- Lack of Sleep + Q&A
“As a mum you always feel guilty”
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Today on the Fifty Shades of Motherhood podcast, host Carla Lett and guest Katie Mason openly talk about sleep and lack of it after having a baby.
We discuss how we are coping with less sleep and how different our experiences are from last time.
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[00:00:00] Carla: Sponsoring this episode of 50 Shades of Motherhood Today is me and myself. So , aside from doing this podcast, I also have a business called My Bump 2 Baby, and My Bump 2 Baby is one of the UK’s leading parenting platforms. I launched My Bump2 Baby as a blog back in 2016, and I did this on a shoestring budget.
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[00:00:50] Carla: When it comes to growing your income through blogging, the great thing about blogging is I now can enjoy my life doing whatever I want during the day, and parents are automatically finding my blog through search engines generating me and income whilst I am busy enjoying life. If you love the idea of launching your own passive income blog, you can access my course in the link below.
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[00:02:08] Carla: Hello everybody and welcome to this week’s episode of 50 Shades of Motherhood. This week is our last episode of season four, and we’re gonna be talking all about sleep and sleep after having a baby and just sleep in general. So I hope you enjoy this episode. As well as that, with it being our last episode, we’re also gonna be answering all of your questions on various topics.
[00:02:37] Carla: So I hope you enjoy this episode.
[00:02:48] Carla: Welcome to this week’s episode of 50 Shades of Motherhood. Today I am joined by my lovely friend again, Katie Mason, Koach Katie on Instagram. That’s two Ks and an underscore in between. And today we’re actually on our last episode of season four. Can you believe it, Katie?
[00:03:08] Katie: I can’t believe how fast these episodes have gone, honestly. I think we started, I, I do feel like if you look at, uh, like in terms of development, my baby’s load’s bigger, so it must have been, it must have been a while ago. But it feels like it’s flown, doesn’t it?
[00:03:22] Carla: Yeah, it does. And you know, it’s been so nice to have like a weekly catch up with a friend because that’s what you are my friend. So it does feel like we actually have a really good chat and you can forget people are listening sometimes.
[00:03:33] Katie: Sometimes I think you are the only person I’ve spoke to all week if I’m honest occasionally. So it’s nice to have it in the diary, isn’t it? And we actually get that.
[00:03:43] Carla: It is because, I mean, aside from like this podcast being a, a new mum, I say, well, second time mums, it can be quite lonely, especially when you’ve got loads of other jobs to do and you kind of trying to balance everything.
[00:03:57] Katie: Yeah.
[00:03:57] Carla: And then a lot of the time you can think, oh, I’ll see that friend soon. I’ll see that friend soon. And then all of a sudden you’ve not spoke to or seen your friends for ages. And it has actually been really, really nice.
[00:04:07] Katie: Yeah. I think January’s been a weird month, hasn’t it? Because like, even before Christmas, I was making the effort to see people and do things, and then Christmas is all chaotic.
[00:04:18] Katie: And then January you just think, oh, I’ll, I’ll, I’ll have an easier month, won’t do as much. And, and then you end up thinking, no, this isn’t good. I’m not actually interacting with other human beings. You know, I know this can’t be right.
[00:04:30] Carla: I know. Maybe we need to do a podcast every January just to stop that because we’ve been quite busy, haven’t we? Like meeting up, having chats, obviously recording the podcast. So .
[00:04:40] Katie: Yeah, it’s been nice. It’s been nice January New year project.
[00:04:44] Carla: It has. It really has. And so today we did mention in our last episode that we’re gonna touch a little bit on sleep and then we were gonna answer all the questions that we’ve got that have come in. I can’t say I’m the best at advice or anything like that, but I’m happy to get giving a go.
[00:05:01] Katie: No. Yeah. It’s a weird one because I just messaged you didn’t I? We, we are recording late in the evening today instead of in the daytime. And I just messaged you saying, oh, I’ve got loads of energy. It’s fine, we’ll do it. And then I run upstairs for a wee, came back downstairs and my whole mindset, I was like, oh my God, I need my bed. I am knackered. It’s five past eight .
[00:05:21] Carla: I know, I know. That’s it. Well, that’s why I’m in my pyjamas. You see? I’m ready. I’m ready to .
[00:05:26] Katie: Oh are you in your PJs?
[00:05:27] Carla: Yeah. Yeah. The Michelle Keegan, ones I got them a couple of Christmases ago.
[00:05:31] Carla: But you know when they feel just so good. They just feel so, soft.
[00:05:35] Katie: Yeah you will just keep wearing them, they’ll come to a point where you’ll have to force yourself to bin them cuz they’ll be all tatty and like discoloured and stuff.
[00:05:41] Carla: They probably are really, it’s just good lighting . Yeah. Yeah. So, so we’re gonna talk a little bit about sleep because you have recently, um, started working with a sleep consultant and I think it’s important to talk about sleep because Yeah, a lot of people, a lot of people say like, oh, my baby’s sleeping through and sometimes it’s yours isn’t, it can make you feel a bit shitty, can’t it? Like you want to feel like other people are going through the same thing and a lot of people are. So I wanna talk about that.
[00:06:11] Katie: Yeah. Connor said to me yesterday morning, we had a really, well, cuz we’re doing the sleep training. We had a challenging night the night before and he went, you know, when people have babies and they say, oh, I’m, I’m shattered. He was like, you don’t realize what they actually mean. He is like the, it’s, it’s hell, like trying to go to work and obviously he runs a business and having to do it on very little broken sleep, it’s, it’s really challenging. So, um, yes, I, I think if people managed to get that full night’s sleep early on, like. All power to ’em. I wish that was me. I really do. .
[00:06:45] Carla: Yeah, I know exactly. Well, that’s it. I mean, George, I mean, I’m gonna be one of those painful people now, but George, like literally slept like amazingly well, but he was in the neonatal. Yeah. So basically they fed them, they fed the babies like every four hours. There was no. Cuddling. As sad is it is. It’s so sad.
[00:07:04] Katie: You’ve got them in a routine. Someone has to said that to me about them, you know, when they have to stay in the hospital, the, the, the midwives just get them in the routine straight away there isn’t it?
[00:07:15] Carla: And he has slept like a log since, you know, he. We can have people round and he’s in bed and he will never, he just never wakes up.
[00:07:25] Katie: Wasn’t he, like when I, when he was a toddler, he was lying in until like 10, 11:00 AM on a Sunday and everyone, all our friends were like, what the hell?
[00:07:32] Carla: Well, I didn’t even know how, but he was a very, he’s still very lazy now. But it’s great, especially if you’re hungover slightly as well, because that always helps . But yeah, I mean I used to, when I first launched, uh, my business, I used to pay for him to go to nursery a couple of days to interact with other children. Yeah. Um, and. Really, I should have actually only paid for the afternoons because the amount of times he would just wake up like 11 o’clock and then would end up just going around then I think, God, that was a waste of money. You know that whole morning he was asleep.
[00:08:04] Katie: Yeah. Yeah. You could have worked anyway whilst he had a lie in.
[00:08:07] Carla: I know. And then, and then this time around it has been more challenging because Olivia has had quite a few sleep regressions and I didn’t even know what sleep regressions were, but all of a sudden she’s like putting her down to bed, bath routine stays the same all the time, so it’s bath, bottle ,bed. Yeah. And it’s the same thing. But what was happening is she was going to sleep for like an hour and then waking up, like clapping her hands in a cot, mama. And I thought, oh my God, , no. Why do this to me? And then know I shouldn’t have. Because they say don’t, but I, I was getting her out the cot, I was bringing her back downstairs and all of those things. That you really, you know, you shouldn’t do, but you just think, I just want an easy life and I just want to be able to watch my program. Yeah. So I wanna bring her downstairs. So she has been a bit more challenging, like sleep. Most of the time she does sleep through.
[00:08:57] Carla: But you gotta remember, she’s a year old now. We’ll have the odd time where she does wake up. Which I don’t mind. I just, you know, you just think .
[00:09:06] Katie: You’d like to think by a year you’ve managed to start getting into some sleep. If you haven’t, just lie to me because I, I can’t be told that with a five month old that , I know my eldest son took a long time to get into a sleep routine and I think all children are different, aren’t they?
[00:09:21] Katie: Um, but that’s why I’ve been super keen to try and get that structure early on with Clay so that I’m not sort of kicking myself. , eight months, nine months thinking I should have done something sooner. So I think learn habits young, it helps, doesn’t it?
[00:09:38] Carla: That’s it. And I think a lot of people, obviously I’ve got My Bump 2 baby, if you’re watching the video, it’s behind. And we’ve got loads of sleep consultants in the directory. And I think, uh, whenever asked parents what their main reason is that they haven’t used a sleep consultant, a lot of the time it might be, well, I don’t wanna do the cry out method. And a lot of them don’t do that. And .
[00:09:57] Katie: No, we’ve not been doing that.
[00:09:58] Carla: No. And I think it’s a myth that people think that like they’re gonna make them have to listen to the baby cry. And it’s not like that at all. And actually one friend that did end up using a sleep consultant two years down the line actually said, oh my goodness, I was gonna pay the money, anyway at some point I wish I’d have just paid it earlier.
[00:10:16] Carla: You know? Cause it’s more sleep, isn’t it?
[00:10:18] Katie: Yeah. Yeah. All that sleep that they’ve missed out on in between. Yeah. Yeah. But I think what, what’s um, like highlighted to me, obviously I work in fitness and nutrition and when I have clients, um, they always say the best thing is being accountable to somebody.
[00:10:32] Katie: Cause I’m accountable to you when I do my check-in every week. Um, Having a sleep consultant is very similar because you start to analyze everything that you do in every day and every night. And then you think, oh, no, that’s naughty. I shouldn’t do that. That’s, yeah, no, I’m, I’m breaking the rules. And you start thinking, no, I, I better, I better confess that in my little diary of what’s gone on today, like, oh. you know, did this, went in and got them out or whatever it is. And it really helps you just to see those little tiny things that if you tweak them, it just teaches the baby, doesn’t it what they need to do.
[00:11:05] Carla: Yeah. And I think it stops you feeling guilty as well. Cause as a mUm you always feel guilty no matter what you do. Like Yeah. I am conscious that cuz I work from home around Olivia. Um, so often when she, she’s having an nap, I’ll do work, but there is kind of.
[00:11:18] Katie: That’s amazing that you do that by the way. Not many people would have that routine and be able to work in that time as well. So.
[00:11:24] Carla: I know, well I have, I have actually got a friend coming to the house a couple of times a week as well. Yeah. Um, to, to help with Olivia and also do the odd jobs like cook. Yeah. Actually that sounds really lazy. Um, but it’s actually helping her out the same time.
[00:11:40] Katie: Sort the washing out.
[00:11:41] Carla: Well actually yes. Um, but a couple of days a week. But it does just help cuz it means when I’m recording my podcast cuz I’ve got the other podcast as well that I can kind of, um, you know, concentrate because when I’m talking I’m worried that she’ll wake up, but.
[00:11:57] Katie: Yeah. And it’s another friend that you get to catch up with as well. So that’s two people a week, you see?
[00:12:02] Carla: Exactly. Exactly. But the thing is, I think, um, what was I actually saying? Don’t even know what I was talking about. I was talking about,?
[00:12:09] Katie: You were talking about, uh, working around Olivia in the house.
[00:12:13] Carla: And the guilt. So I’ll sometimes be on my phone on the laptop and Olivia’s around and think, oh, I should be concentrating on her. So it’s kind of, you always feel guilty, so when you’ve got a sleep consultant saying it’s okay to do that, that was my point. Yes, yes. Yeah. You feel more, you feel happier about it. Like, okay, I am doing the right thing, and it’s, it’s okay to do that.
[00:12:34] Carla: And the lady
[00:12:34] Katie: that I’ve used has actually been really good in terms of, I’ve said, oh, I’ve done this and I’ve done this, and she’s gone. Right. That’s fine. Obviously, you know, that’s gonna work for you and it’s a very personalised approach.
[00:12:45] Katie: So, um, For example, let me, oh, can’t think of an example off the top of my head. But if I’ve, if I’ve wanted to tweak something, a timing or, um, say for example, a way I’ve done a feed, I wanted to, like, initially I wanted to keep a, a, a couple of breastfeeds in and then taper them off, which I’ve done already now over a course of a week.
[00:13:03] Katie: So, um, yeah, it’s, it is good because if you get somebody who’s flexible the help to use their experience to highlight where you can improve things and like bring a little routine together, which ultimately that’s what leads to the sleep, isn’t it? The routine?
[00:13:18] Carla: Oh, definitely. Yeah. Yeah. It is. It’s just following that routine, like you said, and there is loads of information online and stuff like that as well, but it’s that accountability that really does, does help, I think.
[00:13:31] Katie: And I also think it’s, it’s good to know that even in any situation that it can be improved because sometimes you think, oh God, my baby doesn’t sleep. You know, it’s a nightmare and you don’t realize that it can be improved. Like you don’t realize sleep consultants are out there or that there’s help or advice that you can actually get and you just think, oh, this is what it’s like having a baby. I’ve got to live with being absolutely exhausted every day. A lady. Sent me a message on Instagram and she was like, I’m so glad to hear someone else, uh, you know, needs help with the sleep. Cuz she said it’s ruining my maternity leave. She said, I’m not enjoying any of it, I’m just existing.
[00:14:10] Katie: So, um, you know, in, in that respect, like if he gets to that point where you just existing and sleep is really, really a massive issue, then just go for it.
[00:14:19] Carla: Definitely. Yeah, absolutely. And, and something else I shared with someone this week actually is I’ve actually stayed in a hotel before. Overnight on my own.
[00:14:29] Katie: Did you?
[00:14:29] Carla: And it was, do you know what? It was absolutely brilliant. Wait till last minute. Book it, it was like 50 quid. Yeah. Um, and I just stayed, I got a Papa John’s, I think it was a Papa John’s. I got my, took my tablet, put a chick flick on that, and I just slept. And it was, it was great. It was great.
[00:14:46] Katie: Yeah, I’ve needed that.
[00:14:47] Carla: Yeah, I would recommend that to anybody that’s really at the point of like, you know,.
[00:14:52] Katie: Snapping. At the point of breakdown. No, I mean, I, I’ll have to be perfectly honest, I’ve not had a full night’s sleep for five months now, so I need it, but that’s why we’re doing this. We’re working towards it. So.
[00:15:05] Carla: Probably longer if you count with your pregnancy, cuz you don’t sleep very well toward the end of your pregnancy do you?
[00:15:11] Katie: You just toss and turn until the point where you can’t toss and turn and you’re just like, you, you’re lying there, aren’t you? Just all your bones, all your bones are digging in. Well, you know, I broke my bed through being pregnant. Yeah. So my new, my new bed, my new bed comes next, uh, Wednesday. So that was one of the factors why I was like, right. Get the sleep consultant in now let’s get this nailed before the new bed. And then that can be a little reward for doing it.
[00:15:35] Carla: Yeah. . Oh no, well, exactly. And it’s nice to get back in your own, in your own routine. I mean, I didn’t put Olivia in her own room until I think she was. Past six months. Yeah. Um, just because it’s a bit down the hallway. And to be honest, I’m lazy and I hate being cold in the middle of the night. So if she cried, I didn’t wanna have to walk and then bring her back.
[00:15:56] Katie: Yeah It makes it worse. It makes it worse. Because Clay was next to me for so long. I didn’t realize how broken his sleep was. I knew it was broken. Um, but I was dealing with things like, with my eyes close really fast in the night, you know? And it was like, oh, it was a 10 minute job feeding him or putting him back.
[00:16:14] Katie: Whereas when you’ve got to get up, feel the cold, find your dressing gown, go to the next room, it takes longer. Your sleeps even more disturbed. It’s hideous.
[00:16:22] Carla: And then when your husband’s snoring, snoring away, you think fuck sake. You know? Yeah. How do they sleep through it? Although I actually have been secretly sleeping through Olivia’s cries. Yeah. Um, uh, when she’s had this sleep regression and Danny’s been kind of going in and holding the fort.
[00:16:39] Katie: The funny thing, the funny thing is though, they think they’ve had just a bad night’s sleep as you, and you’re like, no, cuz I listened to you snore half the night. Definitely didn’t. Like, oh, that was a bad night’s sleep. And like you joking, I watched you sleep through it.
[00:16:52] Carla: I know yeah.
[00:16:54] Katie: People snoring thinking they’ve had a bad night’s sleep.
[00:16:57] Carla: I know. Well, the thing is, it’s like when you are on maternity leave, um, and you know, I’m, I feel like I’m still on maternity leave, but I’m not. But you do feel like a bit more responsible for the getting up, don’t you? And dealing with everything and.
[00:17:11] Katie: Yeah. When you breastfeed, you forced into that position because your partner can’t do much. Cuz it’s all on tap, isn’t it? There’s no going and getting the bottle and giving it for you.
[00:17:20] Carla: Oh yeah, of course. Yeah, exactly. So it is like that. But I do think that also people need to be mindful as well, that what works for one couple doesn’t work for every couple. Because I think sometimes you can feel like a bit, I mean I’ve been really lucky in the sense I don’t feel well without sleep. So Danny, has stepped in so many times because I’m moody. That’s why. And for no other reason. . Yeah. And I’m just moody and I don’t deal well without sleep. But he’s been great in that sense. But I am conscious of saying that to too many people because their partner might not be doing the same. But also that that’s because that way round doesn’t really work for them. It’s not because you know.
[00:18:05] Katie: We, we had to sort of look at things cuz Connor’s got a really intense job and, um, he just needed to have like a good night’s sleep. And we’ve, at the moment, we haven’t got a spare room in the house. And, um, he had to go and sleep on the couch quite a few times. Cause we were just like, look, you, you need a good night’s sleep.
[00:18:23] Katie: We actually went to Manchester for the day and with the baby, and he was walking around like a zombie. And I was like, Connor, hello, hello? And he was like, what, what? And I said, Listen, when we get home, just sleep on the couch. And that was the first time we did it. Um, and then hopefully now it, we’ve not, we’ve not had to do it for a few weeks. Things are improving, but just so that he could focus at work because, you know, he was so tired.
[00:18:48] Carla: I always think there’s one of you that deals, that is worse without sleep, really. And I, I am, yeah. I am re really, really bad actually.
[00:18:57] Katie: Do you know, I dunno, whe whether it was adrenaline, but the first few months I was like, weirdly, I feel fine. I feel fine. But then it got to like, Four months, three and a half, four months. And then I was like, this is the time when I need people to start dropping hot pots off on my doorstep. You know, not when the baby’s newborn. I need it now. Yeah. When the, when the baby was newborn, I was fine, but after three and a half months of sleep deprivation I was like, somebody helped me with something. Come on.
[00:19:26] Carla: Yeah, do you know what? You’re so right. That is when you really start realising like, oh my goodness, like this is hard now.
[00:19:33] Katie: Yeah. I think cuz real life kicks in, everyone’s back in a normal routine, you’ve got to crack on with the sleep deprivation regardless. Um, obviously I started exercising as well and that made me feel better. And then, The odd time I’ve not had anyone to watch the baby, or I’ve not been able to exercise, I go under again. I’m like, oh my God, I’m knackered. So it’s like a vicious circle, isn’t it? Trying to keep your endorphins going and get some energy about you and stuff.
[00:19:59] Carla: Oh yeah, exactly. I mean, that’s what I, I mean, I do admire you for still doing your exercise when you are tired, because that’s the time where I think to myself, Hmm, I can’t do it. But actually it does make you feel better.
[00:20:11] Katie: A little goes a long way. It snaps you out of it. Like, I wouldn’t say start trying to, you know, hike up a mountain or do a 10 K challenge or anything like that, but a little does go a long way. If you’re tired, it just kind of shakes, shakes you up a bit and kind of like makes you a bit more alert.
[00:20:27] Carla: Especially in the morning. Yeah, in the morning. Like when you’ve got the whole the rest of the day. Yeah. Like kinda get through.
[00:20:34] Katie: And exercising in the fresh air. I think that helps as well just to kick off the sleep deprivation. But if you really, if anyone’s really suffering and struggling, you’ve got to speak up. You’ve got to say to people around you, you need to help me. I’m really knackered. Yeah. Um, because like for me, I know this sounds really bad. But if I’m, if I’m seriously tired, I’m angry, I go to angry. We call when, when there’s something, when I’m not in a good mood, I get called Ginger Kate. Oh, ginger Kate’s here. Oh, she’s, she’s going on her, and that’s when the fire comes out. And I’m like, what’s going on? Who’s doing that? You know, I get, I get mad. So, um, and I don’t like myself like that. I don’t wanna be like that. So if for any reason I start feeling ginger Kate bubbling out to the surface, I’m like, no, someone’s got to step in and help me now.
[00:21:20] Carla: Oh yeah, no, I feel like I get hangry. Actually. Hangry is my, you know, when you’re hungry and in fact, hungry, tired, and. , you know that that does make me very, very moody actually.
[00:21:31] Katie: Yeah. Yeah. I’m a hang, I’m a hangry. Um, I’m guilty of being hangry as well. .Just make sure I’m fed and I get sleep and then we’re all happy.
[00:21:41] Carla: I know. Well, that’s it. And I think the thing is, I think it’s so, people are so, like, they don’t wanna say they’re struggling, um, especially as a mum, like a, cuz it seems like everyone else sometimes has got it together. I think maybe this time around when it’s your second and we are maybe, I don’t wanna say the word older, I don’t know, but maybe a bit more like Yeah, it’s really hard actually. Uh, yeah. But when younger.
[00:22:04] Katie: It’s the norm though. It’s the norm to be an older, older mum now, isn’t it? Most people are waiting until they’re in their thirties. Yeah. So like the, the whole stigma of being an elder mum, I think .
[00:22:15] Carla: Elder.
[00:22:16] Katie: I’m an elder. I’m, I’m a wise elder, but you know, it’s gonna, I think that stigma’s gonna go over the next few years. Um, or this, this, our generation, should I say that Stigma will prob will probably see that disappear because it isn’t. We don’t live in a, in a day, in a time and a place, should I say, where everybody can afford to have children young. Most people have to work and you know, have two incomes for a while and their choosing to have a career first. So whichever way around people decide to do it is fine. I’ve kind of done both, haven’t I?
[00:22:48] Carla: Yeah, yeah. You have. Yeah, and I think, um, what I was, what I was meaning really with us being older, I feel like cuz you more, I’m not saying people aren’t more comfortable in their own skin when they’re younger, but because people are so much, I dunno, I feel like this time around I can be a bit more honest and say I’m struggling. Whereas last time, yeah, maybe it’s cuz it was my first, I don’t know. But I, you know what everyone was kind of saying, it was easy. Or portraying it was easy. And you .
[00:23:16] Katie: They do, but you know what I think it is as well? It’s partly because you’ve got a baby and you adore your baby, you love your baby, and you feel like by admitting you’re tired, you’re kind of saying you’re not happy with that.
[00:23:27] Katie: And that is, you’re not over the moon, but you are, you’re still over the moon that you’ve got a gorgeous baby, but you, but you happen to be absolutely effed at the same time, don’t you? Yeah. Do you know what I mean? So, so it’s, it’s almost like you feel like people will misconstrue what you’re gonna say, what you’re saying and think, oh, she’s depressed. She’s, she’s not enjoying it. You know? Or that you’ve got any regrets. But it’s not that, it’s just absolutely. Knackered.
[00:23:54] Carla: Yeah. And I think, uh, for me, um, because we struggled for quite a while to have a baby, I’ve, although I have, I’ve been honest this time, like if I’ve struggled, I have said, but I’ve found it a lot easier this time. And I dunno whether that’s because I’ve kind of been so wanting it for so long. I’ve just kind of, and I don’t like.
[00:24:14] Katie: Rolling with the punches.
[00:24:15] Carla: And maybe I don’t like to share on Instagram that much if I have had a bad day because I am mindful that a lot of people that started following me through my trying to conceive story. And. I don’t want to be the person kind of being negative. Do you know what I mean?
[00:24:33] Katie: Yeah, yeah. And I don’t think it’s always necessary to share those things, but we, we can highlight, like, you know, it is a topic that affects everyone. Um, at some point after having a baby, you’re gonna feel tired, aren’t you?
[00:24:46] Katie: Whether it’s in the immediate aftermath, whether it’s down the line, whether it’s a sleep regression and it’s always good to have like some, some skills really of how to cope with that. And if one of those is going to book into a hotel and having a night with the Dominoes, then I wish I’d thought of that.
[00:25:02] Carla: God. Yeah. You know, someone messaged me about that this week and I, I actually said I’ve done that and it was brilliant. It was so good. So better than any girl’s night. Like we’ve got a Hen do, haven’t we? This weekend we’re gonna to a hen do.
[00:25:14] Katie: Yes hence why we’re recording it this time of night now. Trying to get ahead.
[00:25:18] Carla: And, and Katie is, is mostly excited about the full night sleep, aren’t you?
[00:25:23] Katie: Well, it was really nice cuz we’ve, we, we we’re staying in a big house and there’s loads of bedrooms and uh, in the group chat they posted the list of who’s staying in what room and they were like, this is a dangerous room. These ones will be up all night.
[00:25:35] Katie: And then there was just me on my own in a bedroom and I was like, oh, just for a split a second, I thought, does no one like me. You know, I’m in a room by myself. And then they were like, Katie, we’ve given you a room so you can have a good night’s sleep. I was like, what? Good friends. That is amazing. Oh, it is so what I need .
[00:25:52] Carla: I know, I know. That’s it. I know. I just love for a night like that. Where, you don’t have to talk to, well, we will have to talk to people cause it’s a hen do. But I mean.
[00:25:59] Katie: I’m literally having two drinks and going to bed.
[00:26:02] Carla: Oh, that sounds great.
[00:26:03] Katie: I’ll see you for breakfast. I’ll see you for breakfast the next morning,
[00:26:07] Carla: Yeah. Yeah. Oh no. But, but yeah, it was important really. I wanted to touch on the sleep thing because I do think it is something that, A lot of people struggle with, but maybe not talk about all the, not that they’re gonna talk about it all the time, but maybe they’re not opening up really about the struggles and we just wanna say we hear you. You know? Yeah. Katie’s been struggling.
[00:26:27] Katie: By the way. I hear you. . Yeah. Seriously. Um, but again, I know it’s not forever, but it is very relevant to my every day at the moment. So, you know, hence the sleep consultant. Cross your fingers for me, because last night, I just told you earlier, we s we got from 2:00 AM until seven.
[00:26:47] Katie: Oh. And by the way, for the first time we were like, great, I’m gonna do the first half of the night, wakings and Connor’s gonna do the second half of the night. Cuz after the night before when I was up and down, I just couldn’t cope. I, I was like, I’m gonna collapse. He said, I’ll do the second half of the night. Don’t worry. So I got up twice in the first half of the night and then the next thing we wake up, Was like, what time is it? And it, it was six it was like 6 0 5. And I was like, how does that ever happen? The first time you are doing the second half of the night is the first night he sleeps through?
[00:27:18] Carla: Yeah. Typical.
[00:27:20] Katie: Like karma but eh, anyway.
[00:27:23] Carla: Is he in your room still then at the moment?
[00:27:25] Katie: No, he’s, he’s only just turning five months now. But I decided whilst doing the training with the sleep consultant, I was just gonna go for it because part of me thought, and this is no joke cause we’ve just been joking about snoring, but I wondered whether sometimes Clay got disturbed by snoring going on in the bedroom.
[00:27:44] Katie: And then also I’m a very light sleeper, so if he was like having a little fuss, I’d be more likely to see to him when perhaps I didn’t need to. So, Having him out of the room on I, I’ve got the monitor next to me. I can hear and see him clearly on the monitor all night. Um, but that for me just means I can just stand back for a couple of minutes and wait and see what he does, which is really important. Cause half the time they resettle themselves, don’t they?
[00:28:11] Carla: Yeah. And you know, you’re so right with what you say. That’s exactly me. I was just waking up, putting Olivia’s dummy in. She wasn’t even doing anything, you know, just constantly awake, uh, for six months of just like reaching over, putting her dummy in. All she’d done is like, make a little noise and turned over or something. And then I can also, obviously after it, I was worried like, is she breathing and all of that.
[00:28:34] Katie: Well, I do all that. And you put the, your hand over the nose, you’re like, there, there that’s fine. But yeah.
[00:28:40] Carla: I’d nudge her poor thing.
[00:28:42] Katie: Yeah. Well I’ve done that. You okay? Quick poke? Like what? I’m just learning to sleep. What you waking me up for?
[00:28:50] Carla: Oh, it’s awful. Well, it’s, it’s, it’s just the worry. Any anyway I did actually purchase one of those socks. Have you seen those socks before? When Olivia was first born. Oh yes. My goodness. Well.
[00:29:01] Katie: They’re really expensive as well, aren’t they? Like 300 hundred quid or something? Is it called an eyelet or something?
[00:29:06] Carla: An owllet sock, yeah. Yeah. So, um, I actually got one of those because obviously at during pregnancy I was nervous and then when I didn’t even believe I’d get her, and then when I did get her I was like, oh, what if something happens? Like, you know, she stops breathing or something. So I did. Now I was glad I did, but when the alarm did go off, when it was a false alarm or it dropped off a foot or something, now that, that was actually terrifying.
[00:29:30] Katie: That’s why I didn’t get one. Cuz I heard someone say, uh, they bought one and then after like a month they were selling it cuz they were like, oh no, I just can do without it. I’m on eggshells cuz of it. It’s, it’s kind of not, it’s, it’s not helping. Mm-hmm. So, you know, obviously these tools are really useful if you need them and you want that peace of mind. But if they’re next, you in the room. and you’re probably awake all night.
[00:29:52] Carla: Yeah. Like we were, yeah.
[00:29:54] Katie: You can tell what, what’s going on, can’t you? I suppose.
[00:29:57] Carla: You can. You can. But when I put Olivia in her own room, well, we all slept better. She slept better, and we all did. So I do, I do know what you mean there. Yeah. Because if you think about we’re all turning over the snoring going on, and, you know. Yeah. And I just think it, it does. You disturb each other, don’t you?
[00:30:16] Katie: Yeah. Also, I’ve been putting Clay for the first time down in his cot for his daytime naps to get him used to it. And I think it’s, I’ve got this gorgeous cot, cost, cost a few quid compared to the little next to me crib with a mattress. That’s the, it’s like a napkin, isn’t it? That they lay on, they must, they must be so uncomfortable on that.
[00:30:36] Katie: It’s like lying on the carpet yeah. . So to be in a, in a cot suddenly with a proper mattress in it, they must, they must feel like, I’m gonna feel next week when we get our new bed. Yeah. Glorious .
[00:30:48] Carla: It’s, I mean, also there are, um, parents out there that do the co-sleeping as well, and, you know, there are safe ways to do that on lullaby’s trust. So if you, if you are doing that, just make sure that you, you’re doing it the safe way. I mean, I, I’m always on that lullabies trust. I’m like, is that right? Is that right?
[00:31:05] Katie: Oh, I’ve not heard of that, was what is it?
[00:31:07] Carla: Have you not? It’s a charity and it’s fantastic. So they’ve all got safe sleep tips on there. Just to make sure you know, you’re doing everything, everything. As they say, just to prevent, yeah. Um, sids, which is sudden, sudden infant death syndrome. So it is important to, to look at that.
[00:31:24] Katie: It’s important to be aware, isn’t it, of everything that they’re trying to tell you. I’ve got little thermometer that we got in an N H S pack. Hanging next to where the next to me crib was. It’s just occurred to me. I can move it now, I don’t need it there. But it was, it was telling you the temperature of the room, but underneath it had the bullet points of all the things you needed to check for. So it was quite useful.
[00:31:44] Carla: It is, yeah. It is useful. And um, and to be honest, I can see why some parents do co-sleep if it’s easier just to kind of bring your baby into the bed with you. I dunno, did you do that a little bit or not while you’re breastfeeding?
[00:31:58] Katie: When I breastfed my first son, I wouldn’t have dreamed of bringing him into the bed. I was so on edge all the time. I used to feed him, but, and I actually moved him into his own room earlier because I was having like a bit of a P T S D sort of thing going on in, in the night. I was waking up going, ah, thinking he was in the bed and I’d never had him in the bed once, so I dunno why I was doing it. So I had to move him into his own room so I could stop that.
[00:32:22] Katie: Mm-hmm. Um, and I think it was a bit of trauma from the birth and stuff that ca that kind of stayed with me. I don’t know, but that didn’t happen to me with Clay. Um, but. , its breastfeeding I think that leads to co-sleeping. I might be wrong.
[00:32:36] Carla: Yeah, I think you’re right.
[00:32:37] Katie: But I think it’s breastfeeding that leads to co-sleeping because there’s a breastfeeding position that you can do. So when you start getting an achey arm or you’re sat up or whatever, you can do a lying down position where you, you kind of like, almost like face-to-face with the baby spooning, if you know what I mean. And the baby’s attacking your boob lying down and it’s so much comfier for you, for the baby. And Clay really liked feeding in that position cuz he had a bit of a funny latch cuz he, he, he was tongue-tied initially, um, not severely, but it, it gave him a bit of a clacky sort of latch.
[00:33:12] Katie: So when he was laying down, he didn’t, he didn’t do it. He, he was like in a calm state and feeding better. So we started feeding him the night in that position. And I, I started, honestly, I’d drift off all the time and I’d wake up and I’d be like, he’d still be feeding half an hour later. I was like, I’m pretty sure you’re not getting any milk now.
[00:33:30] Katie: You just, you just like being close. So it is nice and you do sort of, you, you kind of start to become really, really aware. It’s, it’s not like I was more concerned about Connor and Connor was more concerned about forgetting and rolling over Yeah. If Clay was in the bed than me. So I never intended to co-sleep, but we did do, like, I’d, I’d get him out and put him back in the next to me crib after a while, but for for an hour here or there, we’d do it. Yeah. So.
[00:33:59] Carla: Yeah. Well, I was like, you really, uh, with George first time and, um, just paranoid, really. Like, I actually would have less sleep with them in the bed because I’d be so scared of like moving. Yeah. Um, but yeah, but I mean, the thing is you have to do what’s best for you and, and there is no pressure as long as you’re making sure that you’re being as safe as you can that Yeah. You know that that’s it.
[00:34:22] Katie: We had little sort of bolsters separated, so Connor was like, poor Connor. He was on the other side of the bed and there was a big pillow barrier, so we couldn’t get near.
[00:34:31] Carla: Yeah, that’s a good one.
[00:34:34] Katie: Yeah, we did. We didn’t, we didn’t, I tried not to get in the habit of it because I did. I just didn’t want to be. , like you just said, that paranoid state, waking up and thinking, oh God, where are they? You know, not, not being in a deep sleep myself, really?
[00:34:47] Carla: No. And and the thing is, you do get so tired with the lack of sleep that, you know, if you do fall asleep, you’re that exhausted. It’s worrying, isn’t it? If you’re not, yeah. Yeah.
[00:34:58] Katie: And then there are certain circumstances where you’re not allowed to co-sleep, for example, if you drink alcohol. So if you’ve got a night out or a a, a meal or anything, even if you’ve had one drink or you’re not supposed to do it, no. So then you’re so tired, aren’t you? When are you gonna actually relax and enjoy yourself? If you’ve bound yourself to your baby being in the bed all the time, so I know, I know. I think it’s good to have the option.
[00:35:20] Carla: I think so. Yeah. For me, I, I, I mean to be honest, I’m just not comfy. Olivia’s been in our bed a couple of times when she won’t settle, but she kicks me, she’s up, she’s clapping chick. She just, it’s not like a sleep zone for her. It’s like a playtime thing.
[00:35:34] Katie: Yeah. Like this is what happens when I get up in the morning. Usually I get to come in the bed.
[00:35:38] Carla: Yeah, exactly.
[00:35:40] Katie: Clay just like grabs at me. And the funny thing that he’s been doing recently, which is just reminded cuz you were saying earlier about us being slightly older mums, he’s discovered the, he’s discovered the skin on my neck. You know, the skin on your neck. So literally, you know how normally they hold onto like your shoulder or your top? He started holding onto the skin on my neck. I’m like, come on. You know, if I didn’t feel old enough as it is, you’re now grabbing onto my, Turkey neck and using it. It’s like he’s using it like a little handle bar to, you know, and I’m carrying him around like, cheers mate. Thanks for that .
[00:36:15] Carla: Oh God, don’t, I just actually went to record a video before of something and you know when the video camera’s actually on you and I just saw, I saw the chins and I just thought, wow.
[00:36:28] Katie: Nobody wants to see themselves from that angle.
[00:36:31] Carla: No. So, so, um, we have got a few questions, haven’t we Katie?
[00:36:35] Katie: Yes.
[00:36:36] Carla: So I think we should, we should cover those on this last episode.
[00:36:41] Katie: Definitely. Yeah.
[00:36:43] Carla: Uh, I’m just gonna get mine up now. Yeah, let’s take a break, um, while we get these questions up.
[00:36:49] Katie: Okay. Good idea.
[00:36:52] Carla: Are you looking for local pregnancy to preschool groups, classes, and lessons to go to with your children?
[00:37:00] Carla: If that’s the case, head over to www.mybump2baby.com where you can find the latest groups and classes in your local area. As well as that, if you are looking for financial advice, family law, advice, or a local estate agent, you can also access our family protection and legal directory www.mybumptobaby.com/familyprotectionlegal.
[00:37:29] Carla: Right. So we’ve had some amazing comments and questions from our audience of listeners, which is great, isn’t it, Katie?
[00:37:38] Katie: I love, I love the fact that people are interacting with us and letting us know how they, um, have found the podcast and things that it’s, it’s led them to think about themselves. It’s good.
[00:37:48] Carla: I know. It is. And the amount of listeners we’re getting is amazing. So thank you all so much for listening and obviously for all of your comments as well, which has been really, really lovely. So we’ve got some bits to read out. So, Katie, do you wanna start with the, with yours?
[00:38:04] Katie: Yes. So, um, I’ve got one here. Um, love the podcast. How did you find being a single mum? I’m struggling. So I think this was based on the first episode where I briefly touched that upon that I was a single mum in between having my two children, hence the being a 13 year age gap. Um, yeah, it’s, you know, there’s it. , there’s no two ways about it.
[00:38:29] Katie: It’s, it’s difficult being a single mum, having to do everything yourself and juggle. Um, obviously the finances have been on your own whilst having fun with your child and also taking responsibility for the day-to-day is really, really hard. Um, and especially like the little things where, say for example at nighttime you’ve got your baby down to sleep, or your child, should I say, down to sleep, and you realize you’ve run out of milk and you can’t just nip out to the shop.
[00:38:55] Katie: Those are the moments where you do realize, um, yeah, okay, I’m doing this by myself, but. Yeah, I mean, what, what I would say to anyone is during that time there were loads of positives as well. Like I really as, as well as focusing on my son, it kind of drove me to focus on myself, if that makes sense. So I really put lots of energy and time into my career.
[00:39:20] Katie: Um, I made sure that I had a good supporting routine, like a good nursery for him when I needed it. And, um, I mean, childcare wise, I didn’t really go down that route because he went to see his dad once a week and that gave me the opportunity if I wanted to catch up with friends or go out. So that was fine.
[00:39:38] Katie: But, um, in terms of if you’re struggling, you’ve just gotta, you’ve just gotta rely on the people that you’ve got around you really. If you’ve got parents, friends, people just pull together, like come around and have tea with you so you’re not on your own. Um, or look after the baby so you can, um, go to the cinema with a friend once a week and then use that time cuz you don’t know when you’re gonna meet your partner.
[00:40:00] Katie: It could be after a year, it could be after 10 years. You know, like me, it was, how many years was it? It was a while. It was a good 10 years I’d say. Yeah. And then you are happy and you’re settled and you are in a different sort of lifestyle, aren’t you? You, you are happy to stay in and, um, you’ve got everything you need at home.
[00:40:19] Katie: So it’s nice to look back and think, actually whilst I had a bit more flexibility and a bit more freedom to date and to think about what I wanted and to please myself to, to have made the most of that time is a really good thing. So definitely don’t mope around. Don’t be sad about it. Don’t dwell on the facts. Just focus on sort of building your own life around you and your child.
[00:40:43] Carla: I like that advice. I think that’s great. I mean, I can only imagine. I, I haven’t been a single parent before and I imagine it is such a struggle. Like what you said then about like running out of milk. I mean, we’ve actually run out of milk tonight and I’m gonna send Danny to the shop after this to, to, you know, to go and get it. Cause I’m in my PJ’s so I can’t go. Um, but those little things like that, and also I imagine it’s quite lonely as well, like being a single, single mum as well. So maybe, um, for me.
[00:41:13] Katie: It could be very isolating.
[00:41:14] Carla: Yeah. And do you know, um, to the lady that sent that, only from, um, what I’ve seen, there’s quite a lot of good single mum groups on Facebook.
[00:41:22] Carla: I’ve been in them for previous podcasts, you see. Yeah. And you know, the girls in there, um, are really lovely. Danny’s gonna wonder why on earth I’m in these single mum groups, . But it was actually, um, I was, I was finding people for the, for this podcast a while ago. But, um, there are a lot of support. Support out there. And also if you know anyone on your Facebook who’s also single, you could just start talking to them and you know, like, and then you’re kind of in the same boat, really.
[00:41:48] Katie: Yeah, definitely. Um, it, I mean, I, I ended up with like a couple of friends who they were free when I was free and we got on really well together and we, we did certain things together. Like we’d go to the Trafford centre on my night off, which would be like a Friday night at nine o’clock or something. But that was the only chance I got to go to the Trafford centre. So, you know, that’s when we go and we’d go for tea and you’d have a little shop and that would be like, reset. But I am aware that not everyone can do that.
[00:42:17] Katie: If you’ve not got, uh, if your child’s father isn’t having them overnight, you know, and you don’t have that, then you would have to rely on parents or friends stepping in. But just make sure that you get a chance to do that. And yeah, it’s, uh, it, it keeps you sane. . But yeah, the the things that you can do in groups with, with mums as well, that’s really nice cuz you’re get in a coffee or a catch up and.
[00:42:42] Carla: Or a wine.
[00:42:43] Katie: Yep. Yeah. Or wine, whatever it might be. And, and, and that’s just as important cuz sometimes you’ve got to do everything with your child, with you and you don’t have any other alternative.
[00:42:52] Carla: Yeah. And at night I, I imagine it can be quite lonely, but I mean, look at me and Katie now, like we are just catching up one-on-one, but on Zoom. But it does feel like we’re together, doesn’t it? Yes. See there is that option as well, probably like what people were doing during Covid really, weren’t they?
[00:43:07] Katie: Exactly. Yeah. Since Covid, we’ve all discovered all these different ways. Like obviously it was always there, but who would’ve gone, oh, let’s, let’s do quiz night on Zoom, you know? Yeah. It never happened until Covid did it. But you can do things like that. You know, once you’re in bed, you can get three or four people on a group chat. It’s nice.
[00:43:24] Carla: Yeah. You can even order a takeaway for like a similar time to your friend and both just have it on Zoom and just watch a program together.
[00:43:32] Carla: Yeah, that’s what that sounds. Yeah, that’s what I would like to do. I like do that. I didn’t have that.
[00:43:36] Katie: I didn’t have that back then, but yeah, zoom, zoom and all those different sort of, ways you can speak are nice. Yeah, I’d go with that now, I think.
[00:43:45] Carla: Yeah. So I hope, I hope that helps. It helps the lady, but yeah, I mean, if she wants to send in anything else, I’m sure you’d help her anyway, wouldn’t you? So.
[00:43:53] Katie: A hundred percent. Yeah. Anyone’s welcome to message me if anything I, I can sort of shed any light on. I always will.
[00:44:00] Carla: So I’m going to share now, um, one so I’ve got a lady that messaged me saying I am on maternity leave with my first baby. I’m absolutely exhausted. And by the time my husband comes home from work. I never have dinner ready. I am not in a good routine. How do get you girls manage everything ?
[00:44:23] Katie: God, that, like, that sounds like me until about, until about a month ago. No, I mean, I was not in a good routine with the baby until very, very recently. And, and, and again, it is, it was down to getting a bit of sleep.
[00:44:37] Katie: The baby getting sleep, should I say? As soon as I knew that the bath. Bath and going to bed was gonna work , then I could come back downstairs and make tea and I can sit and have tea with my partner and my teenager. You know, then that’s worked really well. But it took a good few months, I have to say.
[00:44:53] Carla: Yeah. And, and for me, my routine is kind of up and down, so sometimes I’m in a really good routine and everything’s great, and then some weeks I’m more tired than probably to do with my cycle as well, but more tired. Can’t be bothered. But what I’ve found works quite well for me is actually getting up before George and Olivia get up early. Um, yeah. A good hour before having a shower, putting my makeup on, getting dressed and um, coming downstairs, doing the dishwasher, doing the washing machine, and just feeling like in control of the situation because yeah, I have, when I’ve been tired before, um, I’ve left it and I’ve kind of got up when they’ve got up, but then you feel like groggy and you’re chasing your tail and I think that, yeah. Doesn’t, doesn’t do you good for the rest of the day really.
[00:45:40] Katie: No, I have to say I’ve fallen into that trap sometimes of getting up cuz I have to get my, my, my teenage son up. I’m like, come on, get up. And if I just push it five minutes and I’m up and, and I know he is gonna miss his bus or he is gonna be late, then I’m, then Ginger Kate nearly comes out and that’s not what we want, like 7:00 AM you know, I’m like, come on, get your socks on, get to the door. You know, no one wants to be woken up like that. Not him, not me. So, yeah, it’s, it’s not good when I, when I push the five minute snooze button, it does not help anyone in this house.
[00:46:12] Carla: No, I know. Well, I’ve only just, I’m, I’m preaching here, but I’ve only just started that this week properly. Yeah. Because I’ve been saying, Danny, wake me up. Wake me up at that time. Wake me up at that time, and I’m just saying, go away in the morning. I’m like, leave me alone. , or, it really does make a huge difference. It is just getting it for me personally, and by the way, I’m not saying I’ve got everything mastered. There’s washing that’s in the washroom that I’ve like is still on the floor from like three days ago.
[00:46:39] Katie: It’s starting to smell really fusty.
[00:46:40] Carla: Yeah. Have to go back in the washing machine. There’s washing in there. That’s probably been on three times as well. Yeah. , I forgot to empty it.
[00:46:48] Katie: So yeah. But you’d recommend that I need to do that. You know, I need to set my alarm half an hour before everyone else, I think, cuz Clay’s been in one of them broken sleep patterns. I’ve not, I’ve not managed to do that yet. I’ve been sort of like, oh my God, I’ve gotta go, gotta get downstairs.
[00:47:02] Carla: Oh yeah. And, and there is this lady, I actually interviewed her on this podcast a few seasons ago called The Organised Mum. And if you want to keep your house tidy, oh my goodness. She is amazing. So you get the app, I think it’s 4 99 or it used to be, and it’s called Tom and right what you do, is it, I can’t remember. But basically it means that you’re not cleaning that much every day. You do a deep 15 minutes and it tells you which room to focus on. And basically by doing this, following this routine, You actually don’t spend hours around having to clean cuz you kind of cleaning behind yourself, if you know what I mean. But that was amazing. Was amazing. I fell out of the trap of doing that, but that is something to look at. She’s got a group on Facebook, so you might wanna have a look in there, but if you .
[00:47:49] Katie: Yeah, sounds interesting.
[00:47:50] Carla: A bit more kind of. Up to date.
[00:47:53] Katie: Anything that’s got good tips and advice, like I’ve learned from this sleep training thing, sometimes you’ve just got to open your, your horizons to like what other people are doing and, and how you can sort of adjust, adjust your norm to fit your new situation, don’t you?
[00:48:08] Carla: Something I’ve done recently is my friend who is actually on maternity leave, um, she is helping me a bit around the house. So instead of me putting Olivia in childcare, She’ll come for a few hours and she’ll do bits around the house for me. So I don’t have to do it.
[00:48:25] Katie: That’s nice. Yeah. And it’s someone you trust.
[00:48:26] Carla: And obviously pay her. Yeah. And she’s, she’s brilliant with children, and, you know, and, and she does, she does all the jobs that I actually hate, hate doing, uh, while I work, which is something I love doing. So, so that’s bit, well it’s a bit like, I suppose a bit like a housekeeper type nanny thing. And I did wanna trial out just to see if it’s something that I, I would do. And actually.
[00:48:48] Katie: What, you’re gonna get a housekeeper/stroke nanny, full-time?
[00:48:50] Carla: Well, I wish I could.
[00:48:51] Katie: I I would, I would so do it if I could.
[00:48:54] Carla: Yeah. Well, she become two days a week and she’s obviously my friend, so she probably doesn’t charge what they would charge. But I’ve loved it so far. Yeah. And actually I feel like I’m, I’m killing two birds with one Stone really? Because if Olivia was in nursery, , then the house won’t be ti it’s like almost like having a childcare provider, but the and a house, that tidies is itself, you know, like all at once.
[00:49:16] Katie: Great.
[00:49:16] Carla: It’s been good. Only two days a week, but that has helped me. Yeah. Um.
[00:49:21] Katie: Yeah, definitely.
[00:49:22] Carla: Yeah. So it has, so, um.
[00:49:25] Katie: So in short, no, I don’t have it together.
[00:49:28] Carla: No. In short, yeah. No, no, definitely not.
[00:49:31] Katie: No, it’s not, not, not yet. I will, I will at some point in the future. I’m working towards it. .
[00:49:36] Carla: Yeah, I know. Well, that’s it, it, it should be honest. I think it’s something that you need to reset now and again, isn’t it? You’re in a great routine for a few days and then goes out the window and then you have to get yourself back to it again, which, yeah, I think everyone’s in the same situation.
[00:49:49] Katie: Yeah, something happens and it disrupts the apple cart for a little while and then you forget what you were doing before that was working well.
[00:49:56] Carla: Oh, and I forgot to mention the lady, uh, that mentioned that she said about having dinner ready. Something I’ve been doing is just throwing stuff in the slow cooker in the morning, not literally throwing it, but yeah, that’s really useful. You know, if you just put it in when you have got the energy and then it’s on say for eight hours throughout the day.
[00:50:13] Carla: Yeah. And then it’s ready for when they come home. But not that you have to make tea for when they come home, or, I’ve just been making quick dinners, you know, like a salmon in the air fryer. Yeah. With some potatoes.
[00:50:24] Katie: Something fast. Yeah. If you’ve got older children though it like, obviously my boy’s 13 and they’re used to having a cooked dinner on the table at a certain time and then all of a sudden you’re trying to juggle, like, I think your partner can wait, can’t they?
[00:50:36] Katie: They can wait until you’ve, you know, it might be eight o’clock or nine o’clock or it might. . But when you’ve got a, a younger child who expects tea at a certain time, that that is a bit tricky cuz you’ve not quite got the baby into the routine you need yet. So those quick things like you say are essential, aren’t they?
[00:50:52] Katie: I did a massive shop just before I went in to have my c-section of loads of ready meals and I, I did loads of home cooking and put that in the freezer as well, but I got loads of things that I know that they like, so they’d just be there if they wanted to eat quickly. And in the end, my son, like, he just started, he’s funny like this. He started outing me in front of people. He was like, oh god, mum, not another ready meal tonight. And I was like, I’ve cook home cooked food for you for 13 years.
[00:51:18] Carla: I know. Gimme a break.
[00:51:20] Katie: Made sure there was an audience, what we’re having tonight a ready meal?
[00:51:24] Carla: Ah, this is a good one. Are you on contraception? And if you’re not, will you be going back on contraception?
[00:51:34] Katie: Um, so what I’ve decided to do is use a tracking app. and um, what you call it, you know, the clear blue LH tests?
[00:51:47] Carla: Oh, the, the ones you, wee on.?
[00:51:49] Katie: Yeah. Yeah.
[00:51:50] Carla: Every day. Every day. The rest of your life?
[00:51:52] Katie: Yeah. Yeah. But basically it’s only once you get into a good habit of tracking on the app, um, the reason some of them use the thermometer, don’t they? And the thermometer, you put your input, your temperature, and it’ll tell you the days to avoid. It’s like what you use for when you’re trying to conceive, but the opposite, the opposite way you’re at. Yeah. Just to try and avoid. So you have to avoid certain days. I can’t do that because I’ve got an under-active thyroid and I’m on thyroid medication.
[00:52:18] Katie: So it, it, apparently it alters your temperature. So I can’t, if I do that and I put my temperature into the app, it thinks there’s something wrong with me. I dunno why. Um, so instead I’m using lh sticks because it’ll tell me when I definitely have ovulated and then I can say ovulation and then the, eventually it’ll recognise a pattern, won’t it? So I won’t have, I won’t have to do it every day because I’m just weaning off breastfeeding and I don’t know, I, I’ve not, my periods haven’t come back yet, so I’m gonna have to do it every day until I’ve got a pattern.
[00:52:49] Carla: Yeah. Yeah. That makes sense. So for me, I went back on the pill reluctantly because, not cause I want another one or anything, just because I need to be on something because, because when we were trying to conceive, I thought we were doing it on the right days and stuff.
[00:53:04] Carla: And actually I don’t think, I don’t know whether my cycles are just completely a mess. I’m not sure. Irregular. Yeah. And I’m just so scared of getting pregnant again. Yeah. Um, that actually I just decided to go on the pill. But Danny does actually, he has agreed to get the. You like, that’s action. The snip.
[00:53:23] Katie: The little snip. Yeah. Well, if you, if your family’s complete, I think, and your partner’s prepared to do that, I think it’s a very nice gesture for the woman because we go through so much throughout our lives with our hormones, don’t we? Yeah. Um, you know, and having to take artificial hormones in the form of contraception, it messes with a lot are moods, libido, energy can mess with your skin, your weight, and it’s just nice not to have, you know, you, you realize, don’t you, when you’re contraceptive free, I know, albeit being pregnant, but when you, especially before when you train, it’s, it’s nice to have none of that in your system, isn’t it?
[00:53:59] Carla: Oh, definitely. Yeah. I mean, last time I was on the pill. before this must have been nearly four years ago. Yeah. You know, so for me it’s like, oh yeah. And I don’t like it because my, um, mom had a stroke a couple of years ago and stuff. Obviously that is linked with these kind of things. Yeah. So I don’t like being on it.
[00:54:17] Katie: As you get older, it’s not good to stay on that sort of thing for the long term either, is it?
[00:54:22] Carla: No. No. And.
[00:54:23] Katie: Okay, when you are young, I think.
[00:54:25] Carla: Yeah. And I, this is actually quite funny, so I was telling my mum about the pill. I said, I don’t wanna be on it cuz you had a stroke. She was like, get the coil. It’s brilliant. I thought, that is disgusting. . It’s so good. I thought, no, that’s just, don’t tell me things like that.
[00:54:41] Katie: To, to be honest though, apart from the fact that my shocking coil story happened,.
[00:54:46] Carla: That’s put me off.
[00:54:47] Katie: Yeah. Well, I mean, how many people is that gonna happen to? I, I mean, that’s got to be a complete rarity, hasn’t it? I mean, I, I don’t think you’ll find anyone else that, that’s happened to . I don’t know, but. Prior to that, actually, the coil itself did suit me. You know, I did, I did like the fact that my hormones weren’t fluctuating all the time, that I didn’t have to have a monthly period. All those, all those little things, I felt quite level in my hormones most of the time, so.
[00:55:14] Carla: Oh, did you?
[00:55:15] Katie: Yeah. Yeah.
[00:55:16] Carla: Is that, is that better? You can get the one without any hormones, is that right?
[00:55:21] Katie: Um, yeah, so there’s two, there’s the copper coil and the marina coil, but actually it was the copper coil that caused my problems because it’s hormone free, but it caused me to bleed a lot. And a lot of people find that, whereas the marina coil with the hormones, it’s a very, very low dose of hormones. So it’s not, it’s not like taking the pill, you know? It’s not, it’s not, it doesn’t affect you that much, so you don’t really notice it.
[00:55:46] Carla: Mm-hmm. . Well, I think I just, I don’t know what I, I, this may not be true, but I remember reading something and it stuck in my mind that someone’s coil was just floating around the body. I mean, it can’t really go that far.
[00:55:59] Katie: No, it can’t. It can’t float. Definitely can’t float around your body.
[00:56:02] Carla: Well, it freaked me out. Anyway, that was that. So that’s why I’m on the pill at the moment. Yeah, I did think about having that thing in my arm, but yeah, you know that thing cuz you can feel it. I think I’d always be fiddling with it.
[00:56:14] Katie: To be honest, I’m no expert on any of this, but through my obviously pt-ing and helping people lose weight. I found quite a lot that when people had the implants, they did struggle with the weight or to lose weight. Yeah. So, I mean, uh, don’t quote me on that, but that’s just what people used to report to me through experience. So I’ve never tried it and I, I wouldn’t for that reason. Um, but if you can trust yourself to track on an app and to take your temperature and to obviously use alternative protection when you’re on a red day, then I think that’s the best option. Because your body is doing its own thing, isn’t it?
[00:56:52] Carla: Yeah. I just know if I did that, I would do something wrong and I just think I, you know, I just don’t trust myself. I mean, you. It’s, it’s just, it’s another job to add to the list every day. Do you know what I mean?
[00:57:06] Katie: Fair enough. Yeah.
[00:57:07] Carla: And I think I won’t do it, and then I’ll be like, oh my God, how did this happen?
[00:57:10] Katie: Well, yeah, so you need to get you, did it get, get Danny down to that?
[00:57:14] Carla: I know. Well, I said to him yesterday, have you heard off them? It’s like, no, not yet. But yeah. So yeah, I’m hoping, I’m hoping, but also I am mindful it’s his body and I don’t really want to force him into feeling like he needs to do that either, if you know what I mean.
[00:57:29] Carla: Yeah. It’s a nice thing. And I would appreciate it.
[00:57:33] Katie: Yeah, women’s bodies go through so much, but it’s very stigma, isn’t it, asking a man to do that. But if you’re married and you’ve been together, you know, and you are happily married and you’ve had your children, I can’t see why not. I think there’s a lot of men who’d be able to rationalise that.
[00:57:48] Carla: No, I agree. Yeah. Yeah. So thanks for the reminder of that anyway. Asking again tonight.
[00:57:55] Katie: Yeah, I’d keep going down that road if I were you. Yeah, let let your body chill now. You’ve done enough?
[00:57:59] Carla: I know, I think so. I think so. Someone also asked Katie about the spray vitamins that you mentioned.
[00:58:06] Katie: Oh right. Okay.
[00:58:06] Carla: Remember what they’re called or the spray ones.
[00:58:10] Katie: But to be honest, the, you best off just going on Amazon and finding spray vitamin. Yeah, so like I get a vitamin D spray and, oh God, what’s the make I, I more look at the ingredients and the dosage. So if you want a high dose, you are looking at sort of a 3000 milligram or 4,000 milligram spray.
[00:58:31] Katie: So I was just looking for that. And um, also, with the podcast being recorded, things change over time don’t someone could listen to this in a month and there might be a better brand out there or a good brand. So I would just do your research around what, what it is you want, and then find the best brand for the best price with good reviews. Always read reviews. That’s what I say, people review things and if the no good, then you’ll see it in the comments.
[00:58:57] Carla: Right. Yeah, no, that, that’s good advice. So also someone else has says, I love the fact you both got your own business. I’d love to start my own. Have you any advice on starting a business?
[00:59:08] Katie: Oh, well, I think my main advice is you’ve got to be passionate about what you’re doing, haven’t you? And if it can organically grow from something you’re passionate about, then you are winning. And you’ll always have the enthusiasm to work on your business and improve it and make sure that you, you’re doing the best that you can with it.
[00:59:28] Carla: Yeah, I like that, uh, idea. I, I think as well looking forward as well, so if you like the idea of having your own business instead of thinking about, now think about in five years time, where, where do you want it to be?
[00:59:40] Carla: Do you want it to kind of, how many hours do you wanna work? Do you wanna have half term off? And, you know, maybe look at all those things for the long term, because sometimes that. , then you can get the idea for the type of business. Because some people times, I think it’s so easy to join all these different kind of business ventures. But actually, is it kind of a long-term thing where it can grow to the level that you want it to grow, to give you the life that you want to live? Yeah. Does that make sense?
[01:00:08] Katie: Yeah. And is it gonna fit around what you can actually manage as well? The hours in the day that you’ve got or Yeah.
[01:00:14] Carla: Exactly. Cuz if it’s a shop and you expect it to be open nine to five, can you do that in the school holidays? Things like that really. So I, I just find out what do you want from the business and then perhaps work backwards on creating something around that.
[01:00:27] Katie: Yeah. I did that initially when took, going back to being a single parent, I, I always wanted to pick Autoro up from school myself and drop him off myself.
[01:00:38] Katie: That was really important to me. So I worked out how long it would take me to get to where I was gonna be based. how many people I could fit in in that time and kind of priced it as well. I priced it based on that, you know, what do I need to earn per week? How many people do I want to train a week? and then what work can I do at home in the evenings to kind of buffer that? And that’s how I set my prices a little bit as well.
[01:01:02] Carla: Yeah, that’s brilliant advice. I like that.
[01:01:04] Katie: Yeah, because ultimately you, the customers that want you will pay what you’re charging, won’t they, you know?
[01:01:11] Carla: Yeah, exactly. No, that’s good advice. When are you thinking of heading back to work then? Katie?
[01:01:17] Katie: My official maternity leave ends in May, so I’ll be back in May, but I am probably gonna wean myself into it by doing some part-time going into it. And obviously I’ve got the online aspect aspect to my business, which I’ve, I’ve put on hold cause I wanted to really switch off for maternity leave. I didn’t wanna be on my phone sort of messaging people back and things like that. So I’ll probably restart the online, um, training that I do earlier than May, you know, just to, to get that all up and running before I’m, I’m back in the gym as well.
[01:01:48] Carla: There we go. So anyone’s looking to, uh, train from home. Um, you can find Katie online. Make sure you give her a follow. So, Katie, have you got any more questions? Cuz I think that’s it for me.
[01:02:00] Katie: Um, no, I mean, lots of lovely comments about people enjoying the podcast, about people saying that the, it, the, it’s a great listen.
[01:02:11] Katie: Um, hang on. but which is really nice. So I’ve had a few conversations with ladies that way because they’ve been saying, oh, I’ve just listened. And again, asking which brands of vitamins and things like that and um, what sleep consultant I’m using, all those little things. So I’m happy for people to message me if they want to know anything that, about what we’ve talked about.
[01:02:33] Carla: That’s great. And also for anyone looking for a sleep consultant on My Bump 2 Baby, we work with them all over the uk. So if you want someone local, we can find you, someone local. You can go on the directory or if you want us to link you up with your nearest expert, I can also do that as well. So feel free to message me on that.
[01:02:50] Katie: Um, and. I think that’s it, Katie. Yeah. The end of a whole series.
[01:02:55] Katie: I know. I can’t believe it. I’ve enjoyed it so much. Thank you so much for thinking of me and having me on your podcasts and all our chats have been very fruitful, I think, I’ve enjoyed them.
[01:03:06] Carla: I know. And I’m hoping we can get back to do another season anyway.
[01:03:11] Katie: I love to. Yeah. Yeah. I think I’d like to make it part of my week.
[01:03:14] Carla: Yeah, I know. I love, I’m loving doing it and I think it would be really, really good. So if you know anyone, if you are listening and you wanna sponsor us for the next season of the podcast, get in touch. Uh, my email address is [email protected] and you can follow us on Instagram, message us on Instagram.
[01:03:31] Carla: Um, but yeah, I think it would be really great to get us. Doing what we, what we do best is chatting about mother motherhood.
[01:03:40] Katie: Yeah. That’s it .
[01:03:42] Carla: So thank you again so much. Katie. Can you remind people where they can find you?
[01:03:46] Katie: Yes. Best place to find me is on Instagram. You can send me a direct message and it’s at Koach with a k underscore Katie. And uh, hopefully I’m off to get a good night’s sleep.
[01:03:58] Carla: Yeah, good luck with that. Maybe you should get Connor to do the first lot of, uh, sleep tonight.
[01:04:04] Katie: Yeah, I think I’ve learned that lesson. Yeah. .
[01:04:06] Carla: Yeah. He can do the first lot of feed and you can do the second lot.
[01:04:09] Katie: Yeah, let’s go that road.
[01:04:11] Carla: Right. Well thank you so much everybody for listening to this season series. I keep mixing them up. You mean the same thing, don’t I? Yeah. Um, so thank you so much and hopefully we’ll see you soon.
[01:04:23] Katie: Yes. Goodbye.
[01:04:28] Carla: Thank you so much for listening to season four, episode six and the other episodes of 50 Shades of Motherhood. Now, if you enjoyed it, please, please do let us know. Leave us a review and subscribe and if you know anybody that would like to sponsor us for another season, then get in touch.
[01:04:50] Carla: We would love to hear from you. You can contact me directly, [email protected], and if you’d like to buy me or Katie at coffee, then you can do so via the link below. Thank you so much for listening to this podcast once again.