Ok so I am sat here smiling ear to ear… Why??? Well it’s because my son George and I have made it… WE HAVE SURVIVED THE FIRST 6 MONTHS TOGETHER…. and I didn’t leave him anywhere, I didn’t “forget” to feed him and I think he actually likes me…
So when I initially found out I was pregnant with George… I was a bit worried about how I would cope. I wasn’t a maternal person in the slightest and people genuinely looked worried for me when I told them I was expecting….. I understood why to a certain extent… I was the girl who would turn up to work in odd shoes, I have got stuck halfway when climbing through my window when I have locked myself out once and I have ended up in the Lake District on the way home from work (50 miles away from home and my work was only 15 miles away).
It really doesn’t help that practically everyone you speak to are all saying the same thing “Your life is going to completely change” and “you have no idea what you’re in store for” etc… but I tried my best to remain positive and constantly reassured myself “I’ve owned 2 dogs and 3 cats before… it can’t be that difficult… surely”.
Month 1 – The Adjustment
I call month 1 “The Adjustment” Why you ask? ….Well you know when you first wake up and your eye site is a bit blurry and you rub your eyes.. until they are clear.. well I think that describes the first month of becoming a parent. Everything has changed.. you can’t see straight. It was also the first time I had ever met my other self (I had a split personality for the first few months).
I didnt even know what the word routine meant anymore…. All the intentions I had when I was pregnant went out the window… things like “I’ll change the baby in their bedroom all the time” or “I’ll get in a routine straight away”. That night out that you had been planning your whole pregnancy looks further away than ever before. I constantly looked like I had risen from the dead and every time I passed a mirror I wondered if my husband would ever want to have sex with me again….
George would cry and I didnt know what he wanted… I started thinking about all the people who said “you’ll just know what your baby wants when they cry” and I cursed them a bit… I questioned whether I was just a rubbish mum because I didn’t know what he wanted.
Visitors kept telling me to sleep when the baby sleeps and I thought in my head “I would do but your always here when the baby is sleeping”
I couldn’t differentiate between day and night and I felt like a zombie most of the time. Getting out of the house is just impossible and I ended up in PJS for the majority of my time. My hormones were everywhere and I longed for a full night’s sleep.
Month 2 – Protection, Protection, Protection
I call month 2 “Protection, protection, protection” because month 2 seemed like it was my hardest month and I certainly made sure I was taking my pill again… I said I was never having another baby during this month and I felt like I hadn’t slept in 15 years…
Then it happened… that dreaded awful word “COLIC”. George cried for 3 hours a night each night for most of month 2… It was horrendous. I often spent an hour of it crying too. It really tested mine and my husband’s relationship…
When my husband got home from work each night…my son George would cry and I would stomp around the house, if he needed a feed… I would stomp to the bottles… and feed him. I would use George as my sounding board “ohhhh you have been very demanding today” “… ohhh your mummy is so tired…” “she just wants an hour to herself” or “ohhhh if only your mummy had a little bit of help sometimes” Sometimes it worked and sometimes my husband wasn’t listening… so then stomped round the house more and when that didn’t work I had to approach him head on…. I left him twice that month but we were back together within 20 minutes.
The colic finally stopped after a few weeks and A LOT of googling and a lot of expensive remedies that didn’t work.
I decided that I needed to start trying to get out the house as a mixture of Jeremy Kyle/Judge Rinder and being stuck in the house was making me depressed. I had lots of jobs that had gone on the back burner since having George so I thought I would start by doing them. Getting out the house was harder than I thought… I often forgot important things like wipes and milk… so I had to cut my trips short and come home. Actually doing the jobs was harder than I thought…. I mean you have a little baby that comes everywhere with you, you nip into the post office the car seat has to be undone and carried in and it was a lot heavier than it looked. People would comment on how beautiful “she” was and in the end I’d just say “yeah she is.. isn’t she”.
Month 3 – The Acceptance
By month 3 I began to accept that this was my life.. it wasn’t easy. I accepted that I modelled greasy hair most days.. I accepted that my clothes would be covered in sick an hour after getting changed and I accepted that I would forever have bags under my eyes.
I started trying to tidy the house before getting out in the morning but the house was THAT untidy that I often ended up staying in and tidying all day and then… by the next day it would be a mess again. I carried on using George as my sounding board “I’m sorry we didn’t get out today… but mummy had a lot of jobs to do” … “One day we will go out together again George” then if Danny didn’t hear I would make sure he knew how hard my life was… he often said that he would love to be in my shoes and that I should be grateful. The word “grateful” riled me so much that I left my husband again in month 3, this one was 30 minutes!
Then it happened… GEORGE SLEPT THROUGH the first few times it happened I went to his room and checked he was still breathing… but then we just got used to it. Initially he would sleep till about 6:30am but I was soooo happy.
Month 4 – The Rebellion
By month 4, I was actually struggling to ever leave the house, there was more washing and ironing than I have ever seen in my life and the cleaning…. Well don’t get me started on that… It seemed I spent all day tidying and then Danny would come home and the next morning it would look like a bomb has gone off and I would start again usually crying as I go…. So eventually I decided to just leave it… I went out first thing in the morning, I would come back and sort George and then an hour before Danny came home I would either take a nap or tidy up as quick as possible (it depends how I felt) and do what I could… I bought George a Jumperoo (God’s gift to ALL mothers) I would stick him in there during the cleaning power hour and he loved it. Whatever I couldn’t do got left and that would be that….
I started getting in more of a routine by this point and I was enjoying spending time with George at groups in the morning. I really bonded with George in this month he was doing so much more and a lot more alert and fun. Every time he smiled at me, it made everything OK. He had a lot of exploding nappies in month 4 which was NOT OK… I looked in the mirror after washing my hands once and had poo on my eyebrow… an actual clump of poo… it still makes me gip now.
Month 5 – The Resurrection
Month 5 is known as “The Resurrection” This is when I felt my hormonal split personality disappeared and I felt like my normal HAPPY Carla self again… I was back.
I really enjoyed month 5. George was coming on massively, he was almost sat up and I just loved making him laugh. It’s funny you try anything to make them laugh and a lot of the time it doesn’t work but George seemed to always manage a giggle when I used to get changed… it started making me feel a bit insecure so I would get changed in another room.
Have you ever faked fainting in front of an animal or baby before just to see what they would do? Well I did and the answer is they don’t do anything!
My husband and I were back to our normal happy very much in love selves.. (well I’m speaking for us both here and he may not agree) haha. We managed a date night once every week or once every 2 weeks and I was still enjoying my sleep.
So here I am at month 6…. Just delighted at how far we have come as a family…. We are still together and happier than ever. To those new mummies’ out there… it does get easier… and you lose yourself for a little while but you do find yourself again. My advice to any new mummies finding it hard is…. pour yourself a glass of wine, cry if you need to and have a bath with candles and lovely music. Being a mummy is a hard job and you deserve a little treat now and again.
Lots of love xxxx