don’t need your money. I don’t need anything. Like I really just need to know wherever I stand in terms of parenting. Are we co -parenting and we’re just being adults and being friends?

Or am I, or is that it? I’m doing it on my own. And then he was like, well, know, Charlotte, if we’d been together three years, I still would be this way. I don’t want a child. That’s why I haven’t got a dog, because I just don’t want responsibility. And I was like, okay, fine, whatever. So in the end, I was like, right, well, I’ll make the decision for you then, because you haven’t got the balls to tell me that you don’t want to be involved and you don’t want to pay, you don’t want to do anything. Don’t worry about it. I’ve got it. Have a good life. And he was

He was like, really, really, that’s simple. And I went, yeah, I don’t need you. I just wanted the truth. And then we’d had a bit of a disagreement where I kind of said to him, says, well, I’ll need to know when the baby’s born. I says, why? I if you’ve got nothing to do with this baby, why the hell should you get to know anything? I says, you’re either in or you’re out. I says, I don’t want you on my social media. don’t want your family looking at my social media. You do not get to be part of this baby’s life at all, or you’re in.

That’s the way it is. don’t want to do it like, know, all this baby’s cute, I’m going to post it now. Because this is the thing when you’re dealing with biracial babies and stuff, people PR teams use stuff like that. And I’m not having that happen. So, so that was that. And then he just then said to me, I need to know if this is going to go public. You have to tell me you must pre warn me.

Carla (32:51.072)

You’re not like saying you want to be together and all of that. was more, you

Charlotte (33:18.44)

I don’t want you telling people about it. And I was like, well, one thing you do not get to absolve yourself of being a father and paying and supporting and then tell me what I have to do and how I handle it afterwards. Don’t get that. You, I’m not going to lie and go around saying, I don’t know who the father is. I’m not going to sit there and you’re like, well, I don’t want it public. And I was like, well, I’m sorry, you can’t be Mr. Good Guy and sit there and like pretend that you’ve got nothing to do with this child.

Like you’ve got to own that, you’ve chose that path, you own it, you don’t get to tell me like you’ve got to cover my ass for all the crap I’ve done and you’ve got to lie to people and you’ve got to lie to your kids and I don’t want the kids to know who I am. So do all of this and I’m also not going to support you financially, emotionally or be a father. No, that is not how it’s going

And I just says, I don’t understand what your issue is. I don’t understand why it matters if people know that you’re the father or not. I just don’t get that. I says, at the end of the day, it’s not going to affect you or your career. But I think in his head, he’s thinking, you know, it will because I’m being a deadbeat, aren’t I? So but I’m like, I says, I’m not going to sit there and sell stories or anything. I says, I’m just not going to hide it. And this is ultimately the only person that’s at risk here, Connor, is me. I says, because

Ultimately, you’ve got more power over me. You’ve got more money than me. You could drag me into courts and bankrupt me probably. You could try and fight for custody. You know, I says, you’re prepped with a whole team ready to make you look like an icon and me. I says, I’m just Charlotte who went on traitors for a show. You know, I’m not anything special. And he was like, yeah, I can, I can do that. And that’s why you tell me what’s going to happen. And I was like, it was just very, I’ll you something. It’s sent a chill. Cause I just sat there and I was like,

So I said, let me get this right, you want me to tell you because you can ruin me. And he was like, well, I can. And I’m like, so now you’re threatening me because you don’t like the fact that I’ve said I’m not going to do it. And was like, right, okay. And I said, Connor, honestly, this is based on how you’re acting. I really wouldn’t want the world to know who you are. But he just made it very apparent I can do what I want when I want. And I ended up saying, just have a good life, put the phone down. Didn’t speak to him again.

Charlotte (35:30.013)

And it just sent me into this dows by one because I’m emotional anyway, but two, because I’m sitting here thinking this poor kid has got that specimen as a father and he’s willing to destroy me to protect all costs that no one knows that I’m pregnant with his child. It knocks you in a way that you’re not really prepared for. And then you’re also you’re hurting for this child because you’re thinking she’s going to come into this world

If I don’t, if I tell people your dad’s a conner, he just doesn’t want to be involved like when she’s old enough or I just lie to her and then she finds out and resents me in the future, either way, I just felt like I’m not going to win. But then I’m sat there going in my head, yes, I can ruin you. Yes, I can bankrupt you. I could try to that. And I’m sitting there thinking, I’m divorced. I’ve just moved into my mum’s because I’ve started a business and I can’t buy a house until I’ve two years of a business. And I’m like, my God, what if he destroys me? Like, and you just torn but…

I was in very abusive relationship when I was younger by a guy and that’s part of the reason I think I’ve been with women since that relationship because it took me such a lot of therapy to start trusting men again. for the one guy that I actually let my guard down to to do that, it really screwed me in the head. And of course, I’m just through all this stress and worry trying to keep a baby alive inside me. It was a real tough time. And in the end, I decided the only way I

myself from him was to tell everyone because if I just put this on my social media and it was out there is he really gonna go through on those threats when he knows everyone’s watching to if he does it because everyone knows it was wrong what he’s doing but he just thought if no one knows I can do what I like to her I’m disposable to him which is fine I’m happy to be disposed to be honest he’s an absolute arse but I don’t like being threatened I’m not gonna live under a cloud for the rest of my life to suit his needs that was the issue I had

Then that’s where the video come I sat and recorded it sat in my car. Just put it on my socials didn’t want to be accused of selling it. I didn’t want to be accused of trying to get clout or Fame I mean, I was already getting invited to events and meeting celebs left right center. Anyway, I don’t need his clout Honestly, a lot of people don’t even know who he is. So like I think you know, this is me making a public statement I will not be controlled and you are not gonna do X Y & to me and That’s when Harry

Carla (37:43.47)

No.

Charlotte (37:52.973)

just left the WhatsApp group. Because he stopped talking to me the minute I told Carrie I was pregnant. So a lot of people have speculated going, he’s just staying out of it. And I’m like, well, not really. Otherwise, would have stopped speaking to me the minute I said I was pregnant to Connor and no one else knew. Would he? He took her side, which is fine. That’s your life. But to just stop speaking to someone that you were really close to, that’s another layer of hurt for me. I’m feeling just completely isolated at this point.

Carla (38:20.222)

Yeah.

Charlotte (38:23.073)

so

Carla (38:24.448)

Very vulnerable, isn’t it? It’s a really vulnerable time being pregnant anyway.

Charlotte (38:28.64)

Yeah, and especially if you haven’t got a partner sitting there saying you’re doing well or you look good today even though you don’t like, you know, all these small things that you that

Carla (38:35.884)

or just nip into the shop when you want your craving sorted, you know?

Charlotte (38:39.464)

I mean my parents have been fantastic, my friends have been amazing. As I’ve said publicly, majority of the cast were fantastic. Like really, really good. Just trying to tell me I can do this, you know, because I started to get in my head, you know, even when I got to that 12 week scan, I didn’t feel one bit safe. I suddenly felt like this baby is gonna go in some way and I really went into a depression because there is something about miscarrying.

and then finally carry on what it does to you. should, everyone imagines you just be like, but it isn’t like that at all. You’re in a.

Carla (39:15.084)

No. You don’t believe it, do you? You’d never believe you’re gonna get to that final bit. even, mean, when I got to about 36 weeks and they were saying, cause I had a short cervix, they were saying, oh, you won’t get far at all with this baby and stuff. When I got to that point, I still didn’t believe. And when I went in for the C -section, they were like, you ready? And I still thought something might happen.

Charlotte (39:37.547)

This is exactly it, like I’m getting stuff and you know preparing for Penelope’s arrival and I’m just sitting there still thinking if she comes I can’t get my head into it and I found the first trimester really tricky. I’d say up to about 16 weeks I just would not bond with the idea of being a mother and then when it’s still a slow process now I still have days where I’m

I almost want to go in self -sabotage because I just want some control back in this situation. You have no control when you’re pregnant and it’s really difficult when you’ve lost that control and it’s gone bad every time.

Carla (40:14.572)

You don’t want to get excited, do you? That’s the thing. It’s like you start in your business. That’s good in a way because it takes your mind off. That’s why I started my business as well. More, more just a control thing really after having a baby, just having something else to think about other than this, you know, thing that could go off. You just don’t want to get excited, do you? It’s

Charlotte (40:21.142)

Absolutely.

Charlotte (40:27.252)

Yeah. Yeah.

Charlotte (40:34.486)

Worst timing, you really self doubt. But I’m really glad I did speak out in the end. There’s been so

Carla (40:42.688)

I’m glad, I’m glad for you because you need, you know, have that window, don’t you, to be able to do it. And it’s a short time when you’re pregnant and you might then think, did I do it right? And the thing is, never know what’s right and wrong until you’ve done it. And if you feel good after doing it, great, you

Charlotte (41:01.429)

I feel that way for sure. For me, I’m just being open and honest. And I’ve had all sorts of things. I’ve had messages from people in the same situation. It’s a lot more common than you think. I’ve had women with celebrities that have got babies that we don’t know about in the public, that they’ve got hidden children. And more alarmingly, I’ve been contacted by other women that have children with Connor.

Charlotte (41:33.446)

Now, because I haven’t got a DNA test in front of me, but I have.

Carla (41:38.582)

Did he know about those? Does he know about those?

Charlotte (41:42.482)

Yeah, there’s, there’s definitely two. There’s a rumoured third. But these women are literally went through what I went and then some so I went public and just went like that’s how I’m gonna I’m not gonna let him get me. These people one of them’s even moved bloody country. But literally I

Carla (42:02.368)

thought his sperm when he was saying like, I’ll have to get my sperm tested. So that was a lie basically. Gosh.

Charlotte (42:05.748)

Yeah, this is it. But I can’t get my head around, like this has been a game for him. And then to see these videos unearthed of him joking about having kids everywhere. And there’s a video of him performing on a stage saying how he wants to get everyone pregnant in the audience. And I’ve had messages sent to me where people have attended and he’s Snapchatting them so we can hook up with

And then he’s saying, want to impregnate you. I just feel to him, he sees women disposable and obviously the children also disposable because no one knows about these children publicly. But I have seen evidence that he is entertaining that his children definitely and legal evidence. Yeah, there’s a lot. Apparently these three other children. And I think there’s more. We think there’s more. I’ve spoken with the mothers.

because

Carla (43:03.732)

that those are Penelope’s siblings really aren’t they

Charlotte :

But I’ve spoken and you know, there’s probably a good chance at some point we will meet up like we’ve said that once Penelope is here, just because they’re still hidden and bullets and they can’t come forward and they won’t come forward because.

Carla (43:26.302)

god, brother roll! my

Charlotte (43:46.446)

they’re worried that it will impact things like maintenance and you know sort of like for one who hasn’t had maintenance but just wants nothing to do with it doesn’t want the drama to unfold again and it’s like I’m just gonna stay away I’m not gonna say anything public because can’t go through it again I was suicidal last time like he was awful to her she had the worst deal and I’ve just seen things that he sent her messages and it’s just gross it’s disgusting and like you know

I’ve helped them just in some way, makes me feel better, but they can’t speak out. They’ve both said to me, happy for you to reference me, but don’t give details of who I am or the child. I can say that the children are both three and that’s it. So we had two women pregnant at the same time by the looks of it. But there is a rumoured five year old, I’ve been told that by multiple people in my inbox, there is a five year old child, this five year old child, I’m like, well, unless you tell me the name of the mother, I don’t know what you want me to do with this information. But for me, I would love

speak to any of mums. It’s not to out Connor. Connor’s got this rep and he’s clearly already out there with a negative rep. I don’t need to destroy him. I think he’s going to do it himself. But what I do need to know is if there is other mothers out there. One, because they might want the support. But two, just because Penelope I think deserves to know if she’s got siblings. So yes, that’s been a hard time really.

Carla (45:06.752)

That is so tough, it? Because of how popular he is as well, you know? I mean, I didn’t really know who he was, I’ll be honest, because like I said, it’s that kind of age difference. I think maybe his followers are a bit younger. Yeah, when I looked though, on his thing, I thought, you know, it’s sad really, isn’t it, for you as well, because it’s scary. He’s got all of those millions of followers and

Charlotte (45:21.177)

Yeah, I mean.

Charlotte (45:36.67)

That’s what worries.

Carla (45:37.588)

And you all know when people are a fan of somebody, you get those die -hard fans that really will

Charlotte (45:44.712)

that really do anything for him because they’re just like so that you know they’re falling in love with this artist and you know know kudos to him he’s done it you know I think well done he has got an amazing voice he’s got stage presence you know he has got you know I know he’s big on TikTok and YouTube and you know he has got comical moments I mean I don’t agree with this humor where he keeps talking about impregnating women it really winds me up but in terms of other

Carla (45:53.685)

Yeah.

Carla (45:57.275)

yeah.

Carla (46:10.006)

well especially as you’re sat there bouncing on a ball and pregnant.

Charlotte (46:12.59)

And he’s talking about impregnating the whole world into. He’s got kids everywhere and then it turns out he has got kids everywhere. like for me and then to see these messages, my god the amount of messages I’ve had sent to me, it’s ridiculous. this is we’re kind of, and it’s his number. I can see it and I can see what he’s saying, what he’s doing and like you know there’s women that have had abortions because they’ve found

Carla (46:22.719)

Nya!

Charlotte (46:40.257)

I just don’t know how big this goes and that is the bit that I struggle with the most is I just I reached out to him recently because we don’t speak and the last time I spoke to him was when I ran Penelope’s name passing by and said look I’ve been advised by a lawyer not that I’ve gone and sought it my friend is just a lawyer and she says look you don’t want to get bit on the bottom give them a message give him a message and say is it okay that I give her my full family name and this is now going to give her blah blah blah I just want to double check

and he come back with some attitude, he was calling me, it hurt it, everything, it was a viral message and it wasn’t written by him. I know that for a fact because the language and the terminology, was like, who the hell has written this? And also not referring to us like we’re not human beings, it was just horrible. So I was like, okay, and I said, I will not be contacting you again. If you need contacts, it will not be through me. So I feel a bit of an idiot when I had to message him recently.

Because I messaged him and I said, as you know, I did not want to speak to you ever again. Moms keep popping up everywhere, Connors. So I just want to give you the opportunity for you to tell me the truth. This isn’t fair. I know you don’t want nothing to do with Penny, but I don’t want this later in life to be a problem for her. She needs to know what siblings she has out there. So I sent that as a message. He read it. He responded. I didn’t see it quick enough. He deleted it. And that’s

That’s my agent and I’ve said look she says what do want to do and I said the newspapers know loose women and all that they know but they’re all scared to say something in case she tries to sue people and I says you know what I’m at a point where I don’t care if he sues me I just need to know for my daughter whether she’s got siblings in this area that area that area that area just need to know that’s it and I says can you reach out to his team and just say to him

Carla (48:07.884)

Gosh.

Charlotte (48:34.73)

I’ve got deal here, right? First one, meet Charlotte, talk to her, tell her the truth or phone call or whatever, I don’t care. But just tell her about all of them. If she finds out you’re lying, she ain’t gonna shut up. But if you tell her the truth, she won’t discuss this with anybody. She won’t make a big thing about it. She’ll shut up about the idea of the other mothers and let you carry on. Second option is, don’t respond, don’t talk to her. And she will announce it over and over again, enough on socials that if there is any mothers, they will reach out to her that

So it’s up to you. We’re giving you the option blank to go. So this is where I’m right now, I’m on a podcast or I’m whatever. I will talk about it because I’m confident there are other women out there and I just need to know they don’t have to come meet me or be involved in my life if they could just come out and say.

Yeah, I have got a child with Connor and blah, blah. Right, okay, that’s fine. That’s that child. I’ve not disclosed anything from anyone else. Everyone’s got their own story. And I see if they wanted to go out with it, I would hate to take their moment away from them because for me, it’s been quite cathartic getting all this off my chest. It’s made me feel stronger and to have so many people that have wanted to follow me since because of it and say like how it’s helped them. just feel like this is obviously a subject that we should have been discussing a long time ago.

It’s a shame that it’s stuck until 2024 for me to be mouthful and still I get all sorts of messages. I get women telling me I hope your baby dies. I’ve never had a negative message off a man. It’s all women which is crazy to me saying I should have aborted it. I’m a terrible mum already. I feel sorry for your child having you as a mother. You you get all sorts but it’s not…

Carla (50:12.364)

How do you cope with that?

Charlotte (50:15.464)

Wow, you’ve got the time there and put a woman down who’s pregnant you ain’t really worth thinking about, you? That’s what I would say. I’ve only probably had in negativity about 10 negative comments and that’s across TikTok and Insta. I don’t have Facebook. So if you look at over, I think, yeah.

Carla (50:20.426)

No, no, definitely not, yeah. that’s really sad that.

Carla (50:38.348)

how many people you’ve helped, how many people feel like, you know, they’ve finally got someone that they can follow that they can relate to if they’ve been in a similar situation.

Charlotte (50:46.856)

In total, I’ve about 3 ,000 messages and those messages are all not just comments like, good luck, I’m talking messages. That’s how I am. I think it took me two weeks and I was just constantly responding whilst doing something because if someone’s going to write a proper message, there’s no way I was not going to respond because after finding out about parents, I was like, I need to get through this. There might be more months.

Carla (51:08.16)

Nya! Nya!

Charlotte (51:11.291)

always had to do the admin work. Yeah, that’s kind of basically where it’s been left. Now for me, I think the most important thing that I want to get across to people is I haven’t baby trapped him. I’m not getting no money from him. I won’t get any money from him. I won’t accept any money from him. I don’t want to see him. I don’t want to marry him. I certainly do not want to date him. I really don’t want to be friends. But ultimately,

I am all about Penny. So when Penny gets to a certain age, if she’s desperately wanting to know her father, then that’s the way it will be. If he comes out of the blue and decides he wants to be a dad, then fine. I’m not going to stop him. I’m not going to stop him, but I’m certainly not going to encourage it because he has screwed my head so bad. And pregnancy, as a lot of your listeners or followers will know, is one of the most hardest things to go through.

a father figure like that and trouble the other end potentially, I’d just rather not. He knows she’s his, he hasn’t even had to ask for a DNA if he wanted a DNA, he have a DNA. There’s so many things people have come back with that I don’t know whether this disillusioned that I’m baby trapping for money or something. I don’t even think he has got that much money. I it’s a irrelevant these days. So I’m just kind of like, I’m a girl who would look after myself, I don’t need anyone.

But I just think like, it’s just made me think about so many other people. Like I am so fortunate to be in the situation I am. I’m fortunate to have the family I have, the career I have, the opportunities I have. And all I can think about is people that don’t have that and how isolated they must feel and how hard it is for them. And that’s why I’m just singing and I’m shouting girl power. And I am going to fight for every woman out there that hasn’t because…

I think if I shout loud enough maybe it might convince one guy to just either wear something or stand up. I hope

Carla (53:05.77)

Yeah, yeah. Gosh, wow! Gosh, yeah, like you said, I bet there is so many celebrities out there with children.

Charlotte (53:16.085)

I’ve got a little black book of celebrities that have misbehaved.

Carla (53:20.322)

my goodness, yeah, yeah.

Charlotte (53:22.499)

I was the only person I had to discuss it with, it obviously my mum, like you know the person I can trust through and through. And Erin I’m like my god you know this celeb, he’s got a blah blah blah, I’m talking to the mum look, look at this evidence, look at that. Honestly it’s like the dark web of babies.

Carla (53:41.962)

And no one has ever really spoken about that, have they? Really, I mean, I’ve never really seen anyone other than you talking about something like that happening. And it won’t be, I mean, Conor, you know, it won’t be just him either, is it? You

Charlotte (53:51.668)

Yeah. Person and there are millions of women out there. I’ve been contacted like I’ve got people in Australia contacted me. I got like all over the world. It’s like drip feeding out and it’s so lovely that they want to reach out and offer me support. But actually like some these people have had it so much worse than me. I’m quite

got that from traitors. So I wasn’t gonna let that happen. I’ve also been under a therapist for 18 months, I think it is, I see a weekly and I am very, I know my motives, I’m certain of who I am, I’m not going to be deterred from my goals, what I need to do. And it’s easy for me to do that. But if you can’t afford therapy, or you’re on a waiting list that the NHS make people wait three years to see someone for one hour a month or something, like

this is where I keep coming back to, I’m so fortunate. So I’m trying my best to just raise awareness with it and try and be a bit more powerful about it and help women. There’s women in women’s shelters because they’re to escape because the husband’s gonna kill them if they have the baby or a girl and they want a boy. And when you delve into how dark it is, I’m just a scratch on the surface of what women are really going through. And I just really wanna advocate for it as much as possible.

But I think it starts with a public figure because the minute you can do that, it gets noticed and it gets discussed. Things need to change. They do need to change. can’t, I don’t think it’s right that people can threaten to ruin you. I think there should be something in place where if you’re receiving those kinds of threats from someone and that pressure that you should be able to have some kind of legal, you you can’t come near me.

I don’t know. mean, could you go really for, I forget what it’s called, because I’ve got baby brain. know where you… Well, not mediation. I’m talking more like they can’t contact you or come near you

Carla (55:48.576)

Is it mediation? Mediation, do mean?

Carla (55:55.628)

right, yeah. Yeah, but then I suppose then if you’ve got, if you’re carrying their baby then it might be a bit like… It’s odd isn’t it? It’s a bit of a blurred line really, isn’t it?

Charlotte (55:59.651)

I

Charlotte (56:03.573)

That’s the thing, this is the

You can’t really do anything because if you sit there and say I don’t want to be contacted don’t let them speak to me don’t let them do this but then you’re having their child so they can’t you can’t do that. You can’t do nothing about it the most you can is end. But what do you do when you’re dealing with a public figure that’s got more a lot more money than you and is throwing it around like he has and threatening

Carla (56:17.046)

So then you’re like restricting them from seeing.

Charlotte (56:33.099)

And you know, I’ve from what I’ve been told by one of the other mothers that was one of the threats. If you make me have a DNA test to prove it’s yours, then I’m going to go for full custody. And I’m like, what? And I says, why? says, why did you need the DNA? And she was like, because I wanted financial support. I was a student. I didn’t have the things you had. So like, it’s just a game to him. And that’s where I’m like, really bad. This is making women. And well, some of the stories I’ve been told, I’m

There’s got to be something you can do. There’s got to be something we can do to help these people so they’re not, you know, pushed away and bullied and, you know, segregated. don’t know. Yes, my thing is I will not be silenced, but these women, some of them, like one woman reached out to me, she was six years old, and my mom and dad still don’t know who the father is because she’s too scared. She’s petrified and she’s now thinking about telling them. And I’m like, six years of lying.

Carla (57:11.542)

Silenced.

Charlotte (57:26.847)

and her kids asking questions, died asking questions at three, four. Like, you know, everyone thinks when they’re 18 they’re gonna ask. No, it isn’t. It’s much younger. What do you tell that child? So, I’m just trying my best to help as many people as I can. I’m, you know, just trying to enjoy every minute. I realize I’m one of the lucky ones that’s, you know, managing to keep her here. I’ve still got to get to the end, but you know, and also just people just trying to conceive when you’re in a same sex thing.

is just as difficult as heterosexual as well and I think like that needs to be sort of normalized that was a thing we struggled with as well like our council, our local authority didn’t do IVF support, any support for same sex, no, we were told no, you chose to marry a woman, chose.

Carla (58:14.486)

Gosh, I wondered when you said that you had to pay for the first round. I wondered if that was just where you were, but gosh.

Charlotte (58:20.282)

Yeah, but then my partner, was well, my ex wife, sorry. She was from Stoke -on -Trent and there you get three IVF codes. But here, I’ve got policies to cover this. Can you at least just give me some medication towards this and then I’ll just pay for my inseminations or whatever? No, no, you

Carla (58:44.552)

I think your recording might have stopped. don’t know

Charlotte (58:48.767)

I a cold come through.

Carla (58:50.584)

that’s why. it might be. it’s doing it now, I think. Yeah. Right, sorry.

Charlotte (58:55.475)

Yeah, no, that’s fine. so then yeah, so basically they wouldn’t give any support just on that basis. And I was like, but hold on, I’ve got a fertility issue, even if I was with a man, I’d still be needing this help. So surely you can help me with my fertility issue. And then the actual process of insemination and donor’s fair enough, I’ll go pay for that as well. No, it was just a hard no. And it was always when you chose here with a woman. So that was quite a hard journey. So and then to like speak to someone

Carla (59:23.734)

There are so many same -sex couples that are amazing parents. It’s just, that’s heartbreaking.

Charlotte (59:27.262)

Yeah, I know it’s really, really, really enough. So that was another part of it that I try and discuss because, you know, it makes you feel like you’re doing something wrong or that you’re wrong for being with a woman. But then if you go to another local authority, they celebrate it. It’s just really confusing, isn’t it? So yeah.

Carla (59:47.98)

It really is, honestly. It’s… How are you… I mean, I did mean to get on to this but it’s been insightful, honestly. But, how are you getting on with getting to the appointments and the birth and going through that on your own? Is your mum gonna be there?

Charlotte (59:55.006)

Yeah.

Charlotte (01:00:02.975)

Yeah, so I’ve got my mum as my birthing partner and one of my oldest friends. I’ve been friends with her. How old am I now? 18 years? like, so yes, gonna support me. But the appointments, yeah, my mum comes with me. I had one of my best friends Danielle, she came with me to one of my appointments because she really wanted to see her. Yeah, I’ve generally got to tell people no. I can only take one. But yeah.

Carla (01:00:12.172)

Take.

Carla (01:00:27.306)

Yeah

Charlotte (01:00:29.979)

independent I like to do things myself anyway even if I was with someone now I would be running around doing a lot of organizing on my own because I’m just I’m very militant and having ADHD there’s no off -button with me you know so yeah so that’s kind of what I’ve yeah it’s not been it’s not been bad for me at all I’m obviously nervous when she comes but I’ve looked after a lot of babies I’m godmother to quite a few children now and so I haven’t got that nervousness because ultimately she’s an extension of me.

Carla (01:00:48.545)

No.

Charlotte (01:00:59.836)

and I think it’s just gonna come naturally to know what to look after her.

Carla (01:01:05.066)

Yeah, it will. my goodness! I can’t believe like soon you’re gonna actually have a baby. it’s so exciting. It really is. You you’ve been amazing and I really appreciate you coming on here because I get what message you know, you’re wanting to share and you know, it is girl power, isn’t it? It is.

Charlotte (01:01:10.078)

I’m going to have a little

Charlotte (01:01:24.135)

Totally, totally girl power. mean, hopefully next year we’ll have some exciting times. I might be going on to some other reality stuff, but I’ve made it clear I want to be doing Survivor or something like that. That’s the one thing I did in the Traitors. I think I stood out as a woman that just got her hands dirty. Like I love challenging myself and I find it really just something mentally to you. And that’s where I’ve channeled that happiness I get from pushing myself to get me through the pregnancy. So that was

I don’t care that I’m three months pregnant and I’m starting an agency. So do it. I’m going to do it. I can do it. And do know what I mean? It’s that kind of positivity. And if I can just like bring that out, I just want to, I want to be like the extra spice girl. I don’t know what you want to call me. What should we call spice? Yeah. So yeah, so that’s what I’m doing.

Carla (01:02:07.404)

Yeah, sugar spice or something like that. Yeah, I know what you mean. Have you thought, lastly Charlotte, have you thought about like if you would, where you’re at in terms of meeting someone now or in the future, have you thought about that? No.

Charlotte (01:02:22.281)

Yeah Totally I love love I really like when I fall in love I fall in love so like I I can’t wait to feel like that again Obviously male female trans I have no idea you never know with me I don’t even know I have no idea I just know it will be a human being that’s all I know

Carla (01:02:38.806)

Yeah

Carla (01:02:45.098)

Yeah.

Yes, that’s something!

Charlotte (01:02:49.358)

So yeah, yeah, no, honestly, one of my goddaughters, went, that mean you could fall in love with like a dog or something? I was like, no, that’s not how pansexuality works.

to sit down and talk to her about how that works. yeah, so I can’t wait to fall in love with someone else. I, know, it’s kind of an advantageous thing because at my age, a lot of people have had kids now, haven’