- Potty Training with The Positive Parent Coach
Today, we speak with expert Olivia Edwards otherwise known as (The Positive Parent Coach) about potty training toddlers, Olivia shares her knowledge and advice on potty training
In this podcast we discuss when should you start potty training your baby? how to recognise the signs your toddler could be ready for potty training, how long potty training takes and Olivia’s inside top tips for Potty Training.
You can read the article here https://www.mybump2baby.com/potty-training-process/
You can find Olivia Edwards website and membership here
You can view her parent coach Leicester listing on MyBump2Baby here https://www.mybump2baby.com/listings/the-positive-parent-coach/
To find your nearest parent coach visit https://www.mybump2baby.com/pregnancy-baby-toddler-directory/parent-coaches/
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[00:01:20] Carla: Hello and welcome to My Bump 2 Baby Expert podcast, where we bring experts from all over the uk to answer your questions on everything pregnancy to preschool.
[00:01:44] Carla: Today I am joined by the positive parent coach Olivia Edwards, and today on this episode, we are discussing potty.
[00:02:03] Carla: Hello everybody and welcome to My Bump 2 Baby’s Expert podcast. Today I am joined by the lovely Olivia Edwards from The Positive Parent Coach. So, hello Olivia. How are you?
[00:02:16] Olivia: Hello. Thank you so much for having me. I’m, I’m good. Thank you. Thank you for having me.
[00:02:20] Carla: Oh, it’s lovely to have you on here. Honestly, I, I could ask you a million questions today about parenting in a positive way.
[00:02:28] Carla: Uh, parenting in general is such a challenge because, especially. If you’ve, you know, I say if you’ve not done it before, but even a second time, third time, every child is different, aren’t they? So all has to be done in a, a bit of a different way. So, so can you introduce yourself and tell us a little bit about how you became The Positive Parent Coach?
[00:02:47] Olivia: Yeah, definitely. So, um, I have three children of my own, um, a one-year-old, a three-year-old, and a five-year-old. So it’s a busy house. Yeah. So I completely get it when parents come to me not knowing how to navigate things. You know, the, like you just said, the differences in. individual children, but then also how the family dynamic might change if you’ve got other children coming into, um, the family or, or partners or anything like that.
[00:03:14] Olivia: So for me, when I was pregnant with my first child, um, I was working in the psychology service for my, um, local authority. And I, I love that. I’ve always been very interested in psychology and education, but I knew how important the early years especially were, and I had quite an emotional job in that I was working with, looked after children, and I felt a bit conflicted in wanting to spend loads of time my baby when I could and that whole having to return to work and the anxiety around maternity leaving and do you go part-time and all of those things I was, you know, constantly thinking about. And in the end I just decided not to go back, which was a bit scary, but I just threw myself into, right, I’ve gotta make this work for me.
[00:03:55] Olivia: So started my own business and initially I was coaching mums and using all of my knowledge that I’d learned to coach them. Um, and it just so happened that a lot of what they were coming to me with, parenting challenges that I was then also experiencing. So I totally got that. So it kind of just, um, it just happened and it just evolved as, uh, being a parent coach.
[00:04:15] Olivia: And the reason I used positive parenting is because all my background in psychology, and I loved positive psychology because it’s very strength-based. So it works in terms of using the strengths of the family as a whole. Um, and I just liked that it was about the connection as a family and that’s how I wanted to parent my children.
[00:04:35] Olivia: So, um, then I obviously went and had two more children. Two in the pandemic, one at the start, one at the end.
[00:04:40] Carla: Oh wow. Oh my goodness. Not much TV on around then.
[00:04:44] Olivia: No, no. I dunno where I found the time to be honest. Um, but then obviously that just expanded my personal experience of, of parenting and like you said, knowing now, okay, I’ve got this figured out for one child, but now this other child’s really different.
[00:04:58] Olivia: And he was a boy. Um, and I think being a pandemic baby has impacted on his personality. So having to adjust to all of those things whilst also having my own personality, being quite ambitious and wanting to do things for me and not lose myself in, in mum and, and recognising things for me as a person too.
[00:05:16] Olivia: And, and all of that has then helped to shape my coaching practice and I feel really fortunate now knowing that I can do something that I love and it’s really flexible around my children and having that as well.
[00:05:27] Carla: Wow. What age, what ages can you help? Because obviously today we’re gonna talk all about potty training, so that’s why we’re on the podcast. But also, I imagine you help, you know, quite a wide, wide range of ages.
[00:05:39] Olivia: Yeah, huge. So again, initially it was more about the earlier years, so birth to seven, um, because that’s what I really enjoyed, if I’m totally honest. I’ve got my degree in psychology and then I’m also an early year specialist. So a lot of my training was for that age range as well.
[00:05:55] Olivia: I had worked with other, um, children and older children, especially neuro divergent, um, children and families. And then as my business has gone on for longer and now started to have people who maybe worked for me when their children were five or six, who are now nine or 10. Um, it’s just expanded into older children too.
[00:06:13] Olivia: So I worked with a family this morning who’ve got a 10 year old and a 12 year old. Um, so really any age up until adulthood. But what, really I do is work with the parents. So I wouldn’t come in and do, um, like a session with the child. Um, that would be someone else if you wanted someone else to do that.
[00:06:29] Olivia: What what I’m doing is really supporting the parent with understanding how they feel and strategies for them, and looking at the family as a whole from that perspective and giving them the tools rather than working directly with the child. .
[00:06:41] Carla: That’s brilliant. That’s really good. So today we’re gonna talk all about potty training.
[00:06:46] Carla: Um, so Olivia, how do you know when your child is ready to start potty training? Is there any signs?
[00:06:56] Olivia: Very key question and I would say, you know, Probably the number one question if you are thinking about potty training, because we can feel under pressure and I’ve been in that situation, you know, as a parent where maybe your child’s about to start preschool or they’re moving up a room and even the staff are saying, gee, well, you know, were they out of nappies?
[00:07:12] Olivia: Um, and you can get yourself a bit freaked out by it. Um, but you know, stats wise, The average time for children to be potty trained is be to start potty training is between 21 and 36 months. So don’t be worried by age. Look for the signs, um, because if your child isn’t ready, you are almost gonna set both of you up to fail and it can become very stressful.
[00:07:33] Olivia: And that’s. Not what you want. So key signs of readiness would be things like your child showing an interest in the toilet, you know, when you are using it or if you’ve got a potty in the house. You know, you might have older siblings that have used one, um, or you might have been really proactive when you’ve gone out and got one.
[00:07:48] Olivia: Um, if they are napping in the day and generally they’re quite dry. You know, for that nap, then that would be a sign that, um, you know, physically, biologically they could be ready if they are showing signs of independence, you know, if they want to, or they’re trying to take their own clothes off or put them on.
[00:08:05] Olivia: Um, and then if they’ve verbally or, um, tell you in other methods of communication that either they’ve been, you know, they’ve done a wee or a poo in, in their nappy or in their pants, or they need to go, you know, they’re starting to make that connection between something that’s happening and then telling you about it as opposed to, you know, a really young child that wouldn’t be that bothered by the fact that they’d done a wee or a poo in their nappy, they’re quite happy to carry on playing. Um, and then the final thing would be if your child’s showing signs where you think, oh, I wonder if they need to do a wee or poo because they’re getting fidgety, or, you know, um, they might go and hide behind a sofa.
[00:08:40] Olivia: You know, that that shows they’re starting to be a bit more aware of their bodies’ about to do something. So those signs of readiness, if you can look out for them, start to indicate that maybe your child is showing those signs of being ready so you can put more strategies in place just to encourage that.
[00:08:56] Carla: That’s brilliant. And is there anything, cause I’ve got little Olivia at home, she’s one years old. Is there anything that I should, I know she’s far too early at the moment, but is there anything I could be doing to encourage that kind of talk, if you know what I mean? Around the toilet?
[00:09:11] Olivia: Definitely. Um, and it’s really interesting for me because as I said, having three with my oldest, I felt really under pressure to have her potty trained.
[00:09:20] Olivia: And, and she was, um, she’s a September baby, so she’s really old for her year, but I just felt that pressure. So I made a lot of mistakes with her that I then learnt, um, when I was post training my son and we, we did just before Christmas. So he turned three in December and a year before that we started doing things to support him.
[00:09:40] Olivia: And as a result of that, my youngest, who was only just um, 10, 11 months when we first started, um, introducing the potty to my son, she at 16 months could tell me that she needed to go and and use it. And that was never intentional. It just happened because she, it became normal to her. So yes, there are things you can do.
[00:10:00] Olivia: So things like just normalising, using the toilet. So letting your children see you use the toilet, um, and help you, you know, pass your toilet paper, flush the toilet for you. Get them used to, you know, using a toilet, then washing hands so it doesn’t feel like this chore where you’re nagging them. It’s just, it’s just normal behaviour, um, helping them understand their own body. So if you are changing them saying, oh, you’ve done a wee, and, and let’s get you clean, so they’re starting to hear the words, even though at one they probably won’t be able to, um, really comprehend the action. But again, drip feeding it so it becomes normal so you are not having to cram all this learning into a short space of time.
[00:10:40] Olivia: Um, any books where it talks about, um, potty training or toilets, or if they’re watching TV and there’s characters, you could just draw attention to it. It doesn’t have to be this big learning thing, but again, just to normalise it so that then if they do start to show you signs. So if Olivia starts to show you those signs, you know, in the next kind of year you can just be really aware. Oh, okay. She, she’s got an understanding of that already. It just supports you in that, um, stepping stone of learning so it doesn’t feel so stressful because you don’t think, oh, you know, we’ve got six months to potty train. We need to do it all now. Which a lot of parents can find themselves in that situation. And then it does get very stressful.
[00:11:15] Carla: I think as, as well as a group of friends as well. Sometimes if you’ve got children around the same age or you go to a baby group together, people can be talking and you can think, oh my goodness, I’m nowhere near that. Oops. And then all of a sudden this pressure comes and um, it’s important not to, not to let that happen really, isn’t it?
[00:11:33] Olivia: Definitely. And you know, girls tend to be quicker at potty training than boys as a general rule. Um, but also children who potty start potty training earlier actually take longer to successfully be potty trained. And I found this with my children. So I started potty training, my oldest, um, when she was two, two years, nine months. And it took her over a year, I would say, to really, for me to know consistently I didn’t need to take like changes of outfits out and things. Whereas with my son, he started properly, the process, I would say just before he turned three, and he nailed it in a couple of months, um, to the point where he only turned three in December, he started preschool, this month, and he doesn’t have accidents when he’s there, and I don’t.
[00:12:18] Carla: Oh, wow.
[00:12:20] Olivia: Um, and it, again, it highlights just how different they are. And so you really can’t compare what’s going on for you with other people because you just don’t know what’s important is the way it’s done is relax and it’s stress free because what you don’t want is for them to, as have these negative associations with toileting or for it to become so stressful that they withhold, you know, going and then that can cause other biological and medical problems further down the line.
[00:12:46] Carla: Yeah, I know exactly what you mean. I actually started with my son, he’s six now. Um, nearly seven. And I started with him too early and then we almost did it all, tried to do it, and then we went backwards and it just took longer, like you said. So there’s no real rush. Is there?
[00:13:02] Olivia: No. Another thing is quite often children will be potty trained in the day and, and they’re not potty trained at night for another two or three years.
[00:13:09] Olivia: So again, don’t worry if your child’s got it in the day to suddenly think, right. They need to now be dry at night. Um, you know, and lots of children actually start school and they’re still in pull-ups at night. So if that’s not impacting on their day-to-day learning and, and their wellbeing, don’t worry about that. Um, just let them go through one change at a time and you can get to that when the time’s right for you.
[00:13:29] Carla: That’s great. So, so for someone starting potty training, then, should they be using a reward system?
[00:13:36] Olivia: Yeah, this is a question I get asked quite a lot. Um, and it kind of depends on your child, to be honest.
[00:13:42] Olivia: So there’s a lot of, uh, science and research around reward systems as to why they can and can’t work. As a general rule, if I’m coaching a family, I tend to try and avoid them just because in the long term, they can be problematic for most children. The reason that is, is because if you use a reward system, so whether that’s, um, you know, you get stickers or you get a toy at the end of it or. Uh, sweets or chocolate buttons people can use. Um, what that tends to do is if there was already internal motivation for the child to go. So what I mean by that is they just had this desire to want to do something. You know, whether that’s potty training or behaviour or anything. If you then bring in an external reward, so one of those things I talked about, a toy sticker, a sweet that can override the internal motivation , which can become problematic because you’re almost saying to them, oh, that internal motivation wasn’t good enough. Let me help you with that by giving you this external thing. Um, and in the long term, that can mean that. Their internal motivation for things just gets overridden, so they become out of touch with it.
[00:14:44] Olivia: So the responsibility is then placed on you, oh, to help them do things, I need to provide an external reward. But then their brain gets used to that reward because of their, um, reinforcement system in their mind. And you have to keep upping, upping the reward because it suddenly becomes, oh, that’s not enough.
[00:15:00] Olivia: Now I don’t want one chocolate, but I want two. Okay, , um, I, I’m not bothered about those stickers now I want these. Um, so you can get into that habit quite quickly of thinking, oh, you know, I need to now provide something bigger and something better, and something more exciting. And then you’re at a point where does that end?
[00:15:15] Carla: Yeah.
[00:15:16] Olivia: Because then they just get bored. If you’re not then upping it, then they think, oh, well that’s the motivation gone. So you don’t want to find yourself in that situation and you don’t want to inhibit that internal motivation because it can be quite difficult then to, to get that back. And that’s really what you want to work towards.
[00:15:31] Olivia: The internal motivator of them thinking, I just want to do this. You know, whether that’s because I, I want to not be in, um, nappies anymore, or I want to learn how to go on the toilet. Um, that is the best driver in terms of moving forward. However, that being said, if you’ve got a child. Who responds very well to rewards, or perhaps they’re neurodivergent in some way that can be slightly different.
[00:15:56] Olivia: And with potty training, if it’s gonna be a very black and white short term. Um, motivator. It can work In those times, I, I really wouldn’t advocate for it as a long-term strategy, but if, you know it’s gonna be a short-term thing, or if they’re showing loads of signs of being ready, but they’re not motivated internally, you can use that as a way to grab their attention to help motivate them.
[00:16:19] Olivia: And then they’ll receive positive reinforcement from the reward of, oh, look, I’m doing it. And you can use tools and strategies to then override that with the internal motivation.
[00:16:29] Carla: That makes sense. Yeah. So, so what would you do if your little one doesn’t want to do a poo in the potty or on the toilet once you start potty training?
[00:16:39] Olivia: Yeah. Again, this is really common that children would get quite familiar and quite used to wanting to do wee’s on the toilet or potty. But then when it came, came to a poo, they’d either ask to have their nappy back on or, um, you know, they, they would just withhold it and then you can get into a whole other cycle of, of them not wanting to poo and it kind of makes sense when you think about it in terms of when children do a poo, it’s a different sensation to when you do a wee, and for a lot of them it can be a bit scary. If you’ve got a nappy on or something, you don’t really feel yourself having a poo and it leaving the body because it’s kind of right there in the nappy.
[00:17:15] Olivia: And someone else then just deals with that really quickly. When you don’t have a nappy on or you’re not wearing pants or anything and, and you’re sitting on a potty or a toilet and you do a poo, there’s kind of this feeling of, oh, something’s left my body. Um, and that can freak a lot of children out. Um, they, they’re getting used to a different feeling of having a poo as opposed to having it in their nappy.
[00:17:36] Olivia: Um, and your response as well can sometimes feed into that. So when I’m working with parents, I say, it can be really tempting to say things like, oh, that stinks. Oh that’s a huge one. You know these things. Yeah. Without meaning to, but for some children that can. Make them feel embarrassed or it can make them feel a bit under pressure, especially around poos.
[00:17:56] Olivia: We tend to not really comment on wee’s, but the poo thing tends to be a bit of a talking point or, you know, tell so-and-so how big that poo wants you.
[00:18:03] Carla: Yeah, yeah.
[00:18:05] Olivia: Um, but it can freak some kids out. Some kids love it and you know, great go with that. But for other children, it can make them feel a bit like, oh, I’ve done something wrong.
[00:18:14] Olivia: And so they then withhold that. It’s really common for them to not want to go on the potty. So to help them with that, I think one, just take the pressure off and don’t see it as being a big deal. If they’ve kind of nailed the whole weeing on the potty in the toilet, but they’re struggling with the poos, um, and then you can support them by making it normal.
[00:18:34] Olivia: So, um, If you can show them you on the toilet. Again, some people find this really uncomfortable, but that’s where you kind of need to release that stigma. Get them to flush yours, you know, you want to normalise it as much as you can, and then just gently encourage them so you can do that through giving them a sense of control.
[00:18:52] Olivia: So I always recommend with parents are gonna start potty training that the child picks the potty ideally. Or if they can’t, the child would pick a space for the potty to go in and have a sense of ownership over that space. So this worked really well for my children, where we would maybe have some spare pants set up and some toilet paper and some wipes and they could just sort themselves out.
[00:19:12] Olivia: Um, and for my son in particular, he really found it hard with the pooing side of things, but he needed to do it by himself. Um, he didn’t really want us there. And I think that’s that element of, you know, whether there was a bit of, um, embarrassment attached to that, or he didn’t know how it was gonna go. He’d rather take himself off, do it, and then he’d come in and go, I’ve done it. I’ve done it. And then we don’t have to look at it. Um, so of course every child’s different. , it’s more important that they feel relaxed. If you’re at a stage where they really don’t want to poo at all on the potty or toilet and you know, perhaps they’re asking for you to put their nappy back on.
[00:19:49] Olivia: Personally, I would do that because I think it’s better that they are able to just poo in a comfortable way than they’re then withholding it. Because as I said before, you’re then in that danger of, you know, that could then affect them and become a medical issue. You know, they still need to be able to get it out, so don’t make a big deal.
[00:20:04] Olivia: Okay. You know, I, I can see you want your nappy back on. That’s fine. Here you go. And there’s your nappy. And again, when you’re then cleaning them, say they’ve done a poo in they’re nappy, let’s go and put this in the toilet. If you can put the poo from the nappy in the toilet, let them flush the toilet, wash their hands, just that same cycle as if they’ve done it on the toilet again, you’re normalising it, not making a big deal out of it.
[00:20:22] Olivia: Um, really keeping going with that positive exposure, giving them as much control and involvement in it as possible so it doesn’t feel really overwhelming or, or scary for them.
[00:20:32] Carla: That’s brilliant advice. Um, so how would you respond, which I can imagine a lot of people respond negatively if your child has had an accident or regresses, because if they’ve, if you think they’ve got it and then all of a sudden they don’t, it’s so easy to be like, oh, for goodness sake, you know? So what would you do in that scenario?
[00:20:52] Olivia: It is really frustrating, like you said, especially if you feel like you’ve cracked it and then they suddenly start having accidents. Um, and I’ve experienced. Again, particularly with my daughter, cuz she just did find it harder to, to potty train. Um, I think going to it with this realistic expectation that there are going to be accidents and just because it seems like they’ve gone a few months and they’ve not had any, doesn’t mean they never will.
[00:21:14] Olivia: Um, also, if your child’s feeling run down poorly or you’ve got other transitions coming up, particularly big ones, you know, a new sibling, moving house, starting school, or changing a room setting, or you or your co-parents structures, changing jobs, routines and things. Um, it’s highly like you are gonna get some aggressions because that goes hand in hand with transitions, even if it’s been a year since your child’s been potty trained.
[00:21:38] Olivia: So being realistic about that so that if it happens, you don’t feel a bit, you know, blindsided or it’s come out of nowhere. Um, really preparing to, because if we don’t feel prepared for an accident, that can make. , um, respond more out of frustration as well. And that can come across in, in how we’re talking to them.
[00:21:54] Olivia: So having those spare clothes or having something on hand, um, so we can deal with it really easily and calmly without it kind of triggering us. Um, really trying to stay calm as much as inside. We’re probably wanting to go, why have you weed, you know, to wee on this? So, you know, to tell me, why haven’t you told me?
[00:22:11] Olivia: Um, because there could be so many reasons it’s happened. You know, they just forgot. They’re distracted. They didn’t get there in time. You know, whatever it is, it’s not gonna make them feel better in that moment if we’re then. Filling in with, with shame or guilt or anything like that. Not because we mean to, we’re just responding out of our emotions and our frustration.
[00:22:29] Olivia: So recognising it is frustrating for us, but trying not to show that with our child and, and staying calm and, you know, saying things like, oh, I, I think you might have done a wee. That’s okay. Let’s clean you up and, and next time we’ll try and get in the toilet. Um, and then it’s done. You know, you don’t need to relive that.
[00:22:45] Olivia: Also talk to other parents who have potty training because this, I would be really shocked if no parent had ever experienced this before. Um, so show yourself its normal by chatting to them. Get yourself involved in parenting groups where people are real. They don’t just show you like the highlights. The highlight reel of their lives. Um, so you can really understand, oh, okay, this is a thing that happens. You know, there’s nothing wrong with my child. They’re not regressing because they’ve got a problem. , although if it is something that starts to happen in a re reoccurring situation, you could take him to the gp, you know, it could be a U T I or anything like that.
[00:23:16] Olivia: So if your gut’s telling you that, I would check that out. But nine times out of 10, it’s just a normal part of development and learning. And your kid’s very distracted. You know, that’s the problem with my daughter. She gets very engrossed in play and if the choices go to the toilet, or carry on playing. She wants to carry on playing . It’s, it’s supporting her with that rather than making her feel bad for that. But there are definitely things I’ve had to learn along the way, and I get that it is very frustrating as a parent when that happens.
[00:23:43] Carla: Oh yeah, definitely. I, I do, you know, I, when it happened with George, I probably didn’t respond the best way. So it’s so easy to do. So you shouldn’t feel bad, but take tips from Olivia on the positive parenting side of things cuz you’re really, on social media, she’s absolutely brilliant. She calmed me down a few times, so you are, you are really great. So, have you got any top tips for parents who finish potty training? Like what they wish they knew before, if you know what I mean? So anyone starting would have a few extra take.
[00:24:14] Olivia: So, um, I ran a workshop, um, last month in my membership on potty training. So I’ve had a few parents who’ve now kind of started over Christmas cause they were at home and, and come out at the other side. And I think the main things they said were the first three days in particular were, were hard. Um, which makes sense because you are basically reintroducing this habit out of nowhere to your child, you know, we would find it really difficult if someone just suddenly changed where the toilet was located in our house.
[00:24:40] Olivia: You know, because we’re on this automatic response of, oh, we need a wee would go, oh, no wait, it’s not there anymore. . That would be a bit bizarre to us. So, you know, of course for a child where we’re now saying, oh no, we’re not gonna do wee’s in nappies anymore, or pull ups, we’re gonna go and sit here.
[00:24:52] Olivia: They’re like, what? Um, so that takes time to be, to create that habit for it to become automatic. So those first three days really are all about showing this is what we’re gonna try and do from now on. I’m gonna try and support you with that. So having that realistic expectation is gonna be key. If you can get through those first three days calmly, you’ve done exceptionally well.
[00:25:14] Olivia: I had some parents who did the workshop, um, who I’ve also worked on one-to-one on on my program. And they said, you know, by the end of the third day they were just thinking, this is the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Like, how can we do this? But once you’ve got through those three days, congratulate yourself, celebrate that when you’ve done three days, even if it’s been three days of loads of accidents.
[00:25:34] Olivia: Because what normally happens is that fourth and fifth day become this turning point. So, and if they’re not a turning point, I would reflect on that maybe your child’s not ready. Um, or the timing’s not right. Or maybe there’s just a disconnect in language that’s being used or how it’s being communicated.
[00:25:49] Olivia: But if you can get past those three days, the fourth and fifth day usually provide these light bulb moments. Um, so try not to give up even when it’s really hard. I’d also say, um, some people like pull ups and they go from nappies to pull ups. in my experience, that can be quite confusing for children.
[00:26:05] Olivia: I’ve had, my son actually said to me, but I don’t need to go on the potty cuz I’ve got a pull-up on. I can just wee in that . Yeah, that is true. Um, so that can sometimes send a confusing message. So of course every child’s different, but just don’t feel like if you’re going out nappies, you have to go straight into pull-ups and then pants.
[00:26:21] Olivia: I would try pants first, or if you can even better factor in a time to just let them be naked from the waist down, maybe while you’re in the house for a bit. So they can get used to the habit of, oh, I need to go, let’s sit on the potty without faffing around taking things off and stuff. Other things are recognising that the way you feel as a parent is completely valid.
[00:26:40] Olivia: You know, the frustration, the, I don’t wanna do this anymore. The why are we, why are we doing this? Can we not just having nappies forever. , yes, . Um, because it feels easier in the moment. Allowing those feelings to come out, um, not with your child, but with your partner or friends or those groups I spoke about, which is another great reason to find groups like that so you can vent and have that validation and support so it’s been released and then you can focus on, right, okay, I’ve had my little moment.
[00:27:05] Olivia: Now let’s keep moving forward with the plan. Um, because if you’re not doing that, it’s more likely that that’s gonna come. at a stressful period when your, your child’s just weed on the floor or whatever, and they’re gonna get the brunt of that. And that’s not what you’re intending. It’s just there hasn’t been another release.
[00:27:21] Olivia: Um, and the other thing about every child really is different. And just because you’ve potty trained one child, or maybe you’ve worked with children in a setting where you’ve helped them to potty train, um, it doesn’t mean that the next child is, is gonna follow suit and be exactly the same. You have to look at that individual child.
[00:27:36] Olivia: What motivates them? What are they interested in, where are they at in terms of their understanding? And really preparing for that. So having that preparation is key. So if you are gonna go out of the house, think about it. Do you want a travel potty? I would highly recommend getting one of those. You know, like a little lunchbox. So many people said, is that lunchbox?
[00:27:53] Carla: Definitely not.
[00:27:55] Olivia: You’ve got that to whip out. Um, You know, having spare change clothes and things, you can get stuff like, you know, if you’re gonna go in the car and you’re worried about them having an accident in the car seat. Um, what we’ve done before is we’ve put like a plastic bag down and then like a puppy training pad on top and then putting the child in the seat. So it’s still comfortable for them, but they’re not getting the mixed message of a nappy against their skin. Cuz that can just be really confusing to their brain. Um, so things like that. And then it just means that if they do wee in their car seat, you haven’t then got that added stress of now we’ve gotta, you know, somehow manoeuvre stuff off the car seat and wash it. Yeah. It just feels, um, less stressed if you can have those spare clothes and, and other things in place. Um.
[00:28:37] Carla: Would you say that it makes sense on those first three days to stay in your house, would they be three days that you’d try and just stay in rather than going anywhere. Cuz that is something that terrifies me is the thought of going out when you’re first potty training because you know there’s gonna be accidents, don’t you?
[00:28:54] Olivia: Yeah. And especially if you’ve got other children. So if you’ve got other children, you can’t just give, you know, the child your potty training, direct one to one. If they have an accident when you’re out and about, the time it takes for you to support them with that for changing, you know, what’s happening to your other child in this time, and, and that is something that many parents think about and it can add to the stress. So if you have this window of time where you can potty train because you’re gonna be at home and there’s more of a stable routine, I would recommend that.
[00:29:21] Olivia: Um, which is why lots of people did it over Christmas. Not that the routine was necessarily stable, but people were at home then. So you can set yourselves up for success rather than failure, you know, ideally give three to five days of just being in the house completely nude from the waist down, because that’s a lot easier for them to be able to just sit on the potty, access it, you know? And if they do, then wet themselves. You haven’t got layers of clothes that then needs to be taken off, put in the wash, et cetera, then start going out with them. But take all the things you need to be organised and go on a short trip and straight back. The other thing we haven’t talked about, which I would also like to highlight in terms of making it, um, stress free is resisting the temptation to say the whole time do you need a wee? Do you wanna go for a wee now? Let’s go to the toilet.
[00:30:04] Olivia: Um, because we are panicking, thinking they must need to wee they’ve not weed for three hours. .Can add a lot of stress to children. So, um, one of the things the families I work with, um, recently did is they tried to attach it to a routine. So before they left the house, everyone went to the toilet, come on, let’s all go. We’re gonna go to the toilet. Um, and I’ve done this with my children. We call it just in case wee, I don’t need to go for a wee. That’s fine. I’m going for my just in case wee will you come with me. So we just make it a thing rather than constantly saying, you need to go to the toilet. You need to go to the toilet.
[00:30:36] Olivia: It’s just attached on as part of the routine. And if they, wee, they wee, if they don’t, they don’t. Um, and that that’s how it is. You know, I wouldn’t ever make them, but giving them an opportunity to go to the toilet or use the potty without. You know, breathing down their neck the whole time. Cause if someone was doing that to us, we’d be a bit like, this is intense. Can you leave me alone? I don’t need to.
[00:30:53] Carla: Yeah. No, I don’t need a wee. Yeah, I know exactly what you mean.
[00:30:58] Olivia: It can be frustrating for both of you.
[00:31:01] Carla: Definitely. There. There is another thing, question as well, I was thinking is, should you ever stop them, you know, kind of start this three day thing. I said we would love it to be just a three day thing, but start that, um, and then put them back in nappies to go out of the house or once the nappies is gone. Is that the idea? It’s fully gone because it’s like if you had to go for a school run, say I was sleep training is sleep training, potty training. Olivia, and I had to go and collect George from school in that first day, couple of days. Should you be putting a nappy on or not?
[00:31:35] Olivia: I would recommend trying not to because I think it can give a really confusing message. Um, so if you can do other things like put a little puppy training pad. in the, uh, push chair if you’ve got her in a push chair just to help you feel better as well. And then once you get back in, if you take George to the toilet too, while you’re taking, um, Olivia, so it’s like, oh, we’re back from school now.
[00:32:01] Olivia: Let’s go try for a wee before we get into playing again. So it just feels more part of a routine rather than you need to go to the toilet now. The thing is, if we put them back into nappies, . It’s not really clear cut then. And it’s not very black and white. It’s confusing cuz they’re thinking, well you told me that we’re now wearing pants and now all of a sudden you, you’re putting me in a nappy. And really we’re doing it for our need. . Can’t be doing with the hassle of it. Not for their need of learning. So again, if you are thinking about it, I would just say to yourself, what’s my intention? Like, why do I want to do it? Is it to meet my need or is it to meet their need? And if it’s to meet yours, try and find a different, way around it so it’s not more confusion in the long term.
[00:32:41] Carla: That’s brilliant. So Olivia, you’ve been amazing. Honestly, I feel like I’ve, I’ve got so much knowledge now, but can you tell people where they can find you and also your membership area as well, if that’s okay?
[00:32:53] Olivia: Yeah, definitely. Um, I’m really glad you’ve got loads of value. Um, so you can find me online.
[00:33:01] Olivia: So on, um, my website, www.thepositiveparentcoach.co.uk. And if you go on my website, on my main homepage, if you scroll down, there’s all the details on my membership. So in my membership I have, um, , I think it’s like over 30 now, workshops and master classes that you get instant access to. There’s scripts in there. There’s a mini-series on there of top positive parenting tips. There’s recipe ideas, activities to do with your children, and loads of the workshops are things like the potty training, fussy eating, starting school, introducing siblings, but then there’s also things for parents, whether that’s support with self-care. Traumatic births. Um, things like if you are experiencing parental overwhelm or if you and your co-parent are just struggling to get on the same page so there’s so much in there. Um, and you can join and leave anytime you’re never tied into anything. Cause I think as parents you need to have that flexibility.
[00:33:57] Olivia: Um, so it’s. As soon as you sign up, you get instant access and then you cancel whenever you want. So you can join through that. Or I’m also on Facebook and Instagram again @ThePositiveParentCoachUK and I have a free online community. You can find if few, um, go on my website or if you, you search me on social media, which is what I said about finding those communities where people are really real, you know, they share real life. You can ask anything on there and you know you’re gonna get support. Um, you’re not gonna get that judgment or, or shame. Finding those is gonna be really key.
[00:34:29] Carla: That’s great. Brilliant. And we’ll put all the links to that below this podcast so you can easily click through to them. So thank you so much, Olivia. It’s been so lovely having you on, and I hope to have you on again soon.
[00:34:39] Olivia: Yeah, please do. It’s been, um, an absolute pleasure and I could talk about not necessarily potty training
[00:34:46] Carla: There will be so many things that I could ask you honestly. So I’ll definitely have you on again soon. Thank you so much.
[00:34:54] Olivia: Thank you so much, Carla. Take care everyone.
[00:34:56] Carla: Bye.
[00:34:58] Carla: Thank you for listening to today’s My Bump 2 Baby Expert podcast. If there is a subject you would like more information about, please send your requests in to [email protected]. If you are liking what you are viewing, don’t forget to hit that subscribe button so you can see more of our videos and more of our updates.