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Fifty Shades of Motherhood

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  • Sex

“Mummy why are you bouncing on the bed like that?”

Welcome back to Fifty Shades of Motherhood Season 3! A podcast with real, honest, and raw chats on any topic around parenting with no judgement. Brought to you by your host Carla Lett, founder of My Bump 2 Baby. This week Carla talks with her friend Melanie O’Brien about something that is on our minds but we don’t speak about enough…Sex! From sex before kids, to after, and everything in between. 

Carla:  Hello everybody. And welcome to 50 Shades of Motherhood. I am so excited to be back with you guys. So I’ve had it a little bit of a break, but it was really important for me to get back here and carry on raising awareness around some really, really important topics that us as mums struggle sometimes to talk about, and I. The feedback that we’ve had from the podcast episodes so far, and the amount of people that this podcast has helped. I just thought, do you know what? I can’t not do it. So season two ended the feedback was amazing. Season one, the feedback was amazing. We’ve had over 7,000 people listening to this podcast, which is just incredible.

[00:01:01] So this podcast, this seasons podcast, season three is all about continuing to raise awareness around important topics. Have a laugh, be real, be raw, be uncensored and be unfiltered. And just be honest and share, open chats around motherhood. So I have some amazing, amazing guests lined up and I can’t wait to share these episodes with you.

[00:01:28] If you haven’t already hit that subscribe button, leave us a review. I would love to hear your thoughts and please, please, please share this. Um, if we continue getting listeners, it means that we can continue doing this podcast. So I look forward to sharing season three with you. Hope you enjoy it. And please, please, please send some feedback.

[00:02:01] Unfortunately, in life things happen that we have no control over, which is why My Bump 2 Baby works with one financial advisor and one family law, solicitor in each town throughout the UK. If you have not protected your family, in case the worst should happen, please, please think about it. So many families are left homeless when a loved one passes away and the spouse left behind cannot afford the mortgage or the bills.

[00:02:31] If you have not got protection, please think about it. We insure our mobile phone. We insure our household appliances. We insure our pets. Why don’t we insure ourselves, please, please. Today. Go to www.mybump2baby.com/familyprotectionlegal and find your nearest financial advisor or family protection specialist. It is so important that you are covered, should the worst happen. 

[00:03:07] Are you looking for groups and classes for your little one, perhaps you’re looking for pregnancy classes for yourself. My Bump 2 Baby is the UKs leading pregnancy to preschool directory. To find your nearest pregnancy to preschool group class, lesson, or service, head over to www.mybump2baby.com. You can also read our reviews on the latest products, days out and services

[00:03:56] Here we are season three. I want to raise awareness around really important issues, but I also want to raise and have chats. And raise awareness around issues that some of us might not feel that’s very important, but actually it is. This subject tonight that we’re going to be talking about is something that I think we all need to talk about. And I think it’s a very important subject and it rhymes with tex, it’s sex. Okay. We’re going to be talking all about sex tonight. We’re going to be talking about sex before babies. Obviously not with multiple partners. Not that we ever have. And we’re going to be talking about sex after babies and how it changes and how we can come together and get it back. Or can you get it back? I don’t know. I suppose it’s just a case of raising that awareness and having that chat that we all probably want to talk about, but we don’t talk about enough. So I am really excited for tonight’s episode. I would absolutely love you to share it as far and wide as possible.

[00:05:10] Um, my parents slight thing there, now my father still thinks I’m a Virgin. Well, I’ve told him that. Um, as far as I’m aware, I think he thinks George is a miracle conception. So if you are my father and you are listening to, this might be an idea just to turn that off. I love you, but turn it off. Anyhow tonight, my guest is called Melanie. And she has two beautiful little girls and we are going to be talking all about sex. I’m very excited to share this episode, so I hope you enjoy it. And if you would like to talk about a subject, that’s a bit out there without fear of judgment, then please email me or message me.

[00:06:01] Hello everybody and welcome to 50 shades of motherhood. Today. I am joined with my friend, Melanie O’Brien mum of two, and we are going to be talking about a subject that a lot of women think about over analyse about, but don’t talk about, and that is sex. So hi, Mel, how are you?

[00:06:24]Melanie:  I’m really good thank you. Ready for this conversation.

[00:06:28] Carla: I am too. Do you know what I really am? So I actually did it last night. So I’m feeling very, um, kind of fresh, uh, you know, uh, fresh, fresh in the conversation, um, but, I do think it’s something that we, we do need to talk about because I think sometimes as mum’s like, it changes that much from like before having a baby to having a baby. And then you kind of like, Oh shit, is this normal? Is it normal? Or is a romance like normal that we don’t do as much anymore and stuff like that. So I think just having a chat about it is a really good idea and I love talking about sex anyway. So, cause I’m really immature. 

[00:07:11] Melanie: No, you’re not. I agree. It’s something that nobody speaks about, but everyone wonders about.

[00:07:16] Carla: I know exactly. And I think sometimes we can sit there at home in bed thinking, is this normal? Is it normal that we don’t have sex that much? I mean, so, so much. So I’ll go into it shortly. But me and Danny actually started agreeing on like a Wednesday and a Sunday, just so we know where we’re at, you know, so I can shave and prepare my body. And 

[00:07:39] Melanie: You’re absolutely, I swear to God, you’re not alone. You are not alone in that. I was very much the same. Like I said, with him working away. It almost became sort of like right we have to do it on these days because you’re not around any other days. 

[00:07:55] Carla: Exactly. That’s it. Isn’t it. And going back to before children, obviously not talking about any sexual partners before, because we have never done that have we Mel? Um, but going 

[00:08:07] Melanie: No, never, ever, ever.

[00:08:09]Carla:  Definitely not. Definitely not. I honestly, I was a Virgin until I was married, even though I was pregnant at the time. I don’t know how it happened. Honestly. 

[00:08:18] Melanie: I already had one kid before I got married so don’t worry, I like miraculously conceived, so it’s fine. 

[00:08:27] Carla: It is. Do you know what? That was one of the worst things for me, not, not obviously George, but you know, like we booked the wedding and like, I don’t know I just didn’t even, I just. Do you know what it was? And I’ve said it before my friend, um, bless her. She had three children under three, and she was giving me advice saying that the pull-out method worked. And for some reason I just believed it and yeah. Um, there we are. I was pregnant. I remember ringing my mum and I was  like, yeah, um, I’m pregnant. And I was like, don’t tell dad, don’t tell dad because you know, he still, I’m pretty sure we, you know, he still think some must have rolled in it or something like that.

[00:09:09] Melanie: Definitely did not want you to be doing that thing.  Absolutely not.No.

[00:09:14]Carla:  No, no, absolutely not.

[00:09:16]Melanie:  I was, um, I was on the pill, I liked, literally had, I had no hope. 

[00:09:25] Carla: Were you on the pill? Did you take the pill right as well? 

[00:09:28] Melanie: Yeah. With with Paige, um, I. Yep. I was on the pill. Um, and I just started a new job. Oh, something’s not right here. And yet managed to somehow get pregnant on the pill. So that was, that was a really good one that one. Did not go back on it afterwards. 

[00:09:47] Carla: No, yeah. That’s mad. So before children then, cause obviously you two have been together quite a while. How, how did you guys meet? 

[00:09:57] Melanie: So we met. We met at a friend’s wedding. Well, actually it was his cousin and my best friend’s wedding. We met there. Um, he was with someone else, like my ex wasn’t there at the time he was in my eyes, probably the most arrogant person I’d ever met in my life. Um, and yeah, you know, life goes on and a couple of years later we ended up good old Facebook, um, got tagged in a photo and literally the rest is history. Um, we’ve been together ever since. 

[00:10:37] Carla: Wow. So you’ve been together. Is it 10 years now? 

[00:10:40] Melanie: Yes, 10 years now. Yeah. God, married 8. 

[00:10:44] Carla: Oh, my goodness. Wow. 10 years. Do you never think, like years ago I used to think back and I used to think, how do people stay together that long? How boring do you know? It’s funny, isn’t it? But when you’re in it, you don’t think it’s boring. Well, occasionally, but do you know what I mean?

[00:11:00]Melanie:  Like, it was literally when we like realised, you know, towards the end last year, we’re like, Oh my God, we’ve been together like 10 years. What the hell. 

[00:11:09] Carla: Did you fall pregnant quite quickly then? Or was it?

[00:11:13] Melanie: I actually did. Yeah. Well, I say I did. Yeah. Um, like the first year of our relationship, he like, he used to travel up to Blackpool every weekend. Um, and then he went on tour for awhile. Um, and then he literally came back off tour. We moved in together and I was then pregnant within two months. 

[00:11:34] Carla: Oh my god. We are like, obviously this is the sex one, but were you doing it loads cause you do when you first get together don’t you?

[00:11:41] Melanie: Yeah. Yeah. Literally like, like we were literally quite at it like rabbits. Um, it was just any opportunity, literally, any opportunity. Um, I moved down to where he was posted and I mean, you know, I got a job straight away, but it was genuinely. Whenever we got a chance. It just never stopped. 

[00:12:05] Carla: I know exactly what you mean. Well, that’s what happens when you first get together. And I think sometimes that’s where, like, it all begins, this kind of thing of what’s normal. And what’s not because for you probably pre-baby, that was normal. Cause you weren’t together that long. 

[00:12:21] Melanie: Yeah. Yeah. And literally from, you know, from the minute we got together, like not that I’m like a slut or anything, but you know, like all like all the time, obviously, you know, I only saw him at weekends and stuff like that. But god. It was, it was non-stop. And then when we obviously moved in together, it was even better because you know, we could see each other all the time. Yeah. But you know, it, it felt, it felt normal. It felt right. It was never, there was never this. Shall we do it, Shan’t we do it. It was just. What we wanted to do it, you know, it didn’t feel like this is what we should be doing. It was just what we wanted to be doing. 

[00:13:07] Carla: I know exactly what you mean. I know it’s funny, isn’t it? When you first get with someone it is, you’re at it like absolute rabbits and it’s like, and then the thing is, it was similar for me and Danny, because we got pregnant quite quickly. Um, after being together you know only a short amount of time. And then it’s almost like, you know, obviously when you’re pregnant, you’re a bit mindful. I mean, I was still doing it. I’ll be totally honest, but I think it was a bit, it’s a bit harder to kind of locate isn’t it? You know? 

[00:13:40] Melanie: Yeah. So even when I was pregnant again, well he was away a lot of my pregnancy, but again, whenever he was back, it was, you know, we, we were still, we were still at it a lot, um. Whether thats  because he was away a fair bit. So again, when he was home and we kind of made the most of it, I, I, you know, I don’t know. Um, but I did have quite a few problems in my pregnancy. Um, ended up in hospital quite, you know, quite a few times. Um, so I think towards the end, we definitely became more aware of that. Um, and it, it did obviously slow down, but I felt that was because it was pregnancy related. Not because. I didn’t want to.

[00:14:27]Carla:  Yes. I know exactly what you mean. I was the same. So, um, with George, we would doing it a lot. And then I started bleeding and I had to go into hospital and then they said those bad words for me. Cause I had a really, really high sex drive and they were like bed rest. And I thought, you know, like when it’s going in, slow motion l and just thought noooo anyway, they said, basically that was it. We couldn’t do it anymore. 

[00:14:51] Melanie: So that’s what, yeah, that’s pretty much what they told. That’s pretty much what they told me. Um, especially like the further on I got, they were just like, it’s. I mean, even from literally about 11 weeks on, you know, that’s obviously that I bled quite a lot and they were just like, well, I think they thought it was like irritating my cervix or whatever. Um, but I didn’t really take that much notice to be honest, not, I dunno whether it’s because it was my first kid, whether it was because I was blind to the situation.

[00:15:19] Carla: A bit more laid back.

[00:15:21] Melanie: Yeah, and I was just a bit like, okay, fine. And then obviously, like the future on I got, they were just a bit like, no, don’t irritate it because that, you know, you could end up causing like preterm labor. So we then obviously, you know, laid off a fair bit. Um, and that kind of, I don’t know, I, part of me feels like thats what sort of set it for us.

[00:15:48] Carla: Yeah. Cause you start then getting in a different routine, don’t you? It doesn’t become about sex and all that anymore. It becomes a bit different. And then how do you go back to doing it all the time then? 

[00:15:59] Melanie: Yeah. Like I completely agree with that. Um, you know, it, it absolutely changed when they started, obviously the further on I got, they started like warning me off a bit and obviously I had a early just, you know, you, you had George early. Um, and I had Paige early and obviously it just goes out the windows then doesn’t it? 

[00:16:21] Carla: Yeah. Yeah, it does it does. And then you’ve got a child like a baby. And it’s like, I mean, to be totally honest with you, I don’t know why I’m whispering because everyone can hear, but I had a C-section. Did you have a C-section?

[00:16:34] Melanie: No, no, I didn’t. 

[00:16:36] Carla: Did you not? Well, honestly, I couldn’t wait to get right back on it. I don’t know what was wrong with me, but I ended up doing it that much, that straight after my C-section it makes we even like cringe down, not just for the pain. Cause I was doing it missionary. Uh, which is, you know, the one I like, bit boring like that. Um, honestly, honestly, I think it’s just like, you know, where my bums wobbling and all that, you know I prefer to be laid down. So it doesn’t wobble quite as much. Um, but when we were doing it. Straight after I had to go to the doctor because I caught an infection in my C-section scar because of the, you know, the friction. 

[00:17:19] Melanie: Oh my god so definitely doing it too early on?

[00:17:23] Carla: Yeah, it was literally the week after. I mean, I don’t know what was wrong with me. It’s like, it built, it’s like it builds up and I have to just get rid. 

[00:17:30] Melanie: So you know what saying that though? I mean, like with, with Paige. We didn’t bring her home to till she was probably, well, she was like a week old. Um, and then I did wait, like, I dunno, maybe another week or so. And I thought that was like quite early on to be, you know to be back on it. Um, but then

[00:17:53] Carla: Back on it, I love that.

[00:17:56] Melanie: Quite, literally back on it. Jumping completely forward to like, when I had like my second. Honest to God, it was so completely different then like with Paige. I literally was walking like John Wayne. I honestly thought like, what the hell is happening? 

[00:18:13] Carla: Oh I thought you meant after the sex.

[00:18:16] Melanie: No, no after giving birth. But then within two weeks it was like, I felt normal enough. But then with my second I was like within a few days, I was like, what the hell is wrong with me? Like I honest to God. I swear to God, I didn’t actually birth her. I,  I still swear to this day, I dunno what happened.

[00:18:34] Carla: Did it not hurt down there?

[00:18:36] Melanie: No nothing. I had nothing at all. When I had like, honestly, when I had Flo, literally I swear down it never, ever once felt like I had given birth. So I was just straight back on it with her. It wasn’t till hard. A non sleeper. That everything changed. 

[00:18:55] Carla: Yes. Yeah. That is, that is the thing that, where people say like, that point changes. Because it mental health like it absolutely. I mean, God George, luckily for me, and I’m sorry for anyone listening that hasn’t got, George was a really good sleeper, but I still, I mean, even though I only out to get up once in the night or something, I was still like, absolutely exhausted. I love sleep though, Mel, and I think you’re the same aren’t you?

[00:19:20] Melanie: Yeah, yeah. And I was lucky again, I was really lucky with Paige. She was aa really, really good baby considering, you know, she was early and I breastfed her as well. Um, but she settled really early on. Um, and you know, from literally from a couple of months old, she was sleeping 12 hours a night. I was so, so lucky with her. We had our routine back really quick. Um, when my second come along, my God, everything literally flipped upside down and that’s honestly, that’s when everything changed. Um, I had a toddler who, you know, to be fair to her, she was great. She’d go to bed. She wouldn’t even get out of her bed. Like she, she could lay there awake for an hour and I’d go up and check and be like, oh my God you’re still awake. But she wouldn’t ever shout for us. She’d never attempt to get out bed. She was such a good little girl. And then I had this baby who was literally feeding probably every 45 minutes for like the first two years of her life. So you can imagine what that did to us. 

[00:20:19] Carla: Oh God. Because the stress, like you start getting snappy with each other don’t you and stuff.

[00:20:24] Melanie: I was so exhausted. Like she wouldn’t take a bottle either. So yeah, so it was literally down to me. We tried so many times to get to take a bottle and she just wouldn’t and it was down to me every single night for like two years solid. And obviously I could put her down and she’d go down like a dream, but by nine o’clock every night she was up and she was up every 45 minutes throughout the night. And like I had two years of that nearly and. Well, you can imagine what that did for our sex life.

[00:20:55]Carla:  Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Well, that’s it. And also, I think it’s about feeling sexy a lot of the time, because I think if you don’t feel sexy, like I recently, honestly, since this locked down, I’ve just been stuffing my face and drinking whatever I want. Literally I have about four chins at the moment. That’s why we’re not on video at the moment, Mel. Um, 

[00:21:16] Melanie: My kids count mine. Oh look, mummy. There’s one, two, how many chins do you need?

[00:21:23] Carla: Yeah. Cheers. Their protect to protect me neck. That’s all. Well, honestly, it’s awful anyway, but our sex life, like it, literally, when you don’t feel good about yourself as well, I think you can really, that makes, that puts you off doing it because then you don’t take care of yourself as much. Do you? And it’s like, you know, I think God, I’m actually thinking back to when I last shaved my legs. I actually don’t know.

[00:21:47]Melanie:  Oh my god don’t even talk to me.

[00:21:49]Carla:  But he doesn’t even normally touch my legs, you know, it’s just straight in, lets do it. Yeah. If he did touch my legs, if it was a kind of thing like that, I shave them. But usually they’re missed. Maybe cause they are hairy? I don’t know?

[00:22:03] Melanie: No no I completely, that is literally, oh my God, thats like literally like me and him. Um, yeah. There’s no, there’s no leg touching. There’s no, there’s no like gentleness. It’s just like, right. Literally the kids are asleep quick. Let’s get it in. Let’s get it done.

[00:22:18] Carla: Yes, let’s do it. And you know what? I always say afterwards, straight after I’m like. We should really do that more. Because I love it. I absolutely love it, but sometimes it’s like, it’s when it gets to a certain time and you’re tired. It’s been a long day and you think oh we’ll do it tomorrow, but you do want to do it, but you, you know, that kind of initial like, hi, how are you doing kind of thing? It’s a bit weird.

[00:22:46] Melanie: Oh, I swear to God. That’s all like any, any kind of like, I’m not going to lie. It any kind of like passion is probably definitely gone with us. It’s literally a case of right we’ve finally got the kids to sleep so quickly. Let’s jump into bed together, because we can have plans, we can have all the plans in the world. And I swear to God lock down, right. Has finished us off. Not finished us off, but its had such a massive effect on us because we used to be able to like palm the kids off to Nana for a weekend.

[00:23:20] Um, or even just one night, you know, and it just be like, right, okay. As then we can have date night.

[00:23:27] Carla: And you can get drunk.

[00:23:28] Melanie: Yeah and you can come home and do you know what you haven’t got the worry of your kids like waking or walking in or anything like that because they’re not here. And that honestly, lock down. I genuinely feel had such a big impact on us because it was, it’s just become a case of, we have to make sure the kids are asleep because there’s, there has been times where we’ve literally been like at it and like Paige has woken up or like gone come in the room and we just, Oh, daddy’s just massaging mummy’s back because you know, she’s got a sore back. What the hell? 

[00:24:05] Carla: I know. Do you know what really annoys me just as you’re about to as well, that happened to me only recently. And you know, you’re gearing up, you getting involved and it’s just like about to come. And I looked to the right of me and there’s George like, Oh mummy, why are you bouncing on the bed like that? I’m just like, well, you know, it’s just, it’s just so fun. P

[00:24:26] Melanie: Yeah. We’ve had to have, you know, we’ve, we’ve had quite a few times like that and it’s just like, Oh my God. But then he got to a stage where he was like, you know what, I’m not doing this while there’s even a chance of them being awake. So that had a massive impact on us as well, because it’s, so it’s not just, like the women that I think it has an effect on, because it’s definitely had an effect on him. He’ll probably kill me for saying all this.

[00:24:51]Carla:  No, but its true.

[00:24:52]Melanie:  But I just hope he never listens. I just hope he never listens to what I’m saying but.

[00:24:57] Carla: We need to, it’s not for the boys this. Like, Danny, won’t listen to this, but it is just about being girls and being open. But I know what you mean. It’s not. And also Mel, like you said, it’s, it reminds you that your mum and dad and it, yeah. And sometimes that you just want to feel sexy. You want to feel like young, you want to feel fit and like, and then all of a sudden your kids staring at you or like your kids there. 

[00:25:23] Melanie: What are you doing? What are you doing? And, it’s just like you, you’ve got to be kidding me. Just get back in your bedroom. And the thing is, I don’t know what you’re like, but we’re very much, um, we don’t shut our bedroom door.

[00:25:35]Carla:  No 

[00:25:37] Melanie: We’ve and, and I know there’s this whole, you know, like, Oh, you shut your bedroom doors, blah, blah, blah. All the kids’ blah blah blah, I’ve never shut. When, when they were very, very little, we used to shut their bedroom doors, but I also don’t ever want them to feel that they’re like trapped in the room. So we’ve always left all our doors open. 

[00:25:52] Carla: Yeah, we do that.

[00:25:54]Melanie:  So if we ever left our, if we, if we ever shut our door that would instantly get their attention. Cause they’d be like, well, why is that door shut? So we feel like we can’t shut our door. So we leave our door open. But we’re, I feel like we’re always on full alert.

[00:26:10] Carla: No you can’t get into it can you?

[00:26:12] Melanie: No, no. Cause I feel like waiting for one of them to get into it. So then we ended up having so many times we ended up just doing like the spooning position, because it’s easier to explain if a kid walks in. It’s very easy to explain to them oh we are just having a cuddle and it’s a massive passion killer but, you know,  it’s like, well, you’ve got to do it somehow. And if this is the way that we’re actually going to get to do it, then we’ll just, we’ll go with it this way. Because at least if we get caught, we can just tell them, we are having a cuddle, back to your bedroom. And you know, it’s sad that it’s like that in some ways, but what are you supposed to do? 

[00:26:54] Carla: I know. I do think I agree with what you said before about the lockdown, because we, that was our time off. That was my time to get dressed up for him to say, Oh, you look nice. Now. Honestly, I look like, you know, home alone, that, that pigeon woman that is honestly, I looked in the mirror before and I thought, wow, all I need is a bit of, a bit of birds on me. And that’s it, you know, I’m at that stage. But do you know what I mean? Like lockdown, it’s like, you just let yourself go a bit behind closed doors. Well, not you, I’m not saying that I’ve not seen you. 

[00:27:26] Melanie: Oh no. But the thing is you you’re completely right. It is me.

[00:27:29] Carla: Honestly. Before I thought to myself, I was like tear and I was about to record this and I thought. Feel like I stink. Like I did have a shower in the morning, but I feel like, I don’t know when, when I last wash my hair, I actually don’t know. And like, it’s just like, it’s bad in a way, because it’s getting that effort back and every now and then I get back to a routine where I think, right, that’s it, I’m tanning, I’m shaving, I’m doing all this. And I do it like for one week and then I’m like back to, yeah. 

[00:27:59] Melanie: Do you not think it’s when you’ve actually shaved and sorted yourself out. That’s when you think, Oh, you know what? I feel really good. Like, I am not letting this go again because I feel, I feel good. But then within the week you’re like, Ugh, do you know what? I can’t even be bothered, but when you actually do it, you’re reminded how good you actually do feel. But it’s so easy to just let go and.

[00:28:25] Carla: Yes.

[00:28:25]Melanie:  And not make the effort again. 

[00:28:27] Carla: I know. And do you know what Mel, it’s funny you say that because I love it when I’m confident and I’m, you know what, I feel so good that I’m like, yeah, you want me, but when it’s like, out of pity almost. When it’s like oh its Carla  that poor little woman, that’s like, you know, you should be blooming on home alone or whatever, you know, when it’s like that, I feel a bit inferior. So I don’t, I do still enjoy it, but I love being more. I just love being tanned and fit. Like, do you know what I mean? 

[00:28:59] Melanie: I completely, honestly, I completely get you, like, you feel so much more confident in yourself when you’ve made that effort yourself. Like you feel you’re the one almost that’s in control of what’s happening. Like as in like you’re in control of the passion you’re in control of

[00:29:17] Carla: They fancy you more as well. Do you notice that?

[00:29:18]Melanie:  Yeah. Yeah. Oh my God. Absolutely. Like sometimes I feel so sorry for him because if we are like, Oh right, yep. Kids are asleep. Great. Have you shaved your legs. No, ah that’s all right. And then I think to myself, Oh my God. Like, why are you doing it with me with like my unshaved legs and like, flipping heck I haven’t even wash my hair. You know. And as much as you do it because you want to do it because you do, you still feel like I should have definitely made more effort and I don’t feel as good as I should be feeling. 

[00:29:53] Carla: Yeah. I know what you mean. And it’s like, it is like that. And it’s it’s do you know what I notice, I notice when I’m more confident he fancies me more, which makes me fancy him more. 

[00:30:04] Melanie: Oh my God. Yeah, absolutely. 

[00:30:07] Carla: When I’m loved, I love him more. But when I feel crap. It’s like, Oh yeah. And I feel a bit embarrassed. Like, I dunno if I let myself go a bit, I just don’t feel like as good. So when I lose a bit of a few pounds, when I go on one of these crash diets I do now, and again, I always think to myself, Oh yeah, I feel great. And then he looks at me different. That’s what I feel like. Do you know what I mean?

[00:30:34] Melanie: Yeah. Although in some ways, to me, like, that’s like the total opposite for me, because I’ve always been like, as you know, I’ve never been big have I? And I went like the complete opposite way. So I went to the point where like, I literally felt like I was just a bag of bones and that to me was so unattractive. I used to look at myself and think, Oh my God, like, I literally look disgusting. Why the hell, why the hell would you want to sleep with me? And, you know, and, and that put me off wanting to do it myself. Um, don’t get me wrong. I’ve definitely gained the weight now. 

[00:31:16] Carla: Do you know Mel? It’s so good that you’ve said that because I think some people are always listening. We’re always talking about body issues and we’re always talking about, Oh, we put on weight and stuff and it’s never like, Oh, I’ve lost weight. And I think that’s really important because there is so many different,

[00:31:31] Melanie: You know what I completely agree. It’s something I am dead passionate about because obviously being the person that’s always been on the smaller side, I mean, you know, I’ve always been ridiculed for being, so small, and oh you’re so skinny ra ra ra and like, you know what it was like when we used to work together, you know, I was always the small one, blah, blah, blah.

[00:31:51] When I had the girls, literally after I had Florry, I literally went down to like six and a half stone. I was just a bag of bones. It was disgusting. It was honestly disgusting. And I never, I probably never felt un sexier because I just felt like this bag of bones with a pair of boobs that was just feeding my kids. And that was probably one of the worst times ever, because I was thinking, how on earth can he find me attractive and want to like actually be with me. And I know it’s always about people who, who just want to lose weight and they don’t like their,

[00:32:32] Carla: Well thats all they show don’t they? That’s all like the media shows, like I just said, then like, Oh, I’ve eaten my way through. Didn’t even think about that. But then I, do you know, what it is is I can’t imagine ever like losing loads of weight and then thinking, Oh, I look awful. Like I just, but then you’ve, you’re on the other side where like, you know, you have loads of weight and you didn’t feel confident, but I can’t ever imagine that. And it’s, it’s, it’s good that you’ve mentioned that because I think that is something that people do need to be aware of as well. 

[00:33:04] Melanie: Yeah, absolutely. And there’s definitely, honestly, there’s, there’s people, um, there’s people that I know there’s also people that I follow, obviously. Um, and I know that they’re in the same position as me. That have absolutely hated being as small as they are, but it’s just not spoken about, you know, it’s nowhere near as. Like an okay subject to talk about. And if you do talk about it, you’re almost, it’s almost like, um, you kind of boasting that you are that small. And it’s not that way. I swear to God, my confidence had never been lower when I was small. I couldn’t even get a size six to fit me. And that was like probably one of the most depressing times of my life. Um, but you know, it’s taken me probably three, nearly four years to put the weight on. And I finally reached an over eight stone mark. Right. And do you know what I’m probably the most comfortable with ever been in my body now. Um, and. I love, I love having like an extra little bit of weight and I personally don’t care whether I’ve got like a bit of a wobbly belly or a bit of flab  like, you know, the kids will be like, wow, mummy looks like you’re having another baby. Cheers kids. And you know, it doesn’t bother me. Whereas that looks really, really offend some people.

[00:34:21] Carla: Yeah. Yeah. I see, honestly speaking, honestly, I’d be, I, I, if George said that to me, which he does say it makes me think, Oh my God, I need to lose some weight. And, and that is, do you know? I think, do you think women are ever happy with how they are? I don’t know?

[00:34:39]Melanie:  No, I honestly, I don’t think women ever are happy with how they are like, Oh, I really don’t because I can see it from both points of view. You know, I’ve seen the people that are bigger and just wish that they could lose weight. And then I’ve seen people that are so small. All they want to do is gain weight and neither of them feel attracted to, you know, attractive enough, sorry to like, feel that their partners want to be with them. 

[00:35:08] Carla: Yes. Yeah. I know it’s mad. Isn’t it? It’s like, I think sometimes our own bit, I don’t know about you, but if I go on a night out, God, I’m probably, it’s been a long time since I’ve been on a night out. I am desperate for one, but when I do, I dress, it means more to me if a woman comes over and it’s like, Oh, you really look nice than a bloke.

[00:35:30] Melanie: Yes. A hundred percent, a hundred percent. If you can get that okay from, from a girl. You know that you look good. Yeah. But like, but that’s a girl’s opinion, but for them to look good for a man, I think they feel that they have to look good for a woman, which is like, that’s completely ridiculous in some ways, but they’re not confident unless someone tells, unless a female tells them, do you know what my God, you look amazing, love your dress. Or, you know, like you all go to the loos together don’t you, but you do get that occasionally. You will get that like, 

[00:36:10] Carla: Oh I make friends with people every single time I go the toilet, honestly, I wake up with about 12 friend requests. I mean, holidays that I’ve mentioned to people. I mean, it let’s not go there, but I do. 

[00:36:21]Melanie:  Carla I expect nothing less from you. 

[00:36:23] Carla: Honestly it’s a nightmare. I think have always been the same, really. 

[00:36:28] Melanie: I think, I think anyone who knows you would, um, would say that that’s, that’s literally who you are, but that that’s the thing with you though. You’re just, you’re just this genuine person who appreciates people. And if, if you know you, you wouldn’t put anyone down, but there are people out there who really do make other people feel rubbish. 

[00:36:52] Carla: Mmm. I don’t like that at all. That’s what that’s part of the reason why this podcast for me, like it’s just about being you. And if some people might listen to us Mel and think. Yeah. Actually, no, I feel great about myself and that’s great. 

[00:37:06] Melanie: Yeah. It’s really great. 

[00:37:07] Carla: But that’s very rare. I would say.

[00:37:09] Melanie: Yeah I can guarantee you there’ll be so many more people thinking yeah I feel absolutely horrendous about myself too. Especially after having kids, especially, you know, like after lockdown, there’s going to be so many people that aren’t going to like  who they are and what’s happened and how their lives are changed so massively since having  kids.

[00:37:34]Carla:  I think that and I do think a lot of the time, once you’ve had children, I do think sometimes you can. Because friends don’t really say I had this chat with my friends when I was pissed again. Honestly, honestly, I don’t drink that much, but,

[00:37:49] Melanie: Are you sure?

[00:37:51]Carla:  I don’t know, actually slightly pissed now. But, I met up with my friends, not recently just to put that out there, um, a couple of years ago. And I said, why do none of us ever mentioned when our fellas are being twats, you know, like, or we’ve had an argument or that things aren’t hunky Dory. And we were all just sat there. And I was like, I just would love people to just say, yeah, he’s an asshole tonight, or, yeah.

[00:38:20] Melanie: Do you know what, like, again, I’m not going to lie. I am one of these people who will turn around and tell people if, if, if Alex has been, uh, uh, a prat to me or has been particularly a bit of a dick that day, I will happily tell people, um, whether that’s. The right thing, the wrong thing, or I don’t know, but I feel like that’s something that we just shouldn’t hide.

[00:38:47] Carla: No. I, I think sometimes people give off this perfect persona that actually. That you do almost, if you then say that, you know, you’ve had a bit of an argument and stuff, people will think, Oh, they’re not right. Do you know what I mean? Like, everyone has arguments. Everyone does. 

[00:39:06] Melanie: God. Like, literally God, Alex is only home at weekends. We definitely still managed to fit a few of them in and he’s only home for the weekends. You know? Like it’s a case of like right you come home. What are we going to argue about quickly now? And then are we gonna go and have sex. 

[00:39:22] Carla: Yeah. I know that make up sex though, it’s great. 

[00:39:26] Melanie: It’s literally like, I feel like that literally what we do.

[00:39:29] Carla: I cause arguments. Just for the make up sex, like, Oh yeah, no, I’m going to be an asshole just for a bit, just for the aftermath when you really fancy me.

[00:39:37] Melanie: Yeah, no, literally I swear to God, that’s actually what we do because maybe, maybe that’s like the new thing. Maybe once you’ve got kids, that’s what you have to do. You have to just, I don’t know, have a.

[00:39:50] Carla: Bit of passion.

[00:39:50]Melanie:  Have a bit of a row yeah, literally just to get a bit of passion back,  because I don’t know. I don’t know if you feel the same passion is once you have kids, the passion is not there.

[00:40:04] Carla: It’s hard.

[00:40:05] Melanie: You do it because you wanting to like fit it in. You wanting to keep it alive. You want to satisfy each other. 

[00:40:12] Carla: You’re wanting to keep your man  happy as well. And you want to keep yourself happy. Don’t you? It’s like as a woman, I think women could quite easily, a lot of women that I’ve spoke to anyway, cause switch off and not do it. And I get that like totally understand it. It’s like, it’s the whole thing that goes with it. Isn’t it? The shaving, the punani shaving. Yeah. Yeah. It’s the whole thing. 

[00:40:38] Melanie: It’s a lot of effort.

[00:40:40]Carla:  It really is. It really is. It is. 

[00:40:43] Melanie: And they don’t make half as much effort.

[00:40:46]Carla:  They don’t have to. They could just leave it there, dangling down, you know, just, just there nothing, nothing needs doing, it’s  just, there happy or droopy.

[00:40:59] Melanie: That’s literally it, they, they, they don’t, they, what do they have to do? You know, like.

[00:41:05]Carla:  Just get shit done I guess. 

[00:41:07] Melanie: Yeah. That’s literally all they have to do as long as, you know, as long as they can satisfy us.  We’ll just accept that. Whereas for us, it’s just, it’s very much like a case. So we have to make sure that we’re, we’re, we’re sort of, we’re trimmed. We’re looking good for them. I don’t know if its  for us to feel like, um, they’re going to feel good by it or whether it’s for us to, for us to actually feel like it. 

[00:41:32] Carla: Sometimes I don’t know whether it’s for them or us. I don’t know? When I get into it, it’s for me, because I think, Oh my God, this is great. I love it. But then also you don’t want to be, you hear about these stories that people that never do it. And then next minute, they’ve run off with someone who they work with or something like that. 

[00:41:51] Melanie: And thats the last thing you want.

[00:41:53]Carla:  And then you think, Oh no, I should, I should just do it. 

[00:41:57] Melanie: Yeah. As in like, um, I need to do it, to make sure that he doesn’t run off. 

[00:42:02] Carla: Yeah. But then when we do it’s good. But do you know what I missed? I think the whole thing about this is like that lock down. I think that, I think definitely from our,  from My Bump 2 Baby, we’re noticing more and more people going on, like separation articles, getting in touch with family law, solicitors about divorce and stuff. And I think lockdown has probably killed a lot of relationships.

[00:42:27] Melanie: Yeah. 

[00:42:28] Carla: Um, because it’s so hard. How do you keep that? It’s not easy to keep Mel. It’s not easy to keep making that effort. 

[00:42:37] Melanie: Part of me thinks I don’t, like, I don’t particularly understand that in some ways, because like, like I say, Alex has worked the whole way through this. Um, and he still worked away each week. So it’s hard for me to understand how people who have, have been together the whole lock down. Cause that, you know, there’s a lot of couples that have literally spent day in, day out with each other throughout lockdown. 

[00:43:03] Well, that’s 

[00:43:03] Carla: it, you know, like your weekend, how you said before you’ll have a bicker? That’s it, but times seven days. 

[00:43:10] Melanie: Yeah, I suppose. Yeah. So in some ways, I guess I’ve been quite lucky. Yeah. That he is away. Um, and I can’t say that that’s, it’s affected my mental health because I’ve had the kids home all the time.

[00:43:23] Carla: Oh, that is so hard. It’s been all on you. 

[00:43:26] Melanie: Yeah, because obviously I’ve had them home the whole time. Um, whereas he’s still been off at work a lot. So that’s probably had the effect on me, but part of me, it’s also been like, wow, these people that have had their husbands home the whole time. Part of me does feel like that. Yeah. That they are really lucky and they’ve been able to have all of that time together, but maybe that’s not such a good thing as well. Maybe that has put like extra pressure on people because they’re home all the time and they’re not at work and they’re not coming home in the evenings. And do you know what I mean? Like, it’s 

[00:44:01] Carla: Thats probably what’s kept your sex life alive in a way, because he comes home on the weekend and stuff. Whereas I know from personal experience, like friends and stuff like that, that sometimes when the partner is home all the time, cause they know they can have it the next day night that it never happens.

[00:44:19] Melanie: Yeah. Yeah. 

[00:44:21] Carla: You know what I mean? 

[00:44:22] Melanie: No, I completely, I can get that because you know, it is as much as I’ve been exhausted. 

[00:44:29] Carla: Its a nice change you’ve got every week you’ve got a nice change.

[00:44:34]Melanie:  I have, but I also think its swings and roundabouts as well because in some ways I’ve been like right ok. Yep. Great, he’s home at the weekend, I have missed him all week. Blah, blah, blah. That’s great. But then in the next breath, it’s like, Oh my God, I’m so tired. And does part of me feel forced to want to do that? Because he’s only home at the weekends. Do I, do I have to do it? Because he’s, because I only see him at weekends.

[00:44:59] Carla: Yeah. I know what you mean. I know what you mean, but then, you know, you’re missing out all weeks and so you probably do make more of an effort to do it. 

[00:45:07] Melanie: That’s exactly. But yeah. So that’s that’s 

[00:45:10] Carla: Because you’ve not got choice. Like I think for women whose partners home, I could think to myself, right? Oh, it’s Sunday. Yeah. I’m a bit tired tomorrow, tomorrow, but then tomorrow ends up being like weeks and weeks and weeks. And then it’s like, Oh, sugar. And I think the longer you go without it, the more you’re not bothered about it. 

[00:45:31] Melanie: I completely actually agree with that one because we definitely went through a stage of that. 

[00:45:37] Carla: Oh, I have.

[00:45:38]Melanie:  I got through a, like, medical menopause like the backend of last year.

[00:45:45] Carla: Really?

[00:45:46]Melanie:  Yeah. It was the worst thing that could probably have ever like I swear to god. I’m dreading actually going through it for real.

[00:45:52] Carla: Are you actually going through it at the moment or not?

[00:45:54] Melanie: No they stopped the injections. I said, well, I was having like, um, injections every month to basically put me through like a medically induced menopause.

[00:46:04] Carla: Why?

[00:46:04]Melanie:  Just because I’ve got like a lot of like gyny issues going on. Um, and they were hoping that that would help. By having no hormones in me whatsoever that it would help the situation. Literally sent me crazy. It was like, I swear to God, Oh my God, he’ll probably kill me. We, we literally didn’t have sex for like nearly three months. 

[00:46:23] Carla: Yeah. Do you know what? I can understand that. And do you know what, I’m glad you’ve said that because there’ll be people listening that were in the same situation. Do you know what I mean? It’s literally can just go like that. It can, because it’s easy and you always think, Oh, tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow. And the longer you go the more awkward it is.

[00:46:42] Melanie: Yeah absolutely, it was definitely like that. Like at the beginning it was more of a case of like the, the side effects from the injections were just like, they were horrendous and I felt like crap. And, and this goes out, you know, to, to older people who are going through this as well, because, you know, I can guarantee you, it’s not just younger people that listen to this. There is older people that, that are listening to this and who are going through it, or even people who are younger and actually going through early menopause. 

[00:47:08] Carla: Yeah, there’s a lot going through early menopause as well. So I’m glad you’ve mentioned that. 

[00:47:13] Melanie: It was, I swear to God, I would never like choose to go through it again. Um, it was like, it was so hard on my body and I felt so disconnected from myself and therefore felt so disconnected from him. But then there was also that there was such a guilt lying around as well. Cause it was like, Oh my God. Yeah. Okay. I feel rubbish, but I should still be satisfying him and making him feel wanted. And you know, he’s still my husband at the end of the day, and it was a really, really hard time. Um, but again, like you say, the longer it went on, the easier it became to not do it. 

[00:48:02] Carla: Yeah. Yeah. It does. I honestly, like now, I did it last day, right? Normally it’s Wednesday and a Sunday, but we peaked early last night it was like, one of those where the program was a bit, you know, shitty. And it was like, well, do you fancy it. Yeah. Okay. 

[00:48:19] Melanie: Got a bit. Got a bit of time. 

[00:48:21] Carla: Yeah. So we did, and then like straight afterwards, like today I feel like I’m ready. I could do it again. Right. I don’t know why, but then once it’s been like quite a few days or say it’s been a week or two, it almost becomes a bit like awkward to kind of be like, Oh, you fancy it then. Do you know what I mean?

[00:48:41] Melanie: Yeah. I feel sometimes I feel like we end up having to book it in, as in book it in but stick to it. 

[00:48:49] Carla: Yes you have to stick to it.

[00:48:51] Melanie: Yeah. Because if I book it in and then don’t do it like one I’ve I’ve kind of failed as a wife or like let down or whatever. And you know, you feel like. Oh, I should never have like, initiated that or suggested that we were going to do it because now I absolutely don’t want to.

[00:49:12] Carla: Oh do you know, I’m a, do you know what? I’m glad you said that because I am all talk in the day. Like when he’s doing the dishes, I’m like, I’m like, Oh, Hey, big boy, tonight is your lucky night. We get into the bed and he’s like, you all right. Yeah, yeah, why you asking?

[00:49:31] Melanie: Yeah. That is honestly us, I can, I completely get you there. And we are, we are exactly that.

[00:49:39] Carla: I say like things like, Oh, I love this sausage. It’s so big or whatever, when Im eating, like say things as a joke, like, but kind of innuendos, but then when it gets the night time, I’m like, Oh yeah, I stink anyway you know, night.

[00:49:56] Melanie: No, I don’t necessarily pull the headache card, although I do suffer from headaches really badly, but like, I will happily say all of that during the day. And I know, and I feel so guilty sometimes because I know that I’ve got his hopes up and he’s thinking, yes, you know, like, let’s get the kids to sleep. As in, you know, let’s get the kids to sleep. I mean, what time are we now? Like. Well, literally, nearly nine, so like my tinker I know it’s still floating around. Um, so it’s literally a case of, we have to get them actually to sleep. And then by the time they, are asleep, he’s still there thinking yes. And I’m like, 

[00:50:36] Carla: Oh, please don’t mentioned  it, please don’t mention it. I know we agreed.

[00:50:40]Melanie:  Do not come near me because I know exactly what you’re gonna want and I kind of retract , what I said earlier on in the day. 

[00:50:49] I do. Maybe because 

[00:50:50] Carla: like, you know, it’s not possible. You like put out these things and then when it actually comes to it later, you’re like, Oh God shit. You know.

[00:50:58] Melanie: Yeah I have actually got to go through with this now.

[00:51:02] Carla: Yeah. 

[00:51:04] Melanie: Why, why did I say this earlier?  Dammit.

[00:51:06] Carla: What did I say that sausage was so nice earlier?

[00:51:10] Melanie: Yeah literally. Jesus.

[00:51:12] Carla: I know, I know, but it’s so hard literally, but no, it is. And we, we got to the point where I was like, right, because I love sex. Like when we do it, I’m just like this, I love it. I really do. And I enjoy it for it’s like going from being mum about half an hour before then being this like Greek goddess. That’s like, you know, you know, something you only read  in 50 shades, do you know what i mean?

[00:51:45] Melanie: And I think that is the biggest, I think that’s a massive difference between men and women as well, because you know, the women is you are literally you are mum, right until they go to sleep. Yeah. You’re still mum and you still fully on duty, and to be fair, even when they are asleep still on duty and you know, having to find that switch. I think is much easier for them than it is for us. Um, and you know, you are tired, you are exhausted at the end of the day. And then, you know, it’s all right, saying it all, but then when it comes to your like, Oh God. Now I need to switch into this sexy person who he’s going to fancy and want to do it with and find attractive. Or to be fair all I can ever think of is I just want to lay in bed and just watch friends. 

[00:52:33] Carla: And eat a cheeseburger that’s me. That’s what I want to all the time. Just want a double cheeseburger lay in bed, watch friends and just be happy. But do you know what that’s the thing with mum is I think a lot of the time we’re always playing a role aren’t we. So we’re like going from like, as soon as you become a mum, it’s like oh I’m mumsy. And I want to kind of look after my children and Blah blah. And then as soon as the night hits, it’s like, click your fingers, wait a minute. You know, we’re Jenna Jameson, do you know what I mean? Like you can’t just do it.

[00:53:06]Melanie:  Again. I swear to God though, this is where like lock down has come in because we’ve always, we’ve been really, really lucky. Like literally wherever we’ve been posted. His mum is like our saviour. Like she is always had the kids for us. She’s always had them for a weekend. She would, whether it meant  like her taking them into a hotel because we were like posted so far away or whatever. We’ve always been so, so lucky. And, and we’ve had that break, but during COVID, there’s not been any of that. And I do think that that does change things because you’ve just not had that break as a, as a mum that you’ve not had that break away from the kids to be able to make that switch. Because at the moment we are we’re, well, obviously we’ve been teachers as well as, you know, parents, and then by the time you get into bed, you’re just like, I don’t want to make that switch. I’m too tired to actually make that switch. Whereas pre COVID, you know, you, you could definitely guarantee right I’m going to make that switch because my kids are not here for the weekends. And you know, I I’m going back to being wife, fiancé, girlfriend, whatever. I’m going back to being that person and it’s about me and him. It’s not about the kids because they’re not there. 

[00:54:30] Carla: Yeah. Yeah. But I think it’s made us all a bit more lazy. Like, do you know what I mean? Like on a weekend now I still probably don’t, you know, brush my hair as much as a should or, put  the makeup on . Cause I think you’ve seen me like a mess I’ve been wearing my dressing gown, 24 seven all week. What’s the difference? May as well, just caring on wearing it. Do you know what I mean? I would never used to be caught dead in like pyjamas. Do you know what the worst part is? My mum handed me down pyjamas that she didn’t want anymore. And here I am sat in them. Do you know what I mean? 

[00:55:06] Melanie: I have actually got clothes on today and I’ve had clothes on all day, which is pretty much a miracle for me. Um, I can’t remember the last time I wore clothes all day, but it’s only because I’ve been up the wall busy today, but I’ve actually had to have clothes on all day, but like on mother’s day, this year, is probably. I found that one really, really hard. Like on mother’s day, I thought, you know what? I’m going to make an effort today. I am going to put some nice clothes on. I ‘m going to do my hair, do my makeup. Like, you know, mother’s day morning was lovely. The kids were like jumping all over the bed, giving me presents. A and I thought, right, I’m going to make an effort. We are going to have a lovely afternoon tea, going to have some Prosecco and I’m going to get them into bed early. And then, then I’m going to be that goddess. And you know, we’re going to absolutely get down to it. 

[00:55:59] Carla: Yeah. 

[00:56:00] Melanie: I did my hair. I did my makeup. I put a really nice top on blah, blah, walked down the stairs and I got, what’s that? 

[00:56:11] Carla: Do you know what me and my friend were talking about this last night? Yeah. It’s almost like we’re weird now for dressing up. 

[00:56:18] Melanie: And I thought. You’ve got to be kidding me. I’ve actually put proper clothes on for the first time in months. Like I wore a nice top. I really liked this top and you’ve actually got to be kidding me. Are you telling me I don’t actually look nice on mother’s day of all days. Like, are you like, what are you trying to say? So out of pure, like anger, I literally went back upstairs and I put my friend’s hoody on and I sat there all day with my friends hoody on and my leggings and I thought, screw you. Right. Literally screw you. If you want to screw me later, you will screw me with my friends hoody on. Like, to him it was like, why have you made this effort? 

[00:57:03] Its bad isn’t it. 

[00:57:04] Carla: That’s what exactly like me on, mothers day it’s like, you’ve got a bit of a lie in and um, and then I was like, Oh, I’m going to shave. I’m going to do all that. I come downstairs. And you know, when you, like, I acting like a bit, he’s like why you acting like that? Like, like what? You know like bending over, getting your  cup of tea, but lifting the finger up and all that kind of stuff. 

[00:57:27] Melanie: Yeah why you acting all flirty? 

[00:57:28] Carla: Yeah why are you acting like that? I’m just like, yeah, because maybe, you know, I just want you to say you look hot or. 

[00:57:34] Melanie: Oh, you look really good. 

[00:57:38] Carla: I think that is why many women, um, end up living with other women later in life. 

[00:57:45] Melanie: Oh my God. Don’t even like, literally please do not get me started on that. The amount of people I know that that that’s actually happened to. 

[00:57:53] Carla: Yeah. Yeah. Because I think we think, you know, like that book, I’ve never read it, but I’ve heard of the phrase. Men are from no, no, I don’t know were from one country, I say country 

[00:58:07] Melanie: One planet, Venus and Mars, isn’t it.

[00:58:11] Carla: Yeah. Something like that. And you know I never thought about it, but as the time has gone on thought, actually that’s fricking right. I think that is right.

[00:58:21]Melanie:  Maybe women just can appreciate why other women make that effort. Whereas, but then do you not sit there and think to yourself, because this is what crossed my mind afterwards, you know, all the efforts that we actually make.

[00:58:35] Carla: Yeah.

[00:58:37]Melanie:  Do they care? 

[00:58:38] Carla: Do they even, yeah. I don’t know? 

[00:58:41] Melanie: Do they actually even care because part of me felt like he was so shocked that I’d made this effort. Does he care if I make an effort?  Like, is it it’s partly feeling like this is us thinking this, we need to make the effort. We need to feel sexy for like, for our partners. Actually do, do we need to feel sexy for them because they don’t actually.

[00:59:08] Carla: I think it’s more for us.

[00:59:10] Melanie: I do. I actually do. I think it’s for us. And part of me thinks they don’t actually care what we look like. Do you know what, as long as they are like whacking it in.

[00:59:17] Carla: Every hole is a goal. Thats it.

[00:59:19] Melanie: As long as, as long as they can whack it in. 

[00:59:22] Carla: Yeah. Yeah.

[00:59:24]Melanie:  I don’t actually think they really care. 

[00:59:26] Carla: I don’t even think they notice. I don’t actually think they notice. I literally could like, you know, bend over, go and pick a pen up, with no clothes on at all. It’d be like, Oh, uh, while you’re down there, will you just grab that cup of tea or whatever? And you know, it wouldn’t get it. Wouldn’t get, 

[00:59:44] Melanie: It wont get noticed like, Oh my God you’re looking amazing. It would just be like, yeah. Okay. Yeah. So while your down there. Yeah. 

[00:59:52] Carla: It’s like oh I’ve got no knickers on today. Why have you not got any clean? No alright. No actually but Okay. 

[01:00:00] Melanie: But it does make you wonder though doesn’t it, because that is honestly sometimes how I feel. It’s like are we making ourselves, like are we feeling the pressure should I say, probably of making ourselves feel sexy. Because we’re putting the pressure on ourselves. 

[01:00:20] Carla: But I think the problem is Mel, we’re putting the pressure on each other because too many friends don’t talk about it. So everyone makes out that their relationship is hunky-dory. We do it all the time. Oh yeah. It’s great. And great. And then I think what a lot of people do, everyone thinks that actually everyone is doing it all the time. Like we were before kids. And I think that’s part of the problem. 

[01:00:43] Melanie: It’s not actually, that’s not the truth at all is it? As in you’re doing it, it’s probably almost regimental. Oh yeah.Especially people who don’t want kids, it’s definitely a case of like, even if they’re on contraception, if like, right, definitely. I don’t want any more. So we’re not doing it. Like they were not doing it that day. We can definitely do it around then. Like, because people who don’t want kids and I found this for myself, even when I was on contraception, we didn’t. Definitely didn’t want another baby. It scared the crap out of me thinking if we did it even around a time where I might be ovulating, it was like, Oh my God, no way. Not doing it around that time, because I didn’t want the thought of having another baby.

[01:01:34] Carla: Yeah. It’s easier to miss that time though, but you’re more horny around that ovulation time. 

[01:01:39] Melanie: Oh yes. And that’s the worst bloody bit about it. Yeah. And I figured that one out over the, like over the years as well, that is literally the time that you are at your horniest and it’s just like, shit, what am I supposed to do now? Like, I really don’t want to do it with him because, you know, I definitely don’t want the risk of the baby, but fricking heck. 

[01:01:57] Carla: Yeah. Yeah. Do you know what? I even notice, apparently your voice changes and when I listen to my podcast, because me and Danny, like, I track my ovulation. So like I know when I’m ovulating, cause my voice goes deeper. It goes like, yeah, it’s really weird. Really weird. 

[01:02:15] Melanie: Oh my God is your voice, is your voice deeper today?

[01:02:18] Carla: Well I ovulated yesterday.  That’s why you know we did it. That’s the thing. When your trying, I’m quite open with like where I’m at with after obviously what happened to us last year, we’ve been trying since and stuff and it’s just not happened. But you know, you’ve got to enjoy it along the, along the way as well. But I do think that’s hard as well. You know, like when you, those nights that you don’t want to do it, and then you like, Oh,

[01:02:42] Melanie: You feel like you have to because its your chance.

[01:02:45]Carla:  You should do. Because actually I’m, you know, I’m getting older and I need to, you know, like

[01:02:51] Melanie: If you miss this month, that’s another month gone.

[01:02:53] Carla: Oh it’s always another month gone. It’s like, at the moment I’ve been asked, like, my doctor is like, do not have the COVID jab. Cause you’re trying for a baby. I’m like, yeah, but we’ve been trying like nearly two years. So at what point do you, what point do you like think, Oh, I’m going to have the COVID jab. Do you know what I mean? 

[01:03:10] Melanie: Yeah, no, I completely. Like I completely get that because you know, like you say, you could be another six months down the line. Or, you might not have got pregnant yesterday you don’t know?

[01:03:22] Carla: Well who knows?

[01:03:27] Anyway, but Mel, I think we’ve done a really good episode here.

[01:03:32]Melanie:  I like to think. So. I think, I feel like we’ve covered.

[01:03:32] Carla: I feel like we could go on and on and on. People just want to hear it, I know that people will want to hear that we feel the same. Like sometimes you can’t be arsed and that’s it. Or sometimes you’ve not shave your legs. Whereas a few years ago, I think it used to be like, oh absolutely I shave my legs. I even used to probably be one of those people that would pretend that I shaved my legs when I don’t.

[01:03:55] Melanie: Did you not just do that? Like, so when you go back to shaving your legs, did you not like, obviously it’s the beginning of relationship yeah. Did you make sure that you were fully shaved all the time? Everywhere. 

[01:04:08] Carla: Oh, every time I got a shower. I did actually shave. I do, you know, I’ll be totally honest. I still shave the fairy just in case it happens 

[01:04:19] Melanie: See I don’t have to worry because he’s not here. He’s not here in the week is he so like, I literally have to worry during the week. 

[01:04:27] Carla: But do you know what it is? The amount of times i have cut my fairy as well, like from trying to be over, like, I was listening to bewitched a little while ago and I was like, Oh, I’m really getting into this. And like, I did the stroke of that and it was getting really confident with the bits and it cut me and it was awful.

[01:04:47] Melanie: Oh yeah.

[01:04:49]Carla:  But. Do you know what? And then I couldn’t have sex. So it was like, well, what was the point?

[01:04:54]Melanie:  That was pointless. Yeah. That was completely pointless. I feel like we’ve covered probably everything that you want it to cover. Probably more.

[01:05:14]Carla:  Exactly. So, Mel, thank you so much for coming on this episode to talk about sex. 

[01:05:21] Melanie: Uh, well, you’re so welcome. Um, I hope that we’ve covered everything that needs to be covered.

[01:05:27] Carla: Me too. I think we definitely have.

[01:05:31] Thank you so much for listening to today’s episode of 50 shades of motherhood. 50 shades of motherhood is all about being free, being real, being raw and saying what you want to say without fear of judgment. So if you have enjoyed today’s episode, please, please share it with your friends. You never know who it might help. Not everyone is so open about sharing their stories. So it’s really important to raise awareness around topics so that it can help other people feel less alone.

[01:06:05] And also if you don’t mind reviewing us and subscribing, that would be amazing. It means the more listeners we have, the more podcasts that I can create. So thank you once again for listening. If you want to make any suggestions for future episodes, please pop me an email over my email address is [email protected]

[01:06:31] And I look forward to speaking to you next time on 50 shades of motherhood. 

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