Newborn cries when put down- Why and what to do
Most babies have trouble being put down for sleep, but do you ever feel like your baby is particularly bad? Just a heads up, most new parents do!
The sleep deprivation is no joke with a new born, and you must be willing to try anything to help your baby to sleep better. Lucky for you, we have a few reasons that could be behind your crying babies’ tears and even more methods you could use to help them!
WHY does my newborn baby cry when I put them down?
There are too many reasons to list as to why your baby cries when put down, and not one is straight forward. So, we have put together a list of the most likely reasons to bring you some comfort in knowing it’s completely normal and that there are ways to help!
1.Security and human nature
We’ve all seen those cute mum orangutans who carry their babies around on their backs, or the cats carrying their kittens in their mouths, but did you ever realise that humans are also carrying species? We might not pick our babies up by the back of the neck like cats do, but we still carry our babies everywhere with us, as we are their comfort!
So, in that brief but blissful moment before you place your baby down to sleep, your child feels its absolute safest. It is human nature for a baby to want to be in their mother’s arms because in a fight or flight situation, being in this position is the most effective way to “get to safety”. So next time you old your baby like this, try to understand that they do this to “keep themselves and you safe”.
You may also find that your baby seems more settled when you stand with them rather than sit. Again, this links to the fight or flight instinct. In a life-or-death situation, the fastest way to escape danger is to be standing or walking around with your baby.
2.Heartbeat
It has been proven that while sleeping in their mother’s arms, a baby’s heart rate slows significantly. This also links to the security they feel, mentioned earlier. Therefore, when you put your baby down, they may go into panic-mode with a sky-rocketing heart rate, hence, a screaming child!
3.Separation anxiety
At 7-8 months old, your baby has the possibility of developing a phase of separation anxiety. This is because at this milestone, they are gaining the ability of object permanence and will start to recognise you. To a young baby, this means putting them down can be very upsetting for them as they will miss your touch and affection.
4.Sleep regressions
At 4-7 months old, your baby is going through huge growth spurts, which can result in sleep regressions. Sleep regressions are when your calm baby suddenly becomes very unsettled during the night and may cry rather then sleep. But don’t worry, this sudden change in the babies capability of falling asleep is an extremely normal phase to go to and won’t last forever.
5.Colic
When your baby cries, do you ever wonder if colic could be the bane of your problems? You should never self-diagnose your baby, but colic is when a baby cries for an extortionate amount of time, without any obvious reason, sometimes up to 3 hours a day! It shouldn’t be mistaken with simply a fussy baby though, and there isn’t a whole lot that doctors can do to help, other than offer some professional advice. You can read more about colic in our blog.
6.They could be sick!
Although unlikely, there could be a more serious problem as to why your baby is suddenly crying more. If the only abnormal behaviour you notice is the baby crying more at bedtime, the chances of a sick baby are minimal. However, you should always be certain to check for a high temperature and any other worrying symptoms just to be safe. If in any doubt, always call a doctor.
Excessive crying
If your baby is crying excessively, unable to stop, it may be purple crying. Purple crying occurs around the 2 week mark, peaks at 6 weeks, then resolves at 6 months. This stage your baby may be going through is simply part f a developmental phase and although it might be causing you to be severely sleep deprived, it’s normal and nothing can be done to stop it!
How to stop a crying baby
There are lots of methods you could try to stop your baby’s crying but you might find that nothing seems to work, and that can be normal due to certain development stages your baby is going through. Nevertheless, they’re worth a shot!
Bedtime routine
Possibly the most crucial part to ensuring your baby gets a good night’s sleep is the routine you put in place. Bedtime can sometimes feel like a military operation with young children, but with a set routine that is stuck to, it will become easier the more you do it. Consistency is key to sleep training!
Every night time routine should consist of the following elements: Bath-time; Change-time; Quiet-time; Feed-time.
Bath time
If bathing your baby at night, try to avoid using anything too over-stimulating like loud singing or toys. Instead, try speaking to your baby softly, in a calming nature. Introducing this tranquillity in this stage works wonders for beginning to chill out your baby before it’s too late. After their bath, try giving them a baby massage while their wet or use baby oil when they’ve been dried. This should be done in a quiet environment with dimmed lights. Baby massages have proved to be very good in many ways. It relaxes their muscles and joints to further calm them, allows for better blood circulation, and is an opportunity to bring a closeness between you and your baby.
Change time
Maintain the dimly lit, quiet environment when you change your baby into their nightwear. It may be easier to prepare everything you need for this change before you start the bed time routine. If their clothes, nappy etc are all laid out, it makes the transition stress-free for you and also allows you to get your baby to bed quicker and seamlessly.
Quiet time
Quiet time is that short moment before the final feed where your baby is ready and you’re both in the nursery together. In this moment, you could sing a soft lullaby which you repeat every night to let your baby know that afterwards is sleep time. Or, you could read them a story, no matter the age, stories are great at developing your child’s mind and understanding. Try to avoid anything too obnoxious and loud though.
Feed time
And finally, feed time. Whether your baby is breastfed or takes a bottle, it is best to do this in as much darkness that works for you. You could also introduce their favourite comforter at this point as another way of letting them know it’s sleep time.
A strict, consistent routine is all that’s needed to give your baby the best chance of sleeping. Evidence shows that babies with an implemented routine before 12 weeks old are more likely to sleep longer.
Familiarise their nursery
If you put your baby to sleep in their own room, the tears may be because they are scared of being left in a space they aren’t used to spending time in. In the same respect, they may also feel similarly about their crib, wherever it may be.
To fix this, you need to spend lots of time in their sleeping space during the day because it is your job to associate their crib with calm, happy connotations.
For example, why not try placing them in bed with their favourite toy during the day while singing their favourite songs? (always remove anything from the crib if unattended). Or make a point of playing with toys and anything they enjoy in their nursery! These small changes will familiarise the crib and nursery to your baby so that they might feel more comfortable and happy to be left alone in their when it’s time to sleep.
Another way to make the nursery more welcoming, especially to new-borns, is to mimic the womb. For example, try using a Moses basket or crib that has a rocking stand and install a white noise machine. This will help to keep them asleep as you put your baby down because they associate the womb with you.
Swaddling
What is swaddling? It is a traditional method used by many parents where you wrap your baby in snug, but breathable material or blanket. It works wonders as it stops your babies natural reflex to startle which means they won’t wake as easy!
Feeding
During the last feed before bedtime, some babies can take up to an hour to finish their meal! So even though your baby seems asleep and full, they are actually still feeding. Hence, when baby falls asleep and you put them down, they cry-out because they weren’t finished.
So to avoid this confusion, we suggest trying to keep your baby awake during feed time and rock them to sleep afterwards.
For older babies
For a baby older than 4 months old, the best thing you can do is reassure them that there’s no need to be upset and that you aren’t leaving them forever. You may be wondering how to communicate this message to a baby, but they understand much more than you might think. 4 months is also when sleep regression occurs in many babies that we mentioned earlier. We understand it is an exhausting period for both you and your baby but try to remember that it is just a phase that they will grow out of.
Babies older then 7 months may be going through the teething process, in which case, you will most certainly know about it! Your baby will be drooling and biting more as well as a whole host of other symptoms. You can read more about teething in our blog.
If in doubt…
If nothing is helping your baby’s separation anxiety then speak to your midwife and seek their professional advice. What works for one baby might not work for you and a doctor or midwife can give you tips that are specific to you and your baby!
Take a moment for yourself!
When you have a baby that can’t sleep independently, it can be immensely exhausting. We also understand that leaving your child to “self soothe” can be heart breaking as you listen to them cry. But rest assured, you’re not alone and it won’t last forever.
So try not to let your baby’s temperament rule your life and take time to yourself. It’s hard work being a parent and you deserve a break!