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We feel that it is so important to share these real-life stories with you, raising awareness for others in a similar situation. We feel honoured to share this anonymous, domestic violence story with you and we urge you to seek assistance if you are struggling or need any advice.
My Domestic Violence Story
I was 22 when I met my ex partner, they were everything I wanted in a partner, kind, caring, strong…they were also trans gender which didn’t bother me in the slightest…
It wasn’t until we had our own home together and I was forced to give up a job in Manchester that I found out who they really were…
I wasn’t allowed to find a job in the town I’d now moved to, as a woman I was expected to stay home, cook and clean whilst my partner looked for a job…that never happened. He was more interested in making sure I did what I was supposed to be doing at home…
In return for food I’d have to give him sex, which happened almost every night, whether I wanted to or not.
I was finally allowed to get a job
After about 18 months of living together I was offered a job by his brother in his shop, I was allowed to accept it, because it was the family business.
Me and his brother we’re good friends and we still are, I was beaten by partner one night for staying out late with said brother playing a tabletop star wars game…this meant my partner would also begin to accuse me of sleeping with his brother
It wasn’t until I managed to get him to agree to allowing me to go back to college that I realised what I’d been putting myself through…I’d already planned on leaving.
Planning to move out
One week I’d noticed my once confident dog was now reluctant to be near him or any other man in general, I arranged for her to go to a sitter on days that I was at college using the excuse of “she can socialise with other dogs there” it was also something she would have to get used to as the sitters house was where I’d agreed to move to when I was ready to leave…
I received an urgent phone call from the dog sitter, saying she’d stood up and brushed the back of the dogs leg with her foot, the dog had then soiled herself out of fright, as she then had to be washed because of the extent of her soiling, she proceeded to bite at the sitter when she was having her back end cleaned…after a vet visit we were led to believe that he had gone after my dog when he wasn’t getting what he wanted from me…that was my breaking point, a week later I was gone.
His brother took me to the house several times over the next month or so so I could get more belongings, always making sure he came in the house with me, apart from the last occasion, where there was a small emergency at the farm, so he had to drop me off and arranged to pick me up afterwards…I’d gone to the bedroom to pack some of my smaller items into boxes, to find him waiting for me, he wouldn’t let me pack my things, he grabbed me from behind In an attempt to over power me, I defended myself for the first time, he also grabbed me by the throat and slammed me into the wall at the top of the stairs, I really thought he was going to throw me down them…he let me go as he heard his brothers car pull up outside.
I never told his brother what had happened that night.
He preceded to drag my name through the dirt for months afterwards, spreading rumours, I was sleeping with his brother, I was sleeping with the dog sitter, I left him because I met someone at college, I left him because he was transgender
None of the rumours were true, I’m lucky that 99% of people who knew him and me saw through what he was trying to do…
Now a successful business woman
4 years later, it still haunts me, sex with my current partner is a struggle, but I’ve come so far, I now have my own small business, and also I take on physical and psychologically damaged dogs in hope of helping them overcome what they’ve been through and finding them new homes.
Seek help from any of the many organisations and support lines that are available.
If you need to talk to someone…
If you want to access support over the phone, you can call:
National Domestic Abuse Helpline – 0808 2000 247 (www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk/)
The Men’s Advice Line, for male domestic abuse survivors – 0808 801 0327
The Mix, free information and support for under 25s in the UK – 0808 808 4994
National LGBT+ Domestic Abuse Helpline – 0800 999 5428
Samaritans (24/7 service) – 116 123
Rights of Women advice lines, there are a range of services available
Hi, I’m Emma and I’m MyBump2aby’s family law, protection and financial editor. I’m passionate about better-informing parents on their choices when it comes to family law and family protection and financial matters.