Separation & Sofa Surfing with Kids
Wherever we went, there appeared to be happy families enjoying life to the full. Playing at the park, walking in the woods, going out for meals or on holiday somewhere with the sun shining.
It was difficult for me to see these images, even though I knew that people only tend to post ‘their best life’ on social media. I should be pleased for them. I shouldn’t compare my own situation to theirs. I couldn’t believe everything I saw. I was letting it get to me.
My own situation at the time was one of quiet despair. My marriage had broken down & our house sold after taking me 4 years to leave the relationship. Going our separate ways, my 2 young daughters then 4 and 6) and I went to stay with a friend whilst our new home was completed. Sadly this property fell through, as did the next one. We spent the next 12 months living with a friend and her family (3 young children) in a small room on mattresses on the floor and then a bunk bed. We had one suitcase of things between us. As you can imagine, we quickly ran out of clothes! Whilst my friend nurtured us back to health, both mentally and emotionally, it was difficult to juggle everything. My car became my storage as more stuff came home from school. I borrowed clothes as the girls grew, bedding and toys.
Whilst we were at a friend’s during the week, we went elsewhere at the weekend as her husband returned from working away in the week. My Dad (Bampa) was extremely poorly with pancreatic cancer, so we couldn’t stay with my parents. We spent weekends on ‘adventures’ staying with different friends, and I’d take them out for the day – as they were still young, thankfully, they enjoyed spending hours at parks and outdoor play areas. I’d take picnics and snacks with us to extend our time out or visit Nana and Bampa for a few hours or the day, depending on how well Bampa was feeling. They would help the nurses change his dressings and make charts for his chemotherapy treatment. Friends offered to have the girls for sleepovers, so, at times, they would go in one direction, and I’d go in another, staying with a different friend, or all 3 of us would be in different places.
Although I found it hard at times, I tried to create positive memories for us all with our adventures, and I think I managed that most of the time. I couldn’t have done it without the support of my friends. I remember one day we were all watching Strictly on replay, and all the children ran to the dressing-up box. Princess dresses, Spiderman and a Power Ranger returned. They paired up and danced around the lounge together, trying to copy the dancers. They got us Mum’s dancing too.
Has it had an impact on us? Yes. My youngest still comes into my bed at night, and I need to remind myself that we spent a year sharing a single bunk, so she’s used to being close to me. There were times when all the children didn’t get along but we all worked as a team, helping each other and celebrating each other.
Janine McDonald – Clear the Clutter Now
https://cleartheclutternow.co.uk/
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Janine McDonald supports professionals and families with neurodivergent traits struggling with disorganisation and clutter gain time and freedom in a much calmer environment by removing the overwhelm. Organising step by step, personally, online or in person.