Screaming child- What to do
Every toddler and child has their moments of being a terror. They can scream and cry and throw a tantrum anywhere, leaving you on edge and embarrassed that your child seems to be the worst. But as painful as it is, it is a universal feeling all mums will experience with their child from birth.
We understand you may be worried that there isn’t any reasoning with your little one, but as long as you can some-what understand the roots of their tantrum, their is always a way to cool their hot-heads.
Why does my child scream?
There are endless reasons why your toddler may resort to screaming but sometimes they may not even know why themselves. Sometimes, they may just be a defiant toddler. Because of this, it can be difficult to decipher the exact cause but there are various possible reasons you could think about to therefore help them in the best way possible.
Frustration
Children have very little control over their emotions and how to regulate them as they lack patience and understanding. The reason they are feeling so frustrated may be something very simple and fixable, but to your toddler, it could be the end of the world!
In these moments, reasoning with your child may be impossible so take a moment to show them you understand they are frustrated and you can fix it! this is a lot easier said than done but with the correct preparation and coping skills taught in previous calmer situations, most toddlers should learn how to regulate their emotions.
Unable to express their feelings properly
It is important to remember that your child hasn’t learnt all the complicated vocabulary that is sometimes vital to show how they truly feel which can result in your toddler screaming. Communication is a little-ones hardest thing to do which can be a struggle for many parents too because no matter how much you ask your child “why are you angry?” they simply cannot answer. If you can relate, remember this is a normal process in your toddler learning how to regulate their strong emotions and is nothing to do with you.
Attention-seeking
We all get busy from time to time and pre-occupied with other things so if you’ve noticed that your screaming toddler is the worse in these situations, they simply want your attention! Even if it’s you telling them off or getting angry, to your child any attention is better than no attention.
Through exhaustion
Despite your child perhaps having regular naps throughout the day and a seemingly early bedtime, sometimes being tired is the biggest culprit of the screaming. Toddlers need 11-14 hours of sleep every 24 hours. So usually 10-12 hours during bedtime and 1-2 hours during the day. If your toddler’s behaviour is still poor even with enough sleep, a different naptime or night routine maybe the answer to your problems.
Another aspect to consider is the lead up to sleep time. You should try to avoid things like over-stimulating Tv shows or eating treats right before putting your child to sleep as it can effect their quality of sleep and therefore worsen their mod once their awake.
Every child is different so finding the right schedule that causes the least amount of sleep problems is necessary for a child to remain calm throughout the day.
Experimentation
From 17 months, your baby will have learned how to use their own voice, which may have been cute at first as they babble and giggle but experimenting with their voice also means they can scream! When your baby is this young, the only way they have to express any emotion is to yell and cry and this trait can carry on into your child’s toddler years.
Your little one spends the most time with you out of anyone and will therefore learn how to press your buttons. If they know that screaming makes you mad and shout, they will test their boundaries constantly to see what they can do and how you will react. After analysing, they then have a sense of understanding of cause and effect. So in this instance, you may think that ignoring them is the best thing to do but later in this article, we explore why that may not be the case.
Overstimulation
Every toddler is different in terms of what they get too excited over and by understanding when your child tends to get overwhelmed by, you can avoid it as much as possible.
Sometimes, too many choices can overstimulate your toddler as they feel confused and pressured. Both emotions they don’t know how to cope with yet. Or too much loud noise or things to look at can also send your child into panic-mode and over-excitement. To parents, kids can seem highly dramatic but their sensitivity toward certain things is often misunderstood.
Instead of bombarding your toddler with this and that, take a step back and allow them time to regulate themselves or remove them from the situation that is causing them the overstimulation. More methods on how to cope with this are covered later, more in-depth.
Behaviour changes when at home
As parents, we’ve all collected our children from nursery, school or even grandparent’s houses and been told “They’ve been wonderful” only to get home and your child starts yelling, crying, screaming you name it! This is aggravating for any parent and we ask ourselves “What am I doing differently?” but the truth is, nothing!
In their own home, your child feels safe and comfortable around you and therefore won’t hold back any emotions they may be feeling. In other words, be grateful your toddler is doing this as they don’t feel the need to bottle up any feelings like they might with another carer. Understandably, it is easy to confuse this behaviour with simple naughtiness but it is something to keep in mind next time your toddler’s screaming.
Unnoticed pain
Although it may not seem like your child is in any pain, sometimes there may be an underlying reason why they cry out. This is especially common if you have a younger baby or toddler as they have no way of telling you what hurts or feels funny.
So, use your motherly instinct! If your baby is consistently screaming out and crying and you are sure it isn’t behavioural, ensure pain isn’t the reason behind the screams.
How to stop your toddler screaming
After identifying why toddlers scream, there are lots of coping mechanisms you can trial and error to discover the best method for you and your child.
Step by step guide:
Future prep
To help future tantrums, you can prepare your child at times when they are calm so they can reflect and know how to help themselves feel better.
When your kid deals with something well and doesn’t breakdown , praise them so they grow an understanding that this is the correct kind of behaviour they should be demonstrating. Say things such as “Well done, I’m proud of you for listening and staying calm”. It may seem silly but the bigger the praise the better!
Another thing to try in day to day conversations is audibly regulate your own emotions. By doing this, you are setting an example for your child to follow and therefore copy. Remember, “monkey see, monkey do”. So next time you feel frustrated say something like “I’m feeling really angry and sad so I’m going to take three big breaths and pretend to blow out candles” and follow through by demonstrating.
Taking these simple steps throughout your day can help to calm your toddler when necessary as they are more likely to pay attention to the advice you are giving.
1. Recognise
While your toddler becomes more and more frustrated, you need to recognise where this sudden surge of emotions has come from so you can form a plan to help them. Sometimes, the reason may not be obvious and you may have to play detective to find the issue by asking a couple of questions, being careful to not over-stimulate them.
2.Validate
In a soft, calm tone of voice tell them you understand how they feel and reassure them it’s okay to be frustrated. This validates your toddler’s emotions so they feel understood and are more likely to listen to you help them. Never compete for volume, it will add more fuel to the fire.
3.Follow through of the prep
If you have used phrases like “take deep breaths” to calm situation beforehand like advised, now is the time to apply the same thinking. Try doing the exercise with them to remind them how it helps.
4.Resonate
If the tantrum started due to you saying no, tell them why or if you stopped them doing something that could have hurt them, explain why they were in danger. This explanation must be simple enough for your toddler to understand and use a neutral tone of voice to show they are not in trouble.
5.Redirect
The best thing you can do after your toddler screaming is make them forget about it entirely. Offer an activity to do instead which is fun and engaging.
If your child is still upset despite everything, you could try placing them in a calm environment that you have associated with being the “cool-down area”. In here you could place a sensory box filled with toys to distract them and help to communicate once they are back to normal.
Can I ignore my screaming toddler?
The above method may not work for everybody, especially if your toddler is in hysterics for more time than most, so something a lot of parents will try to do is ignore.
In some cases this may work as giving your child attention may appear as a reward to them so they are more encouraged to act out. However, in a similar respect, ignoring an attention-seeking toddler may worsen their screams as they become more and more angry.
These points make the ignoring method one that is arguable between parents whether it works or not.
When is screaming a cause for concern?
Although crying out is mostly typical children’s behaviour, there is a small chance of something else causing the break-downs.
Could it be a sign of a disorder?
Although regular crying and shouting can be a sign of neurological disorders such as Autism, this symptom alone is not enough to diagnose so we highly recommend speaking to your child’s paediatrician and discuss any other signs you have have noticed.
When to call a doctor
If your toddler’s screaming is accompanied by the following, see your child’s paediatrician immediately.
- Fever
- Changes in behaviour or appetite
- Diarrhoea
- Vomiting
- Constipation
- Pain or any kind of injury
They will grow out of it!
Your toddler will soon grow up and out of this phase so don’t wish it away too soon simply because of their crying! As long as you correctly teach them ways to regulate their emotions, you will have no problems in having a cool, collected toddler in no time!