Since having my son George, I really struggle sleeping a full night. This isn’t because George wakes up… he is actually the laziest baby on earth and I often have to wake him up in a morning. The reason that I struggle sleeping is because my anxiety levels are through the roof.
I never really understood anxiety before I had it and to be honest I thought it was something that can be dealt with easily and quickly but since becoming a new mummy I have realised anxiety can affect anyone at any time and dealing with it isn’t as easy as just not thinking about what is bothering you… which is the response my mum often gives me.
Now.. let me explain my anxiety to you so that you can understand my dilemma. By day I am a happy go lucky, laid back parent, in fact some mothers out there may think I’m “too” laid back. I am not really fazed by anything, OK… OK…. the exploding shits faze me slightly….I’m not going to lie… but that is it. I lost £20 the other day and just shrugged it off. Not because I’m loaded but I’m just not bothered… so this is why it’s so bizarre… come darkness, silence and night time and I am a total nervous wreck. I worry about literally everything from money to….if we were to end up in an ISIS attack when we next go somewhere.. I also plan where I would hide George if someone broke in to the house…. it sounds extreme I know…. but my imagination prior to anxiety was always a little over the top… so mixed with anxiety you can’t even imagine what goes through my mind.
So like I said my imagination has always been a little far-fetched…some of my memories as a child make me realise that perhaps I should have been a movie writer instead of an accountant. One memory in particular from my childhood was me and my best friends hiding in my bathroom during the school holidays because I thought I saw Bin Laden outside my house… one of our mums had to come home from work to take us to her house as we were all hysterical… I actually thought I was going to die… I still question it now to be honest. Another memory was the first day I got a boob… I was about 9 (I know early right… they haven’t changed much since I assure you) you girls know about getting the first sign of boob… you get a painful lump under your nipple don’t you… and it always starts in one boob first … well one day I was sat at the breakfast table crying in to my coco pops before school and my mum put her arm round me and asked me what was wrong and I genuinely believed I had breast cancer… it was awful…
Even now if I go swimming and jaws enters my mind… I start hearing the music in my head and wonder if they could be storing a shark for a local aquarium and forgot to tell me… so I have to get out the pool. I also struggle to have a bath because of Jaws (I do shower by the way).
So just imagine the thoughts I must have now… anyway more to the point of this post. I have tried a new tactic which has finally worked at night so I decided to share it for any other people suffering with anxiety at night.
When I wake up in the night before I give myself a chance to think about anything negative, I think back to when I was a child and think about my happiest places… it can be anything from the old house I grew up in to my old school…. Then in my mind I walk around them remembering every detail about the place. It makes me feel happy and before I know it I am sound asleep again. Last night I walked round Blackpool pleasure beach… went on a few rides… had some pink candy floss and I was as happy as a pig in shit… slept like a baby afterwards.
Hope this helps any mummies out there struggling like me.
Lots of love,