Being a New Mum

50 Shades of Motherhood:Ep02-Being a New Mum –
“She came so fast…she ripped me apart…I loved it!”
[00:00:00] Carla: Hello and welcome to 50 Shades of Motherhood, uncensored unhinged
and unapologe=c guilt-free, real raw mum chats with me, your host, Carla LeB. Over-sharer
and founder of My Bump to Baby the UK’s leading pregnancy to preschool directory.
[00:00:43] Now this week is a bit of a different one. Well, I suppose every week is a bit
different, but this one, we’re talking to new mum, Steph Riding on the highs and lows, of
being a new mum and we will also be revisi=ng her birth story. I mean, who doesn’t love a
birth story? I hope you enjoy it. Laughs are guaranteed. So get your tenor lady in.
[00:01:12] So today on 50 Shades of Motherhood, we have the lovely Steph Riding a new
mUm. Her liBle girl is called Remy, and she’s four months old. So hello Steph. Welcome to 50
Shades of Motherhood.
[00:01:27] Steph:] Hello. I’m so excited.
[00:01:29] Carla:] I know, I’m very excited to have you on here. So, so I think you messaged
the page just saying you’re quite interested in coming on and having a bit of a chat about
being a new mum and the different kind of hurdles you faced, and you know what you’re
struggling with, what you loving, and just a bit of an honest chat really about actually being a
new mum.
[00:01:49] Steph: Yeah. That’s what’s got me through is speaking to other mums are hearing
from other mums. That is what’s got me through this far.
[00:01:56] Carla: Oh yeah, I, I know that well. I know, cause some=mes it’s so easy to kind of
be like, look around and it looks like everyone has their shit together and you’re just like, Oh
my God. How, how are they doing this?
[00:02:10]Steph: How? How do they even get dressed? I don’t know.
[00:02:14] Carla:] Uh, I, I’m actually saying that and yeah, I know I’m nodding my head and
I’m looking down and I’m sat here in my pyjamas.
[00:02:21] Steph: Same its all I wear
[00:02:26]Carla: I haven’t got dressed at all today. Which um but do you know what I’ve
loved recently? This new lounge wear clothes. Have you seen it yet?
[00:02:37]Steph: Well, I’ve always been a fan of the lounge wear. I’m quite a lazy person.
[00:02:42]Carla: I am the same. I’m the same. Well, my thing is like I’d always be in pyjamas,
but then at the same =me, if you get visitors round, it’s like, Hmm, it’s pyjamas all right? But
the lounge wear makes it acceptable, doesn’t it? It’s almost like being your pyjamas, but
ones that you can get away with.
[00:02:59] Steph:] Yes. A step above, isn’t it?
[00:03:02] Carla: Yeah. Just that liBle bit step. Yeah. That’s where I should have goBen today,
but haven’t made it that far. I did mean to, but um, to be honest with you, all my lounge
wear actually piled up in the washing basket, and I’ve not actually had aBempted that today,
so, so that’s why I’m dressed as I am.
[00:03:18] Anyway, it’s a podcast, so it didn’t have to tell you that could have got away with
being dressed. So, Steph, you’ve got a lovely liBle girl called Remy who’s four months old. Tell
me, did you plan for Remy or did you, was it, um, an unexpected pregnancy or was it
expected? What, what, how did you get around to having Remy, I suppose?
[00:03:40] Steph: Well, we got married, so I’ve nearly been married two years. I’m 27 now. I
always knew I wanted kids, but my whole life I’ve panicked thinking, what if I can’t, what if I
can’t? And I’ve always thought. I might not be able to. And it was so weird. Cause then I think
it was in the March, April, I’d been to the doctors for some blood tests for something.
[00:04:03] I can’t remember what it was. And then they checked and they said that I wasn’t
ovula=ng. And if I would wanted to have children, then I’d need to, like plan for it. And be
put on hormone injec=ons. So I was like, knew it, knew it, knew it I can’t have kids, and the
next month I randomly found out I was pregnant. She wasn’t planned, but she wasn’t
unplanned.
[00:04:27] Carla: Oh wow. That’s amazing. I know. Well, how on earth? Was it a blood test
that they found that out on?
[00:04:33] Steph: Yeah I can’t remember. Why it was, that I went, I really can’t remember at
all. And then the next month, I don’t even know. I was on the phone to my friend. I was in
Morrison. She was pregnant at the =me. We worked together and we were talking, I was like,
I might buy a pregnancy test.
[00:04:50] Could be pregnant, but probably not. And then I did one when I was on FaceTime
to her and I was like, when I was at home obviously. I was like, what do these, what does this
mean? She was like, congratula=ons. And I was like, I’m going to have to ring my husband.
And he was at work.
[00:05:04] Carla: That is so cool. Oh my God. So like did it, was it like, and will you late on
your period or did you just know? Did you just, do it?
[00:05:14] Steph: I felt like, Oh, I just thought, well, you might as well, do one. So I thought,
well, there’s obviously a chance, but there you go.
[00:05:22] Carla: Yeah that is exci=ng, that really is exci=ng. Oh, I love that. So, so then you,
so then obviously then it’s all exci=ng from there. And everything went right, kind of to plan
a suppose during pregnancy did it or?
[00:05:34]Steph: Yeah, the best pregnancy I was just. Honestly. I was such an anxious person,
stressy person. And then the day I found out I was pregnant. I’ve been so calm. I’ve said it’s
so strange, so weird, but I didn’t tell anyone at for ages. I told my parents straight away, like
the day. The pee was s=ll wet on the s=ck.
[00:05:54]Carla: Oh, really? Do you know hat was my worst part is telling my parents. Well, I
didn’t mind. I think it was because, they’d contributed to the wedding and that was planned
and this was not planned, and I was like, Oh shit. I’m going to have to tell them. But my mum
was honestly fine, but it was my dad. I s=ll haven’t told him now, like I s=ll, I don’t want to
discuss that. I’ve actually had sex.
[00:06:13] You know, like and my dad knows about it, so I couldn’t physically say that.
Obviously you must add two to two and two together, but you know, my mum was like, are
you going to tell your dad? And I was like, no. No. Don’t, don’t tell him. Obviously you just
saw me growing in size and my mum must have told him but no s=ll to this day. Yeah. I just
don’t know I just could’t because I knew that he knew that then I, I did it. So I just thought,
no, I’m just, I’m just keeping, I’m s=ll his liBle girl then you see in my head.
[00:06:42] Steph: Well, my, my mum always says that. She said that’s what she, the first thing
she thought about when she told her mum and dad. But we literally went round straight
away and they were both crying and screaming and I just didn’t care it cause I’ve always told
them I thought I can’t have kids and it’s all I want to do. So. They were obviously, they’ve
always wanted me to have a baby.
[00:07:00]Carla: Oh I love that. Yeah. Do you know what? It’s dead weird you say that.
Because I honestly, was exactly the same as you like I, my reason why I came unexpectedly,
expectedly pregnant was because I came off the pill cause I was like, I’ve just got this feeling
that won’t be able to, and you know? And I was like. Well just, you know, get my body right
before and then so I can have a really good go at it afer we’ve got married and stuff.
[00:07:23] But, I don’t know. I think it’s a worry when you’ve never had like a bit of a scare
and if you have had sex before you partner, which many of us have. Sorry. Um, when you’ve
never had like that kind of scare before or anything like that. It’s like a bit, it’s a bit worrying
because then you think, well, how do you know if you definitely can? And what if you can’t?
And.
[00:07:41]Steph: You don’t know.
[00:07:43] Carla:I totally get that. So how far were you when you found out you were
pregnant then?
[00:07:48] Steph: Uh two weeks. Ha.
[00:07:50]Carla: Oh, so, Oh, you, it’s really, really new. Oh, that is exci=ng.
[00:07:55]Steph: I did.I think. I think I did three tests and then I rang the husband and he was
like right I’ll grab some more on the way home. So I was like, this can’t be happening. Surely
not. Yeah. Said one to two weeks.
[00:08:07] Carla: That is amazing. That is amazing. That’s so cool. So, so did you have any
friends that were pregnant around the same =me or anything, or were you just going it
alone?
[00:08:17]Steph: Well, I’m a teacher, so my teaching assistant at the =me was, I think she
was maybe three or four months pregnant.
[00:08:25] I can’t remember. So that’s who I was on the phone with at the =me. Then one of
my other good friends, she was pregnant and then it turns out that. One of my other friends
was pregnant and we had a, we actually met whilst we were both pregnant but secretly
pregnant, and we had our babies exactly a week apart. So that’s been nice. Not that I can see
her obviously.
[00:08:49] Carla: Oh, I know. I know. Well, it’s nice just to be like, Oh, are you going through
this to? Are you not sleeping as well?
[00:08:55] Steph: And Every morning we don’t even speak. We just say 4 o’clock. 3 o’clock,
2 clock like the =mes we were up .
[00:09:04] Carla: Oh, I know. It is so, so hard. It really is. We’ll come on to that. I mean, I’m
excited to hear a bit more about the birth really , I suppose. Cause you said you had quite a
posi=ve birth. Did you do any hypnobirthing or antenatal classes or anything like that before
your liBle one?
[00:09:23] Steph: Um we did, the normal, the three antenatal classes, that they send you
too. We did them. But, I’m really weird. I’ve always looked forward to giving birth, even
though everyone, tells you these horror stories. I just couldn’t wait. It was like a huge event.
Like I don’t get out much, so.
[00:09:42]Carla: I love it. Oh, that is so funny. Yeah. Oh my God. That is ace. I feared it like for
years, and then in the end they were like, C-sec=on. I thought, I’ll take that, you know, like,
but, that’s amazing. So where are you going to do it without any kind of, um, pain relief? Or
did you have any preference how you want it to do it?
[00:10:04]Steph: [I always said, I’ll go in, saying like, I’ll just do gas and air and then if I need
it, I’ll take whatever. But in the end I was induced. And I didn’t get =me for any pain relief . So
that was that.
[00:10:17] Carla: Oh, bless you. Yeah. I know. The thing is, it’s all well and good having these
plans in your mind, but, and it’s nice too, for a bit of a guidance, but some=mes you just,
don’t get what you want. Do you, I mean, a few of my friends wanted to go for water births. I
mean, a couple of them did manage to get to that point.
[00:10:34]Steph: That’s what I wanted.
[00:10:36] Carla: I could imagine the way you said you were looking forward to it. I thought
she’s a water birthing girl.
[00:10:42] Steph: Yeah.
[00:10:43] Carla: Yeah.
[00:10:44] Steph:But in the end I thought just get this baby out. I don’t care how. No, just
get her out.
[00:10:50] Carla: Were you in labor for a while then? In the end or?
[00:10:53]Steph:] Well, I was induced on the Thursday and I had the pessary thing the way to
24 hours. That just gave me contrac=ons, but nothing was happening and then I had the gel.
I was crying on Friday night, like I just want to go home. Nothings happening. And then I had
the gel Saturday morning and had contrac=ons, and I was thinking, wow, this is, this is fine,
I’m breathing through this. I’m a queen! And then I had um like an examina=on, whatever
they call it. And then my waters went. Half an hour later she was born.
[00:11:28] Carla: Oh my God, that sounds so smooth.
[00:11:31] Steph: I mean, those contrac=ons, you can’t even explain them can you?
[00:11:35]Carla:] Oh, no, no. I mean, the thing, yeah. I mean, I did experience those, but
later on, like, yeah. . Yeah, definitely. One of those things where they just, even now the
thought of it is like, Oh. I don’t know about those. Yeah. It’s a weird feeling when people try
and say like, how would you explain it? It’s like um. I don’t know. It’s just so weird. People,
it’s not like period pains, but
[00:12:02]Steph: It takes over.
[00:12:03] Carla: It’s kinda like period pains, but it’s not, isn’t it?
[00:12:06] Steph: It just takes over your whole body. Doesn’t it. Like I just kept saying, I can’t
do this, I can’t do this. But I went down to delivery suite in a wheelchair, everything hanging
out. But I just didn’t have the =me and then you’re only two cen=metres. And I kept saying,
no, I’m pushing like your body just pushes .
[00:12:23] And I kept saying, she’s coming, I’m pushing, I’m pushing. And they were like, Oh
my God, you’re 10 cen=metres. She’s coming. And then obviously she came that fast. She
came out sideways cause she was back to back. And ripped me apart but I loved it!
[00:12:34]Carla: Oh my god!
[00:12:35] Steph: I would do it tomorrow!
[00:12:36] Carla: Would you? Yeah, that’s the thing. I think it’s, I mean, I honestly, Oh God, it
scares me. It does. It does scare me. But it’s. It’s, um, I think it’s just that thing. I mean, I
don’t, there’s probably pregnant people listening, thinking, what? I don’t want a baby now,
but no, I think it’s that something takes over inside your body, doesn’t it? Where it’s like
you’re almost not there. You just know you’ve got a mission and, and thats your mission. You
know, it’s, it’s, that’s amazing. I like posi=ve birth story. So that is a posi=ve one.
[00:13:10]Steph: I mean, don’t get me wrong. It killed. I didn’t get anything. I didn’t get
chance for any pain relief. Cause she was just coming out and the pain. Was. You can’t even
describe it. But i was just like… I felt that head come out and I was like roaarrrr!
[00:13:30] Carla: Oh I love that!
[00:13:31] Steph: You just get through it don’t you?.
[00:13:33] Carla: See I was always worried like, what if you trump or, like, what if you poop.
[00:13:41] Steph: I kept say that oh I’m gonna poo and they said Oh no, the head’s too far
down. I was like, no I’m gonna poo! I didn’t though, but I wouldn’t of cared.
[00:13:48] Carla: Oh no, I know. Well the thing for me is like, me and Danny I suppose we
were quite new together. So originally like, you know we had the wedding booked and stuff
and then I was like, what if I poo [00:14:00] like giving birth? Cause I didn’t know at that
point it was having to C-sec=on it really like God, I had sleepless nights about it. Like you
know, but I know, but I suppose when you’re in the moment. It’s just your body takes over.
You don’t care if you’ve just got one thing to do and you just do it. So yeah, that’s ace that
you were, so um confident.
[00:14:21] Steph: It was the parent of one of the children that I teach that delivered her!
[00:14:27]Carla: No!
[00:14:27]Steph: She was like, you don’t mind that it’s me do you? I was like no! Just get her
out! I don’t care who is looking now! It hurts!
[00:14:34] Carla: Wow. That’s so cool. Oh, what a small world hey? Thats crazy.
[00:14:39] Steph: Parents evening. That’s going to be fun.
[00:14:41]Carla: Oh yeah. I recognise you.
[00:14:44] Steph: She came into theatre with me as well afer, cause I had a third degree
tear. Oh and she saw it all!
[00:14:49] Carla: Did she?. Oh well your on that kind of friendship level from the inside.
Yeah. You know. Oh wow. That’s preBy cool though. Um, so with the birth and everything,
you know, everything kind of went smoothly. You didn’t have to stay in any longer than
normal than I’m guessing?
[00:15:07] Steph: No, cause. Mmm. Uh cause I gave birth to her I think it was like four
o’clock. I stayed overnight cause I’ve lost quite a lot blood and then I went home the next
day, so it was nice.
[00:15:19]Carla: Oh and what, was she late or was she early?
[00:15:21] Steph: She was four days early.
[00:15:25] Carla: Oh, Oh, right. So that’s good =ming then. So that’s not too bad. Um, so
everything was ready at home and then you got home and then everything. I mean, how are
you, is it as good as you expected being a mum? Do you love it? Are you finding it hard, you
know? Or is it just a mix of emo=on?
[00:15:44] Steph: It’s weird to say but I feel like it s=ll hasn’t hit me yet. Even though, yeah,
I’ve had this baby for four months. I don’t know. You just kind of, you don’t know what to do
but you just do it anyway. I can’t even explain it. You just kind of do it, but the first,
[00:16:00] two weeks or the first night, I was thinking, what do I do? What do I do this
human like, how do I know? Like what she’s crying for or when to feed or how to feed her?
Where did..like Oh my..No one tells you!
[00:16:14] Carla: No one tells you and you get more instruc=ons when you buy a fridge
freezer, don’t you? Oh yeah. It should be simple. You know a fridge freezer, plug it in.
Whatever you need to do. To be honest, I don’t actually know. But. You get this baby home,
even the drive home from the hospital. Stressful, isn’t it?
[00:16:32] Steph: Well, I was trying not to let my insides fall out. And then thinking what if
we crash where someone come near? Oh my God. It’s just I’ve never experienced another
level of love. But stress.
[00:16:46] Carla: Oh, I know. I know exactly what you mean. So, so once you got home and
everything, I suppose it is just a case of kind of finding your feet, isn’t it? And learning and,
you know. Kind of realising what each cry means, I suppose, with your liBle one.
[00:17:03] Steph: Yeah. And it takes so long to actually get to know them, doesn’t it?
[00:17:08] Carla: It does, it does. I know exactly. Are you breaskeeding or you boBle feed at
the moment?
[00:17:14] Steph: Yeh I’m breaskeeding. So it’s me doing all the night shifs and staring at my
husband like you enjoy that sleep.
[00:17:19] Carla: Oh, amazing though. That is such a beau=ful feeling though.
[00:17:23] Steph: It is. I do love it. I really do love it.
[00:17:26] Carla: Oh, that’s lovely. So, so is she kind of, are you finding that she’s feeding
regularly or is it just kind of grazing here and there during the night? Cause that must be
hard. Like if she’s just having a liBle bit or.
[00:17:38] Steph: Yeah, she’s all over the place and the amount of like groups and Instagram,
things that I’ve commented on like, help me, what’s my baby doing? What should she be
doing? She went from feeding like every four hours. To then, feeding every one and then
feeding for five minutes and then some=mes feeding for half an hour. Honestly. I [00:18:00]
must annoyed people, cause I’m like, is this normal? What do you do? How much does your
baby drinking?
[00:18:05]Carla: Yeah. Well, you don’t know do you. That’s the thing where else have you
got, I know. Well, no, have you managed it, I mean, is she s=ll the same now at the moment
then?
[00:18:15] Steph: At the minute she goes anywhere from two to four hours but in the night.
She..she’s up about three =mes.
[00:18:22] Carla: Oh, it’s so hard. Isn’t it? I bet.
[00:18:25] Steph:Yeah. I’m so =red.
[00:18:27] Carla: And you’ll get people telling you all different stuff as well, won’t you like,
Oh,
[00:18:30] Steph: Yeah why don’t you do this oh and, my baby’s sleeping through and have
you tried this, and I’m like, yeah. I have tried it all
[00:18:36] Carla: I’ve tried everything. No I know. It’s so hard. Oh no. I mean I um. I boBle fed
George. Um, cause he came early. I never got any milk in, to be honest. Breaskeeding, it’s
amazing and stuff. But I just, I dunno. I was worried that I wouldn’t cope well you know.
Through the night, like with, with all that, and um, and I boBle fed, as I said, like my milk
didn’t come in or anything. And that made it a bit easier because Danny could take over
then. Yeah. You know, like, well, when, when you’re on your own and it’s all now, I mean, do
you get a bit of rest in the day or how much sleep do you actually gelng?
[00:19:15]Steph: I mean, I used to she. She went through a , I expressed as well. And she
would used to take a boBle so my husband, would do, like the one before bed, so I’d go to
bed. umm. And then he’d feed her a bit later on. But now she’s just decided she doesn’t
fancy it anymore. It is easy cause I don’t have to get out of bed. I literally take her out with
her cot, put her in bed with me. Like and I feed her lining down. Then I’ll just put her back
in. So it’s not that bad. Im used to twelve hours.
[00:19:47] Carla: Do you know, that’s funny actually, because I suppose for me, the, the, um,
gelng up, it was like, I’d have to get up. Go to the, like Tommy =pping machine or whatever
we’re using at the =me. Pour that in sort that out I mean, those machines, I mean, they are
great.Um, for that but, it was a whole process of going downstairs. In the end that’s just
started to buy the ready-made stuff. And I was like, right, I can’t cope. But, I suppose when
you’re breaskeeding, Oh, when you’re breaskeeding though, at least you can just pull her in
and you know, it’s, you know, she knows what to do and it’s. Yeah. You don’t have to move as
much, I suppose.
[00:20:25] Steph: No, I don’t get out of bed unless I’m like trying to reseBle her. But , but she
suffers with such a dodgy tummy and she’s had it since she was first born. And I’ve literally,
we’ve been to the hospital, paediatrician, health visitor every thing. So that’s another thing. I
like mums, any other mums out there. With their..does their baby fart like this and poo like
this? She farts like an old man. But, it keeps her awake. And i don’t know what more to do.
[00:20:53] Carla: [Yeah. I know, it’s hard, isn’t it? I mean, did she go through colic or
anything?
[00:20:58] Steph: Not really. No. It’s just been this like, even when I’m feeding her, I can feel
all the wind going into a stomach and gurgling and. Oh and then she wakes up with it . Oh, I
think I’m just gonna have to deal with it.
[00:21:10] Carla: I know, the thing is, even now, like, you know, with it being four months, I
bet that four months is flown by. Yeah. And um you know this kind of =me will this =me will
as well. So it’s all, it’s just, it’s just, at the =me it is really difficult because you can find that
you get, get a bit snappy and stuff. I remember what I was =red. With Danny, I’d be like, I’d
be like changing George’s bum, and I’d be like shou=ng in the background. Oh its alright,
George, I’ll just change your bum again!
[00:21:39] Steph: You turn into a psycho, like Im going to through it through the window!
I’m so =red! And like I’m sick of doing this alone!
[00:21:47] Carla: I know , I know its ridiculous and then it’s like, it’s okay George, mummy’s
just making tea again.
[00:21:55] Steph: I’ll do it shall I !
[00:21:59] Carla: Oh, it’s ridiculous. Honestly when I hear myself even now some=mes I do
things like that and I just think to myself. Poor guy, you know, he’s got up he’s made me
breakfast, he’s brought me a coffee in bed and I’m like, it’s okay. I’ll just do the washing as
well.
[00:22:14] Steph: I go I’m the only one that’s kept you alive. Don’t worry about it. I grew you
and now I fed you.
[00:22:23] Carla: It’s so funny, isn’t it? I know because you don’t, it’s such that struggle and
it, the thing is at the =me, you are the one that wants to do it. You wish you could duplicate
yourself. Just make two of yourselves. Yeah.
[00:22:38] Steph: You think. No one does it like me.
[00:22:40] Carla: No, I know. That’s it. And like what if you could be feeding her and then the
other ones like doing the washing. So the house is all lovely and stuff, and it’s just,
[00:22:48]Steph: I need three. So the other one’s napping.
[00:22:50]Carla: Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Good point, I know what you mean. But, have you, have
you found that you’ve got a good, like established kind of rou=ne that you do each day or
you do just kind of wing it each day?
[00:23:01] Steph: We, I’ve tried so many different rou=nes. I’ve had all the books I’ve had like
advice from loads of different other mums. Instagram is what keeps me going. The mums on
Instagram, if I’m honest, I’m a bit lazy and I just can’t s=ck to it and I don’t know if it works
with her. Me like sort of telling her what to do. So I just let her nap when she wants to nap
and we’ve got a bed=me rou=ne ,like my husband with bath her, and then I’ll feed her and
then she’ll go to bed and she’ll stay asleep for a good few hours and then wake up just as I’m
going to bed. But I just follow her really and see what, see what she fancies, she chooses
what she wants to do.
[00:23:40] Carla: Yeah. Yeah, exactly. That’s the thing. It’s like they are people aren’t they
they are liBle people, so you can’t really program them. Program them into doing whatever
you want, I suppose. But I mean, have you, have you thought about going to bed when she
goes to bed that early =me afer the bath and then go to sleep there?
[00:23:59] Steph: Yeah, some=mes I do that, she was going to bed about six o’clock but then
she was waking up. Earlier, so she was doing a longer stretch to early so now she goes to bed
about eight. Most of the =me I will just get in bed and lie there. But, I don’t know what it is.
I’ve never cried this much in my en=re life , I didn’t cry at my wedding day, I didn’t cry when I
got proposed to, I , I don’t even cry when honestly its awful, when people die, but I cry every
single night. Just thinking about her, and looking at her. And I think, is this normal?
[00:24:30]Carla: Oh, it is normal. It’s just because you love her so much. But then also it’s so
weird because it’s like the most. The best job ever, but then at the same =me, the hardest
job ever.
[00:24:42]Steph: Oh my God. Yeah. I’m crying. And then I’m like aww look at her she’s
asleep, she’s so beau=ful, and then if she starts to wake, I’m like, no, no, no, no wake the
beast.
[00:24:50] Carla: Yeah, I know. It’s funny, isn’t it? Some=mes I go in George’s room when he’s
asleep and I like just stare at him. think Oh. I can’t remember. One day he was having like,
you’ll, you’ve got all this to come. He was having really bad tantrumy day. Obviously he can’t
help it must be things going on, you know, all this lockdown and everything is a bit, strange
for him and stuff and you know, it was a really hard day and I was like, Oh, I just don’t like
being a mum anymore. Like anyway, and then when he was asleep, I went into his room and
looked at him and I was like, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it . I love you so much.
[00:25:25] Steph: Because all my friends are like, Oh, we’ve been out for a run, was just
having date night and we’re just having a few drinks. And I think, Oh. Well, its alright for
some. You think, Oh my God, I miss been able to do that, feel some=mes like I’m just
exis=ng. And then I think, oh my God, I feel awful for thinking that. I love you so much. You
are the best thing ever.
[00:25:43] Carla: I know. That’s the thing it is and it is and it’s okay to think like that. I think
that’s something I’ve learnt. Like, you know, at first you don’t want to like kind of say these
things, but obviously you don’t mind either. But I was quite an overshare cause I was like, I’m
not enjoying it today. But then. Some days, like the other day I was like, Oh, I love it. I love it
so much. It’s just, it’s just, I suppose, you know, it’s just, yeah, trying to balance everything
and trying to be like the best everything and keep up with your old self, like trying to stay as
fit as you used to be. Trying to kind of cook tea or keep the house =dy, be, excel in your job
and all that. And it’s like trying to do all that, but then look afer someone as well and it’s
that it’s impossible really.
[00:26:24]Steph: It is impossible. And I’m thinking, how. How do you have that same? Not
the same life, but I feel like I just, I’m a state, I, I honestly, I’ve only just started washing my
face.
[00:26:38] Carla: It’s awful. Do you know what I got? I, well, I say I got in a rut. Look at me
today. I think I’ve got last night’s makeup on and I’m there giving you advice.
[00:26:49] Steph: Its so hard.
[00:26:52]Carla: Honestly it is. Do you know what it’s hard because for me, like this lock
down. It’s rou=ne. I mean, when you’re on maternity leave, I really struggled because I
didn’t actually have a set rou=ne and it made me feel worse because I felt like once it gets
past 12 o’clock and you’re s=ll in your pyjamas, I just say, what’s the point in gelng
changed. I’m not going anywhere.
[00:27:14] Steph: Oh yeah.
[00:27:14]Carla: But, the only way I used to get out is if I got up early, set an alarm, got up,
got shower, got dressed, and actually went out in the morning and came back in the
afernoon and relaxed. Mmm. Yeah. But that. I mean, it’s just too, it’s so difficult to get a
baby out of the house as well.
[00:27:30] Steph: Oh my god. It’s just not worth it, I just think, Oh, I’d rather stay in.
[00:27:34] Carla: I know. Well I know I was exactly the same. I mean, some=mes we got out.
Um, cause I did like, I did like going like local like kind of classes and stuff, just to see other
mums and actually feel a bit normal some=mes. I know. I know. And it’s especially hard at
the moment.
[00:27:52] Steph: Yeah. Yeah. Not a chance to even do that, but that is. Honestly, what gets
me through is speaking to other mums or my friends who are in the [00:28:00] same
situa=on. I’m like, please tell me you didn’t sleep too, or is this poo normal?
[00:28:05] Carla: Yeah. Oh, God, what colour is the poo today? How many? I know. It’s, I
mean, the thing is, it’s like, you just worry all the =me. And then when you’re not worrying
you like emo=onal cause you loving it and you crying then cause it’s too hard. It’s like it’s just
a whirlwind of emo=ons from day to night.
[00:28:22] Steph: It’s relentless.
[00:28:23] Carla: And then obviously yours is like, at least, you know, I some=mes used to get
a bit of sleep when Danny used to do the feeds at night, but like yours is like 24 hours of like ,
right, I’m =red now, I’m feeling like this now, I’m feeling like that is just so hard.
[00:28:37] Steph: Yeah. And then I’ll just sit down. And he’ll be like, she needs feeding and I
think, Oh my God, why.
[00:28:43] Carla: I know i know, I bet. I bet. Have you got any, I mean, obviously she’s four
months, so it’s like, you know, she won’t be weaning yet or anything, but have you got any
idea when you’ll be doing that or ?
[00:28:57] Steph: I think I’m going to start around five months because I just think she’s
starving and, to be honest I need her to sleep a bit longer. So surely she will with a full
stomach.
[00:29:09] Carla: I know. Well, the thing is, that was, um, with George I started him. Do you
know, I think he was about five months as well. It might have been even a bit, a bit early, but
he was so hungry. Literally it was just starving all the =me. So I just started to kind of given
him a bits and stuff and he really, really did enjoy it. I suppose you just know, don’t you,
when the =me is right. Yeah, yeah. You know, you might get a bit more sleep.
[00:29:33] Steph: Well, even then.Who tells you what to feed a baby, when to feed a baby.
How to feed a baby, right? You have to research everything.
[00:29:41] Carla: I know, I know, and I’m not kind of pulng this on there, but on my bump to
baby where we’ve, we’ve got some really good weaning people on there, so if you wanted
me to put you in any groups, let me know because.
[00:29:52] Steph: Yes. Please.
[00:29:53] Carla: Yeah, there’s some really good weaning groups in there. Um, and yeah, but
I was the same. I didn’t know about them cause I didn’t have my bump to baby then. And I
was like, weaning, what do you do? What do you do? And the thought of like handing my
baby like a massive banana frightened me to death. I was like, Oh God. You like I was just
terrified of everything. So you probably would benefit. going in one of them where you
know, you can feel a bit more confident in it when you do get round to doing it. But, aside
like the baby now, do you have any =me to do anything that you enjoy anymore or do you,
do you have =me for self care and if you do what, what is it you like to do?
[00:30:32] Steph: Oh . The thing that I’m obsessed with at the minute, and I’ve just started,
actually, it’s a cleansing device. And. I do it morning and night and that’s like, it takes two
minutes. It turns off afer two minutes, and that is what I look forward to every day and I
said, no, I can’t do that. I’m washing my face now. This is my washing face =me. And just
having decent skin. That’s the only thing gelng me through. I can’t buy clothes yet. I’m s=ll
too fat.
[00:30:56]Carla: Oh no.
[00:30:56] Steph: I’ve s=ll not lost the baby weight.
[00:30:58] Carla: You don’t want to put pressure on yourself either because you think like
you know you’ve done, you know, having a baby is such a beau=ful thing. But I think there’s
such a kind of s=gma around trying to get back to what you were before so quick. And you
think for who? You know, just enjoy it and like, you know,
[00:31:14]Steph: She likes me as I am. And I like, food.
[00:31:18] Carla: Yeah I love food. During this locked down. It’s like a nightmare for me.
That fridge handle, I swear it’s wearing away every =me. Um, I’m like pulling on the fridge
and I wish it would say back away from the fridge. Or, I wish it would have a lock that only
unlocks at breakfast, lunch and tea =me.
[00:31:34]Steph: Yeah. When you really hungry.
[00:31:36] Carla: Yeah. Like you have to put something like your stomach on it or something.
It’s like, yes.
[00:31:40] Steph: Weigh your stomach.
[00:31:42]Carla: Do you know it’s just. I bit if, I mean, I’m having a glass of wine now and it’s
only five thirty, I don’t do this every night. I, I assure you I don’t, but it’s just some=mes when
you’ve had, you just need it. I just want to feel Zen. I just want to feel Zen and I enjoy that.
[00:31:59] Steph: I’ve not had a drink in a year. A year!
[00:32:03]Carla: Oh my God. On saying
[00:32:05] Steph: Cause obviously, I got pregnant and then I’m breaskeeding and I daren’t.
[00:32:09] Carla: No. Oh, I know. Do you know what? It’s a good thing though, because you’ll
feel so good. I mean, imagine trying to get up in the night if you’ve got a hangover I just
couldn’t.
[00:32:19] Steph: That makes me feel, that makes me feel sick.
[00:32:22] Carla: Oh, no. No. But I think you deserve, definitely deserve a night out afer all
this is died down.
[00:32:30] Steph: Oh, absolutely. Absolutely. I need it.
[00:32:33] Carla: Yeah, I bet you’ll end up home at like 12 or something.
[00:32:36] Steph: I know you are there like, I just want to get away, I just want some me =me
and then two minutes later I’m like, okay.
[00:32:41] Carla: I miss my baby! Yes, so I know. Well, I remember one of my best friends, we
all went on and I went, she was like, I can’t wait. She likes set all the night up. She was like,
yeah, I can’t wait I can’t wait. Anyway, we got to the pub and she’s just like started crying and
it was like, eight o’clock. Like you all right. I’m going home. Oh my God. Anyway, I thought I’m
not having kids. I’m not having kids. This was prior George. But. Jesus. Anyway, she went
home, but now I can understand why. She was like that. You just, yeah, kind of. You love, you
crave the =me away, but then when you’re away you probably like, Oh, actually. I liked being
at home. But its good to miss home some=mes as well, like me and my friends, we tend to
like go to my friend’s caravan for a night away or we have a night out, and then when it gets
to like coming home, I’m like, Oh, I can’t wait to get home.
[00:33:31] Steph: Even during the day though, I’m like, God, is it bed=me yet? Is it bed=me
yet? And then as soon as she’s asleep, I ring my mum and I go. I miss her.
[00:33:40] Carla: Oh it’s so lovely. So lovely. Do you think you will have any more or?
[00:33:45]Steph: Definitely, but, I just loved being pregnant and I loved giving birth. It’s
actually having the baby that’s the hard part isn’t it.
[00:33:51]Carla: I know it is. It definitely is. I totally agree with you. And , I mean you
men=oned, do you say you’ve got an Instagram account or anything? I’m not sure. Did you
men=on like you’re on Instagram and stuff that you, kind of sharing mum stuff or?
[00:34:06]Steph: I made one just as like a liBle shrine to Remy and then ended up with
thousands of mums that I speak to, and it’s helped me so much I put stuff on there and that
if I can help anyone, cause it’s, it’s lonely isn’t it? When you think I’m silng at home with
this new baby, I don’t know what to do.
[00:34:24]Carla: Absolutely. Yep. Totally agree with you. Yeah. So what is your Instagram? So,
um, other mum’s can find you then ?
[00:34:31] Steph: Its My underscore Remy Girl .
[00:34:35]Carla:] Oh, I love that. That is so cool. Oh, I love that. So, well, I’ve loved talking to
you. It’s been like, it’s flown actually. I just looked at the clock and i thought.
[00:34:47] Steph: It has.
[00:34:47] Carla: , Oh, I’ve really enjoyed this chat. There’s nothing like a good, honest mum
chat is there. So if you need any help with anything, obviously, you know, we’ve got my
bump to baby. But, just message me and I can put you in touch with anyone that way. But in
the mean=me, I suppose just enjoy you night feed tonight
[00:35:03] Steph:I know thats all I have got to look forward to, like oh what =me will I be up
tonight?
[00:35:10] Carla: [And have you’ve got any, have you been watching any good series at the
moment or anything good that you can kind of recommend to anyone to watch.
[00:35:17]Steph: Yes, well I don’t, you might have seen it. Have you seen dead to me on
Neklix?
[00:35:21] Carla: Oh my God. Finished it. The second one. It’s amazing.
[00:35:24] Steph: I finished it all in a day. It’s unbelievable.
[00:35:28] Carla: It’s so good. When did you start watching it? Just recently, or have you seen
the first one a while ago?
[00:35:33]Steph: Yeah, I saw the first one when it first came out and then I saw that the
second one had been put on, Oh my God. And working moms.
[00:35:39] Carla: Oh, I’ve not, someone else has told me about that.
[00:35:42] Steph: Amazing. I watched it when I was pregnant, but now I really appreciate it.
[00:35:47] Carla: Oh, I’m definitely, I’m definitely gonna watch that, yeah. Someone said
that, and last night it was on Neklix. I was like, what was that program? What was that
program? And a couldn’t think for the life of me, what it was, and it was that. So thanks for
the reminder.
[00:36:00] Steph: Oh, you need to get on it.
[00:36:02] Carla: So thanks very much for coming on the show anyway, and,
[00:36:06] Steph: Thank you for having me.
[00:36:07]Carla: And, um, if anyone else would like to Steph to come on again and talk about
anything else, you know, obviously we’re both over-sharers, so I’m sure she’ll be more than
happy to.
[00:36:17] Steph: Oh yeh I feel like I have held back.
[00:36:21] Carla: Yeah. Brilliant. So thank you very much, Steph, and I’ll speak to you soon.
[00:36:26] Steph: Thank you for having me.
[00:36:35] Carla: Thank you so much for listening to this week’s episode of 50 shades of
motherhood. I thoroughly enjoyed it and I hope you guys did too. If you are enjoying the
podcast so far, which I really hope you are. And if you’ve got this far, why are you s=ll
listening? If you don’t. But, I would absolutely love you to subscribe and leave me a liBle
ra=ng.
It means the world to me and also helps me out massively, especially when I go to Danny and
tell him that I’m going to be doing series two , fingers crossed. So I look forward to speaking
to you next week and keep an eye on the Facebook page and Instagram so you know who
the next guest is, if you will absolutely love it. I know it.